wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 5.8.24
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...Part Two sees Michael Ornelas chat it up with a pretty hot comedian about the intricacies of the Chipotle experience!
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
Y’all, I’m later than the period of a pregnant teen, so let’s just get to it!
I should note that Don Callis is on commentary.
Orange Cassidy vs Trent Barreta
I am about ten minutes behind, so there is likely not a lot left here, but we got Trent hitting a chop to the throat, then a suplex attempt. OC tries for a Stundog, but Trent holds on, only for OC to spin and hit a tornado DDT! He kips up. OC starts with the kicks, going harder and harder with each one. Ref holds him back, but he side steps and mounts for rights and lefts. OC rips his elbow pad off and readies for the Orange Punch. Trent pulls himself up by the ref, OC flies, half and half suplex from Trent! According to Excalibur, that hsasnt been a single pin attempt here, and that’s a nice tough. Trent with a piledriver. He grabs OC and locks his head up then hits a spike piledriver! Trent toys with OC, holding his hands up for a hug, only to run and hit a knee to the face. Trent exposes a buckle. The ref yells at him. OC exposes his own buckle.
Trent runs to OC and a drop toe hold sends Trent into the top buckle! Rollup for 1…..2….3!!!
Winner: Orange Cassidy
I didn’t catch the first half, but it was an Orange Cassidy match, so you just know it was five stars.
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: N/A
After the match, an angry Trent BArreta attacks Orange Cassidy! He gouges the eye! Trent grabs OC and hits a piledriver ONTO THE STEPS!!! OC is dead! Trent grabs OC and catapults him into some steel under the apron. OC crawls away, grabs a chair, and tries to defend himself as Trent grabs a toolbox from under the ring. OC is up, struggling, and here comes Don Callis to stop the attack. Out comes Kris Statlander to hold Trent back as Don asks Orange if he is alright. Don walks OC up the ramp to the back as Kris pleads for Trent to drop the box and chill.
We head backstage to The Young Bucks driving. The cam is in the back seat, and we see The Bucks parking in Tony Khan’s spot while being douche nozzles.
We come back to Kenny Omega in a hospital bed. He says he is here because of The Young Bucks, people he saw as family for 15 years. He has been thinking. May 26, the five year anniversary, how bout Anarchy in the Arena? The Young Bucks, Okada, and Jack Perry against Team AEW. Two names that come to him immediately…FTR. As for the other two, he’s new to this match – making thing, but something tells him that they’ll review themselves to The Bucks later tonight. Until they meet again, he must bid them adieu. Goodbye and goodnight. With a muah and a bang.
We switch gears to Tony Schiavone at the ramp, and he introduces Serena Deeb.
Out comes The Professor who says she is excited to be wrestling for the title in Vegas. She is aware, everyone loves Toni Storm. She’s aware of the narrative, too, that Deeb cant beat her. As much as this upsets her, she gets it. She thought it was important to explain her reasons why losing is not an option. Several months ago, she returned after a long 15 months on the shelf, and it was the hardest time of her life.
For those that don’t know, last year she suffered three unprovoked seizures. It was hard for her, the most traumatic, and scary. This weight on her shoulders at all times, the possibility of it happening again. She saw doctors, got scans, trying to figure out why it happened and she couldn’t. No one could. From what she’s learned, the hardest part is that a lot of times, you don’t know what causes them. She thought about her career, and the thing that stuck in her mind was this dream of becoming champion. She carried this vision in her head of what it would be to…
Here comes Toni Storm to cut the shit.
We go classic color, and wonders who this is? She calls Deeb a charity case and tosses money at her.
Deeb tells her to start giving a shit and start taking this seriously. She has fought for her life and at Double or Nothing, she will do it again to become champion. Toni wants to tell her that everything she has gone through, she can honestly tell her, that she doesn’t give a single solitary shit.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Toni tries for a cheap shot, Deeb blocks, and hits a hard right, knocking out Toni.
Backstage, Orange is hurting. In comes Rocky Romero who tells OC that he got off the phone with Tony Khan who told him that if Rocky wins tonight, they get a trios title shot with OC. They can pick the third. Maybe even ask Trent.
OC removes his glasses at that, tells Rocky they’ll figure it out and good luck.
Don is back on commentary for some reason.
Mariah May vs Harley Cameron (w/ Saraya)
Harley grabs May and shoots her to the corner, with kicks and some shoulders. She brings May to the center, kicks the face then hits a running knee. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Right hand to May. A bounce off the back. Harley slams May down face first. She locks up from behind and slams her down face first again.
We see Saraya talking shit to some short-haired girl in the crowd.
Back to the action in the ring and May hits a double chop to the tits. Corner and a back elbow, whip to the corner and another big back elbow. May with a side spin then a slam. She hits the ropes, dropkick to the face.
High kick from Harley on the apron.
We come back from a break where both girls collide in the middle of the ring. Saraya is still yelling at a fan outside. Both girls up on their knees at 5. Right hand from each, going back and fort.h They get to their feet. May with the beatdown over and over. She hits the ropes, Harley follows, back elbow. May returns the favor. She lifts up and slams her down hard. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Jaw breaker from Harley. Harley tries to kick, May catches it, huge headbutt from May! May to the apron! She climbs the corner, Harley is up, shotgun dropkick! May calls for the hip attack, but Saraya pulls Harley out of the ring. May heads outside, and gives Saraya a HUGE right hand! May screams at her to stay out of her business then heads back into the ring where Harley lay. Surprise cradle from Harley! 1..2..NO!!!!
May has her up! May Day! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Mariah May
I could have done without the camera continuously going to Saraya for no good reason. The match was ok.
Total Rating: **
Match Time:9:01
Saraya attacks May along with Harley. We switch the camera to the ramp, but no one is there. Someone missed a cue.
Anyway, May’s former tag team partner from Stardom comes out! Mina Shirakawa hits a back elbow to Harley! May grabs Mina in her arms and they are about to kiss, but Mina turns her cheek and starts dancing, asking for champagne.
We head backstage with a new interviewer. She’s with Pac and asks if Death Triangle is still a thing.
Pac says he is not concerned with Death Triangle, but here come Bullet Club Gold. Jay White says Death Triangle is dead. Pac needs to be concerned with himself. Pac is coming off a loss. There is someone that knows how to beat Okada, and it’s him. So maybe he should go after that title and add some gold to their hall. Tonight, though, he’s got Rocky, so Pac and his new friend can hang out in the back and watch to learn some things about winning.
Swerve Strickland is here, and he is OUR All Elite Wrestling World Champion.
Swerve is in a foul mood, a pissed of mood, a fighting mood. Here is why:
We see last Wednesday, where Cage clocked him with the mic then beatdown Swerve and ripped out a dread.
Swerve says when you become champion, everyone wants a piece of you, some quite literally. He cant blame Cage for doin what he did. He’s done things, too. When you see someone at the top, you come for them, and make no mistake, he is at the top. He wants for Cage and the rest of The Addams Family to come down right now.
Don is still on commentary, and I see he’s replacing Tazz. Duh.
Cage is out at the to pof the ramp with Wednesday, Puglsey, and Cousin It.
Cage is impressed – our champion in Edmonton, where in a couple of hours, the Canucks will stomp them. Speaking of that, it’s what happened to Swerve last week. Cage has decided that every week, he will be taking something of Swerve’s until he takes the title. Swerve has had a huge wave of momentum, but waves crash, and at Double or Nothing, it’ll crash at his feet. He is the face of TBS, TNT, and deserves to stand on top of the mountain. After Double or Nothing, when the dust is settled, just know that when his house has been foreclosed on, he can see gold any time he looks in the mirror and look at his stupid teeth. Unless…Cage takes those from him right now.
Swerve told his asshe wasn’t coming alone.
Here comes The Mogul Embassy to hop into the ring, waiting for the attack. What’s wrong, asks Swerve, get in the ring. He wants to beat his ass down like Kendrick did to Drake this past weekend. It wont be the first time someone from the West Coast took out a fake father from Toronto!!!! Come in the ring, take out his old teeth. When Christian is faced an uncomfortable position, he’s going to say “I Quit.”
Cage looks to say something, but he’s stunned….
THEN BRIAN CAGE ATTACKS SWERVE!!!!
Toa and Bishop join in on the attack! Toa chokes Swerve out, lifts him up, and shoots him into the arms of Bishop. Big gut shots from Toa over and over. Cage lifts Swerve up and slams him down. Refs come down but they shove them out. Cage grabs Swerve, presses him above his head, and tosses him outside. Cage rips the stuff off the table as Bishop and Toa grab the steps. Toa and Bishop slam Swerve through the table as Christian and his fam, leave.
I just don’t care about these guys enough for this to have any type of added effect.
Cage walks backstage to shake hands with The Bucks, telling them great idea and he is looking forward to a fruitful relationship. Matt wonders if this was considered a “bitch move.” Nick says no. Matt then tells someone to tuck their shirt in.
We head ringside, where Tony and Excalibur and Don are standing, annoyed.
We are backstage with Willow Nightingale! She is not feling super great, physically, but emotionally and spiritually, she feels great. As for Mercedes, she is ready. She is ready for any challenge. Double or Nothing is just another stop in being a champion. The question should be, is Mercedes ready? Is she? Last time they stepped foot in the same ring, Willow walked out the victor. She has respect for her ,but since then, Willow has been on the run of her life. She has won in NJPW, won The Owen Cup, and now she is the TBS Champion. Mercedes can win all the attention and red carpets, but in the ring, Willow is just better. Is Mercedes ready for the fight of their lives?
Jay White vs Rocky Romero
Jay with some shit talking bfore laying in with some kicks. Rocky rolls out of the ring and goads Jay into the chase. Rocky rolls back in and mocks jay with the bang bang. Dropkick to Jay shoots him off the arpon. Jay flies through the ropes with a suicide dive. Jay back in, Rocky hits a clothesline in the corner, another. Jay with a huge hit to drop Rocky!
Back from the break and Jay rolls out of the ring, only for Rocky to follow and run up the steps for a rana. Rocky sends Jay into the ring, climbs the apron, to the top rope. Rocky flies, crossbody! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Rocky rushes the corner, Jay kicks up, rollup from Rocky, gets a 1..2..NO!!! Knee strike from Rocky, right hand, locs the head, runs up the corner turns, and Jay catches him, spins him. Tries for Blade Runner, Rocky escapes, backslide! 1..2..NO!!! Rocky almost gets it! Enziguri! Hits the ropes, running sliced bread! Cover! 1..2…NO!!!
Jay with a biiiiig suplex. Grabs the head. Blade Runner! Cover! 1..2…3!!
Winner: Jay White
Completely guuutttted by the commercial, but what little time they had, they put a lot in. Solid affair, and Jay continues to prove his worth.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 8:04
After some celebration, The Gunns attack Rocky. It’s short lived because here comes Pac to kill these bitches dead. The Gunns and Jay leave the ring quickly, not wanting any of the smoke.
Samoa Joe with a video package that talks about being a warrior.
Chris Jericho and Big Bill vs Moe Jabari and Harlon Abbot
So a Mo and a Harlon walk under a tree…
They both leaf it all in the ring.
Winners: Chris Jericho and Big Bill
-yawn-
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:27
Jericho grabs a mic and says thanks guys. It’s a pleasure to come back to Calgary – oops, he means Edmonton. He apologizes, he’s just been traveling along the world giving people memories, sometimes he makes mistakes, but you learn from those mistakes. He wishes he could be on Dynamite for 2 hours straight, but he is here now as the FTW Champion. It’s for all of us. He thanks us for that, and wants to thank Big Bill. Good job tonight. He’s been pulled into The Jericho Vortex. He also wants to thank Shibata. They chopped each other 79 times. Good times. He also wants to thank Hook. Havent seen him since Dynasty, but take as much time as you need.
Schiavone hops into the ring with a mic. He was told that Hook will be back next Wednesday. Jericho is looking forward to it. We should celebrate. Thanks everyone, says Jericho.
TNT Championship Match
No Disqualification
Brody King vs Adam Copeland
Side headlock from Brody. Locks it in off the ropes. Stomp to the foot. Adam hits the ropes and Brody hits a tackle. Adam up in surprise.Go behind from Adam, side headlock. Brody shoots him off, shoots him back, Adam tries to lift but Brody elbows him down in the face. Brody hits the ropes, locks the head, tries for a pwoerbomb maybe but Adam backs up to the ropes. Brody is all smiles, Adam hits the ropes, Brody lands over them, lands on the apron, Adam spears the mid, goes for another, Brody with a nckbreaker through the ropes!
we come back to Brody on the outside running for a crossbody. Adam moves, and Brody collides with the barricade knees first. Adam with a chair! He attacks Brody with it a few times then drags Brody into the ring. Adam still has some chairs. He is on the apron, tries to lift Brody, but Brody is too heavy. He goes for a piledriver, but Adam escapes and rips at the eyes. Big right is missed by Brody. Adam locks the head. DDT ONTO THE CHAIR!
Adam circles the ring, comes back to Brody, and Brody is covered in blood. He is smiling, though. Adam slaps him silly then shoots him into the ring. Adam to the top rope. Crossbody off the top! Cover for 1.2..N!O!! Adam sets a vhair up in the corner sideways. He grabs a piece of metal that seemingly came off the chair, but Brody is there to hit him with a huge lariat. Brody is DRIPPING blood. It’s disgusting. Brody grabs a chair, puts in down in the corner. He sends Adam into the chair.
We are BACK and Brody chokes Adam up in the corner, from high above. Adam tosses him over head with a snapmare type move. Clothesline from both in the center. They collide again. Big boot from both and both men are down. They come back up and Brody hits a huge elbow. Adam is up! FIREMANS! But he cant keep standing! He collapses and Brody falls into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! He pulls Adam to the corner. Brody barks. He turns in the corner and rushes for a cannonball senton! Cover! 1..2….NO!!!! Brody locks the head, lifts up for a powerbomb, Adam slips out, grabs the chin, and slams Brody down hard! He goes for a spear but Brody sidesteps! DVD ON THE APRON by Adam!! Adam enters the ring. Brody stands on the apron. SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES THROUGH A TABLE!!!!!
Adam crawls towards the ring, so does Brody. They side in on adjacent sides and Adam with another SPEAR! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Adam Copeland
Man that was a lot of blood. Not too sure it was necessary, but this was probably the best of the past few matches Adam has had. Don’t sleep on Brody, that boy can go.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 18:25
Brody on the attack!!! Here comes Kyle O’Reilly! he attacks Brody with a bunch of hits then he and Adam clothesline Brody out of the ring. Kyle helps Adam up to hold his hand high.
Backstage, Mercedes Mone has some words for Willow. She says we are 18 days away from her in-ring debut. She is so excited. Here is where the best wrestle, and she thrives in that spotlight and under pressure. Tomorrow, she’ll be courtside at the Celtics game, and on Saturday, she’ll be throwing out the first pitch for the Red Sox. When she’s not promoting AEW, she is in the gym every day. Yes, she is ready. As for Willow, she took something from her she will never get back – time. She lost a year of her career, and all she could think was why. Why did this happen to her? Will she even be able to return? Will she be as good as she used to be? Will she?
Damn right she will be. She is on a whole new level. Back with a vengeance, because she is that bitch. Willow had the run of her career because of her. She will show Willow why there is an asterisk over her victory. She will take the title and wipe the stupid smile off her face. Enjoy her time as champ, because at Double or Nothing, money changes everything.
Backstage, Adam Copeland is relieved that Kyle was there to help. Kyle has a favor. They’re in his hometown this Saturday…how bout it? Cope Open?
Adam wonders if this is why he came out to help. If that was the plan, well played. He takes him up on the challenge.
WE head back to the ring, and The Young Bucks come out with Jack Perry and Okada. Okada has a note for Kenny.
Okada says The Best Bout Machine says Get Well Soon. MUAH.
Matt has some words for Tony Khan, too. He is the best boss Matt’s ever worked for, and he hopes he’s feeling better, too. He just wishes that they were never here to try to hurt AEW, they’re here to make it a better place. Tony got in their way. They gave Tony Khan the Tony Khan Driver, and Omega, the EVP, the EVP Trigger. As for FTR, if they want Anarchy, then that’s what they’re going to get. Good luck finding two other people with big enough balls toface The Elite.
FTR are here. Dax knew it wouldn’t be easy to find some people willing to fight the EVPs, but he found a couple of guys with big enough balls.
Here comes…
Eddie Kingston who is READY to FUCK! SHIT! UP!
And….
Bryan Danielson! Whoa….
Didn’t see that coming.
All four men enter the ring to go face to face with The Elite.
Matt yells at them to not even think about putting one finger on them, but of course, no one listens, and we get the melee to end all melees!
End Show
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