411’s WWE Raw Report 04.18.05

BACKGROUND MATERIAL

Cook chats with RD Reynolds on all things WCW and wrestling in general.

Randle has the usual Wrestling News Experience goodness.

Fried returns!

David Campbell rationalizes HHH’s challenge for tonight.

P gets some storyline continuity centered around the tag titles and a Heat main event involving a ref noticing that the illegal man was pinned and restarting the match. I’ll give you one guess who that ref was.

You know Newton Gimmick is a rising star when he gets an email from the KISS Demon.

I think something is wrong when I read a WWE press release and am not at all surprised to realize that they misspelled one of their superstars’ names in it.

And be sure to jump into the lively discussion in the live Raw thread in the forum.

All right. It’s that time again, and WWE’s on its home turf. Let’s do this.

411’s WWE RAW REPORT – 04.18.05

Backstage, Eric Bischoff sympathizes with Jim Ross about facing Triple H. Bischoff says that if he were in a match with HHH, he’d be scared too, and he’d understand JR hoping for the match to be cancelled. But frankly, announcers are a dime a dozen, and the match intrigues him, so it’s on. And it’s a no-DQ match. And Ric Flair will be in HHH’s corner. But since Bischoff is a fair man, he says that the man in JR’s corner will be none other than the new world champ, Batista.

PYRO! Move to his music, and we’re LIVE from Madison Square Garden! A “Kill JR” sign makes it onto TV – good job, sign Nazis! Jerry “the King” Lawler & Jonathan Coachman are your hosts for tonight, and they’re intrigued too by tonight’s big matches:

Promised for Tonight:
– Triple H vs Jim Ross
– Shawn Michaels vs Muhammad Hassan

But we start with a one-on-match starring Mr Money in the Bank.

Match #1: Edge vs Chris Benoit

Edge attacks before the bell as Benoit enters the ring, but Benoit fights back with rapid-fire chops and backs Edge in the corner. He unloads the kneelifts, reverses a whip and hits a charge in the corner. Edge blocks the momentum, gets some shots to the back and tries the Edgecution, but Benoit blocks, goes to an armbar, then turns it into a German. And another. And another. And another. And another! Five! Man, he means business tonight. Snot rocket! Benoit heads up, and Coach says “high-risk district” (drink!). The high risk proves to be a foolish gamble, as Edge dodges the diving headbutt and gets up first. Edge lines up the spear already, but Benoit dodges. Edge stops his momentum on the turnbuckle, ducks a clothesline and hits the Edge-O-Matic for two from Referee Jack Doan. Edge goes to a chinlock. Benoit fights out of it and gets chops and elbows, but Edge stops the momentum with a back suplex attempt. Benoit sneaks out the back door to land on his feet and gets the crossface! Edge takes a while before realizing that he’s within reach of the rope. He grabs on. Benoit refuses to let go as Edge rolls out of the ring, then decides to ram Edge’s head into the ringsteps instead. Edge manages to send Benoit’s head into a table and the ring apron, but Benoit reverses a whip into the security wall and clotheslines Edge over! He follows Edge into the crowd and backstage! They slug it out in a backstage area in a room full of electrical equpiment, with a camera and Jack Doan screaming for some help keeping order in the match. People scatter backstage until Senior Official Earl Hebner, “Vigilant” Mike Chioda, Referee Chad Patton & all the road agents show up to break it up, pulling the two apart. Okay then – a double countout? Interesting. But there wasn’t actually a countout. So call it…

No Contest (5:24)

I could go for a hardcore match at Backlash between these two.

We head to an Ad Break.

The animal unleashed. But this game is not over. Sunday, May 1st, the battle for the World Heavyweight Championship continues. HHH-Batista II.

Backstage, various divas read their magazine. Edge & Benoit are still going at it! Did I just see Fit Finlay and Dean Malenko? Eric Bischoff has seen enough runs in to break it up. He finally manages to get Benoit and Edge to stop before screaming at the top of his lungs that they’ll face each other in a Last Man Standing match.

Here’s Trish Stratus.

“Thank you. Thank you. Please. Please hold your applause. Thank you. Thank you. Oh sit down. Sit down, please, it’s not necessary, you know. I just wanted to take this time to, uh, kinda clear the air and, uh, make a fresh start between myself and Lita. So, Lita, if you’ll come down here, let’s just talk, and before this thing gets out of control, please, come down here. Let’s just have a talk, please. Lita, please.”

Lita obliges. She walks out with a crutch and a knee brace. “First of all” – pause – “excuse me, we are trying to have a conversation here, people! Bunch of idiots. Listen. First o fall, I want to let you know, I am not doing this because of what happened last week with your husband Kane, OK? No. I have done some soul-searching, and I – I searched deep inside” – [“Slut!”] – “Alright, don’t call her a slut. You guys are idiots, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” NICE! Trish and Lita have been through so much together. “Think of the history!” Trish regrets much that she’s done to Lita. [“You screwed Edge! / You screwed Matt!”] Trish doesn’t care what these people say – she respects Lita. “It’s OK. I don’t respect these people. I respect you, and I wanna let you know that you’re like a sister to me, OK? Not only do I respect you…” [“You fucked Matt!”] “… but I love you! So listen. What I wanna know – do you accept my apology? Let’s clear the slate.”

“So Trish, you respect me, huh? But you’ll even go me one better and tell me you love me, huh? That’s very sweet. Which is obviously why you’ve done your very best to make this past year for me a living hell, and I do appreciate that. But you do have a point. We have been throuh a lot. There is a lot of history there. Which is why I don’t believe one word coming from your mouth, Trish Stratus. I don’t accept your apology. And there’s one more thing I think you should know. Much like you, payback’s a bitch.”

PYRO and Kane. And the distraction lets Lita nail Trish with the crutch! Trish rolls out of the ring and starts heading backstage. She trips and falls, allowing Kane to grab a leg and the goozle. But VISCERA is here! Viscera uses forearms to the back of Kane! He whips Kane into the ring apron! He puts Kane into the ring! [“Let’s go, Mabel!”] New York rules. That’s it, I’m calling him Mabel. BIG Samoan drop from Mabel! He runs the ropes and hits the big splash! “You wanna get to Trish, you gotta go through me.”

Mabel heads outside and looks at Trish, who slaps his chest and thanks him. But he carries her backstage, fancying himself the knight in shining armor while licking his lips. This is certainly intriguing. The Wrestlecrap potential is definitely high here.

Ad Break.

Backstage, Trish thanks Mabel, saying that Kane’s never felt pain like that, and calls it awesome. Mabel: “Glad to be of service, but I’ll be even more glad when you service me.” Trish objects, but Mabel insists that he get a favour in return. He proposes a date next week. Trish says it should be strictly business. But he likes to mix bidness with a whole lot of pleasure. He blackmails Trish into conceding that they take it slow… real slow… but all night long. “okay so, thanks again, and I’ll see ya later!”

She heads off, but Mabel grabs her by the hair and plants a big, slow kiss on her. Mabel was drawing godly pops throughout this segment. So was Trish, come to think of it.

Match #2: William Regal & Tajiri vs The Heartthrobs (Romeo & Antonio)

This is non-title. On Heat last night, Regal & Tajiri issued an open challenge, and these guys accepted. They do get an entrance. They have pink and black feather boas, and look like Billy & Chuck ’05 in general. They have a big hand-slapping routine before the match, and dance around a lot. They’re announced from Panama City. Antonio and Regal start. Antonio is the blonde one. He gets a cross body for two before going to a headlock. Regal sends him into the ropes, but ANtonio gets another cross body for two. He goes back to the dancing, which confuses Regal. Tajiri tags in, a bit confused as well. They lock up again. Antonio works an armwringer. He reverses it with his somersaults, but Antonio s all too happy to do it himself. He gets tackled by Tajiri, but manages to tag in Romeo. Romeo gets a whip, but Tajiri reverses a hiptoss to a monkey flip and gets a roundhouse kick. Regal tags in, and the faces get a double-team back elbow. Regal cheapshots Antonio, but Romeo charges him into the corner and gets a shoulder thrust. He distracts Referee Chad Patton, allowing for some cheating from Antonio. Antonio tags in, and they each grab one of Regal’s legs, do a dance, and wrench it. Antonio goes to a surfboard as Coach doesn’t divulge which clubs he and the Heartthrobs have been frequenting and having much success. [“Boring!”] Antonio whips Regal into the heel corner, but he elbows Roneo, ducks a clothesline and tags Tajiri. Kicks for everyone! Romeo whips Tajiri but gets nailed with the handspring elbow for two as Antonio breaks it up. The heels whip Tajiri, but he kicks Romeo, dumps Antonio, gets a stungun from Regal, and gets a

Winners: William Regal & Tajiri via pinfall (4:39)

But the heels attack post-match. They double-team Tajiri, and hit High Time on him. Meh. It’s great to get some activity in the tag division, but do you really want to draw comparisons to Kronik in your debut? Nothing you haven’t seen before from Rico, and minus the cool martial arts stuff. We’ll see where they go with this next week.

Ad Break.

“Vigilant” Mike Chioda SPEAKS! He’s talking to JR, and they’re both a tad worried. Chioda tries to be of help: “I don’t even know where Batista is!” JR is really scared. “JR, just relax. Calm down. I’m sure Batista will be here.”

Backstage, Triple H & Ric Flair scheme. HHH says that he called Batista’s limo service, and promises that Batista will be on the ride of his life the moment he sets foot outside the airport. There’s no way he could possibly show up tonight. What a brilliant plan. Flair calls HHH the cerebral assassin once more.

Backstage, Muhannad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari are interviewed by Todd Grisham. After he saw how easily Daivari disposed of Shawn, he thought it’d be satisfying to take Shawn out himself in the most evil city in the world, New York, where he is serenaded with suspicion by all, especially police. “I am an American too!” Daivari with the exclamation point. Todd asks about Hulk Hogan possibly showing up at Backlash. He shakes is his head. “You know what? From what I understand, the only person that didn’t hear Shawn Michaels whining like a child was Hulk Hogan.” He thinks Hulk has no touch with Shawn, and he’s like every other American: self-serving, and only in it for himself. There’s no way Hulk could possibly show up tonight! Tonight, nobody will save Shawn Michaels. Gasp.

Ad Break.

Match #3: Muhammad Hassan (w/ Khosrow Daivari) vs Muhammad Hassan

Screw the pyro, thinks Shawn: he just runs to the ring in his pre-match gear and clotheslines Hassan! He whips him into the ropes, but Daivari trips Hassan and pulls him out to make him pause. Nice touch. Shawn takes his stuff off, and Hassan heads back in. They trade punches. [“Hogan!”] Shawn gets a chop and dumps Hassan. Daivari tries to restrain him from getting overaggressive. He calms Hassan down and tells him to head back in. They lock up, and Hassan gets a kneelift and a slap. Hassan gets a kick to the shin, followed by a series of kicks in the corner. But Hassan charges into a boot. Shawn gets a headlock. Hassan sends him into the ropes, but Shawn uses a running kneelifts when Hassan lowers his head. Daivari trips Shawn, then runs away. He leads Shawn into the ring, but Shawn grabs him. What an idiot. Hassan comes from behind with a running forearm to the back, then heads back in. Daivari taunts Shawn. Shawn gets on the apron. Hassan tries to suplex him into the ring, but Shawn lands on his feet and gets chops against the ropes. Hassan reverses a whip, but Shawn stops himself at the ropes, taunts Hassan, and meets his charge by dumping him. So let’s head to an Ad Break! (3:03)

Ad Break ends (6:06)

Shawn dominated during the ad break, but we return with Hassan hitting what looks like a half-nelson bulldog (I’m ashamed to say I missed it) for two. He gets a back suplex into a backbreaker for two. And two. And two. He heads to the blatant choking. Senior Official Earl Hebner makes him stop, but he heads back to it. Hassan is bleeding from the back. He gets a slam and an elbowdrop. He goes to an armbar with a chinlock. Shawn escapes, so Hassan goes to the kicking, but Shawn fights back with chops. Hassan reverses a whip, but Shawn comes back with the running forearm. He pauses for dramatic effect as Hassan gets up before kipping up. Manhattan drop! Clothesline. He clotheslines Daivari off the apron too. Bodyslam. He heads up with the flying elbow to a decent reaction, and it hits. Now the crowd is waking up. Shawn does a few victory laps and tunes up the band, and NOW the crowd is hot. This prompts Daivari to head up, Flair-style, and get slammed, Flair-style. Shawn dumps Daivari, but this lets Hassan sneak in with the Finishing Touch! Ring the bell!

Winner: Shawn Michaels via disqualification (10:11)

They beat Shawn down post-match and hang him in the ropes, but OH NO! IT’S HULK HOGAN TO A THUNDEROUS, BEYOND-GODLY POP! Business has just picked up! The heels start stomping away, but that has no effect! He’s Hulking up before even getting hit once. Hassan gets a punch in the middle after the no-selling – no sale! HOGAN POINTS THE FINGER – YOU! Double noggin knocker! Three punches, whip and a boot for Daivari! Three punches, whip and a boot for Hassan! Michaels clotheslines Daivari out of the ring. [“HOGAN! HOGAN!”]

Much posing follows. He rips the T-shirt as we take a look at all the “One more match” signs. Hogan soaks in the applause for a while. Shawn watches appreciatively. Shawn takes some tips on how to cup his ear from the master, getting a pretty good pop. Shawn does the Hulkster poses with Hogan. This is always great. At one point, Hogan points up, signaling for Shawn to drop this knees, and then points to him when he does. Interesting. This goes on forever, but who’s complaining? Hogan rules until he gets any kind of a push, and I sense the right finish at Backlash.

Ad Break.

Here is the Masterpiece, Chris Masters! He’s here to do the Masterlock challenge.

“You know, all I keep hearing about is how you New York, New Yorkers are supposed to be. Well, we’re gonna find out how tough you are right now. Cause I’ve got $1,000 of my own money that says there’s not a person in this building that can break my masterlock. Yeah, that’s right! So who’s up to step up to the challenge, huh? Hey! This is my money! The most you make in one month! So who’s it gonna be, huh? Who is it? $1,000! You’re too fat. I couldn’t even put it on you. And… Hey, alright. Hey, white shirt, c’mon in! You’re game? You want $1,000? Come on, kid. Come on. Come on. I ain’t got all day. It’s a two-hour program. Right under the ropes. So you wanna win $1,000. What’s your name?”

“My name is Roman.”

“Roman. Where’re you from, Roman?”

“I’m from Bayside Queens!”

“You think you’re a tough guy?”

“Well I’m from New York!”

“Alright. Alright. So you’re one of those tough New Yorkers I was just talking about right? Alright, Roman, this is how it’s gonna work. What I want you to do is sit down right here, and I’m gonna apply my Masterlock, and if you can break out, you walk out of here $1,000 richer.” He tells him to sit down.

Masters loosens up as Referee Jack Doan looks in. He starts to line it up before Doan tells him he has to show Roman the money. Masters locks it in. He yanks Roman out of the chair and just jerks him around. Roman taps in about six seconds. King makes a good point: this is what happens when you step into the ring with a pro wrestler. Masters takes his money back, fans himself with it, shows that he didn’t break a sweat, and heads back backstage. So does Angle challenge Masters, or does Masters challenge Angle?

Ad Break.

It’s another diva search advertisement

Simon Dean is here! “And before I compete here tonight, I would just like toremind you people that my name is Simon Dean, and I am the craotr of the preeminent–“

Shelton Benjamin interrupts him. Hey, it’s a match!

Match #5: Simon Dean vs Shelton Benjamin

We get highlights of Shelton’s altercation with Chris Jericho from Raw last week. Before the bell rings, Chris Jericho is here! He’s just out here to tell him it’s official: he just came out of Eric Bischoff’s office, and at Backlash for the Intercontinental Championship, it’s gonna be Shelton Benjamin versus Y2J. Shelton applauds. As a show of good faith and good will, he cmoes out here to serenade him with a rendition of Fozzy’s newest single. He brings out Fozzy’s lead guitarist Rich Ward with a guitar.

Is he reading the lyrics off his hand? I can barely make them out, but loosely paraphrased, they’re: You should’ve known better than to mess with me / a seven-time champion, ____ history. You claim to be the biggest champ in town, but your momma gave birth to a big ass-clown. Shelton – Shelton’s a little bitch! Shelton – Shelton’s a little bitch! Shelton – Shelton’s a little bitch! Shelton – Shelton’s a little bitch! That’s right. Shelt–

Simon Dean takes advantage, attacking before the bell. He heads up with a flying clothesline for two. Jericho stands at the ramp and watches. Simon traps Shelton’s head between his legs and does some pushups. Nice. He goes to a chinlock. Simon gets a slam for two. He goes to the stomping, and follows it up with the armbar. With a chinlock. Do the heels have group scheming sessions before matches or something? Shelton ducks a clothesline, but Dean blasts him with a forearm for two. Another cover gets two. Simon gets a straightjacket stretch. Shelton reverses to a bridge for two. Simon runs the ropes right into a modified backbreaker, and Shelton runs the ropes into a clothesline. Shelton gets a series of rights and a whip, followed by a flapjack. Shelton runs the ropes and hits a knee to the head. Shelton lines up the Stinger splash, and follows it with THAT’S MISTER EXPLODER! for the win.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin via pinfall (3:43)

Jericho applauds.

Smackdown Rebound: Kurt Angle sneaks past Eddie Guerrero. Big Show faces Booker T Thursday.

Ad Break.

Here are Christian & Tyson Tomko! They get a nice pop, and Christian might just be next in the long line of cool-heel-turned-face guys. “You know, I expected a little bit more from my Christian Coalition in New York City — I mean, I heard the little ovation that you gave to Hulk Hogan earlier, but let me ask you a question. Did Hulk Hogan beat Chris Benoit last Monday night on Raw like Captain Charisma?” But he’s not mad. He’s not gonna swing at the fans like Gary Sheffield. All he wants is the proper ovation for a superstar —

Vincent Kennedy McMahon is here! RUB CITY! Captain Charisma is understandably a bit queasy. “One thing I can’t stand is someone who comes out here and all they do is talk, talk, talk, yet they don’t say a damn thing. You have any idea why I chose this moment to make my first personal appearance since the Royal Rumble?”

Vince won’t let Christian take his mic, so Christian gets one from a stagehand from Tyson Tomko. “It’s because you wanted to come out here and congratulate me on my big win against Chris Benoit last week on Raw!”

Vince is not enthused. “If my old nemesis Stone Cold is right, we labeled you a CLB, a creepy little bastard. I’m out here to make an announcement of the return of something that, last year, was momentous.”

With all due respect, Christian says we already know about the return of the Raw diva search – they heard it last week!

“You interrupt me one more time, you’re not gonna be known as Captain Charisma. You’re gonna be Captain Unemployed. This announcement concerns you, Tomko, every WWE Superstar on Raw, every Superstar on Smackdown, every WWE fan all over the world, everybody here tonight in Madison Square Garden. It’s time to shake things up again! We’re gonna have a good ol’ draft lottery in a month, and by the way, there are no exceptions.”

Christian complains about having been held back on Raw, and says that his peeps would tell him that if he were taken first overall and he were to face John Cena, he’d kick Marky Mark’s ass and take his WWE Title “… ’cause THAT’S HOW I ROLL!”

“So what you’re saying is you’re worthy of championship contention, that’s what you’re saying?”

“I’m a main eventer, and you know it, AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT!”

So Vince tells him that next week, Christian will be in the main event. It’s gonna be Christian one on one with – the World Heavyweight Champion, Batista!

Christian is sort of pleased. He’s ready. The Christian push is in the air. I can feel it… VKM leaves. Good stuff.

Ad Break.

Good ol’ Trust Company provides us another PPV theme: “Stronger,” for Backlash.

Backlash Card:
– Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan vs Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari
– Shelton Benjamin vs Chris Jericho (Intercontinental Championship)
– Chris Benoit vs Edge (Last Man Standing)
– HHH vs Batista (World Heavyweight Title)

Todd Grisham is joined by Triple H, and gets his thoughts on whether one Pedigree will be enough to win the belt. “Believe? It’s not a matter of belief, Todd, it’s a matter of fact, a fact proven 10 times over, a fact that at Backlash, when I hit Batista with the Pedigree, will be proven for the 11th time. Do you know what it is for Batista? Do you know what it really is? It’s the end. Tonight, JR will find out. Batista already knows it. I know it. And for anybody that doesn’t, then they need to take a look at this.”

And we lead into a Pedigree video package.

“Need I say more, Todd?” Off he goes.

Jim Ross heads to the ring, looking down, in pants and a Sooners jersey. Batista is nowhere to be found.

Ad Break.

Next week in England, it’ll be Batista and Christian.

Match #6: Triple H (w/ Ric Flair) vs Jim Ross

Gotta hand it to Coach here – he gets off some good cracks about why this is a fair match. Both men are the same weight. It’s not about championships, titles, prestige – it’s about proving who’s the better man. He should’ve made reference to JR having a secret meeting with Referee “Vigilant” Mike Chioda earlier in the night and called it unfair in JR’s favor. HHH paces around, just trying to intimidate JR as much as possible. Maybe JR should just, you know, get out, run away, take the countout and get out of the building? Naw, that would be smart. HHH offers a handshake. JR refuses. So HHH punches him hard in the gut. HHH paces around methodically, finally picks JR up, and punches him again. HHH lines it up again, but JR gets a chop out of nowhere! HHH is angry. A right floors JR again, and HHH goes to the trusty mounted punches. “Vigilant” Mike Chioda gets in the way, so HHH gets him in the corner and screams at him. Chioda pleads that it’s not fair. JR is busted open. HHH goes to the chinlock. HHH goes back to arguing with Chioda, because that’s more fun. HHH tears JR’s OU football jersey off. JR tries to open the wound and push JR up the Muta scale. HHH knocks JR down with another right. HHH gets a belt and starts to beat on the wound on JR’s forehead, then choke away. King is starting to get angry. He gets up, and walks to the ring! [“Jerry!”] King tries to plead with HHH to stop it. Flair runs in to try and get into a fight with King. HHH tells him to back off. [“Batista!”] HHH clotheslines King and lines up the Pedigree and nails it. Flair stomps away on King as Chioda yells at him. HHH goes back to beating on JR with punches.

But wait! A limo just arrived and braked violently backstage, and the driver is… ooh I can’t wait to find out… it’s Batista! He throws off his jacket and starts to run to the ring! Did HHH see that? He goes back to beating on JR, setting him up under the bottom turnbuckle…

And Batista is here! He removes his shirt and hits the ring. Nice pop. They slug it out. Batista gets the upper hand with rights, and beats on HHH in the corner. Flair charges, but Batista just slugs him to knock him back out. Batista nails HHH with a clothesline in the corner. Batista gets a right and more punches in another corner. Flair comes with a chair, but Batista blocks a chairshot with a spinebuster, but HHH grabs the chair and nails Batista in the back with it. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Batista backdrops out and DRILLS HHH with the chair. [“Batista!”] He looks at the dead HHH and the dead JR and smiles. He grabs one of JR’s arms and drags him over to cover HHH. He puts the arm on top and pats it. He tells Chioda to count. One, two, three!

Winner: Jim Ross via pinfall (11:35)

JR rolls out, where referees help him. Batista poses in the ring with his belt, and we’re done.

The crowd was noticeably burned out from the hours and hours of wrestling. Hopefully WWE doesn’t try airing a live Raw after a Smackdown taping again anytime soon, because there was just no atmosphere today.

See you next week.