World Championship Wrestling (3.25.1989) Review

-Cold open: Michael Hayes’ dastardly deed from the Omni.

-Originally aired March 25, 1989.

-Your host is Jim Ross. JR announces he has a new color analyst, the one and only Michael PS Hayes, and according to the Observer at the time, the entire reason for the heel turn was because they wanted Michael Hayes to do commentary and they thought it’d be more fun if he was a heel.

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (with Jim Cornette) vs. CHANCE MYERS & THE RAIDER
-The ring is getting more WWF-like by the week, as the mat is now light blue and they’ve switched to red, white, and blue ropes. Myers takes some educated feet and tags out. Raider gets stuck in a hammerlock and Eaton heads in. The Midnights stay on the arm. Stan Lane gets caught with an elbow and Raiser chokes him out, arrogantly remaining in the ring instead of tagging out, and he gets caught in a Russian legsweep. Hot tag to Bobby, who gives the Raider a neckbreaker, and the flapjack ends it. Not bad, as TBS squashes go.

-Clash of the Champions VI is coming!

-Lex Luger taunts Ric Flair for throwing out a challenge for the US Title after making a big show of saying he was done with Lex. So Lex accepts the challenge and dares him to come get that belt any time. Also, he wants a piece of Michael PS Hayes.

-In the studio, Michael Hayes says Lex Luger should go wrestle in some other organization where the guys don’t have to work that hard.

“Dr. Death” STEVE WILLIAMS & KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Mike Rotunda) vs. BOB EMERY & DEWAYNE BRUCE
-Emery works the arm as JR notes that Dr. Death has ditched his Oklahoma-themed gear and that blue & white are now the official colors of the Varsity Club. He tags in Kevin Sullivan, wearing black, and Sullivan wrings the arm as Mike Rotunda, in navy and orange, looks on from ringside with approval.

-Bruce gets thrown to the floor and Rotunda gives him a hard slap before Williams suplexes him back in. Sullivan just stomps the crap out Bruce while he’s held in place by Williams, and Williams finishes nit with an Oklahoma stampede. JR predicts that the Varsity Club is going to take another go at winning the US Tag Team Titles.

THE DANGER ZONE
-Paul E. Dangerously welcomes up-and-coming star Cougar Jay, but Cougar Jay surprises him by bringing out his good friend Randy Rose. Paul E. is a bit surprised by the site of Ravishing Randy. He’s been trying to contact Paul E. the past few weeks and Paul E. wasn’t returning any of his phone messages, so he thought he’d drop in and let Paul know that he was back in the NWA because the contract for that Loser Leaves Town match at Chi-Town Rumble was sloppily written and his lawyer found a loophole. The NWA has reinstated him and Randy is ready to get back in business with Paul. Paul tells him, hey, he shit the bed at Starrcade and Chi-Town Rumble, so who needs him? Jack Victory lays out Randy and Cougar Jay both with a move that falls somewhere between pedigree and piledriver. Paul E. throws a wad of one-dollar bills at Randy and walks off to end the segment.

-Odds that Paul bolted back and scooped up the dollar bills as soon as the show went to commercial, anyone?

RANGER ROSS vs. MAX MCGYVER
-Shoulderblocks and a clothesline by Ross. Ross works the arm as the Iron Sheik shows up with the “Iranian flag,” the awesome shitty version with IRAN written in plain English across it, and it actually ends up distracting McGyver more than Ross, as Ross connects with the combat kick to wrap it up.

-Iron Sheik proclaims that Iranian wrestlers are number one.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT (Champion) vs. SNAKE BROWN
-From Albany, Georgia, with Ric Flair sitting in on commentary. Steamboat gives Snake a shot between the eyes and works his hands down to the mat with a test of strength, stomping on his fingers. Chops by Steamboat, and a bodypress off the top rope. Unfair advantage by the champion, who had a pretty solid track record in wrestling matches against Snakes by this point. Flair gives the champ his props for a good match.

-We get words after the match from Steamboat. Okay, it’s been a month and the nameplate is still blank, so when Ricky Steamboat holds it up and says “Ric Flair thinks that this is HIS belt?” he’s kinda making Flair’s point.

-In the studio, Flair declares that the contracts are signed, and Steamboat is stuck having to wrestle Steamboat in Baltimore AND New Orleans just to hang onto that title for a few more nights. And again, they aren’t even making the point that “New Orleans” is anything we can see on the picture box.

-Paul E. comes out to shake hands with Michael Hayes and thank him for hurting Lex Luger, because Luger’s stupid face once damaged his phone.

SAMOAN SWAT TEAM (with Paul E. Dangerously) vs. MIKE JUSTICE & TONY SUBER
-Kick to the face and a hard chop by Samu. Fatu tags in, but Justice eludes a corner charge and tries ramming Fatu into the turnbuckle. Fatu likes it and rams his own head in there. Suber tags in for dueling racism as Fatu discovers that Samoan headbutts aren’t enough to hurt a black guy’s head, so Suber struts around bragging out it, and Fatu just clotheslines him. DDT by Samu, and a top rope splash by Fatu finishes.

-Jim Cornette talks about America being invaded. Iran has taken over the 7-11s and cab companies, and now Samoa is trying to take over wrestling.

THE GREAT MUTA (with Gary Hart) vs. JERRY PRICE
-They’re still spelling it “Mota” and the commentators are pronouncing it that way too. Kicks by Muta as Hayes delves into Muta’s background and reveals he trained with Kabuki. Muta goes after Price’s eyes and snaps his leg back. Crowd is applauding for Muta’s stuff because it’s so different from anything else anyone is doing. Muta finishes with a prototype of the Muta lock on Price’s arms instead of the chin, and it gets the submission.

-Eddie Gilbert and Rick Steiner are here along with Missy Hyatt and provide commentary for their own title win over the Varsity Club. The way the camera frames the post-match celebration is funny because there’s this old woman at ringside raising her arms triumphantly, and the shot is so focused on her that it looks like she won the match.

-The Varsity Club and their accountant are here after the break. They complain about the last segment; the cameras didn’t get a shot of Sullivan’s tights being pulled in that losing pinfall! And Dr. Death is wearing his Oklahoma letter jacket with his blue and white tights, so the “Varsity Club colors” concept is just dead in the water. Steve Williams does some simple math, saying he’s a 4-time All-American, and Rick Steiner is a 1-time All-American, which means Williams is four times better at wrestling than Rick Steiner. JR starts asking the real questions, wondering why Captain Mike is only wrestling jobbers since putting the $10,000 on the line for each title match. Why isn’t Sting getting a title match? That’s a good point, we have a Clash of the Champions coming up and Sting hasn’t fucked up a Clash of the Champions title shot lately. He’s due.

TV TITLE & $10,000: CAPTAIN MIKE ROTUNDA (Champion, with Varsity Club) vs. GREG BROWN
-Rotunda works the leg as Michael Hayes insists on keeping score for this match (“TWO POINTS!”) Guillotine finishes quickly.

-Ranger Ross says he didn’t join the military to be a hero, just to do his job. Right now, the way he sees it, beating the Iron Sheik is his job.

IRON SHEIK (with Rip Morgan) vs. RICHARD STARTAIN
-Morgan has apparently made himself available as a freelance foreign flag waver. Ranger Ross retaliates by walking a lap around the ring with the American flag before taking off. Back suplex by the Sheik, and the camel clutch ends it.

DICK MURDOCH & VINCENT YOUNG vs. LEE SCOTT & THE ENFORCER
-…Why? Even JR busts on the babyface team, asking if Dick Murdoch is going to start breakdancing during his entrance. Faces work the arms and run out the last three minutes or so of TBS’ clock for the week. Elbow by Murdoch gets the win. Hope you enjoyed this failed experiment. We’re not seeing Vincent Young again.

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

Hey, so stuff happened this week, so that's good. But we're eight days away from a total mystery meat card and it's ridiculous to see a TV company flunk so hard at promoting a TV show.