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The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: Spawn Creator Todd McFarlane

June 5, 2019 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Spawn

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

SimonPagenaudIndy500winner

Well, Simon Pagenaud kicked ass at this year’s Indianapolis 500, didn’t he? He started on the pole, led the most laps, and managed to hold off a hard charging Alexander Rossi to win the 103rd 500, his career first and 18th for team owner Roger Penske. I was actually surprised that Pagenaud was so strong. He was fast on Carb Day on Friday, and he was always going to be a threat to win because he drives for Team Penske, but I didn’t think he would end up being the driver to beat.

Rossi had some issues in the pits (what the hell happened to his fuel hose that one time?) and was freaking out about that and lapped driver Oriol Servia not getting out of his way, but he managed to be a threat at the end. I thought he was going to win when he made his last pass on Pagenaud after the last restart. I thought Rossi was that strong. It didn’t work out for Rossi, though. Second is still pretty good. And am I the only one sick and tired of hearing people whining about lapped cars not getting out of the way? The lapped cars are running their own race and they’re not “in the way.” If you’re faster than them you should be able to get by them. If you are faster and can’t get by them, maybe you need to rethink your choice of careers.

Ed Carpenter’s team sort of petered out at the end. Ed Carpenter was in the running for the win for most of the race, hanging around the front pack and whatnot, but for whatever reason he just didn’t have the necessary handling to get to the lead and stay there. Carpenter is always fast and strong at Indy, but is he ever going to get to victory lane at the Brickyard?

I think it’s time for Marco Andretti to hang up his helmet and go do something else. Whatever spunk he had when he started his Indycar career is no longer there and he’s only out there because his last name is Andretti and his father owns the car he drives. Of course, it might be good for Marco to find another team to drive for, maybe a new environment would be helpful, but who the hell is just going to hire Marco without Marco brining millions of dollars of sponsorship with him?

The Chevy teams were clearly stronger, in an overall sense, than the Honda teams, which I was surprised by because Honda tends to figure its shit out for the race. The Ganassi teams were all just sort of there for most of the day (Pippa Mann finished ahead of 2008 Indy 500 winner Scott Dixon and Dixon didn’t wreck). So what changes are going to be made to the engines for 2020? And which teams are going to start complaining first about how the new windscreen screws up their aerodynamics?

The 2019 Indy 500 was a good race, exciting at times, and the right driver won. That’s all I, as a racing fan, can really ask for. Right?

Who else watched Indy? What did you think?

And now onto the latest Dumpster Fire of the Week.

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ToddMcFarlane

The latest 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week goes to modern comic book legend Todd McFarlane, for his ongoing issues with getting a new Spawn movie made. McFarlane, who has been hinting at/promising a new Spawn movie for like a decade (I don’t know if it’s actually been that long but, yeah, it sure as hell feels like it’s been that long), recently said that there are still huge issues to overcome in making another Spawn movie. And what re those issues? Basically, McFarlane, who has written a script for the new movie and wants to direct it, doesn’t want to cede any real creative control of the project (he won’t allow any significant script changes for one thing). Now, normally, I’d support that kind of thing because the Spawn character is McFarlane’s creation and if the man has a vision he wants to get out into the world then he should do everything he can to make that happen. However, in this case, I can’t get behind McFarlane at all. Why?

Because if he really wants to make a new Spawn movie McFarlane should just go make one. I’m sure McFarlane could scrounge up the budget on his own (according to this article McFarlane thinks he can make his new Spawn movie for $10-12 million, which is mega low budget by today’s big deal comic book movie standards). He could put some of his own money into it, he likely has connections to various rich people that would be willing to give him some money. If that’s all he’s really looking for, there’s no reason he can’t come up with that kind of money to make the movie.

McFarlane doesn’t seem to want to do that, though. He thinks he should be given the budget he wants to make a movie that he wants to make, no questions asked. And that’s insane. There are moviemakers out there who have an actual track record in the movie business who can’t get a studio to give them a million bucks to make something without significant creative concessions (look at John Carpenter), why would McFarlane think that anyone from the studios is just going to give him the money he wants, no questions asked?

It’s insane, and it’s probably not going to happen. I mean, if he can’t work with the people at Blumhouse, the outfit that specializes in the kind of movie that McFarlane claims to want to make, he isn’t going to get to work with anyone.

I would like to know what, exactly, people want to change about McFarlane’s script. And, on top of that, how much ownership in Spawn do these people want McFarlane to relinquish?

If McFarlane really wants this movie to happen, he either needs to go out, raise the money himself and make the movie he wants to make, or just accept whatever deal is the “least terrible” and allow another Spawn movie to happen that way. If he isn’t willing to do either of those things, please, man, just stop talking about this new Spawn movie that clearly isn’t going to happen.

I mean, I loved the Spawn movie from New Line Cinema that came out in the summer of 1997. I saw it in the theatre back when it came out and thought it was great. I’d be down for a sequel to that movie, once again starring the great Michael Jai White. Why not do a sequel to that?

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And now for this week’s honorable mentions…

-Musician and celebrity Moby, for his ongoing “dating” controversy concerning Natalie Portman. If he dated Portman, why is she denying it so vehemently and basically calling him an old creepy dude? Could it be because it didn’t happen? And what is that apology all about?

-Musician and celebrity Adam Levine, for his recent performance at the NBC up fronts that apparently got him fired from The Voice. Levine was reported to be upset with the rule changes to the show that NBC made and, as a result, was uncooperative during the big fall schedule presentation NBC made in New York City (the word “uncooperative” wasn’t used, as far as I know, but that’s what it sounds like NBC is claiming). You’d think that if Levine had issues with the show’s rules he would talk to someone in charge about it and, if he didn’t want to do the show anymore because of the rules, would just quietly step away. Levine apparently couldn’t do that. Shit, for $26 million, who gives a fuck what the rules are? Adapt to them and move on, right?

-Comedian Artie Lange, for once again getting arrested for drug use. How many times is this going to happen before Lang figures out that he can’t keep doing this? And how many chances is he really going to get before he’s locked up for good? This story is just so goddamn sad.

-Dumpster Fire Hall of Famer, 2018 Dumpster Fire of the Year, and (Jesus Christ) 45th President of the United States Donald Trump, for the aftermath of the aborted Nancy Pelosi/Chuck Schumer infrastructure meeting. What the fuck is the president doing? Why is it impossible for this guy to do his job and make a deal? Who gives a shit if Congressperson Pelosi said “mean things” about him? Why is it okay for Trump to dish out nicknames and be a total fucking douchebag but the second someone says anything about him that could be perceived as negative he whines about it and completely shuts down? I really don’t get why the Republicans put up with his shit again and again. Isn’t it time that they banded together and said “enough of this shit!”?

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