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Acero’s WWE RAW Report 4.3.23
Image Credit: WWE
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Hey Everyone!
It’s been about 13 years that I’ve been writin for this site, and within those thirteen years, I’ve received actual e-mails only a handful of times. I’d like to welcome a new one into the Hall of Fame:
Catch me Wednesday where I continue the dick riding tour!
As a reminder, the GoFundMe for Larry’s daughters is still active and if you can make a donation, that would be awesome. Thank you so much to everyone who’s done so thus far.
A recap of Money in the Bank and that one star main event is shown before we go live to YOUR World Heavyweight Champion, Seth Rollins who takes in his song for a few beats before bowing and speaking directly to Baltimore.
Seth brings up Jey handing Reigns his first pinfall in three and a half years. Love to see it. Iyo wins the briefcase. Priest wins a briefcase. And of course, he beat Finn Balor and is still champ. He has heard from a bird that Summerslam is only five weeks away, and there is only one thing on his mind…
Cody Rhodes has some thoughts.
Cody: “So….”
Ahahha
Brock Lesnar’s music hits! He’s here!!!
Cody turns, removes his jacket, and goes straight for the attack. Brock is smiling, and they clash. They fight towards the ring, into it, and in them idle. Cody with a surprise Cody Cutter to Brock!
We come back to RAW and Seth is, hilariously, still in the ring. He laughs off Cody and Brock and says he’s looking forward to seeing who will be the next person in line.
Seth could hardly get rolling as he is interrupted again by The Judgment Day sans Finn.
Rhea Ripley says that’s enough outta Seth. Everyone here is to see them. Seth points out that they are missing someone. Rhea says Finn is fine. Damien Priest tells Seth not to worry about their business. The only thing he needs to worry about is the briefcase. Seth knows how this works: if he decides to cash in, it could happen anywhere, even tonight. Maybe after he beats Shinsuke, he becomes World Champ.
Seth says that sounds all well and good, but the one problem is Seth’s gotta be down and out, and he is fresh as a daisy. He doesn’t have a match, he was going to leave early.
Priest tells him he’s the man of opportunity, so how bout he give one to Dominic.
Rhea says she’s already defending her title, but Dom Dom is looking for a fight.
Dominic Mysterio tries to say something but the crowd shits all over him. It’s great. Rhea speaks for him, says he wants Seth tonight. Seth says this sounds like a trap, but he’d love nothing more than to slap Dom’s mustache off his face so he’s going to let the crowd decide.
Damien Priest vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Shinny works the arm, but Priest goes super-heel and tugs on the hair. Hard right to the face from Priest. Shin hits a knee. This drops Priest. Shinsuke hits some knees on the ground, then hits the ropes and dropkicks Priest low. Kick in the corner from Shin. Priest grabs a boot, misses a right hand. Shoulder tackle from Priest. Whip from priest followed by a back elbow in the corner. Priest locks the head. Priest tries for a suplex, Shinsuke escapes, Priest boxes the ears then corners Priest. Shin hits a right, lays Priest atop the ropes, running knee from Shinsuke. He slides out, Priest follows and gets sent to the barricade, but Priest lifts him up and suplexes shinsuke onto it.
WE are BACK and Shinsuke is kicking the arm of Priest. Priest tries to stop him, but Shin does a sort of STO slam. Priest is up in the corner and Shinspins him onto the ropes and hits a sliding German! Shinsuke mocks Rhea then blows her a kiss, but Dom catches it and tosses it aside!
Shin back in the ring, drops Priest, and covers for 1..2.NO!! Shinsuke flies off the top rope but Priest with an uppercut! Priest grabs Shin by the head, right elbow, Shin escapes a slam with a rollup for 1..2.NO!!! He tries an arm bar, but Priest locks the fingers. Priest is up, shoves Shin, hits the ropes, high kick to the head! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! Pries tries for Razor’s Edge, Shinsuke turns this into a rollup for 1..2.NO!!! kick from Shin! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Shin to the top rope! He flies, knee to the chin of Priest! Shin runs for the finish, but Priest ducks under, rolls him up for 1..NO!!!
He grabs Shin, locks his arms up behind him, then hits a huge short-arm clothesline. Priest calls for the end. GOOZL! SOUTH OF HEAVEN! 1….2….3!!!
Winner: Damien Priest
One of my BIGGEST gripes every year with the Money in the Bank is how quickly the winner turns into a loser due to the false assumption that they can lose simply because they have the briefcase. It’s a large part of why so many cash-ins resulted in lackluster reigns. Thankfully, they aren’t doing that – at least not yet – and it made for a really solid back and forth that didn’t hurt Shinsuke but certainly helped Preist.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 11:04
Ronda Rousey is out but she is unable to get a word out, here comes Shayna Baszler who tells Ronda that we all think she sucks on the mic, and we all know it. Ronda wants an explanation. Shayna owes her that.
Shayna says the only thing she owes anyone is an apology for bringing her into this business. Ronda asks her to say something instead of going for the tag titles. They worked together for –
Shayna says Ronda wasn’t at her tryout, she didn’t build rings to perform for thirty people. She paid her dues. She kicked the front door down to get here and Ronda walked in through the back, straight to Mania. Believe it or not, Shayna loves this, and Ronda has ruined it for her. She owes Ronda the sobering reality that there is someone here that can finally shut her up.
Not really sure if they were trying to make Ronda a face here, but that is most certainly NOT what happened. Lol.
Ronda kicks Shayna off the apron, then leaves the ring to attack. She sends Shayna back in and locks a sleeper in, but Shayna grabs Ronda by the fucking BRAID and flips Ronda over her head. ANKLE LOCK TO RONDA! Ronda pulls herself ot the ropes, but Shanya stops her with a boot, then hits her with a HUGE running knee.
We are backstage, and Maxxine has Otis in a headlock. In comes Chad Gable who asks her if she is ready for her first match. She is ready, says she is sick of The Viking Raiders underestimating her and Chad Gable’s coaching ability. Gable cuts a patriotic promo ending with a smile, and Otis going full Kool-Aid man on us.
Number One Contender’s Match
Tag Team Turmoil
Tegan Nox and Dana Brooke vs Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell vs Emma and Nikki Cross vs Sonya Deville and Chelsea Green vs Katana Chance and Kayden Carter
Indi starts with a side slam to Sonya, then one for Green. Indi with an uppercut to Sonya, who hangs over the second rope. Tag to LeRae. Indi drops Sonya with a gutbuster, and Chelsea with a spinning neckbreaker. Green stops the pin at 1..2.NO!!! Kick to Indi’s face. Candace sends Green outside. Chleasea with. Step up senton to the back. She springboards for a moonsault, but misses. Green tags in, locks the arms from behind, Sonya shoves Indi poff the apron, Green drops Sonya then tries to cover, but Green is the legal person…the cover gets a 1..2…3!
Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell are eliminated</b.
Nikki runs in with an attack! She then realizes that Candice is hurt on the outside. She tags in Emma and goes to check on Candice.
Emma with a kick to Green in the ring. She sends Green to the corner, hits a right, suplex to Green. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Emma steps on the hair and pulls Green up then tosses Green into the corner and hits a running crossbody. Cover for 1.2..NO!!! Nikki is shown tugging on her hair, having a bit of a breakdown as Emma tri3s for a tag. Emma turns into an Unprettier. Sonya with a running knee. Cover gets a 1…2..3!!!
Emma and Nikki Cross are eliminated
Up comes Tegan Nox and Dana Brooke. Nox corners Green, tags in Dana, and we get a front suplex to Green. Green wants a timeout. Dana and Nox hit double baseball slides.
WE get a commercial break and come back to find out that
Tegan Nox and Dana Brooke are eliminated
Kayden and Katana are in with some excitement, but Green and Deville stop that quickly. They double suplex Chance then Green covers for 1..2..NO!! Tag from Sonya. Sonya punches Katana a few times then tags in Green. Green sends Chance into the ropes, she holds on, kick to Green, tag form Cross who hits a right hand off the apron. Whip to the corner, Green sends Chance flying, Cross with another right. She grabs Green and lifts her up to the top buckle. Green attacks the back then sits on the shoulders of Green .Tag from Chance and she hits a freaking RANA OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO GREEN ALLLLLL THE WAY DOWN! Damn that looked scary. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Tag to Cross. She sets up for a neckbreaker. Chance ot the top rope, tries for the after party, Sonya shoves Chance off the corner.
Cross locks up from behind to Green, rollup for 1..2.NO!!! Sonya punches Cross on the rebound. UnprettiHER and a cover for 1..2..3!!!
Winners: Sonya Deville and Chelsea Green
I could have done without roughly 80% of this match. In fact, giving us just the final four would have been quite alright, because no one else mattered. One possible thing to gain here is that they included some story with Cross/Emma/Candice. Other than that, quality was severely lacking.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 12:08
We are back and Becky Lynch is, too! She comes out to the ring to say hello to Baltimore. She says there is something ringing in her ears that she cannot rid herself of, and it is Trish Stratus. She cannot think of a better time and place to end this than right here and now.
Trish Stratus and Zoey Stark come out. Trish is wearing a face mask ala Dashing Cody Rhodes. This isn’t funny, says Trish. She is prettier than each and every one of us, even in this mask. In fact, we all need one. Trish is not medically cleared, so she cant fight.
Becky offers a match to Zoey. Trish takes offense. Says no one is better than her, including Becky. Maybe one day Zoey might be better thanks to her tutelage. But currently, no one is better. She is the GOAT.
Becky recalls Trish beating her through nefarious means. Seems like she’s not The GOAT, it seems like Becky is, and if Zoey wants to get better, she should go through Becky. We all know Trish wont be around here long. She’ just here to get some glory, rub up against the big time, pimp out whatever magazine she’s on, then what happens to Zoey. You gonna hire her for the yoga studio? Why is Trish still here if she doesn’t want to fight?
Trish says she is here because she is the face of the division that she built, that she gave relevancy too. Becky hated when the two of them would walk around backstage and people would say thank you to Trish, and nothing to Becky. Trish says Zoey will break Becky’s face.
They head down the ramp, but Trish stops her and says they have an appointment to get to and have to leave now. But how bout Becky keep her calendar open for next week.
We are on the side of the ramp and Cody is going to get a quick interview, it appears.
Cody Rhodes is asked about earlier tonight but some new girl named Jackie. Cody tells the crowd to say hello to Jackie. Cody says he is a man of his word. He said he’d be waiting for Brock, and the moment he showed up. Welcome back, Brock. We are not done yet. Brock broke his arm, Cody busted Brock’s face. There is no way they can continue to co-exist. He’ll fight Brock any night, every night.
Six-Person Tag Team Match
The Viking Raiders vs The Alpha Academy
Chad and Erik to start. Gable with a side headlock, to the ropes, right hand from Erik. Another right. Cravat from behind. Gable with an uppercut, another. Back suplex but Gable lands on his feet. Tag to Otis. Right, one for Ivar. The big men collide and Otis hits a body slam. Splash in the corner to Erik. Erik drops and Otis is ready to roll. He hits it and we get an Alpha pose!
We are back and Otis tags in Gable, who comes in for some offense to Ivar. Gable ends it with a spinning neckbreaker. Erik comes in, eat an Exploder. Gable to the top rope. Ivar meets him there. Gable fights him down. Hits a headbutt. BULLDOG OFF THE TOP ROPE! Gable splashes against Erik, sending him outside. He hits a cannoball senton to Erik! To the top rope! Dives with a headbutt to Ivar! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Erik stops the pin! Rolling elboe to Erik, in comes Ivar with a leg lariat. Maxxine wants a tag! She stomps the apron. The girls want in. Gable crawls. TAG!
Maxxine with a euck under and an arm drag, another. She locks the head, hooks. SUPLEX!!! THANK YOU!!! Clothesline in the corner. Otis on the apron. He yells for her to do the work…and boy does it get awkward. She tries for the worm, but Valhalla hits a running knee.
The Viking Raiders attack Otis on the outside, but Gable hits them all with a moonsault!
In the ring, Valhalla sends Maxxine to the corner, she hops up, rolls up for a 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Alpha Academy
Cute enough win, but that “worm” was….somethin…
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 7:58
A recap of Nattie’s downfall the past few weeks.
Apparently, after the Men’s MitB match, Ricochet and Logan Paul had a little scuffle backstage.
We go live to Ricochet who gives Logan his dues, saying he respects that he can hang, but when he got into Ricochet’s face after the match. It wasn’t his night. Ricochet has a challenge, but he wont do it on social media. He invites logan to RAW next week, face to face.
Rhea Ripley is out first, even tho she is the champion, thus telegraphing the surprise of Natalya attacking her from behind with a bit of a beatdown.
She tosses Rhea into the barricade, then the steps. She sends Rhea face first into th apron, then hits her with a right hand. Natalya tosses her into the ring. Nattie follows.
Women’s World Championship Match
Natalya vs Rhea Ripley
Nattie quickly tries for a sharpshooter, but Rhea leaves the ring. Natalya follows and there’s Rhea to hit her hard with a right hand. She slams Nattie into the table a few times. Rhea grabs Natalya and rolls her into the ring. Rhea follows. GERMAN FROM NATALYA! Natalya with some rights, slap to the face, lifts for a slam, but Rhea lands on her feet and hits Natalya with a forearm to the back. A right hand. Natalya splashes Rhea in the corner. Rhea with a headbutt! Natalya is out! Rhea covers. 1..2…NO!!! kick from Rhea, but Nattie with rights and lefts to the back. Rhea kicks her, and Nattie drops. Rhea lifts Nattie up, sends her to the corner. Rhea lifts, sits Nattie on the corner. Right hand to the face. Slap to the face. Rhea climbs. Nattie with some pnches. Headbutt sends Rhea off the corner. Nattie flies! Crossbody! Rhea blocks a eight and hits her own, another, another. Kick from Rhea, stomp to the foot, she sends Nattie into the knee face first. Rhea with a dropkick. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!
We are BACK and Natalya tries for a Sharpshooter. Rhea shoots her off then swings with a kick to the side of the face. Rhea tries for a powerbomb, but Natalya with a rana! Discus Lariat! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! nattie sends Rhea in the corner, Rhea with a double boot ot the chest. Rhea to the top rope. She flies with a dropkick! Cover! 1..2…NO!!!!! Rhea with the Prism Lock! Nattie sends Rhea to the corner out of the hold. She shoots the legs. Rhea sends her headfirst into the middle buckle. Rhea stomps Nattie, pulls her by the leg, and stomps the chest again. Rhea to the corner. Top rope. She shakes em for Eddie, then shows love for Dom, and she flies with a Frog Splash! NATTIE WITH THE UPKICK! Rhea runs with a shoulder. Nattie side steps! Nattie lifts, spins, and hits Rhea with a running powerslam! SHARPSHOOTER!!!! Rhea’s teeth are coated in blood. Rhea is in the middle of the ring. She reaches for the bottom rope. She gets it!!! Rhea continues the crawl out of the ring. Nattie holds on till 4 and Rhea slinks to the mat outside.
Nattie hits the ropes. She dives with a baseball slide, Rhea slides in the ring, Nattie follows, kick to the chest. Headbutt to Rhea. RIPTIDE!!! Cover! 1..2…..3!!!!!
Winner: Rhea Ripley
This match had no right being this good. Awesome.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 13:08
Rhea attacks! But here come Raquel Rodriguez and Liv Morgan to save Natalya.
Ciampa and Miz have dueling promos. I miss the jist of it, but Miz sounds like he may have got the upperhand there.
Rhea Ripely walks backstage and into Iyo Sky who gives her a little warning. Rhea tells her try her and it’ll be the worst thing she does. Here come her Judgment Day homies to help her feel better.
Matt Riddle is here. Presumably for some action.
Giovanni Vinci vs Matt Riddle
Vinci starts right away with a body slam onto the rope, focusing on the ankle. He heel hooks and Riddle kicks him away. Vinci vatches a kick, Riddle ducks under a right. Pele kick.Running forearm, hits the ropes, Vinci gets him to the shoulders and dives forward with it then hits a moonsault off the top. Cover for 1..NO!!
Riddle tries for Bro Derek, but Vinci slinks out. Ankle Lock, Riddle rolls him up, holds the leg, gets the 1..2..3!!
Winner: Matt Riddle
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:21
An immediate kick from Kaiser hits Riddle square in the face, but here comes Drew McIntyre! Glasgow Kiss to Vinci! Riddle with a kick! Drew stares Gunther down. He turns to Vinci. Countdown. CLAYMORE!
Backstage, Matt Riddle is thanking Drew McIntyre for helping. Riddle wants to team with Drew next week against Imperium. But that’s next week. Tonight…they’re going out!
Dominik Mysterio vs Seth Rollins
Seth ducks under Dom after a fake lockup to listen to his fans. Lockup! Seth works the left hand. Seth drops Dom with a side headlock. Leg scissors from Dom. Both men up. Side headlock takedown from Dom. Seth grabs Dom by the head and hits some rights. I should note that the crowd has NOT stopped singing as of this moment.
Suicide dive attempt but Rhea is on the apron. Dom runs in and Seth sends him over the to prope! To the apron! Running knee to Dom!
We are BACK and Seth is on the top rope! Priest hops up and shoves Rollins off the top! Dom off the top now! Frog Splash! Dom stands up, opts not to cover! Stomps to Seth’s ribs. He drags Seth to the center and heads to the top rope one more time. Dom with another frog splash, but the knees are up! Seth gets some offense in! Dom is cornered. Seth rushes with a right elbow, off the corner he hits another one, off the corner for a third. Backbreaker to Dom. Seth hits the ropes. Running knee to Dom. Priest watches on. Seth calls for his song. Kick from Seth. Double underhook, Priest on te apron, Seth punches him, ducks under a right from Dom. Seth hits the ropes. Suicide dive to Priest and Dom! Seth sends Dom into the ring, spins with a rolling elbow. Spins Dom and hits another elbow to the back of the head! Seth runs for a Stomp! PRIEST IS IN! SOUTH OF HEAVEN!!!! That gets the DQ~
Winner: Seth Rollins via DQ
All Seth All the time.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 9:52
Priest mounts Seth. He hits punch after punch. Priest sends Seth outside. Whip to the stairs! Uppercuts to the mid section! Priet sends him into the table. Flatliner INTO THE TABLE! Preist drops the straps. He rmeoves the top of the announce table and clears the tvs. Priest grabs Seth, lifts up for a Razor’s Edge, but Seth escapes! SUPERKICK TO PRIEST! Pedigree attempt but Dom has the briefcase!! He smacks Seth across the back with it! Dom sends Seth into the ring. Dom hands the briefcase over to Preist. He tells him to cash in, to go do his thing. He’s got this.
Priest looks over to Seth. He hops on the apron. Enter sthe rin.
HERE IS FINN BALOR!
He attacks Seth, sending him INTO Priest on the apron! Stomp to Seth! Finn to the top rope! Priest yells at Finn, whatr is he doing. Dom stops them both, telling them to stop, Seth makes his escape out of the ring! Dom tries to stop him so Seth hits him with a Pedigree, and Seth walks u pthe ramp holding his ribs.
End Show
