411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.12.04

WWE Smackdown Review by J. “Yayowonder” Hernandez
August 12, 2004
Taped from Detroit, Michigan and live from my living room.

My name is Yayowonder and I will be recapping WWE SD! tonight for your reading pleasure. Got most of the pimping put of the way during my back to back news recap extravaganza. Also don’t forget you have Rutherford for your news perusal with The Wrestling Guide.
The Crystal Grapefruit is also here and we also have Asteroid Boy’s
Wrestling Noir and the pandarific VIOLENT PANDA Wrestling Digest. You know we have plenty of SD! recap’s right here. Finally check the debut of the brand spanking new a Fact or Fiction. I’d also like to thank Craig and Tamby for pointing out some errors I made in the JBL/midget/Taker/Jordan segment. Like I told them, my tape was out, and all that was from my poor excuse of a memory. That problem has been resolved though. I do have to apologize to Mr. Stephen Randle whom I had asked to do this if I had not contacted him today (fearing the aforementioned hurricane may be hitting my area and knocking out my lights). It never hit but my internet was down for a couple of hours and I couldn’t get to him in time. So we’ll have 3,001 SD! recap/reviews, but you can’t complain we’re the Baskin-Robbins of recaps people! Anyways in the true 411 spirit, he shook it off and told Evocator Maines to hit me with a chair. And it hurt… a lot. Also no bold for today, sorry folks.

Grades and such
I do not use snowflakes for my ratings, as snowflakes melt. And I hate the snow since I am a Floridian. So we’ll use something everyone understands, I assign grades. Simple, easy, straight-forward. I also assign them on a SD! scale. Meaning I’m not going to rate free TV matches on the same scale as I would PPV matches. I’ll also tell you anything I think that will help explain the grade. Finally I don’t time matches, as I don’t care how long it was (unless it’s with a lady! Bada-bing!), and I don’t think you do either.

JBL
JBL comes down in the limo, and Orlando Jordan pops out with him. Orlando is dressed in a nice grey two piece suit. Orlando shares in the hand sanitizer cream fun with JBL. JBL thanks the Motor City for the welcome. JBL says if Taker thinks beating up a vertically challenged person he will be intimidated he won’t be. JBL knows the task in front of him, and goes through a roll call of current and former WWE stars he’s beaten. JBL says he is not of them, he is John Bradshaw Leyfeld. JBL says Taker has weaknesses and he will exploit them at weaknesses. On paper he says it may look good for Taker, but it’s in that ring where JBL has been defying the odds. He says he was given no chance against Eddie Guerrero, but he beat him for the title. And unlike the cars built in Detroit, JBL is high octane, high performance, and built to last. JBL guarantees that Summerslam he will remain champion and that he will beat Taker. He say’s he’s not like the Undertaker, because he is gaining new fans each week. The love and respect is reaching from the stands and into the locker-room. He then segues to his new Chief of Staff, Orlando Jordan. OJ introduces himself and says like so many of us, he expected handouts. And that he waited for his big break to come to him. He says JBL showed him that he should take it, instead of waiting for it. He says he saw the Undertaker in this ring last week, and he decided to step up to the plate. OJ says that he stopped Taker dead in his tracks, not like JBL needed it. Hahaha. JBL tells OJ that time is precious. JBL compares OJ to our troops overseas (again with this? How does this help his heelishness? Beyond people thinking of him as a dick for the comparison). JBL arranged for OJ to have the greatest night of his career. JBL has set-up a match between OJ and Taker. Commercials.

Spike Dudley v. Paul London, non-title
Spike with the evil heel strut and smirk to the ring, that brings a smile to my face. Paul comes down with Billy and its go time… I’ll try to keep up. And before we even start the other Dudz come down to lend moral support. Spike slaps Paul but gets punches to the piece in response. London whip reversed but he slides underneath the punch attempt. Spike then hits the ropes but gets two armdrags followed by a table-top suplex with a bridge by London, which only gets two. London grabs the armbar but Spike gets his hair and pushes him to the ropes. Spike with a punch to break the armbar. Spike tries another punch which Paul ducks. Paul with some punches of his own. London hits the ropes but Spike tosses him over. Paul tries to skin the cat, but Spike gets a dropkick to send Paul to the floor. Billy keeps the other Dudz away. Paul back in and gets the double fist to the groin. Spike tries for the Dudley Dog but gets reverse DDTed. Spike with the inverted atomic drop and hits the ropes but Paul hits him with a dropkick. London with a punch, spinning heel kick, tosses Spike into the ropes… spinning heel kick. Spike whipped into the corner. London eats boot on the follow through. Spike tries for the double stomp off the top rope but eats boots of his own. Double knockdown in the ring. D-Von distracts Billy by going for a chair, as Kidman walks over Bubba knocks him out. London with an enziguri. London knocks Bubba off the apron. Paul tries for the 450, but Bubba pulls Spike out of the way, as D-Von distracts the ref! Spike with the pin attempt 1-2-3. Bubba is whipping Billy Kidman, and Spike hits London with the Dudley Dog. 3D on Kidman! Well I think they’re softened up for the PPV. Bubba and D-Von hoist Spike on their shoulders. We then get some gabbing from Tazz and Cole when Bubba whips the announce table from off camera. He says something about Dudleyz and then walks away as the announcers keep talking about the Summer Games Relay Match. Commercials.

Winner: Spike Dudley
Grade: B
Commentary: Great back and forth action between the competitors kept this match from becoming a bore. The sub-story with the Dudz trying to work over the Kidman/London team was also nice. The best part though… Evil Spike. He is so much cooler as a heel then as a face. Let’s hope they keep up his push. Of course London came through with fancy offense for you workrate freaks.

Heidenreich Promo Video

Dudz in the back
Talking about the ass whooping they just issued. Spike stops because he heard Scotty 2 Hotty mouthing off. Scotty says what’s the deal. Scotty says Spike has changed. Spike says he didn’t change he went home, to his brothers. He asked where being friends with Scotty or Rey ever got him? Nowhere. But now with his family he’s the Cruiserweight Champion. So with his title and his brothers, who needs friends. He then slaps Scotty and when Scotty starts to get all hotty, the other Dudz hold him back and Spike taunts him: “What are you going to do?” Spike then punks his ass out again by pushing his face down and tells him he’s not going to do anything just like Rey Mysterio. HAHAHA!!! Evil Spike rules.

Teddy Long’s office
Angle enters Teddy’s office and is upset. He wants the money from the auction Eddie had with his stuff. Teddy asks him if he feels that the money was given to charity. Kurt doesn’t care he wants his money. Teddy is going to give him an opportunity to go out to the ring and let Kurt tell the people how he feels. Kurt says he will as long as he can be promised he won’t be attacked from behind. Teddy promises this will be the case, and tells him to be a man and say what’s on his mind.

Summerslam Match Run Down. Commercials.
Check for the 411 roundtable which will be coming out soon!

Chavo Guerrero v. Nunzio w/ Johnny the Bull
About damn time Chavo came back! Test of strength fake out and Chavo is placed in a waistlock. Chavo out and places Nunzio in an arm-wringer. Another arm-wringer and Chavo is back in a waist lock. Chavo out and hits the ropes, Nunzio leapfrogs hits the ropes himself and Chavo is headscissored down. Chavo runs in but eats drop toe hold and placed in the front headlock. Chavo working Nunzio’s arm by the ropes when he lets go and slaps Johnny who’s on the outside. He then starts punting Nunzio across the ring followed up by choking him on the bottom rope. Chavo with a European uppercut but Nunzio fires back with some forearms. Nunzio hits the ropes and then the hurincarana on Chavo! Nunzio tries to get Chavo in the corner but gets T-Bone suplexed. Pin attempt only gets two for Chavo. Chavo places Nunzio up for the gory bomb, but Nunzio shimmys down. Chavo still on top and grabs the rope. 1-2-Johnny the Bull knocks Chavo’s hand off the ropes. Nunzio rolls up Chavo and gets 1-2-3? O….K….Commercials.

Winner: Nunzio
Grade: C
Commentary: WTF?! The match ended out of no-where. Nunzio hits all these leg-scissors and ranas but can’t get the pin. Chavo hits a T-Bone suplex and nothing. But they get the pin off of a roll up? I really wish they would have given this more time to develop, so both competitors could get more offense in. As it is… why make Chavo lose?

Orlando Jordan v. Undertaker
OJ is walked to the ring by JBL (sans limo). The lights dim and DONG! Taker makes his way to the ring. Taker and OJ lock-up and Taker sends OJ to the mat. Taker gets a side headlock as OJpushes him to the rope. OJ whips him but Taker knocks him down. Taker whips OJ and drops him with the back body drop. Taker with elbows and starts going old school. He doesn’t even reach the turnbuckle before OJ starts peppering him with punches and kicks. Taker reverses this and starts going to town on OJ. Taker whips him into the corner, but eats boots on the follow through. Taker whipped, but OJ misses the clothesline. Taker hits the chokeslam and JBL jumps on the apron. This gives OJ enough time to roll out of the ring. OJ is beaten down and brought back in. Taker goes OLD SCHOOL! Taker then hits a DDT. Two on the pin attempt. Taker has OJ up, and Taker gets hit with a low blow. Taker in the corner getting smacked up by OJ. Taker on his knees and he’s eating fists. Taker runs OJ head first into the top turnbuckle. He tosses OJ out and follows. Taker whip attempt is reversed and he’s sent into the steps. Back in the ring and OJ is dropping elbows. OJ gets two on the pin attempt. OJ with more punches. OJ goes extra funky on the last one and gets punches in the face for his trouble. Taker hits a flying lariat on OJ. Taker has OJ up for the tombstone, but Taker drops him and turns right into a Clothesline from Hell! OJ gets a final kick in before scurrying out. As JBL and OJ walk out happy with what they’ve done, Taker does the sit-up. JBL craps his pants and we go to commercials.

Winner: Undertaker
Grade: B
Commentary: Almost no down-time from two men not known for fast paced action. Taker brought his B game, and OJ came with his A game. It was a good mesh of styles that really helped move along what has been an under-developed program between Mr. Bradshaw and Mr. Taker.

Teddy in the ring
Teddy is talking about Summerslam, specifically Guerrero and Angle’s match. Teddy introduces us to Angle who is coming out to talk about the match. Before Kurt can get one word in “Viva la raza” blares through the arena and Eddie drives out to his music. Eddie parks the lo-lo and makes his way to the ring. Eddie and Kurt stare holes through each other until Eddie breaks the ice. Eddie says Kurt doesn’t have his wheel-chair, GMship, or Luther Reigns to hide behind. So if he has something to say, to say it to his face. Kurt says he doesn’t hide from anything. Kurt says he Eddie doesn’t know what it’s like to lose something he loves. Eddie says like how Kurt screwed him out of his title. Kurt accuses Eddie of calling the kettle black. Kurt then talks about how Eddie has cheated and stolen from and against him. Kurt takes it as a compliment, because deep down inside, Eddie knows he has to cheat to beat him. Eddie says he’ll do whatever it takes to win. Eddie says maybe he’s right, maybe he can’t beat him without cheating. But what if he can. Eddie says it’s the question that’s stirs both of their souls. Eddie believes this is the reason Kurt has been hiding behind his injury and GMship. Because Kurt doesn’t know if he can beat Eddie. He doesn’t know if he’s better then Eddie either. Teddy grabs the microphone and says he can’t wait either. But he says that in the spirit of the Summer Games, he wants to see a handshake, if they’re man enough. Eddie extends his hand and Kurt takes it as they go face to face trading baking recipes. Commercials.

Summer Games Relay Match: John Cena, RVD, and Charlie Haas w/ Jackie Gayda v. Booker T, Luther Reigns, and Renee Dupree
THE RULES:
1) One fall to finish
2) RVD vs. Booker T for the first five minute period
3) If there is no winner in the first period the team who won the coin toss will relay a member of his team (Team Booker T)
4) If there is no winner in the five period, Team Cena will relay a member of his team
5) This process continues until we have a winner

Cena starts us by hyping up the crowd. Cena tells us Booker’s team backed out of the Summer Relay because they’d rather have a 3-way. He introduces us to his teammates. He let’s us know Charlie is on the team because of Jackie and her real… big… eyes. HAHAHA! Good promo. Cena says the Franchise has Booker’s number in the best of 5 series. Booker’s team makes they’re way to the ring. Commercials.

We’re back…
Booker and RVD in the ring. Lock-up and lots of reversing. RVD with a side headlock which Booker whips RVD off. Booker on the mat and RVD handsprings over. Armdrags by RVD. RVD with an armbar. Booker back up and pushes RVD into the corner. Booker clubs RVD down. Booker now with some chops. Whips RVD, but eats elbow. T on the rope eating some dukes when his whip attempt his reversed and he’s hung on the top rope. Booker with the sidekick. Pin attempt gets 2. Booker hits his arm hold sidekick move. Pin attempt only gets 1. Booker working the arm. RVD punching his way out, but Booker clubs him in the back. RVD in the corner eating chops. Booker whips him cross corner and beats him down some more. Booker tries to run him into the top turnbuckle but RVD blocks and hits a kick (more importantly this time it didn’t look convoluted!). RVD with some punches and then hits a springboard crossbody! Pin attempt 1-2-kickout. Whip and Booker ducks to let RVD roll off his back. RVD lays Booker out. RVD punch misses, but he’s able to grab Booker’s kick and hit his over the leg kick. Pin attempt 1-2-kickout. RVD has Booker on the ropes and is working him over. Whip attempt is reversed into a kick. Booker misses the scissors kick and RVD drops him with a kick of his own. RVD hits the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! But time is ticking and he’s unable to make a pin attempt before time runs out.

Reigns in now and he goes to town on RVD. Luther gets a two on the pin. Another attempt gets two. Luther is choking RVD on the middle rope as we go to commercials.

Joined in progress…
RVD punches and kicks Reigns into the corner and we have 55 seconds until the next member of Team Cena comes in. Whip attempt is reversed but Reigns eats boot on the follow through (is it just me or has there been a lot of boot eating tonight?). RVD with the springboard toe kick. RVD with the twirling knee drop (?) and then hits Rolling Thunder! Pin attempt gets two and we’re 23 seconds away now. RVD is thrown off by Luther and gets hit with a nice spinebuster on the comeback. Luther knee drop misses and times expires.

Charlie runs in and hits the ropes but gets atomic dropped for his troubles. Luther goes for a running big boot but Haas dodges it. Luther is hung up on the middle rope and Haas goes to work on his standing leg and then his hung up leg. Luther out but Haas gets him on the mat and wraps Reigns leg around his own and drops down. He then kicks the leg and starts twisting Luther’s foot. Luther kicks him off but Haas goes back to the leg with elbow drops and then puts Reigns in a knee-hold. Luther keeps having to take his shoulder off the mat to avoid the count (good looking Hebner). Luther chokes his way out of it. Hass kicks him a couple of times to break his hold. Whip and Luther gives a kick of his own. Suplex… and a tornado warning interrupts me. There seems to be a lot of lightning storms in the keys. If you’re in Marathon stay away from the windows. Stupid Hurricane Charley. Real time radar shows movement. The warning is until 10:45 PM EST. All of South Florida is under a tornado watch until 8AM EST tomorrow. Commercials.

Joined in progress…
Dupree in with Haas. Haas in the corner and chopped. Dupree and Haas exchanging blows. Renee whipped into the corner. Dupree feeds him boot. Dupree makes his way up the ropes, but is armdragged down. Both down as Haas has another minute and a half. Haas hits a bridged german suplex 1-2. Again 1-2. Haas hits a belly to belly suplex. Pin attempt gets two. Haas goes to the ropes but gets hit with the belt. Haas down and Dupree has an STF. Time runs out and it’s Cena in with Dupree. Cena says you can’t see me. Dupree kick is caught, Dupree is dropeed and we get the ground and pound. Dupree is dropped again and another ground and pound. Dupree is whipped into the corner and falls down. Dupree begs off and hits a punch. Dupree tries to run Cena into the turnbuckle and but Cena blocks. Dupree with a Camel Clutch on Cena. Cena is getting out but Dupree weighs him back down. Cena reaching for the rope, but Dupree stops that. Renee with punches on Cena. Suplex by Dupree. Pin attempt get two for Dupree. Dupree with a headlock on Cena. Cena making his way up and grabs Dupree’s leg. He picks Renee up piggy back style and drops him Stunner style. Cena with a clothesline. Hits the ropes and another. Flying lariat misses. Dupree with a FRENCH TICKLER. Cena with the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Cena tries for the FU but Dupree slides out. Cena gets him up again but Dupree holds onto the top rope as time expires. Booker in and drops Cena. Running the ropes leads to Cena being laid out with an elbow. Booker with a Snapmare and a five knuckle knee drop. Booker pin attempt only gets two. Booker with a headlock. Cena breaks out with punches and whips Booker. Booker feeds him boot. Booker goes for the flying side kick but ends up flying out of the ring. RVD tosses him back in and Cena rolls him up, 1-2-3! The faces clear the heels out of the ring and Jackie is still fine. Fin.

Winner: Team Cena
Grade: B
Commentary: I don’t think anyone will agree, but I think Booker just carried RVD to the best match I’ve seen out of him in a long time. Their timing was great and Booker didn’t look stupid getting into position for RVD “offense”. Reigns looked pretty good and Haas was great except that half his time was spent putting knee holds. Dupree was alright as his offense was average but nothing spectacular. Cena is starting to get the superhero act down perfectly and again I demand he be put in the Main Event!

Overall grade: B
Commentary: Um, all but one of the matches scored a B, and all of the segments served a purpose tonight. I could have done without Eddie being so jovial during his segment with Kurt, but I can understand why they wouldn’t want to heavies in there at the same time. Teddy thus far is doing a superb job in his GM role and making the concept at least tolerable on SD! again. Kurt was okay, but he was way to involved for me. GM’s should be for story advancement not part of the story (whereas Kurt was in the mix for both top tier belts).

And I’m spent. E-mail me at [email protected] or AIM me at Yayo Wonder with feedback or words of love. You can also go here for more me. I know you want it.