411’s WWE Raw Report 11.19.07

411’s WWE Raw Report 11.19.07

The worst kept secret in wrestling finally occurs; Raw is Jericho

So, I watched Survivor Series last night. I quite enjoyed the show. Loved Orton-Michaels for going totally old school and then having Shawn bust out all those different finishers in an attempt to put Randy away. If only they didn’t all look so sloppy it would have been a real winner. Plus Orton can’t sell his leg for shit. But aside from those two major flaws I had a blast watching that.

The rest of the show was decent enough. Nothing in particular offended me although I must admit I took a break from viewing during the tag title match because I just didn’t give a crap about anyone in it. That gave me a chance to read through some of Matt McEwen’s UFC reviews from back in the day. Loving that trip down memory lane, sir. Oh, special bonus love for Mickie James for the Long Kiss Goodnight finish. She’s finally got some of her initial edge back to go along with her happy go lucky babyface attitude. She’s easily the most interesting and arguably hottest women’s wrestler the WWE have right now. Kudos.

We’re in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.

ON TAP THIS EVENING…

• Jeff Hardy v Umaga with the Samoan Bulldozer seeking revenge for his J-O-B at the Series last night.
• Randy Orton talks about being the champ. Shawn Michaels thinks about earning a rematch.
• Santino Marella seeks revenge on Jerry Lawler and/or Jim Ross for his loss to Lawler last week.
• And most importantly; SaveUs222 finally comes to a conclusion around 45 minutes into tonight’s show as the wrestler in question is revealed. Naturally everyone assumes it’s Chris Jericho and given that last week’s promo featured the term “Break the Walls” not to mention Y’s and J’s all over the shop it’s pretty much a given that Jericho will be appearing at 9.45pm. Eastern. Around 2.45am for me. As I’m on Greenwich Meantime.

For those who emailed and asked me if this fill in for Wilcox meant that I’d be returning to reviewing WWE permanently don’t get your hopes up. I do intend to look at the PPV’s I’ve missed but there are plenty of people covering the wacky world of WWE without me. I’d rather check out some different stuff, which is what I’m doing. My current tape reviewing consists of early 80’s NWA, SMW from 1992 and 2003’s PWG. I’m leaping back and forth over 20 years. A bit like Dr Sam Beckett. As per usual I’ll happily take suggestions of what to review as long as those suggestions aren’t TNA. Or WSX.

2am. Raw begins! We see a marathon runner with an Olympic style torch.

PROMO TIME – Shawn Michaels. He’s in fighting gear but a talking mood. He says the better man won last night and he has no excuses. He invites Randy Orton out for a manly handshake of shared respect. Orton gets on the Titantron to refuse. BOOOO. He has some makeup thanks to last night’s superkick. He thinks Shawn is looking to just superkick him again. Shawn admits it. “If you came out here I was gonna kick you again”. He says he’d have challenged him to a re-match first. Orton thinks he’s out to end his career but he’s the better man as he’s beaten Shawn, HHH & Cena. He talks about a marathon runner coming to Ft Lauderdale to symbolise the passing of the torch. He says Shawn had his chance and it’s over. Instead out comes MR KENNEDY looking to make a name for himself. When Kennedy looks up for his mic Shawn punches him and throws him out of the ring. Kennedy takes exception and drags Shawn to the floor where he runs him into the ring post. Kennedy points out Shawn had his shot but as he talks Shawn drags him outside and clotheslines him. Shawn wants him in a legit match ASAP. No referee as yet. Kennedy bottles it and instead talks about Shawn’s highlights; losing a ladder match, losing to Cena, losing your smile (hahaha). Kennedy calls him a loser. Out comes WILLIAM REGAL to make this into a match.

Shawn Michaels v Mr Kennedy

So obviously we cut to the ad break as the bell rings. No one wants to see wrestling. On a wrestling show. They just want to see awkward talking. We return with them brawling up the ramp and JR says there’s been no bell yet and they’ve not yet made it into the ring. Shawn with a Thesz press on the floor. They spill into the crowd. Kennedy clotheslines Shawn back to ringside. JR thinks this might last all show long. But SaveUs222? Shawn gets in trouble because his back meets the apron. The ref points out we can’t have a match on the floor. Kennedy doesn’t care and gets a chair. Shawn superkicks it into his face knocking him off the apron and his music kicks in suggesting this is over without an actual match starting. JR says Kennedy bit off more than he could chew. Verbally buried! They’ve sure not liked Kennedy in the front office since he got caught buying dope online eh?

SHILL – Jeff Hardy v Umaga. JR points out that Hardy pinned Umaga last night. That isn’t our main event surely. JR goes on to shill WWE.com and re-runs of Survivor Series. I must admit I’d give it thumbs up. Apart from The Hives theme music “Tick, Tick Boom”, which sucked.

Santino Marella v Jerry Lawler

Re-match! I’ve just noticed Lawler wasn’t on commentary for that opening segment. This is why. Lawler has actual wrestling gear this week as opposed to slacks and loafers. That Tye Dye Guy sure gets around. Santino bad mouths Lawler and Jerry fakes a punch so he can hit a veteran dropkick. CAGEY~! Santino backs it into the corner and hits shoulders. “That’sa how I do it. Thank you”. Lawler reverses him but misses charging in and posts his shoulder. Jumping armbreaker from Santino and he stomps at the shoulder. Diving headbutt to the shoulder. Santino wants to embarrass him though and puts on Lawler’s crown. He’s going to beat Lawler like a “government dog” and promises a “lobbersnocker”. He keeps jawing at Lawler until Jerry slaps him. There IS a match going on. Santino comes back by going after the wrong arm. Lawler gets a backslide for the pin.

Winner: Jerry Lawler via pinfall

POST MATCH Randy Orton runs in and RKO’s Lawler out of nowhere. He apologises but he says he couldn’t help himself. His torch runner is nearing the building. He runs past the arena that Orton won at last night. “It seems like only yesterday”. It WAS. He says it’s only a matter of time before the OFFICIAL passing of the torch. We take a break and return following the torch runner.

BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham interviews Mr Kennedy. He says he showed Shawn respect but Shawn superkicked a chair into his face. “Why would you do that Shawn?” Kennedy says that Shawn is scared of him because he has so much talent. He says Shawn is trying to hold him down but Father Time is catching up with him. Kennedy still selling the superkick like a champ. Back to JR who talks about Khali-Hornswoggle last night and he throws to clips.

ELSEWHERE Vince McMahon chats to Regal & Coach. He says it’s one of the all time great shows. Regal says how funny it was when Hornswoggle was scared last night. Coach enjoyed Khali slapping his midget face around in the match. Vince is unimpressed. Carlito arrives to say he likes tough love and relates a story about how Carlos Colon used to kick his ass for making mistakes. Vince thinks he’s not as tough as he thinks and wonders what would happen if he took on a McMahon; Hornswoggle. Carlito chuckles about it but Vince is deadly serious and books it. Coach and Regal are both smirking still. Vince deadpans the whole thing. He doesn’t seem amused.

Jeff Hardy v Umaga

Jeff is still selling…something from last night. Just the general ass whomping I guess. Jeff does have a habit of selling a beating for several shows afterwards. I like how Jeff’s music must have looped 4 or 5 times over for the live crowd during the ad break. Lawler has finally made his way to the announce table. Jeff tries to start out as the aggressor with punches but Umaga swats him away. Jeff goes for a dropkick instead and Umaga falls outside. Jeff follows but can’t make a dent. Jeff with a low dropkick back inside but Umaga power kicks out. Jeff tries to get up speed but just bounces off. Umaga has it slowed right down to his pace now and pounds the fallen Hardy into a nervehold. Umaga grinds away at it for several minutes. Umaga lets go to shoulder charge in the corner but hits the post and Jeff gets a DDT. Umaga’s head is too hard for that to make a difference though and Umaga shoves him off the apron into the rail.

AD BREAK!

We return with Jeff stuck back in the nervehold. Chances are that’s been on for 3 minutes. We get a clip of Umaga fucking Jeff up with the over the powerbomb variant where you just chuck the victim over your head. I believe it’s called a release powerbomb but that name is stupid. It needs a better one. Jeff goes for a slam and Umaga falls on top for 2. Back to the nervehold. Regardless of Umaga shouting at the crowd they don’t care much for this nervehold and are silent during them. Hardy gets out so Umaga backdrops him and squishes him but Jeff kicks out. Umaga starts laying in kicks but Jeff still won’t stay down. JR puts over how resilient Jeff is. Jeff heads up top but gets caught coming off into that FUCKING AWESOME WIND UP RELEASE URINAGE~~~! GOD, I love that move. Umaga just fucking throws people with that shit. Jeff is dead but not pinned. He kicks out once again. Crowd are totally buying into the heat now with “let’s go Hardy” chants. It took that big move but they’re buying into the match at last. So it’s back to the nervehold, which has heat but not much and its bad heat but low and behold here’s another “Hardy” chant. Umaga kicks him in the face to cut off any comeback. Umaga goes for a splash off the top but Jeff moves to buy himself time. Jeff gets beaten down in the corner but the Buttalanche misses. Whisper in the Wind (once again called the “Twist of Fate” by JR. How many times is he going to do that?) Jeff has his spirit back and he fights with everything he’s got. He kicks at Umaga and dodges his attacks. Umaga ends up down for the Swanton but he moves. Samoan drop. Jeff is once again dead. Umaga calls for it but Jeff ducks the Spike, hits the Twist of Fate and dropkicks Umaga through the ropes. Jeff follows with a dive and the crowd are going NUTZ here. In comes Snitsky for the cheap finish though.

Winner: Jeff Hardy via DQ. Good match although with lengthy rest holds.

POST MATCH Snitsky tries to take Jeff apart but Hardy is still fighting so Umaga gets back in to cut him down to size. Seeing as they teamed up last night TRIPLE H comes out here to make the save. Snitsky gets easily dismissed. Umaga, who just had a long match, gets caught with a spinebuster. Snitsky is back up so HHH clotheslines him over the top.

SAVE US 222. It’s just a quick clip before we hit another ad break.

BACKSTAGE HHH & Jeff chat but there’s no audio. Todd Grisham pops in to ask him why he’s backing up Jeff. HHH says he’s a good guy. A Good Samaritan. No one believes that. HHH says he’ll always be here to show anyone who thinks they’re badass that he’s the badass around here. He has respect for Jeff though. HHH accuses Todd of picking up transvestites. “I swear it looked like a woman” – Todd.

Bobcore v Cody Rhodes

So this thing between these guys rumbles on. Cody gives a clean break and gets chopped for it. Cody hits a few clotheslines and gets in Holly’s face. That gets him slammed several times and choked on the ropes. Crowd doesn’t care. Holly with a chinlock. Holly chops away. Cody comes back with a few punches and a Russian legsweep for 2. Holly hits his dropkick and the Alabamaslam is blocked into a roll up. Cody with a DDT for the pin.

Winner: Cody Rhodes via pinfall .

POST MATCH Randy Orton runs in and gives Cody the RKO. Orton gets the mic but Bobcore is getting up so he RKO’s him too. Couldn’t have done that 5 minutes ago could you Randy? Orton has a torch runner update. He’s getting closer as he enters Fort Lauderdale. He says that torch represents the respect he deserves. Lawler hopes the torch runner sets Orton on fire, which isn’t very sporting.

TRIBUTE – We have a video tribute to WWE champ Randy Orton. It’s basically clips of him putting people out and winning matches. No RVD? Oh well. We get another shill for the passing of the torch ceremony, which is live soon.

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon greets Finlay with raucous laughter. He says it was a big surprise when Finlay helped Hornswoggle. Finlay says all Irish people like surprises. “I’m just as Irish as you” – Vince. Finlay wants to know where Vince is from and Vince argues that Belfast isn’t very Irish. Finlay gets invited to a post show drink. Finlay thinks he should be drinking milk because he’s old. OOOOOOOHHH. Finlay makes fun of Vince’s tie and Vince is still laughing. “Oh man, he is Irish”. Hey, the Irish can get away with ANYTHING in this company!

ELSEWHERE Maria and Mickie walk. Holy crapola. There’s four reasons for checking in after the break.

NEXT WEEK – Ric Flair motherfuckers! WOOOOOO! It’s Flair Country! WOOOO!

Melina Perez/Jillian Hall v Mickie James/Maria Kanellis

Melina isn’t drunk tonight so she isn’t grinning like a tard or falling off the apron. Jillian grabs the mic. “Hello, Miami”. CHEAP HEAT~! Jillian picks out Grammy Award winner John Secada. He’s here to support Lilian Garcia. Secada plays dumb throughout the entire thing. Jillian runs Lilian’s voice down. “Nobody in Florida understands Mexican talk” – Jillian. HAHAHA. Jillian does something approaching, er, some form of verbal thing. She says she has tremendous range and claims to do opera. I think I’m deaf. Secada is considering jumping the rail to put to death this miscarriage against music.

Out come the babyfaces. Great to see Melina mocking Mickie’s entrance and Mickie slyly kicks at her while continuing it. Want that feud again. Speaking of feuds; why isn’t the Glamazon out here to do something with Mickie? Angle progression and all that. Jillian pulls Maria’s hair from outside and Melina takes over on Maria. She drags Melina in the way of a Jillian 450 Splash! Mickie tags in. Mickicanrana on Jillian. Neckbreaker gets 2. Jillian elbows to avoid the finish but Maria pulls Melina out of the ring. Jillian grabs at the hair but that gets her the LONG KISS GOODNIGHT~~~!!!! That is so awesome. Jillian eats kick and counts lights.

Winners: Mickie James/Maria

BACKSTAGE Carlito walks.

Hornswoggle v Carlito

This is no DQ. Carlito isn’t taking this seriously, which is probably a metaphor for his career. He messes with Hornswoggle’s beard and offers a test of strength. Onto his knees now for the test of strength. Carlito shoves Hornswoggle over, which gets him bitten and slapped. Carlito is woken up by that and Hornswoggle has to run and hide. He runs around with JR’s hat on a bit, goes under the ring and runs through the ref’s legs. He hides under the ring and Carlito opts to sneak across to the other side. Shhhhhh. He’s hunting midgets. Hornswoggle sneaks behind him with a bucket of water and throws it ‘Lito’s face. Hornswoggle tries a dive but gets caught and Carlito carries him in the ring. Carlito looks upset. He bails for the apple. He’s about to spit him but Finlay strolls in and Carlito spits apple at him instead. OOOOOOH, MISTAKE! Finlay clotheslines him and dumps Hornswoggle on top for the pin.

Winner: Hornswoggle via pinfall .

POST MATCH Randy Orton’s runner is outside the arena. So the “passing of the torch” ceremony is next.

NEXT WEEK HHH/J. Hardy v Umaga/Snitsky.

PASSING THE TORCH – Randy Orton is out here. His cockiness has grown each time he’s been out here tonight. He says there’s no one left to challenge him because he’s beat everyone on Raw. That bruise on his head sure is flat. Cut outside to the runner making his way in. He’s sure out of shape for a marathon runner. He makes it into the backstage area until OMG, it’s the shock return of “Outlaw” Ron Bass following a 16 year retirement. I didn’t see that coming! I kid, IT’S CHRIS JERICHO. He lariats the runner and does his pose never showing his face. The Saveus22 promo runs again and changes to Saveus.Y2J. He does the same entrance as when he debuted back in 1999, which is a nice touch. He poses for a few minutes. “Y2J” – Ft Lauderdale. “Welcome to Raw is Jericho”. He calls this the Second Coming of Y2J. He wants us to call everyone we know to tell them Jericho is back. He claims from now on 100% entertainment. Orton finally interrupts and says Jericho got fired, which is good for him because Orton would have kicked him in the head and ended his career. Orton wants to know what Jericho is saving us from. “Your boring personality for one”. Jericho runs him down insulting every one of his few character traits. “I’m here to save us from you”. Jericho says he’s coming for the belt and when he does everything will never…eeeevvvvaaaaaaaaaahhhh be the same again. Cue music, end show.

I’m back in 7 days for Ric Flair’s return. Check out my film column on Thursday. It features all sorts of good movie stuff.