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The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: President Donald Trump

January 20, 2020 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Donald Trump

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

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(image from Chili Bowl official website)

The 2020 Chili Bowl Midget Nationals is in the books and it was a pretty good race. The ¼ mile dirt track inside the River Spirit Expo Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma seemed rougher than usual, especially after all of the track prep officials did before the 55 lap A-main, but most of the field seemed super hooked up and it was amazing to see so many cars sideways in the corners, darting in and out of traffic and whatnot. Up front, it was pretty much a battle between Christopher Bell and eventual winner Kyle Larson, with Tyler Thorson and Rico Abreu showing up occasionally to give the front runners a run for their money. I really thought that Larson was going to screw up and Bell was going to blow by him for the lead and a fourth straight win, especially with how Larson kept bumping the cushion and the wall, but Larson held on and won.

I was amazed at how the 24 car starting field (I think it was actually a 23 car starting field because one guy didn’t start. I don’t remember who that was) was able to stay green for so long (it was like 30 laps without a caution). As I said earlier, the drivers were on top of one another in the corners and it was breathtaking to see them not run into one another. There were 77 announced flips for the entire 6-race week, but there were only two in the feature, and they weren’t major flips. That’s just amazing. A small track, hooked up cars, and drivers that want to win spread throughout the field. That can lead to disaster very quickly.

If you missed the show, be sure to check out the MAVTV website for re-airings. I’m sure MAVTV will rerun the race multiple times in the next week or so.

Anyone else out there check out the Chili Bowl? What did you think?

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.

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This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2019 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, for his recent claim that he doesn’t know who Lev Parnas is. Oh, come on, Mr. President. How do you expect me or, really, anyone else in the world to really believe that assertion? I mean, until Parnas, an associate of your personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, was arrested by the FBI and charged with various campaign finance violations, I certainly had no idea who Parnas was. In fact, I’d imagine that most people had no idea who Lev Parnas was. But you, Mr. President?

There’s just no way that’s true. No way in hell.

Parnas has been photographed with the President, multiple times. Parnas has been photographed with members of the President’s family and various Trump administration officials, sometimes multiple times. That kind of thing doesn’t happen unless you happen to be close to said family members or government officials. And, again, Parnas worked closely with the President’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, on Giuliani’s Ukraine scheme. It’s absurd to suggest that you have no idea who this Parnas guy is.

You know exactly who Lev Parnas is. You know exactly what he was doing in Ukraine with Giuliani. And you know that this guy is just another massive piece of evidence proving what a corrupt piece of shit you are.

The President and his enablers (don’t be surprised if they all end up having pictures with Parnas, too, after denying they have no idea who he is, like Kelly Anne Conway did) will attempt to brush this whole episode off as a big hoax/not that big of a deal because Parnas is a criminal and a thug looking to cut a deal to stay out of prison. And they’d be right about the criminal and thug part because, well, that’s what Parnas seems to be. A criminal and a thug. But then those attributes are likely why Parnas was a part of Giuliani’s team in the first place.

Now, you know and I know that, in the big scheme of things, none of this matters. The President, while impeached by the House of Representatives for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, isn’t going to be removed from office by the Republican controlled Senate, regardless of the massive and mounting evidence of his wrongdoing. The President is going to get away scot free and then be re-elected so he can then commit more crimes. The law, rules, ethics, none of that means anything anymore. But at what point does this whole thing become so tiresome that everyone, including the President’s enablers, decides that enough is enough?

This Ukrainian scheme, the reason the President was impeached, isn’t some phony event made up by “the Left” or “the liberal media.” It actually happened. The President and his administration have admitted to all of it in public. This whole thing is the President’s fault. He can’t keep his mouth shut and he can’t stop doing incredibly shady, unethical, and criminal things. And how long is it going to be before the President has to admit that he knows who the fuck Lev Parnas is? Two weeks? Remember how he didn’t know who Stormy Daniels was?

The President is a criminal. There’s no way to spin that fact away. So, again, at what point do his enablers say that enough is enough? At what point does all of this bullshit stop? How many more goddamn schemes are we going to find out about? Because you know there are more that we don’t know anything about at the moment.

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

The Houston Astros, for for the team’s apparent rampant cheating in 2017. I can’t say that I’m shocked that a professional sports team went to great lengths to gain some sort of advantage because, on some level, regardless of the sport, that kind of shit happens all of the time. However, when the actual cheating scheme is eventually revealed, it’s always dumbfounding that the team went to such great lengths to cheat and acted like it would never get caught. Why would anyone inside the Astros organization send out e-mails about stealing signs? I mean, if you’re going to cheat, shouldn’t you make an effort to not create a paper trail that an investigator can follow?

-Retired baseball player Aubrey Huff, for complaining about his former team, the San Francisco Giants, hiring a female assistant coach. It would be one thing to complain about this particular hire if the female assistant coach in question, Alyssa Nakken, had no sports background at all, but since she does have a degree in sports management, was a top notch softball player in college, and has been with the Giants organization for several years, this complaint sounds like lame ass macho jock asshole bullshit. So what if Nakken is a woman? If she can do the job what’s the problem?

The presidential campaigns of Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, for whatever the fuck they’re doing right now with this “dispute” between the two. I swear to God, this shit is one of the reasons why Trump is going to get re-elected. This is always how the Democrats and “the Left” get divided and lose all of the time. This is why I fucking hate the Democrats. They’re fucking useless.

Richard Shelby, U.S. Senator from Alabama, for his hilariously sad appearance on ABC’s This Week. Just go ahead and read the article and shake your head. This guy is an actual U.S. Senator.

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