411’s WWE Smackdown Report 12.03.15

Larry is out and about doin daddy stuff. So tonight….I AM YOUR FATHER!!!

-crickets-

Well then…

Smackdown! comes LIVE VIA TWO DAYS AGO to Hershey!

And what better way to start Smackdown than to show you what happened on RAW?! WE get a recap of the Sheamus and New Day celebration, complete with Reigns and his right hook.

The most important part of the entire segment is here:

Nothing else matters.

Smackdown actually begins with Reigns, Ambrose, and The Usos in the middle of the ring. We get some nice piped in cheers, and Reigns is all smiles. He has a question; he wants to know if we are here with our family tonight. He is, too. He nods to The Usos, calls the family huge. He thinks everyone would agree that they and Reigns are the tightest. They’ve done it all under the sun. Giggity. Reigns turns to Ambrose. They’ve been rollin for about five years, but could probably fill 30 years. He calls Ambrose his brother. Reigns doesn’t want to break up the fun, but he does have a point. At Survivor Series, Sheamus took the title away from Reigns. If he was smart, he would have just left it between Reigns and him, but he involved The Authority and The League of Nations. The League can’t help Sheamus at TLC, because he has him one on one in a TLC match. That doesn’t make any sense, Reigns. That’s a No DQ match…

Reigns says TLC feels so far from now. He feels like doing it tonight. He tells Sheamus to bring out his buddies, cuz he wants to fight right now.

Sheamus, and a bunch of fake boos come out. No, seriously, these fake cheers are blatantly obvious. I have never made mention of them until now…Gah-Leeee.

Anyway, The League is up top. Sheamus says he enjoyed the family dynamic in the ring. It was such a positive moment. Sheamus has a Sheamus 5:15 shirt that will likely never get over.

A USA chant starts. Because, that’s fun. Sheamus says they all have their green cards, so it’s legally ok to be here. Well, Rusev does not but he is working on it. Sheamus says Reigns has nothing to worry about, he had a great night at Survivor Series. He became the champion. He was in the ring with the belt. How many can say that? Sheamus shills the shirt.

Reigns doesn’t think anyone wants to hear Sheamus crack jokes. he wants to see heads cracked. He tells Sheamus to come down to the ring and try to fight.

Sheamus says Reigns is always trying to prove a point. They’re all friends, though. Sheamus came out to extend the olive branch. Sheamus said tonight, The League of Nations will face The Usos, Reigns, and Ambrose.

But wait…THERE’S MORE!!

The New Day is here!! Big E shakes his BOOTY. Woods wonders why everyone is so serious. Woods wants to drop some statistics. It took them longer to throw Sheamus a Championship Celebration than it did for Reigns to lose the title. Woods calls Reigns a ruiner. Big E calls him Roman The Ruiner. Usos tells New Day to shut up and come fight already. Woods has information, though. They are here to inform Dean Ambrose and The Usos must earn the right to be Roman’s tag team partners later tonight. They must first defeat their opponents tonight. Their opponents? THE NEW DAY!!! If Ambrose and The Usos lose, then Reigns will be in a 4-on-1 Don’t Call Him Cena Handicap Match!

Tyler Breeze is in the back getting ready for tonight’s special edition of The Wiz.

Dolph Ziggler is ringside for the following match. Breeze cuts a promo calling Neville a troll doll. He’s not too far off.

Match 1: Tyler Breeze vs Neville
Lockup to start into a quick arm drag from Breeze. Breeze poses in the corner. Lockup again. Breeze works the left arm. Neville flips out of it and reverses with an arm drag. He mocks Vreeze’s pose in the corner. Breeze goes to attack, but Neville gets a rollup for 1…2.NO! Neville works left arm and drops Breeze down. Neville with a quick pin for 1. Neville works the arm once again. Locks it up. Right hand by Breeze. Neville is quick to drop Breeze. Breeze drops to the mat, and rolls out of the ring. Neville hits the ropes. He’s going to dive, but Summer is in the way! She screams for him to stop. Neville stops and we get a commercial break.

We are back, and Breeze is trying for a powerbomb it looks like. Neville is able to lift Breeze a bit then allow him to drop on his midsection. Breeze grabs the head, but Neville with a roundhouse. Front kick followed by another roundhouse. Neville hits the ropes then a dropkick to Breeze. Breeze near the ropes. Neville clotheslines him over the top rope! Neville hits the ropes! He flies over the top rope, landing on Breeze!!! Nice. Neville sends Breeze back into the ring. Neville with a running shooting star press. Cover for 1…2.NO! Neville looks to go to the top rope. Breeze stops him. Neville on the apron. He launches up on the top rope, Breeze looks for a dropkick, but Neville just drops to the mat, standing! Breeze eats shit. Nice!!! Neville hits the ropes! SUPERKICK from Breeze!! Pin for 1..2..NO! Neville in the corner. Breeze with stomps in the corner. He berates the ref, spins around the ref, then gets hit hard under the chin with a kick from Neville! Neville goes to the top rope!! RED ARR-NOOOOO!! Breeze rolls to the outside of the ring! Neville follows, shoves Breeze into the ring.

Neville follows, but Summer Rae grabs the leg of Neville. Neville is all, “Dafuq?” This allows Breeze to kick Neville’s face in! Unprettier! Pin for 1…2..3!!!
Official Result: Tyler Breeze
Breeze gets a win that doesn’t matter on a show that doesn’t matter in a pretty good match.
Rating: **

Recap from last Monday where Charlotte became The Dirtiest Player in the Game’s Dirtiest Player in the Game.

Bakstage is cute lil JoJo with cuter Becky Lynch. She brings up tension between her and Charlotte. Becky calls Charlotte her best friend still, and they don’t see eye to eye sometimes. She’s not happy about what happened, but it’s done and over – let’s move on. JoJo brings up Paige’s betrayal. Becky says she doesn’t see Charlotte going down the same path.

Enter Brie Bella. She wants to know if the word gullible has been moved. Alicia Fox says yes, to Becky.

Becky asks why Brie isn’t elsewhere preparing to lose to her later tonight. Brie brings up the ol Fool me once thing. Brie says Becky is going to drown in her shame. Alicia says the problem isn’t Charlotte or Paige, maybe it’s Becky.

Charlotte is here. Maybe the problem is that neither one of them can handle the new generation of women ready to take them down, kind of like Charlotte did to Nikki Bella. Brie says it’s lonely on top, and remember that when she comes crashing down back to earth.

Charlotte says she will be in Becky’s corner tonight, and always. Becky is like….super pretty. Flawless skin.

Every time I type “Lynch,” I mistakenly put “lunch” first.

Match 2: Becky Lynch vs Brie Bella
Becky with the go behind. Brie with an elbow. Becky shoves forward, hits an arm drag. She goes to attack Brie, but Brie retends her ankle hurts. Becky ain’t havin it and dropkicks Brie. Brie hangs up Becky on the ropes. Brie re-enters and shoves Becky in the corner face first. Again. Running Bulldog. Pin for 1…2..NO! Brie grabs the hair.

Backstage, Team BAD is holding up a pinata with a blonde wig. I assume to be Charlotte

Brie gets the DB kicks in. BRIE MODE. She runs with a knee. The fake boos tell me that she is a heel tonight. Cover for 1…2.NO! Brie works in a submission until Becky turns into it. Uppercut. Another. Clothesline knocks Brie down. One more. Dropkick to the face. Becky rushes the corner with an elbow. She lifts the leg. Exploder Suplex and a pin for 1..2..NO! Becky grabs the arm, looking for the submission but Brie holds the ropes. Charlotte is nearby. Becky lets go of the hold. Brie throws her elbow back and hits Charlotte by mistake.

Becky locks in the Disarmer!!! Charlotte runs in the ring and attacks Brie, causing a DQ for Becky Lynch!
Official Result:
I’m not interested in this.
Rating: *

Backstage, Neville is walking, seemingly disappointed. The Miz is here. He says he’s never seen ears like that. Neville isn’t havin it. Miz says he’s here to help. He says Neville’s personality is meh. Neville needs someone with charisma, presence, someone like the star of Santa’s Little Helper. Neville wants to know why, all of a sudden, Miz is so invested. Miz says he used to know someone like Neville…Daniel Bryan. He took Bryan under Miz’s ring, and he ended up main eventing Wrestlemania. Just like Miz did. Just like Neville could. Miz hands Neville his card AND a signed autographed copy of Santa’s Little Helper.

That Miz…such a guy.

Backstage, Renee Young is with Rusev and Lana. Tonight, Rusev is in the main event, but let’s look at last week when Lana suffered an injury. Lana’s eye makeup on-point. Lana shows frustration. She calls Ryback a barbarian. He intentionally pushed Ryback into the steps to hurt her. Ryback doesn’t know what to do with a woman as beautiful as her. Rusev says he can always have another match. But he can never have anyone like Lana. Ryback is a coward. He couldn’t stand in the ring and just fight, he had to attack Lana. Next time he sees Ryback, he will crush him. Lana speaks dirty in another language.

The Usos are wearing red and blue like they don’t see what the big deal is.

Match 3: The New Day vs The Usos and Dean Ambrose
Woods and Bluso start the match. Lockup into a side headlock from Woods. Bluso reverses and we get a hip top. Woods hops over, gets leap frogged, slides, misses a clothesline, and we get a double chop to the chest. Another chop to Woods. Tag from Redso, who hits a flying elbow to the face. Redso pulls the leg. Pin for 1..2..NO! Kicks in the corner. Stomps. Tag from Ambrose. He enters with some stomps. Bluso is next, and we’re getting some New Day fun. Tag from Redso who covers for 1…NO! Woods with a surprise knee to the gut and a tag to Kofi, but he gets arm dragged for his trouble. Redso doesn’t let go, works the arm some more. Whip and Kofi grabs the head, slams Redso down. Tag to Big E. Big E with a stomp. He waits a bit, then puishes forward and hits a hard elbow. Pin for 1…2..NO! Big E grabs the hair, tags in Woods. Woods with a right hand to the head. He hits the ropes. Small Paydirt! Pin for 1…2..NO! Woods works the arm behind. Redso pushes forward, and Woods hits a dropkick! Tag to Big E! Big E hits the ropes. Big Splash! But No! He misses! Tag to Ambrose! Ambrose with right hands! Chop! Back and forth! Splash off the ropes. Whip to the corner is revesed. Ambrose hops over a splash and hits a neckbreaker. Ambrose rolls to the outside and sends Woods into the barricade. Big E goes to the outside to help, but Ambrose shoves Big E down! Back in the ring, Ambrose hits the corner, bounces off, hits a splash. Bout to hit a bulldog, but Big E drops Ambrose on the ropes! Tag to Kofi who sends Ambrose tumbling down to the outside!

Back to Smackdown, and we get the New Day stomps in the corner. Big E whips Kofi into Ambrose with a dropkick! Kofi with a hard kick to Ambrose in the throat. Pin for 1..2..NO! Kofi works the head. Ambrose escapes. Hits a headbutt. Elbow to the head. Kofi pushes, then drops and pulls the leg out from under Ambrose. Kofi goes to the top rope. He flies with a clothesline. Pin for 1..2..NO! Woods is in. Kick to Ambrose. Pin for 1..2..NO! Tag to Big E. E with a kick to the gut. Ambrose sells it like diarrhea. Big E hooks the head. Ambrose tries to fight back, but Big E hits a Belly to Belly. Cover for 1..2..NO! Big E goes to mess with The usos. He bounces off the ropes. Ambrose holds the ropes! Big E tumbles over! Big E gets back in to tag Kofi, though! Ambrose doesn’t reach for a tag. Kofi flies off with a crossbody! Ambrose rolls through. Pin for 1..2..NO! Ambrose off the ropes with a clothesline!! He tags in BLUSO!!! Woods is in! Clothesline! Another! Kick to the gut! Uppercut to Woods! Back suplex!! Redso is in! Kofi and Woods are laid out in the corner! We get a double butt bump!! Woods bounces off the ropes. Samoan Drop to Woods!! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Big E in to stop the pin! Jey enters and gets shoved right back out. Missile dropkick from Ambrose! He sends Big E to the outside! Ambrose goes for a dive, but Big E catches him!! Jey hits the ropes! SUICIDE DIVE TO BIG E!!!! In the ring, Jimmy hits an Enziguri! He’s out! Jimmy to the top rope! KOfi is here! Jimmy tumbles off the apron, hitting Kofi. He’s hurt.

Woods attaacks on the apron! Ref holds him back. TROUBLE IN PARADISE to the back of the knee of Jimmy!!! Woods with Shining Wizard! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: The New Day

Rating: ***

KipSmithers just cast Ryback, Brock, Reigns, and Cena to play The Street Sharks. This is the best thing I’ve read all day.

The Dudley Boyz and Dreamer are here!

The Wyatt’s vignette flashes. We’re back to the arena. R-Truth is on the stage! hahahahaha. The hell? R-Truth waves! Lights go out again!

That was wonderfully odd.

Match 4: D-Von Dudley vs Bray Wyatt
Rowan gets on the apron to distract, but D-Von is a vet! He ducks a surprise clothesline and attacks with rights. Wyatt gets the upperhand, hits a right. Rope work, and D-Von hits a Thesz Press. Right hands in the corner. D-Von is hit with a hard clothesline to the chest. Bray sends D-Von into the corner. Snapmare. Kick to the back by Bray. Bray with a cravat from behind. D-Von escapes. Flapjack to Bray! D-Von goes to the top rope! Headbutt off the top rope! Pin for 1..2..NO!

D-Von runs right into a boot in the corner. Sister Abigail! Pin for 1…2…3!!
Official Result: Bray Wyatt
Squishy
Rating: NR

Bray grabs D-Von for another Sister Abigail. Bubba gets on the apron. He yells for Bray not to do it. Wyatt Family grabs a table and brings it in the ring. Dreamer and Bubba grab kendo sticks from under the ring. They rush the ring and attack. Bray escapes as Dreamer and Buba attack Rowan, Harper, and Strowman. Strowman grabs the stick. Breaks it in half! Harper with a boot to Dreamer! Braun grabs Bubba! Bear Hug! Bubba passes out!

There’s a table set up in the corner! Rowan grabs Dreamer on his shoulders and rushes forward INTO THE TABLE! Harper gets in the face of Dreamer and yells “Welcome Home!”

Nice.

Strowman drags Bubba Ray on top of D-Von. Then they drag Dreamer over into the pile as well. The Wyatts stand tall amongst the fallen vets.

Backstage, Reigns is talking to Ambrose and Uso. He tells them not to worry about tonight. Ambrose says they will be ringside. Renee Young is here to tell them all that Dean and The Usos are banned. Reigns doesn’t seem phased.

Match 5: Nation of Constipation vs Roman Cena
Del Rio starts. He locks it up with Reigns. Reigns shoves forward, careful not to get trapped in the corner. Del Rio with a kick. Right hand. Headbutt. Whip to the ropes. Reigns with a kick. He mises a clothesline. Del Rio with the go-behind. He gets shoved into the corner. Tag to Rusev. Rusev tries for a lockup but gets shoved forward. Rusev and The League of Nations talk it out a bit. Tag to Sheamus. Sheamus kicks as Barrett distracts on the other side of the ring. Sheamus gets Rusev in the corner with some stomps. Tag to Rusev. Rusev tags in Wade and he stomps as well. Barrett distracts the ref, letting Del Rio put some boots to Sheamus’s head. Uppercut from Sheamus, who is now tagged in. Another uppercut. He hits a gut punch, then one to the head. Sheamus whips Reigns ot the ropes. Reigns ducks a clothesline. HARD elbow and a cover for 1…2.NO! Reigns hits the ropes, but Barrett trips him up. Sheamus atacks in the corner. The ref screams to Barrett. He’s kicking Barrett out of the match! The ref officially kicks Barrett out.

Wow.

Reigns fires with an uppercut out of the corner. Right hand. Again. Commercial.

We return to Reigns hitting an uppercut out of the corner. Sheamus with a clothesline and a pin for 1..2..NO! Tag to Del Rio. Del Rio with a kick. Del Rio with a mounted punch. He gets about ten. Del Rio with a snapmare into a kick and a pin for 1…NO! Del Rio in the corner. Tags in Rusev. Rusev with a stomp. He drags the arm. Back suplex attempt. He delays. Reigns tries to fight out. Rusev hits it. Pin for 1…2..NO! Rusev cinches the shoulder. Rusev drops elbows on the shoulder. He cinches the hold once again. Reigns is losing it. Reigns tries to fight out. He reaches for ropes. Or hope. I don’t know which. Reigns turns into the hold. Hits the gut. Right hand to the face. He’s totally messing up Rusev’s hair. Rusev sends Reigns to the outside. He distracts the ref long enough for Sheamus and Del Rio to attack Reigns a bit. Sheamus bak on the apron. Tag to Sheamus. Sheamus goes to the outside. He sends Reigns into the barricade, then into the ring. Sheamus with a shoulder in the corner. He hits a running high knee. Reigns is down. Tag to Rusev. Rusev drags Reigns into the middle. He hits a headbutt! Pin for 1…2.NO! Rusev tags in Del Rio. Del Rio goes to the top rope. Axe handle to the head. Pin for 1…NO! Del Rio sends Reigns into the corner. Kick to the side. Tag to Sheamus. Sheanus with a kick of his own. He goes for a suplex. Hits it. Cover for 1…2…NO! Cravat from behind. Reigs turns into the hold and drags Sheamus away from him. Sheamus runs, goes for a battering ram, but Reigns moves, and Sheamus hits the ringpost!!!! Sheamus tumbles to the outside. He rolls back in. Tag to Rusev. Rusev rushes the corner and runs into a big boot. Rusev runs into a missed splash. SAMOAN DROP TO RUSEV! Rusev tags in Del Rio! Del Rio goes for the Enziguri. Reigns with a clothesline! Whip to the ropes, it’s reversed! Flying clothesline from Reigns!! Del Rio is up in the corner. Clotheslines in the corner from Reigns! He gets to 10. Reigns hits the ropes! Big Boot! Reigns wants the Superman Punch! Rusev in the ring! SUPERMAN PUNCH TO RUSEV!! Del Rio with the Backstabber! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!!! Del Rio is pissed!

Del Rio calls for the cross armbreaker, but Reigns pushes him off! SPEAR to Del Rio! Pin for 1…NO! Sheamus is here to break it up! Sheamus sends Reigns to the ropes! BROG-NO! Misses! Clothesline to Reigns He sends Sheamus to the outside! He and Rusev are leaning on the apron. Reigns with a Drive By, but Sheamus moves! Reigns hits Rusev!!! Sheamus tries to toss Reigns into the steps, but Reigns moves and hits a clothesline to Sheamus! Rusev is here! Reigns sends him over into the TimeKeeper area!

Del Rio attacks! Reigns sends him over the announce table! The ref is at the count of nine! Reigns runs into the ring! The ref hits 10! Roman Reigns via countout!!
Official Result: Roman Reigns via countout
Well, well, well…
Rating: **1/2

After the match, Barrett runs down to distract. Sheamus with the Brogue Kick! The League attacks! Ambrose and The usos are here! They fight off Del Rio and Rusev! The heels leave the ring!

The End