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The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: President Donald Trump

September 11, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Donald Trump

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

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Is it me, or does the new ABC show Emergence come off as a kind of TV show remake of one of those Disney Witch Mountain movies? Every commercial I’ve seen for the show has featured a weird kid with special abilities who needs to be protected from, I guess, the government or whatever. Isn’t that what the Witch Mountain movies were basically about?

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And then there’s Stumptown, a show that ABC seems to be very high on (there seems to be a commercial for the show every hour, on the hour, all day, every day). The commercials make the show look fun and awesome, but then ABC did the same thing with Whiskey Cavalier ad we all saw what happened with that show. So will Stumptown be the hit that ABC hopes it will be, or will the show fail to catch on?

I think Stumptown will do okay. I’m not sure about its Wednesday night slot, but I think it will find an audience. Emergence might have a harder time because it looks so weird (and I’m just going to guess that the show is going to be one of those “long form storytelling” shows instead of a “standard” broadcast show with a “case of the week” structure, which could hurt it). But who knows?

I do know that I plan on watching both shows. Hopefully they’re both good. Hopefully.

And now onto this week’s Dumpster Fire of the Week.

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This week, the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2018 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States Donald Trump, for that whole “Alabama was in the path of Hurricane Dorian even though it wasn’t” thing. The President tweeted on September 1st that multiple southeastern states were in the path of Hurricane Dorian, and that Alabama was one of them. Soon after that tweet, the Birmingham, Alabama branch of the National Weather Service reported that Alabama was not in the path of the Category 5 storm. Instead of altering his tweet to remove Alabama, or admit that he made a mistake, or just fucking forgot about it, moved on, and monitored the storm in the event anyone needed federal resources, the President freaked the fuck out and claimed that the National Weather Service was wrong, that he was right, that Alabama was, at one point, in danger, and that the Fake News was out to get him.

Yes. The Fake News, or the “liberal” media (or elite media or whatever the fuck), in the midst of a coming storm that could cause hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars in damage, was once again attacking President Trump via its deep state minions in the Birmingham office of the National Weather Service. Because that makes all the sense in the world.

Now, again, instead of just moving on and focusing on the potential coming disaster and, you know, being the President of the United States, the President invited the press into the Oval Office to show everyone that he was right about Alabama by showing a weather forecast map that clearly had been altered by him (or someone else) via black marker to show that Alabama was “originally” in danger. Alabama was never in danger of being hit by Hurricane Dorian.

The President then spent days continuing to tweet more “proof” that he was right about Alabama, and when his proof was just more bullshit, he just continued on and on about it. He then somehow got the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to send out an unsigned statement proclaiming that the President was right, the National Weather Service was wrong, which was just ludicrous.

Yes, these are all real things that happened in the real world.

The President of the United States decided it was really, really important to prove, without any actual proof, that he was right when it was obvious that he wasn’t. At best, the man made a mistake. Perhaps he misread something from a briefing or misheard something from an advisor, tweeted out information that was wrong. The “liberal” media then reported on it because he’s the President of the United States and what he says gets scrutinized (you know, like every president ever). And it turned out that the President got some information wrong. These things happen. Mistakes are made by everyone all of the time. Why not just move on? Why become so fucking obsessed over such a non-story?

Because the President just can’t let shit go. Because the President, as a “counter puncher,” feels the need to always try to get in the last word when it comes to perceived slights. And because the President, as a guy who thinks he’s smarter than everyone (I’m shocked there isn’t a speech snippet where he’s on camera saying “I know more about weather than almost anyone”), can’t allow the perception that he’s ever wrong about anything ever, even when he’s so completely wrong.

The whole thing is fucking stupid. The story about the mistake would have disappeared and the focus would have been put on what was actually happening in the states that were actually in danger of being hit. That’s what should have happened. But it didn’t. The President just couldn’t let his own bullshit go.

I’ll say it again. This whole thing was, is, and always will be fucking stupid. And something similar, no doubt, will happen again soon enough.

And this guy is getting re-elected. There’s absolutely np doubt in my mind. Let that sink in.

Jesus Christ.

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer and professional conspiracy theorist/ultra-right wing loonbag Alex Jones, for promoting the idea that Hurricane Dorian was created by some sort of “weather weapon.” Yes, a weather weapon. Because we can apparently control the weather and create weather. And there’s some connection to West Africa, to, for some reason (must be where the Illuminati hides/houses its weather weapons and God knows what else).

Yes, people actually listen to this stuff and believe in it. Actual people.

-Right wing personality and Fox News host Laura Ingraham, for her light bulb/steak/plastic straw “comedy” bit. The bit was meant to “trigger” leftists, but I’d suspect that it confused just about everyone. Did anyone even chuckle at this bit?

-Comedian, TV talk show host, and professional liberal Bill Maher, for for his recent “fat shaming needs to make a comeback” bit. While it’s true that America, and the world at large, is getting fatter by the year, it’s disingenuous to say that fat shaming needs to make a comeback since it never left. Even with all of the “body positivity” commentary going on, there is still a massive social stigma with being fat. And since Maher targeted the 2020 Democratic candidates for going to the Iowa state fair and eating fried food while talking about health care, isn’t this the kind of culture war shit that kills liberals and Democrats all of the time? Didn’t Maher tell the Democrats to avoid this kind of shit? Yes, he said so in 2016. So what has changed since then? Isn’t 2020 also an “Armageddon election?”

And if it’s okay to be fat now, where are the legions of fat celebrities?

-Gun industry lobbying firm The National Rifle Association, for its recent claim that NASCAR is becoming “anti-gun.” According to the NRA, NASCAR apparently told gun company K-Var that it had to alter some of its gun advertisements at NASCAR events, eliminating ads for assault weapons and sniper rifles. This action has led the NRA to ask its members to complain to NASCAR because NRA members and NASCAR fans are one and the same. I know it’s beyond their capacity to see this/admit this, but perhaps the NRA should realize that NASCAR has oodles of big time, mainstream sponsors that it wants to keep happy and that, in the wake of multiple mass shootings and calls for banning openly carrying guns in stores and whatnot, it doesn’t want them to get caught up in any of that (General Mills probably spends more money than any of the NRA’s clients). So it makes sense for NASCAR to take this kind of pre-emptive action, and since no one was outright banned from the track, the NRA is just talking to hear itself talk.

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