411 Video Review: Armageddon 99

The video package has the same music as the one used for No Mercy 2002.

8 team battle royal to determine the #1 contenders for the tag team titles.

The Dudleyz cut a promo beforehand- but Buh Buh’s stutter gets in the way.

Edge and Christian attack the Dudleyz and they bail.

Headbangers, Edge and Christian, Dudleyz, Hardy Boyz (w/Terri Runnells), Mean Street Posse, Acolytes, Too Cool and Godfather/Mark Henry are the teams for this battle royal.

Everyone brawls to start of course. Edge and Mosh brawl on the outside. Pete Gas gets eliminated but hides under the ropes and Joey Abs comes back in and promptly gets tossed. Rodney also gets tossed and that’s it for the Posse. Godfather dumps Mosh. The Acolytes dump Mark Henry. Grandmaster Sexay’s pants fall down in the middle of this match. Edge and Christian dump Too Cool. D-Von eliminates Edge. The Dudleyz hit the Wassup Drop and a neckbreaker but Matt dumps D-Von. So it’s down to Acolytes v. Hardyz. Matt and Bradshaw eliminate each other so the match continues. Bradshaw rams Matt into the steps. Jeff takes the Clothesline from Hell and headscissors Faarooq out but the ref doesn’t see it- so Faarooq comes back in. The Hardyz hit Poetry in Motion on him. Bradshaw teases elimination twice as Faarooq spinebusters Matt. Faarooq dumps Matt who hangs onto the ropes so Faarooq decides to send Jeff flying out of the ring to win.

This was the usual crappy battle royal- the ‘ref doesn’t see the elimination’ spot got old real quick and didn’t help anyone get over. *

Lillian Garcia is with Kurt Angle. He knows Florida will appreciate him.

Kurt Angle tries to cut a promo about the 3 I’s but Blackman interrupts.

Kurt Angle v. Steve Blackman

Angle and Blackman were tag partners but were having miscommunication issues. What better way to settle it with a match?

Blackman hits a spinkick and hammers away. Blackman drops him on the top rope and hits a missile dropkick. He misses a top-rope headbutt and Angle boots him. Angle clotheslines him and dropkicks him as JR talks about WWF style. Angle slams him but misses a moonsault. Blackman hooks a modified bow and arrow and Blackman hooks a leg grapevine. Angle gets a DDT for two. Suplex- two. He dumps Blackman and they brawl on the outside with Angle getting the advantage. Blackman sunset flips back in for two. Angle hits a crossbody but Blackman rolls through for two. Angle hits a double arm suplex. Angle chokes Blackman with his foot as the crowd gets on his case. Angle misses a blind charge allowing Blackman to hammer away as no one cares. Blackman hits a spinebuster for two. Blackman goes up top but hits the knees and Angle rolls him for two. Blackman misses an enziguri and Angle hits a German for the win? Ѕ* Blackman lays him out.

This was before Angle was any good and Blackman was never any good- so a bland boring match resulted. Angle wouldn’t start getting good until a couple months later.

Michael Cole interviews BB while she changes.

Ivory v. Jacqueline v. Kat v. BB in a 4-corner evening gown match taking place in a swimming pool for the WWF Womens title

Mae Young and Moolah are the refs.

Ivory gets thrown into the pool. Kat and BB splash each other. Jacqueline gets eliminated first as BB spills out. BB gets eliminated as Ivory tries to undo the bra but has trouble. Kat pulls her back into the pool. Kat pulls off Ivory’s gown for the win and the title.

The Kat cuts a victory promo and says they made her underwear. So she takes off her evening down and is down to her bra and panties. She then jumps into the water, and then takes off her bra and for the first, last and only time we see authorised puppies in the WWF.

Sgt. Slaughter covers Kat up leaving Mae all alone. She cuts a rambling promo and goes to get naked but Slaughter stops her.

Kevin Kelly is with Rikishi. Bad things are in store for the Hollys.

The Holly Cousins v. Rikishi Phatu and Viscera

This is billed as a special attraction match since Rikishi and Viscera are 400 lbs+ and the Hollys allegedly weigh over 400 lbs.

Rikishi cleans house on the Hollys as Viscera stands there and watches. Banzai drop to Crash gets two. Hardcore Holly nails Rikishi and is tagged in. Holly works Rikishi over but is soon splashed in the corner. Belly to belly suplex by Rikishi gets two. Viscera won’t tag in so Rikishi tags him in himself. Hardcore clotheslines Viscera but eats a Samoan drop. Viscera cleans house on the Hollys but misses a splash. Viscera misses a blind charge and Hardcore hits a top rope missile dropkick. Tag Crash. The Hollys work over Viscera but he backdrops Hardcore and legdrops Crash. Hot tag Rikishi who cleans house. Rikishi no-sells a DDT and superkicks Hardcore. Rikishi Driver to Crash but Hardcore saves. Viscera nails Rikishi and the Hollys get the win. DUD Rikishi superkicks Viscera post-match.

Lillian is with Val Venis. Usual double entendre interviews.

The British Bulldog (w/Mean Street Posse) v. D-Lo Brown v. Val Venis for the European title

Bulldog’s main event push had mercifully ended by this period but Vince wouldn’t give up on him so he gave him the European title.

The Posse get sent to the back. Everyone brawls to start. D-Lo clotheslines Venis who gets clotheslined by Bulldog. Venis clotheslines Bulldog out. Bulldog and Venis brawl on the outside but D-Lo flies onto both of them. D-Lo and Venis go with Venis getting a powerslam for two. Venis hits a flying elbow but Bulldog saves. Venis and Bulldog brawl on the outside with Venis meeting the steps. D-Lo and Bulldog double team Venis. D-Lo turns on Bulldog and stomps away. Bulldog bails. D-Lo botches a springboard something so Val works him over. Venis suplexes D-Lo and pulls Bulldog back in. Venis hammers away at Bulldog and rams D-Lo and Bulldog’s head together. Venis and D-Lo slug it out but then decide to beat on Bulldog. They fuck up an armdrag and then give Bulldog a BULLDOG SUPLEX. That’s just rude. Venis splashes Bulldog so D-Lo elbows Venis for a near fall. They take out Bulldog again and go at it. D-Lo gets dumped on the apron and crotched on the top-rope. Venis hammers away but D-Lo hits a top-rope sunset flip. Bulldog pulls out the ref. Bulldog and Venis double team D-Lo and dump him out. Venis hits a bad-looking spinebuster for two. Venis dropkicks D-Lo back to the floor. Bulldog hits the running powerslam onto Venis but D-Lo puts his foot on the ropes. D-Lo works over Bulldog and hits a legdrop. He sends Venis back to the outside and hits a bad looking spinebuster of his own to Bulldog. D-Lo hits the Lo Down on Bulldog but Venis breaks it up with the Money Shot and covers Bulldog for the win. This had some nice three-way spots but the sloppiness of the match killed it.*1/2

Kevin Kelly is with X-Pac. In tonight’s cage match Kane is not allowed to win via escape.

Kane (w/Tori) v. X-Pac in a steel cage match

Kane and X-Pac had been tag partners since Wrestlemania when Triple H turned his back on DX. They were an immediate success and soon won the tag titles on March 30th. After trading the belts with the Acolytes they lost them for good at Summerslam against Taker and Big Show. Soon dissension started as X-Pac was getting upset that Kane kept making saves for him instead of letting X-Pac fight his own battles. At No Mercy they fought in a 4 corners match and X-Pac pinned Kane. During this time period Kane fell in love with Tori as she was the first woman to ever find him attractive (ignore Katie Vick). X-Pac kept getting pushed to the back. Right before Survivor Series 99 the whole issue exploded when DX was reformed and X-Pac officially turned on Kane. They fought at Survivor Series and Kane won by DQ. X-Pac also kicked Tori in the face- further infuriating Kane. For the past month they have been battling back and forth and tonight they hope to settle it once and for all-

X-Pac gets in Tori’s face so Kane kicks his ass. X-Pac nails Kane with a ring bell and climbs the cage back in. Kane nails X-Pac and sends him into the corner. Kane no-sells everything X-Pac throws at him and sends him flying into the mat. Kane presses X-Pac and kicks him in. Kane eats boot on a blind charge but he no-sells. X-Pac almost goes into the cage but escapes and gets a spinkick. X-Pac tries to escape. Kane catches him and goes for a chokeslam from the top of the cage but X-Pac crotches him. X-Pac hits a top-rope legdrop for two. Kane hammers away but X-Pac gets a DDT. X-Pac tries to escape but decides to go after Kane. Kane goes for a chokeslam but X-Pac blocks so Kane hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Kane keeps sending X-Pac into the cage. Road Dogg and Billy Gunn run in with bolt cutters. Kane goes to confront them but they slam the door in his face. Kane sits up but walks into an X-Factor on a chair. X-Pac handcuffs him to the cage and nails him with two chairshots. Tori runs in and gets X-Factored. Kane boots the chaie back in X-Pac’s face. X-Pac climbs the cage as Kane breaks the handcuffs. Kane climbs out of the cage and catches X-Pac in the Electric Chair position as he climbs down. X-Pac gets chucked back in and Kane rams the door into him. Kane hits a clothesline from the TOP of the cage and tombstones him. *** This match really picked up after a slow start and the whole Kane can’t win by escape rule had me enjoying the match even more. The X-Pac gets heat on Kane segments were a bit dull but once Kane started kicking his ass- the match picked up. For some reason the feud continued all the way up until Wrestlemania as this would’ve been a suitable blowoff to the feud.

Chyna (w/The Kat) v. Chris Jericho for the WWF Intercontinental Title

At No Mercy Chyna became the first woman to hold the I-C title by defeating Jeff Jarrett. Chris Jericho took offence to a woman holding the belt and a feud began. Chyna defeated him in a close match at Survivor Series 99 by hitting a top-rope Pedigree. This just angered Chris Jericho more and he ended up breaking her thumb with a hammer.

Jericho attacks Chyna to start and they slug it out. Chyna elbows him and hits a knee. Chyna elbows him twice and drops a knee. Chyna stomps away but Jericho hammers away. Chyna does a Flair flip. Jericho charges at her but misses and ends up on the outside.. Chyna hits a clothesline from the apron and they brawl. Jericho suplexes her right on the announce table. Chyna dropkicks a chair back in Jericho’s face. Jericho sends her into the steps. Chyna low blows him and hits the handspring elbow. DDT gets two. Jericho hits a spinning heel kick and Chyna is hung in the ropes. Jericho starts punching her in the thumb and then dropkicks her in the thumb. Jericho hits a running clothesline. Chyna blocks a powerbomb with a hurricarana for two. Jericho comes back with a dropkick. Jericho hits a suplex and the arrogant cover gets two. Jericho hammers and chops away in the corner. Jericho exposes the turnbuckle. Chyna gets a short arm clothesline and Jericho knees her in the corner. Jericho with a backbreaker and he stretches her. Chyna comes back with a crossbody for two. Chyna forearms and stomps away at Jericho. Jericho comes back with a bulldog. Jericho slams her but the lionsault hits knees. Chyna forearms him and gets a swinging neckbreaker for two. Blind charge by Chyna eats boot but Jericho gets powerbombed. Chyna slingshots Jericho into the corner and clotheslines him for two. Chyna goes for the Pedigree but Jericho backslides her for two. Jericho goes for a top-rope back suplex but Chyna rolls on top for two. That whole sequence looked really badly botched. Chyna gets a corner sunset flip (a la Booker T) but Jericho rolls through into the Walls and the crowd explodes. Jericho pulls her back into the centre and Chyna taps out. The crowd explodes for the new champ. ***1/4

Michael Cole is with a very happy Chris Jericho. Chyna shows up and shakes his hand.

The New Age Outlaws v. The Rock-n-Sock Connection for the WWF Tag Titles

Mankind and the Road Dogg start. Mankind gives him a clean break and claps. Lockup- Road Dogg pushes him back. Mankind hammers away and locks in a headlock. Mankind shoulderblocks him and legdrops him for two. Mankind hooks a chinlock. Road Dogg works on his shoulder and tags in Billy Gunn. Mankind hammers away but gets sent to the mat for one. Mankind tags in The Rock and the crowd goes nuts. Billy Gunn goes to take off his shirt so Rock kicks his ass while the shirt is over his face. Rock sends him into Mankind’s shoe and is tagged back in. Road Dogg is tagged back in and hammers away. Mankind comes back with a headbutt but Road Dogg comes back with the funky punches. Mankind hooks the Mandible Claw to Dogg but Billy saves. Rock runs in to take care of him and they brawl in the crowd. Billy Gunn catches Rock coming back in and stomps away. Rock comes back on Billy. Rock takes care of Road Dogg and lays the Smackdown on Billy Gunn. Billy comes back with a Diamond Cutter for two. They dump Rock outside as he plays face-in-peril for the match as the Outlaws work him over despite some offensive bursts by Rock. Rock comes back with a floatover DDT on Billy and makes the hot tag to Mankind. Mankind cleans house on the Outlaws. Billy accidentally splashes Road Dogg and Mankind does his own funky punches but accidentally hits the ref. Piledriver to Dogg- no ref. Rock comes back in and he and Billy brawl on the outside. Double arm DDT to Dogg and Mr. Socko makes an appearance. Al Snow nails Mankind with Head. Rock pulls the ref out and clotheslines Snow. Snow gets sent into the helicopter and the army truck. Back inside Billy nails Mankind with the ring bell but it only gets two. Billy hits a piledriver for two. Mankind backdrops Billy and crotches Dogg on the top rope and makes the tag to Rock. Rock cleans house. Samoan drop to Billy but Dogg saves. Spinebuster to Road Dogg, Rock Bottom to Billy but Al Snow runs in for the DQ. Mankind and Snow brawl on the outside. Rock Rock Bottoms Road Dogg and Al Snow. He finishes it up with the People’s Elbow. *1/2

They had to book the DQ finish since they couldn’t job either team so I didn’t really mind it as it also put heat on Al Snow. This was during the ‘Billy Gunn isn’t trying period’, ‘Road Dogg has no heat period’ and ‘Mick Foley sucks period’ so the match just didn’t click and was just a generic RAW main event. WWF FINALLY took the hint with the Outlaws and had the Dudleyz pound them into paste at No Way Out.

Big Show v. Big Bossman (w/Albert) for the WWF title

Big Show’s father was dying of cancer and the Bossman decided to point this fact out in his own charming way. Show’s dad finally kicked the bucket and at the funeral- the Big Bossman showed up, read a poem, and somehow Big Show ended up coffin surfing. Bossman became the #1 contender for the title during this time and ended up causing Mrs. Big Show to reveal that her son was a bastard and that Big Show’s father was not really his father.

With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked
I’m sorry to hear that your dad finally croaked
He lived a full life on his own terms
Soon he’ll be buried and eaten by worms
But if I could have a son as stupid as you
I’d have wished for cancer so I would die too
So be brave, and be strong, get your life on track
Cause the old bastard’s DEAD and he ain’t never comin’ back

The video package to this is unintentionally hilarious. Big Bossman cuts a promo beforehand.

Big Show destroys Bossman. Prince Albert tries to interfere but he gets chokeslammed through the Spanish Announce Table. Bossman nails Show with the steps and sends him into the ring post. It takes forever for Bossman to get him back in the ring. Big Show kips up! and that’s it for Bossman as he hits the chokeslam. DUD

This was like Torrie v. Dawn Marie. All this buildup only to blow it off in a three minute match. Now I’m not complaining that Bossman v. Show was only kept to three minutes but it just made this all the buildup an incredible waste of time.

Triple H v. Vince McMahon in a No Holds Barred match

At Fully Loaded 99 Vince McMahon was banished from the WWF forever- or so we thought. Vince ended up returning on an episode of RAW to save Linda from an attack from Triple H. On an episode of Smackdown! Vince ended up winning the title from Triple H thanks to Stone Cold. Vince would vacate the title and HHH won it back at Unforgiven.

Triple H and Vince continued to not see eye to eye as HHH reformed DX and they run roughshod over the WWF. After HHH retained the title at No Mercy, Vince made a triple threat match at Survivor Series featuring HHH v. Rock v. Austin with Vince as the special guest ref. In the middle of the show Austin got hit by a car after an altercation with HHH. Vince put Big Show in the match and he ended up winning the title with Vince screwing HHH by hitting him with a title belt and causing Big Show to win.

During this whole time Test was engaged to Vince’s daughter Stephanie. The wedding was postponed after the British Bulldog hit her in the head with a garbage can but a few weeks after the Survivor Series- they were ready to get married.

On RAW they were in the middle of the wedding and when the minister asked if anyone objected- ‘My Time’ cued up and Triple H came out. HHH objected to the wedding on the grounds that he had already married Stephanie! At Stephanie’s bachelor party the bartender slipped her a mickey and caused her to pass out. HHH then took her to a Las Vegas chapel and was able to fool the person there and they were legally married.

Vince was of course furious and wanted the marriage annulled as soon as possible- so HHH made him a deal. If Vince wins- the marriage is annulled. If HHH wins- He gets a title shot in the near future and the marriage stays as is.

Vince throws powder into HHH’s eyes and hammers away. Vince ballshots him and sends him into the announce table and ring steps. Vince chucks him into the crowd and they brawl. They’re fighting somewhere in the building with poor lighting with HHH getting the advantage. They continue to brawl in the crowd. Vince backdrops him out of the crowd and Mankind comes out. Mankind gives Vince a shopping cart full of weapons. HHH lowblows Vince and hits him with a trashcan. Vince beats the shit out of him with a lid. Vince hits him thrice with a trashcan. Vince hits him with a crutch. He goes to choke him with it but HHH sends him into the steps. HHH ballshots him and sends him into a bunch of weapons. HHH hits him with a road sign and a chain. Vince sends him into the rail and breaks a stick over his back. Vince hits him with a road sign. HHH boots him and sends him into a helicopter. HHH with another ballshot and a sandbag. HHH runs him over with a shopping cart and hits him with a trashcan. HHH grabs a 2×4 but Vince blocks it and hits him a bunch of times with a trashcan. He puts it over HHH’s head and punches him. HHH blocks a wrench shot and sends him into a helicopter. He swings a machine gun into his head. Vince reverses a whip and sends him into an airplane. Vince hammers away but HHH comes back with right hands. They brawl backstage and Vince gets sent into a steel door. HHH sends him into a truck and drops an elbow. Triple H runs away and Vince looks for him. Vince goes outside and walks around looking for him. Truly thrilling stuff. Triple H almost runs Vince over with a car. HHH sends him into the car and kicks his ass. HHH sends Vince into an 18 wheeler and another car. HHH slams him on a limo and drops an elbow. Vince meets another car. Vince gets sent into a vending machine. Vince comes back with punches but HHH knees him. Vince nails him with a pipe so HHH climbs a scaffold to escape with Vince in pursuit. Vince takes the big bump and gigs. Vince gets hit with a gas can. HHH goes and cuts a promo on Stephanie. HHH notices Vince getting up and nails him in the head. HHH beats on him right in front of Stephanie. HHH gets a lead pipe and decides not to hit Vince with it. Why? So he can get the sledgehammer. Vince kicks him in the balls to stop that and nails him twice with a lead pipe. Vince gets the sledgehammer but Stephanie runs in and takes it from him. Stephanie has second thoughts about hitting HHH so he grabs it from her and nails Vince twice with it for the win. *1/4

HHH teases hitting Stephanie but they look at each other and Stephanie smiles at him. They hug and we have a heel turn.

Well that match was long. Triple H is not good enough to go 30 minutes and neither is Vince McMahon. There were way too many dead spots where they had nothing to do. Cutting the match to ten-fifteen minutes would’ve been much better for everyone involved as they could’ve just a quick brawl with blood and sick spots and then have the heel turn- but 30 minutes given these guys limitations is too much.

The Bottom Line- Aside from Stephanie’s heel turn and Jericho’s first WWF singles title there isn’t much too this show as it’s the usual shitty 1999 card with the one or two good matches. Unless you’re a really big fan of the Kat- there’s no reason to check it out.

Not Recommended