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Paranormal Investigations Review
Image Credit: Rayollight Productions
Loading...Paranormal Investigations Review
Jamie Bernadette– Kelsey
David J. Rivera– Matt
Tatiana Robledo– Fran
Nick Oprea– Logan
Logan Stem– Steve
John T. Witt– Virgil
Terry Schappert– Gerard Stockwell
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Raymond Wallace
Screenplay by Raymond Wallace
Produced by Rayolight Productions
Runtime– 76 minutes
http://www.paranormal-investigations.com/
Warning: This review contains major spoilers
Paranormal Investigations, written and directed by Raymond Wallace, is a new horror-comedy that doesn’t really work. Despite both top notch comedy/satire elements and top notch horror elements, the general premise of the movie comes off as seriously lacking. Basically, Paranormal Investigations is incredibly implausible as presented, and me saying that has nothing to do with the supernatural/paranormal aspects of the plot. There’s something else at the heart of Paranormal Investigations that will leave audiences asking questions the movie doesn’t want audiences asking.
Paranormal Investigations is presented as the last episode of a popular ghost hunting television show called Paranormal Investigations. It’s the last episode of Paranormal Investigations because, and this really isn’t a spoiler since the movie makes all of this clear at the very beginning, the cast of Paranormal Investigations was found murdered and dismembered at its last filming location, a place called the “Hennesy ‘Hell’ House.” The final PI episode begins with Gerard Stockwell (Terry Schappert), the president of the network PI airs on, explaining how the final PI episode came together, how the footage that the PI team filmed during its last show was held by local government authorities, and how what you are about to watch is what happened the night the PI cast was killed. And it’s at this moment that the entire premise of the movie falls apart. There is no television network or streamer on this planet that would air a TV show where the audience gets to see the show’s cast members really die. Not one. It would never, ever happen. Even if the TV show episode was labeled as “journalism,” it just wouldn’t happen. Paranormal Investigations needs a better and more plausible framing device.
Maybe the movie shouldn’t attempt to directly narrate what’s happening by using the Gerard Stockwell character. Maybe the movie should begin with a series of media interviews with the cast of Paranormal Investigations on a sort of Entertainment Tonight type show, ramping up publicity for the upcoming season of Paranormal Investigations. We then see the cast of Paranormal Investigations on location, actually putting the season premiere episode together. We get to see the warts and all of how an episode of a ghost hunting type show is filmed. Then a bunch of deadly supernatural stuff happens, we see it happen as it happens, and we see the cast of Paranormal Investigations get killed. The last ten minutes or so of the movie could then deal with the aftermath of what we just saw. There could be TV news reports featuring what authorities found inside the abandoned house the PI cast was filming in. We could see a meeting of TV network executives trying to figure out what they should do next. How could they honor the dead PI cast members? All of that makes way more sense and is far more believable than what the actual Paranormal Investigations movie presents.
I know it sounds weird complaining about things like “plausibility” and “believability” in a movie about a ghost hunting TV show, ghosts, and supernatural goings on, as all of those things aren’t real to begin with, but being able to accept the general premise of a movie like Paranormal Investigations is incredibly important for the audience to buy into what it is seeing. And, again, there is no TV network or streamer anywhere on planet Earth that is going to show “real life” graphic deaths, even if it’s somehow considered “journalism.” It’s completely unbelievable. I can’t stress that point enough.
I’m going to assume that Paranormal Investigations the movie thinks it’s engaging in some sharp satire by ending the movie with the TV network putting together a “new” Paranormal Investigations show with a new cast, doing the same sort of stuff that the now dead original Paranormal Investigations cast did before they were all killed. It’s likely meant as a comment on corporate greed and how TV watching audiences don’t care about what happens to the people making the TV shows that they watch. TV watching audiences just want more TV shows to watch, and the TV networks just want to make more money. It’s a funny idea, yes, but the big reveal of the new Paranormal Investigations TV show cast (the show is now called Paranormal Investigations: The Next Generation) doesn’t really make you laugh in that way. The whole thing is a mess.
The cast of Paranormal Investigations does a good job overall. Jamie Bernadette is fantastic as Kelsey, the PI co-team leader and the one who seems to have the most control over what the team actually does on location and in producing an episode of the show. It’s funny how we see Kelsey go from being annoyed and stressed out about getting the shots and sequences the team needs for an episode, then switching to “on screen cast member with a can do attitude” and then back to the stressed out producer. Her relationship with David J. Rivera’s Matt is strained because of an incredibly stupid and gross thing Matt did with a PI fan, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to see Kelsey break down in the midst of the terrible things that happens towards the end of the movie (Kelsey and Matt are married).
Rivera is hilarious as Matt, mostly because he has no idea how big of an asshole he really is. Matt tends to function as the PI show’s main host, as we see him do all of the intros for the various show segments the team needs to do before they actually do any ghost hunting, and he’s a natural at it. Matt’s arguments with Kelsey over his disturbing behavior with a fan show you how clueless he is when it comes to his own fame and the responsibility that comes with that fame. Matt also seems to be lacking as a husband. It’s a damn shame what happens to him at the end, though.
Logan Stem does a great job as Steve, the PI team’s computer whiz and, for the lack of a better phrase, “uber nerd.” Steve operates the team’s main ghost hunting computer, a things called PARS (Paranormal Analysis and Recording System), a machine that Steve essentially created and that he’s incredibly proud of, and the glee he exudes when describing the machine to the audience is infectious. The rest of the team has no idea what the hell Steve is talking about, so he gets bullied for his enthusiasm. Steve’s eventual death is the most graphic in the movie, which hits harder than you expect it to after you watch him do a sort of “final message” video before trying to evade the deadly poltergeist in the house. The poor bastard never stood a chance.
Tatiana Robledo is funny as Fran, the team’s sound technician that likes to yell at people in Spanish. And Nick Oprea does a good job as Logan, the team’s main camera operator. Logan is mostly in the movie to work with Matt and react to his moments of stupidity that Kelsey doesn’t directly react to. I wish we knew a little more about Fran and Logan before they get taken out. The whole bit over Logan’s new hat being inappropriate is funny, though.
John T. Witt is interesting as Virgil Jackson, the one local that knows all about the history of the Hennesy House that the team interviews on camera. His interview is one of the funniest moments in the movie (he has to moderate his own language when discussing the house because there isn’t supposed to be any swearing on the show and Virgil just wants to drop “F” bombs). Virgil’s final scene would be funnier and more disturbing if the movie had a better framing device. And Terry Schappert does an okay job as Gerard Stockwell, the TV network president that provides the framing device for the movie’s story. The movie should have used him differently.
The scary moments towards the end of the movie work well enough on their own. Director Wallace does create some nifty tension and unsettling atmosphere as the evil poltergeist reveals itself to the team and starts eliminating them one by one. If this section was its own movie, like a short film or something, it would rock.
Paranormal Investigations has some attractive elements to it. Parts of it are very funny, and the full on horror section of the movie works well on its own. The movie also has a wonderful cast that works well together. As a whole, though, Paranormal Investigations is a disappointment. The framing device for the movie is all wrong and implausible, and as a result the movie fails. And that’s a shame. It really is.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 5
Explosions: One. Sort of.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: A TV commercial advertising a website. Stuff about an app. An attempted explanation and justification for what the audience is about to see. Some “legal” bullshit. Multiple TV news “talking head” type interviews. A warning about graphic content. A TV show intro. TV show creation. An abandoned house. A mini-montage of people loading up an abandoned house with ghost hunting equipment. A heavy box. A story about “dick pics.” A TV interview about the evil history of an abandoned house. More TV show creation stuff. An argument about how much technical jargon is necessary to explain things. Promo creation. TV show costumes. Multiple spooky instances that aren’t spooky enough at that moment in time. Talk of “Plan B.” Basement stuff. Doors opening all by themselves. Loud screams. Potential proof of ghosts. “Cold” stuff. Off screen evisceration. Blood everywhere. A seriously injured ankle. A person gets dragged away. A scary guy in a doorway. Face smashing. A final message. Levitation. Exploding human. Hysterical laughing.
Kim Richards? None.
Gratuitous: People talking directly to the camera. The need for “outside car travel” footage. A total lack of cell service. An endless argument about a guy’s new hat. Opening a big plastic box. “Filming B-roll.” Hand shaking. “Danger- Do Not Enter” tape. Costumes that resemble the outfits worn by the Ghostbusters in Ghostbusters (1984). A “We love you, Kyra!” outtake. “Fucking Steve.” Multiple “cold areas.” A demon sitting in a chair. Loud footsteps. A funny password. Attempted satire.
Best lines: “They’re definitely trying to cover something up.” “Tonight, we investigate the Hennesy ‘Hell’ House. If you’re brave enough, come with me.” “That sounds like some intense poltergeist activity.” “Is that a new hat?” “Fran! Steve! Quit fucking around!” “Did you just refer to your computer as a ‘she’? No, don’t be stupid, Logan.” “All right, let’s make some TV.” “That was so good, Virgil. I think that will be our hook.” “Hey, Matt, remember to sell the memberships!” “Are you fucking kidding me?” “Goddamn, you’re gorgeous.” “So, it’s like an auto-tuner for ghosts?” “You’re a pedophile and an idiot. Cool.” “Oh, man, that gave me goosebumps.” “Steve, any anomalies yet?” “It smells like shit in here.” “God, it smells like someone died down here.” “Okay, this is getting really creepy.” “Did we just capture photographic evidence of a fucking poltergeist?” “It’s time to do some paranormal investigating!” “It opens inward! Fuck!” “Is that a fucking demon?”
