411’s WWE Smackdown Report 02.06.09

Welcome to 411’s Weekly Smackdown Report. I am JP Truss your interim play-by-play man for Smackdown!

Tonight the Road to Wrestlemania continues with the team of Edge and the Big Show going up against Triple H and The Undertaker. Plus rumors are swirling that someone has a beef with Matt Hardy and there are still two more participants that need to qualify for the Elimination Chamber! Cue the intro!

J.R. and Tazz run down the card as Vladimir Kozlov makes his entrance into an already crowded ring. The Great Khali comes out to his new Punjabi Playboy music. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero comes out and the fans show her no respect. She announces that Jeff Hardy would have a spot in the Chamber so there was only one spot left.

Battle Royal for a Spot in the Elimination Chamber

Sound the bell and the chaos begins! And I’m just now realizing that I have no idea what 411 Mania’s protocol for Battle Royals. Okay, I’m going to have to do this on the fly. I’ll just list the eliminated until we get down to the final four, noting the more important moments until then! Yeah, that should work. Let’s get started:

1. Scotty Goldman by…I don’t know who that is.
2. Kizarny (Oh my God, he still has a job!)
3. Jesse by Shelton Benjamin
4. Shelton Benjamin by MVP
5. MVP by Chavo Guerrero

Shelton Benjamin hits a thrust kick on MVP before we go to commercials at 2:30.

–‘truth’ is overrated. Enough said.

We are back at 5:48 and the ring hasn’t slimmed down much. Oh wait, here comes KHALI!

6. Chavo Guerrero by Khali
7. Kung Fu Naki by Khali
8. The Brian Kendrick by Khali

Kozlov forces Khali into the corner to stop the insanity. Hawkins, Ryder, Chvo, Primo and R-Truth are also in the ring. Wait;

9. Hawkins and Ryder by Khali
10. The Great Khali by KOZLOV

The crowd and the announce team are stunned as Kozlov bulldozes through Truth, Primo, and Carilto. The three try and dropkick Kozlov with no affect. A triple dropkick finally gets the Russian down. The Colons try and pull him up, and I bet you can guess what happens next;

11. Primo and Carlito

R-Truth and Kozlov are left. R-Truth tries to put up some offense but is stopped by a headbutt. Kozlov tosses R-Truth over the top and this one is over.

Winner: Vladimir Kozlov (at 9:12) *3/4. This match was basically done to tie up loose ends heading towards the Elimination Chamber.

J.R. and Tazz summarizes the end of the match and Kozlov grabs a mic. He spits out some Russian, or maybe it was just bad English. Either way, the point here is that he’s going for the WWE Championship.

-We return from commercials and get a package detailing Wrestlemania 2. I’ll admit, the videos can get tiring but the approach the WWE is taking is smart, borrowing heavily from NFL Films and the NFL Network around Super Bowl time. They just need to learn better timing.

Helms Is Pissed!

Todd Grisham is live in the back with Hurricane Helms. Helms is show footage from the Royal Rumble and asked for his opinion as an old friend of both Matt and Jeff. Helms says at first he was surprised, but then he wasn’t. He explains that Matt has always had a bit of an ego. He says that the three of them had the same dream; being WWE Champion. Helms doesn’t think Matt changed; he’s always been a self-centered egomaniac. Helms declares that Jeff can’t fight for himself but Helms will find Matt. Strong work by Helms here as the WWE continues to leverage the past of the Hardy family to make a solid storyline.

We cut to Edge and Vickie in the back. Edge doesn’t like his chances at the Elimination Chamber but Vickie says she has faith in him. Big Show comes in and asked if he wants a ‘pep talk’ before tonight’s match. Edge reminds Big Show of when he walked out the last time they teamed up. Vickie tells them both that they had to work together and Show reassures ‘Slim’ by telling him that he too believes in him! Good work here by Edge and Big Show who add some needed humor after the somber Hardy storyline.

-Did You Know more men watched Smackdown than 20/20 or Dateline. I don’t know what to think about that.

Matt Hardy Speaks!

Matt is in the ring and calls out Helms. No music for Helms as he comes down and he slides into the ring. Matt slams Helms with knees and punches before Helms hits a Lou Thesz press. Both men go to the outside and Matt tries to get over the crowd barricade but Helms stops him. Matt gets the advantage though and whips Helms into the ring steps. Matt rolls Helms into the ring and traps him in a crucifix before nailing him repeatedly with elbow strikes to the head. The refs come in and Matt leaves, but the damage is already done.

No chairs, no tables, nothing too fancy here. It was just a brutal Southern style fight. I feel that this, instead of going straight into a match, was probably the best way to go. Both men sold it very well and the image of Matt crushing Helms clearly affected the crowd and pushes him a little farther down the path of heeldom.

We return from commercials in the middle of Shelton Benjamin’s entrance. He grabs a mic and says that some have a different between fantasy and reality. Reality: he is the longest reigning champion. Fantasy: MVP. Benjamin tells MVP that he is no Cinderella Man and that this is no fairy tale. MVP might as well change his name to VPM-Very Peyton Manning because when it matters he’s just going to blow it. The crowd eats him alive. Good work here by Benjamin

Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP (Non-Title)

Still no tunnel. Still not ballin’.

The match starts off with MVP firmly in control, targeting Benjamin’s upper back and head. Benjamin counters an attempted suplex and hangs MVP ribs first on the top ropes. MVP goes outside and Benjamin slams MVP rib first onto the ring barricade and rolls him into the ring, getting a quick two count. Benjamin puts MVP into a sitting abdominal stretch, putting pressure on the ribs with his elbow. (That has to be worth a William Regal Award) Benjamin hits a few knees to the side before nailing a gordbuster, again targeting the ribs. Benjamin goes for a pin; Benjamin gets a two count.

Benjamin pulls MVP up and holds him in an abdominal stretch. Benjamin gets the hold in good for a good minute before MVP breaks out with a hip toss. Benjamin tries to get back into it but MVP counters with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex! MVP gets a two count! MVP pulls up Benjamin and goes for a suplex, but Benjamin blocks and counters with a German Suplex! Benjamin bridges and gets a two count.

Benjamin pulls up MVP and goes for the spinning heel kick but MVP ducks under it and hits a Yakuza Kick! MVP gets a two count! Tazz cannot believe he kicked out of it! MVP pulls up Benjamin but Benjamin reverses into a backbreaker. Benjamin forces MVP into the corner and nails a perfect Stinger Splash. Benjamin backs up for another one but MVP moves out of the way. MVP goes for a kick but Benjamin ducks! Both men butt heads! Benjamin and MVP are on spaghetti legs but MVP is the one to take advantage, nailing the Drive-By Kick and getting the three.

Winner: MVP (Pinfall via 6:35) **3/4. Excellent wrestling match from these two. My only complaint is the near no-selling of Benjamin’s nearly three minute attack on MVP’s midsection. But, by the time these two battle for the US Championship, that matter should be addressed.

We cut to Primo and Carlito Colon as they get greeted by the Belle Twins. The Twins want to wish them luck and Carlito coaxes a bit more ‘luck’ from them just as R-Truth enters. The Colons wipe off the lipstick (or at least tries to) and head to the ring.

We’re back from commercial as the Slow Mo Duo of Morrison and the Miz hit the ring. But isn’t this supposed to be three on three?

Primo, Carlito and R-Truth vs. Morrison, the Miz, THE Brian Kendrick and Ezekial “The Green Mile” Jackson

I can’t understand a damn thing R-Truth is saying. I guess that makes it rap.

Miz and Primo start this one off with Primo getting the early lead with some acrobatics and a leg sweep. Primo tags in his brother who hits Miz with an axe handler across the shoulder. Carlito tags in R-Truth who does the same. R-Truth

Miz tags in Morrison, who executes a little double team and gets a two count. THE Brian Kendrick steals a tag from Morrison to Miz and attacks R-Truth with kicks to the head. The attack continues as Kendrick drags Truth to his corner and Morrison tags himself in. Morrison goes for a neckbreaker but R-Truth reverses it into a backslide. Morrison gets out of it and tries to get back to his corner but Morrison hangs onto his ankle and tags in Brian Kendrick. Kendrick keeps R-Truth on the mat and puts him in a Camel Clutch. R-Truth tries to fight his way out of it but Kendrick breaks the hold and attacks the Colons. Carlito stays on the apron and gets the tag from R-Truth. Kendrick gets a face-full of a Million Dollar Kneelift. Both men fight it out with Carlito getting the upperhand with a Wheelbarrow Suplex . Carlito goes for the pin but it’s broken up by Morrison and Miz! Primo hits the Missile Dropkick on Miz! Morrision kills Primo with the Roundhouse Kick! R-Truth gets Morrison with the Spinning Forearm! Kendrick…generically tosses R-Truth out of the ring. Carlito prepares to attack Kendrick but Miz distracts him. It’s enough for Kendrick to capitalize with Sliced Bread #2 off the ropes for the pin.

Winners: The Brian Kendrick, Morrison and The Miz (Pinfall by Brian Kendrick with Sliced Bread #2 at 5:30) **. Another well executed match by Smackdown. All feuds got a bit of play and just enough time to make it all worth while.

Breaking News! Jeff Hardy will be back NEXT WEEK!

We get a replay of the confrontation between Eve and Michelle and a shot of Eve heading to the ring before we got to commercials.

We get a video package of Maryse. They can play this for the rest of the night as far as I’m concerned.

Eve Torres vs. Michelle McCool

Both Divas struggle in a collar and elbow tie up before Michelle gets advantage. Michelle keeps a good grip on Eve’s arm as she boots her around the ring. Michelle pulls Eve up and into a European Uppercut, stomping into a bit more before tossing her into the corner.

Michelle prepares to attack but Eve stops her and leapfrogs over Michelle! Eve hooks Michelle with a reverse bearhug and switches it into an inside cradle. Two count for Eve! What in the blue hell just happened?!

Michelle goes for a break and cheap shots Eve to get back the upper hand. Michelle gets back into her power game. Michelle targets Eve’s back; hitting a snapmare/dropkick combo and a Fish Hook…I can’t make this stuff up…a Fish Hook before switching over to a Half Boston Crab. Eve fights her way out of it and drop toe holds Michelle into the second rope. Eve goes for another inside cradle. Another two count.

Eve whips Michelle and catches her with a back elbow. Michelle gets up and steps into a clothesline. Michelle is up again and gets taken down with a dropkick. Eve Torres can wrestle?! Hold on, maybe this is some kind of mistake. Let me try to changing the channel. Nope. By Jove! She can wrestle!

Michelle counter-whips Eve into the corner. Eve gets both feet up and knocks her aside. Eve tries the move again but Michelle counters with a leg drag. Michelle flips Eve into a heel lock and forces Eve to tap out.

Winner: Michelle McCool (via Submission at 4:40) ** Usually the stiff ring work would warrant about a *1/2 or a *3/4…but to be frank I’m still in shock. That had to be the last thing I was expecting. I don’t know who has been training Eve, but please WWE send every Women’s wrestler to that person NOW! Not a bad start at all for Eve Torres.

Michelle won’t break the lock and Maria comes out and she back downs. Maria taunts her as Michelle heads to the back.

Matt Hardy joins from the back and J.R. asks him about the news that Jeff will be returned next week. Matt coolly reminds everyone that a lot can happen in seven days and it would be unfortunate if his brother gets into another “accident”. But, if Jeff makes it then Matt will be there to welcome him with open arms. Matt Hardy is too damn good at this.

We’re back from commercials and get a video package highlighting Wrestlemania 10. Remember what I said earlier about timing? This applies here. Although, the Bret and Own match was definitely Hall of Fame worthy. The two put on classic wrestling that night.

We get a recap of Umaga’s return from last week as the Samoan Bulldozer hits the ring. This leads to;

Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki

Kung Fu Naki tries to mount an offense but Umaga shuts him down quickly with a stiff kick. Kung Fu Naki gets backed into the corner and nailed with the Samoan Wrecking Ball (still need a better name). Samoan Spike knocks off Funaki’s headband and Funaki along with it and ends it.

Winner: Umaga (Pinfall via Samoan Spike at 1:20) * Squashed, buried, and left for dead. Nothing to see here folks: move along.

We catch Triple H taping up for his match tonight before the commercial break.

We get a recap of the Shane McMahon/Randy Orton confrontation from Raw as we come back from commercials.

J.R. and Tazz run down the card so far for No Way Out.

Edge and the Big Show vs. The Undertaker and Triple H

Big Show and Undertaker start this one off with a slugfest. The Undertaker gets an advantage but Big Show cuts him down with a clothesline. Edge gets a tag and goes for a punch which as no effect. Edge tries a move but Undertaker counters with a back sweep and forces him into his corner. Triple H gets a tag and works Edge over in corner. HHH whips him across but Edge blocks. Edge goes for a spear but HHH catches him and goes for a Pedigree. Edge gets out of the ring and Show tells him that he cut it close. We got to a commercial break at 2:69.

We’re back at 4:00 (I think, something weird happened with my cable.) Edge is going for a spear but Triple H moves out of the way and Edge eats the turnbuckle. HHH goes for a tag but Edge tags in Big Show first. Big Show cuts off HHH with a headbutt and steps on hit to get to the corner. Big Show goes for a Vader Bomb but HHH rolls out of the way. Both men are down!

Edge and Undertaker watches as they get to their feet. Big Show charges HHH but is blocked. HHH hits a Tornado DDT on the Big Show. Both men are down again! Slowly they make it to their corners. Show tags Edge but the Undertaker gets the hot tag. Edge hesitates into a big punch. Undertaker gets one on the Big Show. Undertaker hammers Edge into the corner and nails him with Snake Eyes! Big Boot! Undertaker is on fire!

Undertaker twists the arm and hits the Old School! Finally! He hadn’t hit that in at least the last two weeks! Big Show gets a distraction in and Edge capitalizes with a Spear. Undertaker counters with the Hell’s Gate! Big Show breaks it up with a leg drop!

Both men are down again but HHH gets the tag. Edge tries to gain momentum but HHH stops him with a Facebuster. HHH goes for the Pedigree but Big Show stops him with a Chokeslam!

Edge disapproves!

Big Show ANGRY!

A Roaring Fist takes Edge off his feet and HHH tags in The Undertaker. Tombstone Piledriver ends it.

Winner: Triple H and the Undertaker (Pinfall via Tombstone Piledriver at 9:14) **1/4 A good main event to close out the show. All four men where on top of their game and gave the fans a solid TV match while building up to the Elimination Chamber match.

Triple H glares at Undertaker as he leaves the ring. That’s all for now folks.

Final Thoughts: Coming off of last week’s off night, Smackdown need a solid wrestling show and they delivered with four good matches. The tedious Battle Royal and predictable squash couldn’t slow tonight down. The shock of the night, of course, being Eve Torres. She showed some natural skill that I don’t think anyone was expecting. Hell, she may actually get pretty damn good at this with time.

Overall, this was exactly what Smackdown needed. Now to just keep up the work rate.

Until next week, JP is DONE SON!