Acero’s WWE RAW Review 10.11.21

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OH YEAH, THIS IS A WRESTLING SITE, ISN’T IT?

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

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That red robot invites us and we are going to get Sasha in the main event! Yes!!!

Drew and his sword start us off. He makes a Warrior tie-in and welcomes everyone to Monday Night Raw. There are two thrones on the stage that John Coffey wouldn’t sit on, as Drew talks about winning the big title. He has a story from earlier, but Big E’s music cuts him off.

Out comes the big man and his big breasts. He says he gets it, he understands why Drew wants the title so badly. He has tasted the spoils of being champion, and oh are they sweet. So sweet that he lets the juices from the nectar drip down his chin, onto his neck, and betwixt his nipples. Drew is a specimen. Look at him! He tells Drew he will never get the title, so he can jump on board, or stay on those railroad tracks and get run smooth over.

Drew brings up the nipple talk, saying the rush he feels every night, and when he won the title, even when he walked out – everyone cheered. Drew is a 2 time champ. He held the title for 300 days, and he doesn’t know what that feels like. He is proud of what he did, but he is still chasing his moment. His moment will come at Crown Jewel, and just like he defeated Lesnar, Orton, Goldberg, he will run though Big E and win his title back.

The Usos are here to interrupt. They are pumped for this match. Jimmy asks Jey who he got. He chooses Big E. Jimmy says if Drew Mac hits the Claymore, it might be a wrap.

Drew asks what they doin here.

The Usos says they do what they want when they roll with The Head of the Table. The Bloodline is here. Tonight, they send out warning shots. They all know Reigns will beat Lesnar at CJ, but who will be WWE Champion. Why would they care?

They warn Drew to be careful on Friday nights. He may add that black title to the trophy case. The Usos say they have plans for New Day. At CJ, if he beats Drew, it’s Reigns vs Big E at Survivor Series, and if that’s the case, Big E got the same death wish The New Day are facing.

Big E goes deacon on them and tells them to stay. He speaks for Drew, Drew says no, Usos make a challenge then Superkick Big E and Drew.

Backstage, Kofi and Woods are asked what would happen if they had to face each other next week. They laugh it off as their music hits.

Ugh….subtlety is just not their thing, is it?

Match 1: Ricochet vs Xavier Woods
Lockup and a break! Another lockup, go behind from Woods, Ric works the arm, Woods reverses, Ric reverses, Woods with the switch, tries for a German, Ric reverses, elbow attempt from Woods, Ric hits the ropes, dropkick, cover for 1..2..NO!!! Ric with a kick to the chest. Another high one. Woods with a forearm. Ric with a right, a kick to the thigh, another, Woods blocks a third, hits a forearm, chop to the chest. Ricochet rushes, ends up on the apron, hits a ashoulder, tries a springboard, but Woods hits the ropes and Ricochet takes a tumble. Woods to the top rope, Ric chops, another chop, locks the head, pulls, Woods fights away, and Ricochet breaks the hold. He springs to the top, locks the head, slowly…….superplex, jeeeez, that looked wild.

We are BACK and Ric has the uppehand. He hits a running kick to the back of the seated Woods. Dropkick to Woods and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Woods stands slow, while Ricohet stands with ease. He hits a right hand to the head, locks the head, Woods drops Ricochet on the top rope stomach first then heads to the top rope and stomps the back of Ricohet. Woods to the 2nd rope, hits a sick ass leg drop. Jesus. Cover for 1…2….NO!!!! Woods pulls Ricochet up INTO a delay, then drops him on his knees for a gutbuster! Woods tries for a running kick, Ricohet ducks, hits a high kick to the side of the head. Ricochet runs, rolls forward, grabs Woods by the head, fireman’s and a cartwheel senton, says Graves. Kick to Woods! He tries to cover, but Woods rolls to the outside. Ricochet hits the corner as Woods walks outside. Ricochet runs and launches himself over the top ringpost onto Woods on the outside, then heads back in, runs with a suicide dive! Sick. He is back in and goes for a third battering ram, but Woods side steps and sends him into the barricade!!!

Woods rolls him into the ring, grabs the leg and spins him. Woods to the top rope! From the rope! Elbow drop! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Xavier Woods
They could have slouched, but they didn’t. Beautiful.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 10:51

Woods heads to the crown to tell it that he will be coming home with him.

Backstage, Riddle has a surprise for Orton. Someone just challenged Omos to a one-on-one match, and he’s got some clues for Orton. It was Riddle. Orton: “Riddle, what did you do?” Riddle calls Orton a wise uncle and wants to know what the plan is. How will they outsmart AJ and Omos. He brings up Jack and the Beanstalk, and how he learned that in history.

Orton says he’s on his own.

Match 2: Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander vs Mansoor and Ali
Shelton and ALi to start. Tag to Cedric and tag to Mansoor after some offense. Mansoor with a spinning kicik. He rushes the corner, hits a clothesline, tag to Ali, Ali flies off the top rope. Ali kicks Shelton off the apron. Mansoor with a suicide dive to Shelton.

Ali to the top rope. He flies for a 450, but Cedric moves, hits a Michinoku Driver. Covers for 1..2..3!!!

Winners: Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin
-eyeroll- Man, I’m not even mad Ceddy and Shelton won, I’m just bothered by the obvious nature of the win.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:16

After the match, Ali shoves Mansoor, saying he is sick of this.

We recap the screams that Baszler has created over the last few weeks, and here comes the winner of the Queen’S Crown tournament.

Match 3: Shayna Baszler vs Dana Brooke

Shayna does what Shayna does.

Winner: Shayna Baszler

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:21

Shayna tries to attack after the bell, but Dana rolls out of the ring and the ref stops her.

Backstage, Charlotte asks who cares about Shayna, and whatever happens between Bianca, Sasha, and Becky doesn’t interest her. She is the champion, she only cares about herself. The other girls are underneath her. She is royalty. Bianca doesn’t have that killer instinct. Becky talks the talk, rides the momentum of others, and Sasha? She is the greatest wrestler alive.

Before the match, Riddle grabs the mic. He says before they get started, there are a few thinks he wants to say. He thinks all the time. He’s pretty good at it. He says Omos is looking way more swole than Aj. He forgot what he was talking about. He wonders if Omos ever forget what he’s talking about, then says, “Randy, now!”

Randy doesn’t come out…

Riddle says he’s probably just waiting for the secret code word.

Riddle sings Randy’s entrance.

…

AJ says, “this is ridiculous,” and I have to agree. He says Riddle is stalling. Everyone sees it. SF sees it, and they aren’t even that smart. He asks the ref to ring the bell.

Riddle starts a Randy chant. AJ hops off the apron, bell rings.

Match 4: Omos vs Riddle
Riddle rolls out of the ring and attacks AJ for no good reason. Omos grabs him by the head and pulls him into the ring, then tosses Riddle into the corner hard. Splash in the corner. Riddle to his knees. He stands, loopy, GOOZLE!!! Chokeslam to Riddle. Cover by the boot. 1….2…

AJ ON THE MIC. He says they aren’t done yet. He brings up karate Omos took in 2nd grade. He wants to see a roundhouse kick on Riddle.

Omos kicks Riddle. AJ asks for a replay, and how convenient, AJ must have production powers, as a replay shows up on the screen. He asks for another replay, but in slow-motion.

AJ gets his wish, then asks for “The Ol CB.” Omos with the tree slam. Cover with the boot for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Omos

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:30

AJ says Omos is done, but AJ is not. He enters the ring, looks down on Riddle, then lifts ihm up for a Styles Clash. Orton’s music hits, and AJ tosses Riddle aside. He and Omos wait for orton to come out, AJ turns thinking there will be a sneak attack, but Orton isn’t there. AJ gets Omos attention, sending him towards the crowd to assure there’s no cheap shot, then AJ waits in the ring.

Orton slinks in, AJ turns, RKO to AJ. Orton rolls out of the ring.

Lashley is here, and apparently commentary did not expect him to be here?

Lashley wants to talk about Goldberg threatening his life. He says this is not befitting of a wwe superstar or a father.

He says who do you have? A man that looks like a million bucks or a man in cutoff sleeves frothing at the mouth talking about murder?

Really classy, says Lashley, which is why he challenged Goldberg to a No Holds Barred match. Because he cant go into a fight with a man that is screaming, acting crazy, like some kind of rabid animal. The icon of Goldberg has been reduced to a rabid dog, and although Goldberg has a strong bite, that dog needs to be put down.

He will end Goldberg’s career at CJ. No longer will Goldy walk onto RAW to challenge people then ride off into the sunset. He has one more thing that will not be understood. He tells Goldberg that he can’t beat Lashley. He cant hurt him.

SASHA IS HERE AND SHE LOOKS GLORIOUS!!!

She says the SD champ is the one that calls the shot, and tonight, she’s supposed to team with the loser Bianca. She tells Bianca to sit back and follow her lead. She is the standard. She says none of the three compare. Tonight, after they implode, she will beat Charlotte, and ten days later, she will beat Bianca and Becky.

Match 5: Jeff Hardy vs Austin Theory
Jeff attacks quickly! Kick to the corner, whip to the corner chest first, goes for a head buster but Austin blocks with a boot and whips Jef into the corner. He runs into a back elbow. Jeff to the top rope, ax handle to the top of the head. Kick and a twist of fate, but Theory breaks it, hops to the apron, rolls through the ropes, hit a dropkick. Cover for 1…2..NO!!!

The 24/7 goons interrupt the match. Austin tries to attack Truth, but Truth splits, escapes, and heads inot the crowd.

Twist of Fate from Jeff. He removes his shirt, heads to the top rope. Swanton Bomb is dodged! Thoery with a rollup for 1..2…3!!!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
So we needed an unnecessary 24/7 interruption AND a rollup AND holding of the tights in order to get him a win ovr Jeff Hardy. K.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:04

Bianca gets a promo in another purple lit area of backstage. So all four women are just randomly standing around the arena waiting for their interview time?

Match 6: KOTR Qualifying Match
Jinder Mahal vs Kofi Kinston
Kinder lifts and drops Kofi hard. A lockup and Jinder hits a side headlock takedown. Kofi gets the upperhand for a bit, kicks Jinder away off the ropes, standing hurricanrana and Jinder rolls to the outside. Kofi flies and lands on th apron, running kick to Jinder. Kofi to the top rope. He hits a trust fall onto Jinder.

We are back from a break, and Jinder has the abdominal stretch on Kofi. He pulls back on the head, as Kofi elbows the thigh. SOS, but oh shit…Kofi lands on his neck awkwardly. Kofi makes his way to his feet, thank God. Dropkick from Kofi. He hits the ropes, Jinder ducks, kicks, whip to the corner, JKofi flies of the top rope with a crossbody. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Gutbuster from Jinder for 1..2..NO!!! Jinder sits Kofi on the top rope. Right hand to Kofi. Kofi fights with clubs to the back. Jinder falls to the mat. Kofi flies with a frog splash to the back! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Running kick from Kofi. Boom Drop.

Shanky tries to distract, so Woods hits him with a lying punch. Veer drops Woods, Kofi kicks him from the ropes, Jinder with a crucifix pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Kofi hits the top rope. Jinder finishes it! 1…2….3!!!

Winner: Jinder Mahal
Boooooo. And not even in a, “Oh, my fan favorite lost,” but just….booooo.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 8:52

Jinder sits on the throne with the crown to rub it in.

Becky is backstage in her own corner to cut her promo about raising the bar. It’s average, but she does compare Charlotte to the smell of piss in a downtown alley.

Bianca and Sasha go all “White Girls” before a talk about mothers until Sasha pulls the hair of Bianca. They attack each other in the corner until Becky comes up to attack them both. Sasha and Charlotte go at it while Becky and Bianca work on each other in the corner. Refs come down to try and gain some control. They suck at their job. Charlotte sends Sasha outside of the ring with ease, then goes to Becky to help attack Bianca. Becky hits a Bexploder. Charlotte hits a big boot after to Becky! Charlotte heads to the top rope, Sasha is up, hits a right, another, another, Becky pulls Charlotte off the apron and starts in with the rights. Sasha looks to fly, but Bianca is there to throw her off the top rope onto Becky and Charlotte.

Pearce and Sonya come out to talk some shit, says the match is restarting. Sasha punches, nearly hittin an agent. Haha. All four go at it, which is a great moment, but it’s going to make vey little sense for the four of them to then “calm down” and still have a match.

Match 7: Bianca Belair and Sasha Banks vs Charlotte and Becky Lynch
Sasha and Charlotte to start. Charlotte tries quickly for a Figure Four, but Sasha escapes and hops up for a hurricanrana. Wheelbarrow into a rollup for a pin! 1..2..NO!!! She catches a big boot, but Charlotte is able to send her down hard. Charlotte hits the ropes. Becky gets herself a blind tag. Sasha works the arm, tags in Bianca, She takes over control of the arm, Bianca tags Sasha back in, and she works the arm now. Sasha yanks hard and slaps Bianca on the shoulder, getting a tag. Bianca to the top rope, drops an axe, but Becky moves and hits a right, forearm to Becky, she shoves Saaha into Bianca, but Bianca launches her oer the top rope. Suplext oBekcy, holds on, another suplex. Hits the ropes, splash to Becky. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Tag from Sasha, then she sends Bianca to the outside. She rolls into the ring, tries for The Bank Statement, Becky escapes, looks for the disarmer, Charlotte gets a tag, Becky hits a clothesline, Charlotte enters with a smile, telling Becky to get out of the ring. Backstabber to Charlotte. Becky still in, goes at it with Sasha, kick to Bekcy, she goes for a backstabber, but Bianca is there to pull Sasha off Becky. She goes for the Glam Slam, and hits it on Sasha in the corner!

The ref calls for the bell. He’s had enough.

Winner: Nobody
Messy
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 4:39

Becky goes for the Disarmer on Belair, but she lifts Becky, looking for the KOD,. Becky holds onto the ropes. BACKSTABBER FROM SASHA!!! Kick from Becky, Sasha turns her around, elbow from Becky, She goes for the Rock Bottom, Sasha reverses, tries the Backstabber, Becky holds the ropes, Manhandle Slam form Becky!!!!

Yeesh…what a mess.

Backstage, The Usos talk about completing the mission for Roman, who is on the phone.

Match 8: QOTR Qualifying Match
Natalya vs Piper Niven
Nattie starts by slapping Piper saying her family paved the way for this competition. Nattie sends Piper into the corner, hits a right hand in the corner, side headlock and Nattie rips the flower from Piper’s hair. Piper sends Nattie to the ropes, Nattie calls her a bitch for no reason, slaps the chest then the face, so Piper hits a shoulder tackle then hits the ropes and misses a senton. Natti runs across her back then hits a dropkick for 1..2..NO!!! Nattie attacks the back, tries for an abdominal stretch, which really seems like a dumb move. Shayna is watching backstage. Piper tries for a rollin senton, but Nattie moves yet again. Discus lariat from nattie. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Nattie grabs the legs, looks for a Sharpshooter, but Piper slaps her. Rollup and a stack for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Piper Niven
-sigh-
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:55

So Morrison is backstage doin some meditating. In comes Rhea and Nikki. He is tapping into his chi so he can share his innermost thoughts with the rest of the world. Nikki tells him that everyone should follow their dreams.

Big E is backstage. Austin Theory walks by, takes a selfie with him, and walks away. Interesting.

Backstage, Ali runs up on Mansoor calling him a giant waste of time. He tried to help him survive this place, but he is nothing more than a fanboy. He doesn’t desere to be here. Ali says he is Mansoor’s only lifeline, the only one watching his back, and without him, he will be eaten alive. This is Ali’s fault, though. He should have said all of this to Mansoor’s face. He is a loser. Worthless. He is nothing.

Ali leaves.

Mansoor goes back to his interview, saying he will talk to Ali later, but here comes Ali to attck from behind! He mounts and punches after tossing Mansoor into some nearby boxes. Hard kick to the chest, another. Ali grabs his face and says he is nothing.

Match 9: The Usos vs Drew McIntyre and Big E
Big E and Jimmy to start. Big shoulder to shoulder from Big E. He drags Jimmy to the corner and tags in Drew, who stomps Jimmy a bit, tag from Big E, and he stomps, as we get the stampede for a while. Drew ends it by getting whipped into the corner, and Drew kicks the teeth in of Jimmy. Cover for 1..2.N!O!! Tag to Jey. He corners Drew and hits a shoulder. Whip is reversed, Drew kicks Jey as he hops up, trying to fly over Drew. Drew locks the head of Jey, hits a suplex. Cover for 1…2…NO!!! The usos double team Big E by splitting his legs apart then covering but don’t even get a 1. The Usos continue the onslaught as Drew wathes on. Jey stomps the lower abs of Big E. He tags in Jimmy. Some more double team to Big E. Cover for 1…..NO!!!! Cravat from behind. Big E with a belly to belly, but Jey is the legal man! Firemans, Big E lands on the apron, sends Jey flying, he goes for a splash, but Big E lands on his face. They send Big E into the steps as we go to break.

We are back, and Jey is standing tall while Big E is writhing in the corner. He does the butt splash. Big E looks dazed. He gets a tag to Drew. Tag to Jmmy. Belly to belly to Jimmy! Another one from out of the corner. He ducks a right, Jimmy with a rollup. 1..2.NO!!! Spinebuster from Drew! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Glasgow Kiss but Jey gets a tag. Superkick to Drew. Double Superkick! 1..2…NO!!!!! Jey beats down on Drew with fists to the forehead. Drew is able to beat some ass, kips up, calls for the Claymore. Big E decides to tag himself in just before Drew can hit a Claymore. Big E tells Drew he can get out of the ring. SUPERKICK TO BIG E! Jey to the top rope! He flies but Big E rolls, Jey rolls through, Big Ending attempt, but Jey shoves Big E into rew. STO out of the corner! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Big E tells Drew it was an acicdnet, but Drew punches ihm in the face anyway. They go ot it on the outside of th ring. Big E sends Drew into th steps. Drew’s forehea is bleeding.

Big E sends Drew into the barricade. The ref calls for the bell at the count of ten.

Winners: The Usos via Countout
Perfectly average main event for a perfectly below average RAW.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 15:22

The Usos fly to the outside onto Big E and Drew! They send Big E onto the announce table and grab Drew. Usos send Drew into the barricade then go to attack Big E. The Usos flip the table over then Jey runs into a belly to belly. Jimmy tries fo ra Superkick, but Big E tosses him into the hands of Drew, and Drew hits a belly to belly.

Big E calls Drew inot th ring, and they meet in the middle of the ring. They go at it with righ hands, Big E nearly hits a Big Ending, CLAYMORE to Big E!

End Show

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

While it is a common wrestling trope, and one that will likely not go softly into the night, putting together two people who will eventually be fighting in a tag team just to give the "how can they co-exist" feel lacks any type of creativity and comes off as lazy. This goes double when you do essentially the same thing on a single episode. Pair this with the reality that more than half of the matches tonight were less than three minutes, you're left with the most intense feeling of apathy - or at least I was. Very little was redeemable by the end of the night just by the sheer feeling that the show was a chore to get through. After all, if the writers don't care, why should we? Was anything actively bad? No, not particularly, but there was very little that had any actual energy or at least the feeling that they wanted us to be engaged.