Kayfabe! – YouShoot with Perry Saturn

KAYFABE!
YOUSHOOT WITH PERRY SATURN

The big question over the last five or six years has been “where is Perry Saturn?” as he seemed to drop off the face of the earth. Well, he’s been found! The interview starts off with a barrage of questions asking exactly where exactly Perry has been. The sad truth is that Perry was homeless for a stretch of time because of a very bad drug problem. It’s a heartbreaking story, really. Perry’s wife had passed away from an overdose and then he’d started dating a girl who got him into meth, and Perry’s life just came crashing down. His good friend Sonny Ono was living in the Midwest (which Perry calls the meth capital of the world) and tried to help him out by giving him a place to stay and some work, but Perry soon found himself homeless in Minnesota.

Perry was actually clean the whole time he was in ECW, which is surprising, considering how famous ECW was for it’s drug use. He described the ECW locker room as looking like a police evidence room. His drug problem started getting really bad in WCW and even worse in the WWF. Perry gives us some more proof that WCW was run by idiots, when he tells a story about failing several tests and Eric Bischoff telling him that he can’t keep failing, and Perry’s response was to stop testing him, and Eric agreed, and that was Perry’s last test. All this drug talk naturally means that it’s time to play what’s in the bag! No real surprises here for the most part, the bottle of JD makes him think of Terry Gordy, the weed is Sabu, the pills are himself, crack and coke are Buddy Landell.

In addition to hearing all about Perry’s drug problems, there are some great rat sex stories here. Perry tells an awesome story about him and Raven staying at a hotel and having a couple of strippers there, and selling up a slip and slide in the hallway with some stripper at the end, and Raven throwing Perry down the slip and slide with a dildo on his head. They wound up flooding the floor below them and security got involved, and everyone (as in everyone from WCW) was thrown out. Awesome story! He also tells another story about a rat in ECW that he and a few of the boys were having fun with, and Francine got all mad about, and it led to problems with Heyman. A week later, Heyman sees her and says to Perry “I fucked that broad” and Perry’s like “Paul, that’s the girl you were yelling at us about, she’s the heat rat!”

Speaking of heat, Perry doesn’t really have any heat with anyone in the business. When they play “What A Dick” he only puts in Kevin Sullivan and Mike Graham in, while Sean throws in Konnan by proxy because Konnan no-showed a KC taping and kept the deposit they’d sent him. In a nutshell, Kevin and Mike were just liars on a constant basis. Kevin would intentionally try to start shit to get Perry heat with other guys. But since everyone liked Saturn they’d approach him peacefully and tell them that Kevin Sullivan said such and such, and what’s up? When Bischoff wouldn’t be at a show, but would give word that he wanted Saturn to go over, they’d change the finish to him jobbing, even when he and Benoit were tag champions, and were supposed to defend the titles, they’d be jobbing in singles matches. Then he’d ask Bischoff what the deal was and Bischoff would demand to talk to Sullivan and in the end, they’d be defending the titles. Sean also plays the clip from Mike Graham’s Guest Booker DVD, where he talks about how the Radicalz never drew a dime. Saturn counters that by saying that his program with Raven in late ‘98 did draw money.

The only other person Saturn said he’d have put into the bag was Matt Hardy. It’s the same with the Ho bag. The only ones he puts in are Lita, Missy Hyatt, and Tammy. He even says he doesn’t know if Lita is a ho but “She’s a cunt” (his words not mine), which leads Sean to call it the “Cunt Bag.” The problem with them both is the same, lack of respect for Dean Malenko and all his years in the business. Because when the Hardys were working him and Dean in the WWF, Dean was supposed to lay out the match because he had the most experience, that was how it worked back then. But Matt and Lita kept butting in and telling Dean he was wrong and that none of that would get over.

Besides the sex and rat stories, he’s got a funny story about his old partner John Kronus, they were driving from Memphis to Nashville, like they’d done every week for six months. Perry fell asleep and woke up to find them headed into Missouri and crossing the Mississippi River. It turned out Kronus couldn’t read very well and frequently got things mixed up. He also talks about the infamous Mike Bell match from WWF TV. He got hot when Bell dumped him on his head and started kicking him hard as a receipt. At that point, he realized he needed to calm down so he threw him to the floor, Bell falling on his head was just a bad bump from him. Everyone was hot at him when he came back and he apologized about it and said he just lost it from getting dropped on his head. He also talks about how the agents would rib the local boys and tell them that Saturn was old school so they’d earn his respect by physically taking control of the match. Gerry Brisco once told a kid that since his family was out there that he should no-sell Saturn to make himself look good.

The interview ends with some discussion about the wrestlers who’d passed away over the years. Saturn was still having his drug issues around the time most of them passed, so he didn’t attend any of the funerals. The Benoit thing still shocks him, because when he and Chris would travel together Chris always talked about how much he loved Nancy and his children. There’s also talk that he was backstage at a WWE PPV recently. He wasn’t looking for work or anything, he just went to visit Dean Malenko. Dean always kept him in check in the WWF, and when Dean retired to become an agent is when his drug problems really got out of hand. He hadn’t seen Dean in forever, so he went there to catch up with him and to say hell to the boys.

The 411: This is another interesting, and very entertaining, edition to the YouShoot series. Saturn is very open and frank about everything.
Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]