411’s WWE Smackdown Report 2.10.06

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to 411 Wrestling’s Smackdown report. I’m Ryan Byers, and I’ll be filling in for Scott Fried for the next two episodes of SD, as well as the next two webisodes of Velocity. Why? Because his brain has had enough of this show, and it’s simply FRIED! AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bad jokes aside, let’s get to the recap.

We open up with “highlights” of last week’s show, as Randy Orton informs us all that Eddy Guerrero is in hell and then pins Rey Misterio in the main event.

Match Numero Uno: Matt Hardy vs. John “Bradshaw” Leyfield w/ Jillian Hall vs. Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan in a Fatal Four Way Match

The first man to score a fall here will win the match and move on to No Way Out to face Booker T for the United States Championship. Booker and Sharmell have joined as at ringside.

All four men brawl to start the match, and Tazz informs us that they will all be fighting at the same time as opposed to following the tag rules normally used in four way matches. Hardy gets tossed out of the ring by JBL early on, at which point the former members of the Cabinet double team Chris Benoit. As soon as Hardy comes back in to the ring, he’s clotheslined right back out by Bradshaw, who then takes over on Benoit, taking him down with a shoulderblock. JBL falls victim to a Crippler armdrag, though, but he kicks out of a subsequent sharpshooter attempt. Benoit counters a potential powerbomb and tries for the Crossface, but Jordan and Hardy rejoin us in the ring to break up the hold. Benoit gets a snap suplex in on OJ, but Hardy breaks up the pinfall and drops an elbow on the former World Champ. JBL looks to take his turn beating on Benoit, but he misses a clothesline and gets German suplexed for his trouble. The Crossface is attempted on OJ, but Bradshaw kicks Benoit in the head, only to be punched in the face by Hardy immediately thereafter. Bradshaw has no problem taking the North Carolinian down with a boot, and he teams up with Orlando for a double shoulderblock on Benoit. JBL and Hardy head out of the ring yet again, while Benoit DDTs Jordan on the inside. Instead of going for the pin, he joins Matt and Chris on the floor, and they SLAM Bradshaw in to the ringsteps. Jordan tosses Benoit back in to the ring and heads up to the top, but the Canadian cuts him off and lands a series of headbutts, which set up a superplex as we go to commercial.

As we return from the break, Benoit is in the middle of his latest Crossface tease, but it’s also ended by Bradshaw. JBL drops a series of elbows on Mr. Toothless Aggression, including one from the second rope for a nearfall. Hardy moves in and gets his first decent offensive moves of the match, hitting the Rude Awakening on Bradshaw and suplexing Benoit for two. He hits another neckbreaker, this one on Benoit, and there’s a second rope elbow from Matty. Hardy eats a DDT from Leyfield after that, and the Cabinet gets in a double team vertical suplex on each babyface. Heel miscommunication results in JBL clotheslining Orlando, though, and then he tosses his former partner out of the ring. We’re back to Benoit and JBL at this point, as Chris hits the Three Amigos and then gives the rolling Germans to the former Chief of Staff. The diving headbutt connects on OJ as well, but JBL prevents the three count. (It actually looks like he almost missed his cue.) Benoit runs in to an Orlando Jordan flatliner after that, and Bradshaw’s attempt at stealing the pinfall is unsuccessful. He has words with Jordan afterwards, and that results in a handshake. It’s a SWERVE~!, though, as Orlando tosses his former friend out of the ring. Hardy reinserts himself in to the match at this point, hitting a Side Effect on Jordan and going for the same on Benoit. It’s countered, though, and there’s a Crossface. Hardy taps out in seconds like a good little jobber.

Winner: Chris Benoit

After the match, Booker T storms off to the backstage area. He’s met by Teddy Long, who informs him that any use of a substitute during the PPV will result in the title being forfeited.

When we come back from a commercial, JBL yells at Kristal Marshall about how he can beat anybody in the company despite losing the last match. That draws a challenge from Bobby Lashely. Jillian accepts on Bradshaw’s behalf, thus making the match official for No Way Out. The Texan does not seem happy with this turn of events.

Meanwhile, Matt Hardy is licking his wounds in the back. Melina shows up and promises to lick something else if she helps him out. (Well, not in those exact words . . . but you get the idea.)

Meanwhile, Josh Matthews interviews Mark Henry and Daivari. They’re bitter that the Underaker is getting a title shot at the pay per view, and this will supposedly lead to UT being taken out in tonight’s main event.

Meanwhile . . . oh, sorry, there is no more meanwhile. There are just more commercials.

Match Numero Dos: MNM (Mercury & Nitro) w/ Melina vs. Brian Kendrick & Paul London

This is the result of MNM challenging any team in the back to a non-title match. Mercury and London start, with both men working the arm. Mercury blocks an armdrag for a quick forearm, but London catches him on a drop down and gets an Oklahoma roll for two. A London rana follows, and here comes Spanky. DOUBLE STOMP OFF THE TOP ON TO MERCURY’S ARM! It’s sold like nothing happened, unfortunately. Mercury trades off to Nitro, who gets ranaed just like his partner. A monkey flip is next from Kendrick . . . but Nitro flips out of it and lands on his feet. There’s another rana and a dropkick from Kendrick, and he brings London back in for another dropkick. Nitro counters an enzuguri and clotheslines London in the back of the head, allowing a tag to Mercury. Joey doesn’t do well, getting hit with the Mushroom Stop and the dropsault courtesy of the former Cruiserweight Champion. Mercury then eats a double team Japanese armdrag, and Nitro runs in, only to be dropkicked by Spanky. Mercury heads to the outside, where he ducks under a Spanky baseball slide, only to get nailed with a rana on the floor. London follows that up with a tope con hilo, but MNM gets the advantage back thanks to a distraction by Melina. Copious double teaming on Kendrick begins, as he takes a flipping bump in to the turnbuckles and then gets caught in a Joey Mercury backbreaker. He escapes with knee strikes and tags London, though the referee didn’t see it. The Tag Champs get in a Snapshot as Paul accidentally distracts the referee, and that’s the finish.

Winners: MNM

After the latest ad break, we go to a video package on Smackdown’s recent tour of Japan. The usual crowd of WWE look-a-likes are there, this time joined by a trio of MNM impersonators.

Now it’s time for an interview with Randy Orton. If you’ve watched professional wrestling for more than two months, you know what happens here. He teases being apologetic about last week’s comments while backstage and then drives out in a lowrider. He reveals that his statements were designed to goad Rey Misterio in to a match at No Way Out. Ya think? Rey Rey jumps him, leans his face against the ringpost, and then dropkicks it.

I know that this is supposed to be the unopinionated, vanilla report, but let me just say fuck this shit. Seriously.

Match Numero Tres: Gregory Helms (c) vs. Nunzio for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

We head to the mat to start, and Kid Kash is out to watch the match, as he’s getting a title shot next week against whoever the winner of this one may be. Nunzio rolls up Helms as he gets distracted by the K-I-D, and there’s a rana from the Sicilian. Sugar Shae bails and hits an interesting move when he returns to the ring, going for a TKO but dropping Nunzio gut first over the top rope instead of letting him fall to the mat. Helms then sends Guido shoulder first in to the top turnbuckle and follows up with the divorce court. That sets up a cross body block from the top, and Helms goes to a version of the Million Dollar Dream. Nunzio does the stereotypical babyface comeback bit, absent any heat from the crowd. A neckbreaker and a series of clotheslines follow from the challenger, as does another rana. Neckbreaker number two gets two for Mr. Maritato, and a backdrop suplex looks to set up something from the second rope. It misses, and Helms lifts his opponent up in to a fireman’s carry. From there, he drops Nunzio face-first on to his knee and then hits his version of the Shining Wizard to end the match.

Winner: Gregory Helms

Backstage, Kristal Marshall is with Palmer Cannon, who reintroduces the juniors, only to be interrupted by Ken Kennedy, who is then interrupted by Paul Birchall in his new pirate gimmick. They’re attempting to make him look as much like Johnny Depp’s character in Pirates of the Carribean as possible. “Hello,” says Birchall. Then he walks off. Ooookay.

Match Number Four: Octagoncito & Pequeno Violencia vs. Mascarita Sagrada & Tzuki

Sagrada and Violencia start, and they trade quick nearfalls. A Sagrada armdrag is the first real move of the match, and it’s followed by a wheelbarrow armdrag. Violencia then misses a splash in the corner, and here comes Tzuki. Violencia misses another splash, and Tzuki hits a satellite rana. Violencia eventually catches him in an armbar, and that lets Octagoncito tag in. They try for a double team, but Tzuki escapes it and ranas everybody. Mini-Octagon hits a backbreaker, but everybody gets interrupted by Finlay’s music. He walks out to the ring with a shalaylee of all things and kicks Octagoncito in the face. Tzuki tries to run away through the crowd but gets hung up on the safety wall. Finaly pulls him off of it in to a sick face first bump, and then Tzuki EATS THE KRYPTONITE CRUNCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! That alone should make the little guy WWE Rookie of the Year.

Finlay explains that he’s here to fight, as though that wasn’t already apparent.

Raw Rebound: Sadly, Jim Duggan’s appearance gets cut.

After a commercial, Tazz and Cole run down the card for No Way Out:

– Kurt Angle (c) vs. The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship
– Rey Misterio vs. Randy Orton for Misterio’s Wrestlemania title shot
– Bobby Lashley vs. JBL w/ Jillian Hall
– Booker T (c) w/ Sharmell vs. Chris Benoit for the United States Championship

We cut to Booker and Sharmell after that, and they get frightened when the trunk of their rental car is full of worms.

Match Numero Cinco: The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry w/ Daivari

The announcers are hyping this up as the first meeting between the two men, which, if it’s true, is odd given the amount of time that they’ve spent in the company together. It’s also supposedly the Undertaker’s first free TV match in four months. UT is wearing an extra-heavy layer of eyeliner to celebrate the occasion.

The nice, old fashioned headlock/shoulderblock sequence opens things up, with Taker spending an extra-long amount of time in Henry’s headlock. Undie goes for a hiptoss, but it’s reversed in to Mizark’s version of the move. Henry runs in to a boot, but he recovers quickly and hits a clothesline. He tries to follow up with a sitdown splash while Taker is on the ropes, but UT moves and the World’s Strongest Man slides between the ropes and lands on the arena floor, landing on his feet. That’s the cue for our mid-match ad break. The magic of the instant replay shows us that Henry took a great bump in to the ring steps while we were away, and he’s still looking a little dazed. Taker rolls his man back in to the ring and brings an elbow down across Mark’s throat as it’s stretched over the ring apron. A leg drop in the same position follows up, and UT teases going after Daivari . . . though no mention is made of their history from the summer of 2005. Taker executes the ropewalk when he returns to the ring, and he gets in a NICE running kneelift in the corner. After that he attempts what looks like a Stinger Splash (?), only to have Henry catch him in a bearhug, ramming him in to the buckles immediately thereafter. A slam follows from the former Olympian, and now he’s standing on his opponent, with Daivari getting in a cheap shot. Both wrestlers head to the ringside area now, and UT’s back is sent in to both the security wall and the apron. Henry tries to rain down the headbutts back in the ring, but Taker comes back with body blows and a pair of Vader Attacks in the corner. Henry cuts off a chokeslam attempt with a kneelift, but Undie responds with his flying clothesline. That sets up the chokeslam for real, and he signals for the Tombstone as MNM run-in.

Taker takes out everybody, including a chokeslam on Daivari. He tries for a double chokeslam on the Tag Champs, but Henry cuts that off. Here comes Kurt Angle, who German suplexes everybody to save the man that he’ll meet for the title at No Way Out. He tries to do a bit more damage to Henry, but the World’s Strongest Man gets in a Vader Attack to cut that off. It looks like things are about to turn in the favor the heels, but Taker pops up and boots Henry out of the ring, returning the favor to Angle.

All of this brings out Teddy Long, who makes our main event for next week: MNM & Mark Henry against the Undertaker and Kurt Angle in a handicap match. Everybody stands around looking at each other after that, and there’s the end to your show.

Welp, that’s it for a relatively inoffensive edition of Smackdown. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow with Velocity. Until then, you can check out this week’s Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People, as well as my 411 Blog.