411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.05.4

WWE Smackdown Review by J. “Yayowonder” Hernandez
August 5, 2004
Taped from Houston, Texas and live from my living room.

My name is Yayowonder and I will be recapping WWE SD! tonight for your reading pleasure. 411 lives by the immortal words of P Diddy, “We can’t stop. Cause we won’t stop. Uh-uh-uh.” In that very vein Bishop has
The Crystal Grapefruit focusing on Summerslam available for your perusal. And the debut of Asteroid Boy’s
Wrestling Noir takes a closer look at one of the greatest heels of the 80’s with “The Resurrection Of Jake Roberts”. Have you ever wanted to get some VIOLENT PANDA Wrestling Digest love? Click
here. Who loves you baby? 411’s SD! Triple Threat. We have had a change in membership as Chris Candido has left the group and has been replaced by Bam Bam Bigelow (Sean O’Leary), but we still have The Franchise Shane Douglas (Double M) available here tomorrow. And me Chris Benoit. ::cough:: A new NWATNA recap (the best on the Net bitches) is also available from Csonka. Csonka also debuts a new column “Wrestlings 3R’s: The Right, The wRong and The Ridiculous” tomorrow. For your news perusal we have The Wrestling Guide and don’t forget my Yayo’s Wrestling News and Notes from Tuesday. You can also check out “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” from our new Friday news anchorman AndrewB.

Grades and such
I do not use snowflakes for my ratings, as snowflakes melt. And I hate the snow since I am a Floridian. So we’ll use something everyone understands, I assign grades. Simple, easy, straight-forward. I also assign them on a SD! scale. Meaning I’m not going to rate free TV matches on the same scale as I would PPV matches. I’ll also tell you anything I think that will help explain the grade. Finally I don’t time matches, as I don’t care how long it was (unless it’s with a lady! Bada-bing!), and I don’t think you do either.

Teddy
Teddy Long, our new SD! GM is standing in front of a portrait of Vince McMahon and another of Martin Luther King, Jr. He tells us one man had a vision the other man had a dream. Both men inspired him to create, inspired him to dream. And now they inspire him to make SD! great. And if you thought SD! was good last week, it’s going to be off the hizzle fo shizzle now. He then announces we are getting #1 Contenders match to the U.S. Title right now…

John Cena v. RVD
My tape messed up and I can’t remember anything that sticks out. I can assure you it went something like this. Cena punching. RVD flipping and flopping. RVD gives himself the thumbs. And there were commercials.

We’re back
My tape is back and RVD knocks down Cena with a punch. Cena in a corner getting kicked in the face. RVD gets a running start and dropkick him in the corner. Split leg moonsault leads to a pin attempt. 1-2-kickout. RVD puts Cena in the corner and hits him with a couple of shoulderblocks. Fishermans suplex. 1-2-kickout. Rolling Thunder! 1-2-kickout. RVD attempts to whip Cena, it’s blocked into an FU. But Cena is too tired and RVD gets out. Cena is dropped. 5 Star Frog Splash misses! Pin attempt only gets two. RVD tries to lock-up Cena but gets dropped with the DDT! Cena with the pin attempt only gets two. Cena drags himself up the ropes and flattens RVD with a clothesline. RVD gets up and is dropped with an elbow. Cena hits the ropes and knocks RVD down with the shoulderblock. Cena with a suplex. Five Knuckle Shuffle! 1-2-kickout. Cena climbs the ropes but gets hit. RVD with the superplex. RVD tries to roll on top for the pin but Cena rolls through 1-2-3!!! Cena is the #1 contender to the U.S. Heavyweight Title! RVD is walking out when Cena makes him come back in and give the thumbs.

Winner: John Cena, Number One Contender to the U.S. Heavyweight Title
Grade: B
Commentary: From what I did get to watch, this was a good fast paced affair. Letting RVD control so much of the match was a nice change of pace from the usual RVD affair. Cena is back after the U.S. title when I think he should be going after the WWE title.

Booker T in the back
Booker gets approached by Teddy about Cena’s chances for the belt. Booker doesn’t think he has a chance. Booker reminds Teddy he did beat him last week for the belt. Well Teddy thinks since Booker is a five time WCW champion, the best way to settle this is with a best of five series starting at Summerslam! Commercials.

Eddie Guerrero
Eddie drives down in the lo-lo with Sable and Dawn Marie in the back, and Torrie in the passengers seat. Eddie being the gentleman he is opens the door and lets the Diva’s out. He then does a little dance with Dawn before getting them into the ring. The ring contains all of Kurt Angle’s items from last week that are up for auction. Eddie tells Houston to check out the mamacitas. Eddie tells Kurt that the countdown has started, and there is only 10 days until he gets to kick his ass. Eddie also lets Kurt know that the auction ends tonight. And since it’s for charity (The Children’s Tomorrow Fund), he’s brought out the SD! Divas to raise the value of the items. Eddie puts Angle’s cast on Torrie’s leg. He then has all three Diva’s sign it. Next is the wheel-chair but then we jump to the Kurt’s portrait. He has Sable hold it up until we cover her face and then says what a nice portrait (as he’s checking out Sable’s breasts). He then has the Diva’s sign the portrait. We then jump to the shadow box. He then talks about how his match with Kurt will be Angle’s first since WMXX. He asks the Diva’s who Angle’s last opponent was. When he is told it was him, he asks the production crew to play some of the match (and we get the end of it). Eddie says he embarrassed Kurt then, and he’ll do it again at Summerslam. Eddie then makes reference to how Kurt made his mark at the summer games (i.e. the Olympics). He say’s he’s also a summer athlete and how he’s going to leave Kurt and the rest of the WWE at the starting block. We then get a commercial of Eddie on the track. When the starting gun goes off the other racers are glued to the block and Eddie does his Latino Heat Dance on his way to the sure victory. Hahahaha!!! Commercials.

Renee Dupree w/ Fifi v. Orlando Jordan
Is it a coincidence that when Teddy takes over Orlando Jordan makes his way back to SD! Lock-up and Jordan is powered into the corner. Jordan unloads with a combination and whips Dupree. Dupree holds onto the ropes and tosses Jordan over as he runs in. Dupree with a punch, and runs Jordan’s head into the barricade. Dupree tries to throw Jordan out, but Jordan stays on the apron. French Tickler! Jordan climbs up the corner as an unknowing Dupree tickles away. Flying body press. 1-2-3.

Winner: Orlando Jordan
Grade: D
Commentary: When I made that joke I had no idea that Jordan would actually win. Damn Teddy Long has that real juice on SD! Match was way to short, especially for someone like Dupree who should be one of the wrestlers they are grooming for the WWE title. The Jordan win makes more sense later on though.

JBL
Josh Matthews is waiting for JBL as his limo pulls in. JBL gets out hands him the WWE title and asks Josh how his family has been as he uses his hand sanitizer. Once he’s done with his sanitizer he tells Josh to give him back the belt and tells Josh what he asked him there for. JBL says another famous man who went by his initials, FDR, said “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” So JBL is going to call out Taker. Because maybe Taker is afraid of him, because he is not afraid of Taker. Commercials.

Kurt Angle w/ Luther Reigns v. Charlie Haas w/Jackie Gayda
Angle comes out to the boos and “You suck!” chants we all know and love. Haas is out and Jackie just flipped into the ring. That makes this match good already. Lock-up and Angle powers Haas into the corner. Break and they circle each other. Haas has Kurt in a waistlock but it’s reversed into a waistlock of Kurt’s own. Some solid chain wrestling between the two. Kurt with an armbar that Haas gets out of with a firemans carry, and now Haas has the armbar. Armdrag by Haas. Headlock takedown by Angle. Angle thrown into the ropes and Kurt shoulderblocks Haas down. Haas with two beautiful armdrags. Kurt rolls out to take a breather and we get commercials.

We’re back
Kick by Kurt and he grabs another front headlock. Haas gets out and grabs an armlock. Angle snapmares Haas, and grabs a rear naked choke hold. Angle with a punch to Haas. Haas in the corner and Angle is starting to take control with the punches. Angle whip attempt is reversed, and Haas hits a suplex. Pin attempt gets 2. Angle is now getting the punches administered to him in the corner. A Haas whip is reversed and he’s sent into the corner. Kurt gets the boot in the mouth on the follow through. Belly to belly suplex by Angle. Angle with punches and kicks to Haas in the corner. Choke with the boot to a 5 count. Snap suplex and a pin attempt gets two. Angle with a choke as he digs his knee into Haas’ back, Haas with a kick, hits the rope, but Kurt drops him with the knee. Three pin attempts by Kurt get a TWO each time. Body scissors applied by Kurt and Haas breaks out. Haas with some punches, but Angle comes back with some punches of his own. Angle runs into attack, but Haas tosses him over the ropes. Haas with a standing dropkick, Haas tries for the clothesline but Angle ducks. Angle then tries for the german suplex but it’s blocked. Haas in the corner. Angle hits turnpost as Haas moves out of the corner. Exploder suplex by Haas. Haas with a springboard into a double axe handle and the pin attempt only gets two. Angle gets the angle lock. Haas reverses out sending Kurt to the corner. Haas with the roll-up. 1-2-kickout. Angle with the ANGLESLAM! Kurt grabs the modified ANGLELOCK! And Haas taps. Commercials.

Winner: Kurt Angle
Grade: B+
Commentary: Awesome match between the teacher and the student. The only thing that brought it down was the methodical style that both men favor, made the match drag a little. The actual match was full of high impact moves and lots of good chain wrestling. An amazing match for Kurt who hasn’t been in a match for months (and thankfully they let him win on his own).

RAW Rebound
Read it here.Commercials.

Billy Kidman and Paul London v. The Basham Brothers, for the WWE Tag Team Championship Belts
Kidman and Danny start with a lock-up. Danny works the arm, but Billy gets out and works over Danny’s arm. Now Kidman tries for the quick pin but only gets two. Billy grabs Danny’s arm and tags in Paul. Danny whipped and hit with the double armdrag. Kidman flips London onto Danny. Paul whips Danny and drop-toe holds him, as Kidman does the catapult legdrop. Kidman is hung on the top rope by a Basham double team. Doug gets Billy in a bear hug. Kidman whipped into the corner chest first. Danny tagged in. Danny with some punches and goes for a pin attempt that only gets two. Danny hits the ropes but eats dropkick, London tagged and knocks Doug down with two clotheslines. Back body drop from Danny. A dropkick for Doug. Catapult body press to Doug on the outside by Billy. London with the 450 SPLASH!!!! 1-2-3! Commercials.

Winner: Billy Kidman and Paul London, retain WWE Tag Team Championship Belts
Grade: B+
Commentary: Great match with a nice combination of styles. The Kidman/London pairing looks like it will really bring the tag scene back to the forefront on SD! with their exciting moveset and their ability to mesh with any kind of opponent. The Basham’s did very well for themselves but slowed things down a little too much with their work the armbar for hours style.

Spike and Rey
Talking strategy as we get commercials.

John Heidenreich vignette

Tape messed up again. Don’t worry I’m buying a new one tomorrow. I’ll tell you from what I remember. During the match Spike injured his leg when Bubba rolled out of the way of a double stomp off the top rope. Rey had to work the majority of the match and caught quite an ass whooping. Towards the end Rey was able to get D-Von out of the ring, and tried for the pin attempt on Bubba which only got two. Bubba then powerbombed Rey and got the duke. Spike crawled over and helped Rey get up. Spike then gave Rey a kick square in the nuts, joining the darkside of the Dudley. He then grabbed Bubba and D-Von to get the tables! They lay Rey on the table and put the Cruiserweight belt on him. Splash by Spike sending Rey through the table! Commercials.

Winner: The Dudley Boyz
Grade: B
Commentary: Rey looked like a million bucks carrying both Dudz to a fast paced affair. More importantly now the Dudz are a whole family again as Spike turns heel and puts Rey through a table in the process.

JBL
JBL is out and demands that Taker come out. The lights go out and the dong resonates throughout the arena. The Taker’s shadow can be seen, but once the light comes up we see it’s a midget on a box. The midget makes his way to the ring and JBL makes the usual cracks (my favorite being: Maybe I am a wee bit afraid of you). JBL puts the midget in the position for the tombstone when the lights go out again and the dong resonates throughout the arena. This time when the light comes back on, Taker is standing behind JBL. JBL does the only smart thing and throws the midget at Taker, which Taker no sells. Hahahaha. JBL connects with a punch, but that’s about it. Taker gets him ready for the Last Ride, when Orlando Jordan comes down and helps him escape (told you things would make more sense, no, wait, this doesn’t make any sense). JBL is also confused but thanks Jordan anyways. He then gives JBL and Jordan the slit throat and that belt is mine hand gestures. But Taker isn’t finished as he hasn’t unleashed his undead fury yet and decides to TOMBSTONE PILDRIVE THE MIDGET!!! Fade out.

Overall grade: B
Commentary: Sorry about the parts I missed, but my memory is impeccable and you should be watching anyways. We got the return of Angle (and the great match that went with it), the continuation of the Dudz storyline, and not anything that sucked. Having Orlando beat Dupree and then interject himself in the Taker/JBL affair makes me think he’ll be the next recipient of a nice push. That or he’s getting the shit kicked out of him next week by Taker, and they wanted him looking good when it happened. Either way I wish they would have had him beat someone else. I guess Dupree’s in the doghouse, after the last two weeks of unspectacular losing. More importantly a retread of Cena and the U.S. Title chase is making me sick. I like the idea of the 5 series match (as it’s final match will most probably carry a heavy load in the next SD! only PPV), but they really need to move him up the card already.

And I’m spent. E-mail me at [email protected] or AIM me at Yayo Wonder with feedback or words of love. You can also go here for more me. I know you want it.