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Acero’s WWE Raw Review 3.8.21

March 8, 2021 | Posted by Tony Acero
WWE Raw Randy Orton
6.5
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Acero’s WWE Raw Review 3.8.21  

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Smell that? Smells like Mania.

It’s Monday…you know what that means.


Time for an EXPLOSIVE RAW!

After a recap od last week, we go Live and The Hurt Business is walking backstage. Lashley is a happy man, and it will stay that way. He’s been through a lot. Enough to break a normal man, but he’s not normal. 16 years, he had to wait and watch others get opportunities he should have got. Years of busting his ass. Last week, when he beat The Miz, he got what he deserved.

The Miz and Morrison’s hair come out to the ring. He stands there empty handed because Bobby is the new champion. Did he expect to get his ass handed to him by Lashley last week? Yes. Did he expect to lose his title? No. Shane pulled a fast one after everything he’s done for the WWE. He doesn’t take vacations, he doesn’t get injured, so when he says his body is not feeling well, everyone should believe him, right? But we didn’t. We sit in our couches and he is a professional athlete. This is what happens to them sometimes. He had cramps. And he still defended his title. The bell rang, he got counted out – he lost. But the only way the champion can lose is if he’s pinned or submitted. These are the rules. Is it shady? Of course, but he played to his advantage. He outsmarted everyone. He defended his title twice in one night. He worked so hard to get that title. He was forced to defend the title again.

Wait a damned minute…are we listening to The Miz go over what a recap at the top of the show just went over in immense detail?

Ugh…

Anyway, Miz says he’s getting his title back tonight.

Lashley gets a champion’s entrance, complete with lightening, and what looks like a new entrance video. Good for him. He even gets some pyro that AEW would be jealous of.


Match 1: The Miz vs Bobby Lashley

Miz tries to circle, Lashley stays in front of him. Miz rolls to the outside and asks for Lashley to back up. He slides back in and gets right back out. Lashley grabs him by the head and Miz hangs him up on the top rope. Miz climbs the apron and Lashley grabs him by the head and hits a delayed suplex onto The Miz.

Drew McIntyre is watching backstage.

Lashley hits some shoulders in the corner. Lashley hits the ropes then flies right into the post as Miz moves. Lashley to the outside. Miz heads out as well, but Lashley gets him with a fireman’s. Miz shoves Lashley into the post! Clothesline!

We return from commercial, and Lashley is grabbing the leg of Miz, pulling him away from the apron. Miz turns and kicks Lashley away. Lashley rushes the corner, Miz moves, Lashley stops, Miz goes for a clothesline, but Lashley catches him then tosses Miz across the ring. Lashley then sends Miz into the barricade on the outside. Lashley drops Miz onto the barricade. Lashley sends Miz into the announce table, then into the ring. Lashley follows, runs into a kick out of the corner. Lashley shkaes it off and presses Miz, but Miz lands on his feet, kicks, hits a back elbow, another to the head, holds the ropes, Lashley rushes and falls to the outside. Miz hits the ropes, looks to dive, Lashley dodges and lifts Miz on the shoulders then sends Miz into the post.

Lashley with a Flatliner! He mounts. Punches to The Miz. Whip to The Miz. Spinebuster!!! FULL NELSON!!! Miz taps!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
Oh they’re goin full force with Lashley, and I’m lovin it. A nice little squash to solidify the win, and now we can move on.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 9:05

Backstage, Drew says he is the only challenger as far as he is concerned. He brings up the Chamber, beats up beating Brock Lesnar. Where is Bobby’s heart? Passion? He knows Lashley is big and bd and dangerous, but so is he, and he’s been pushed an

SHEAMUS ATTACKS!!! He sends Drew into the wall, then into some boxes. Sheamus says this isn’t over. Twenty years living in his shadow; he’ll make Drew’s life misery. Every day of his life. Sheamus walks away as Drew throws a tantrum, angry and frustrated.

WE RETURN and Drew finds Adam Pearce. He tells him he needs a favor. A match with Sheamus, tonight, no DQ.

Braun Strowman is backstage. Truth comes up to him, says there’s a lot he needs to get off his chest. He grabs a piece of paper out of his pocket. He says Dear Braun, Bugs Bunny has gone to the dark side and joined the Monstars; the only way he can get his baby back is with his own Monstar. As Raw’s Monstar among men, he needs his help, but before that, he needs to apologize.

He says he apologizes for digging an escape tunnel, for ruining Hornswoggle’s wedding, for stealing his dentists goldfish and releasing it into the ocean.

Braun cuts him off, says he’s going to go demand an apology from Shane right now.

Truth puts on some glasses and tries to Nueralize Braun’s memory.

Braun is out to talk of his ailments. He brings up the Chamber, then Pearce. Is Shane getting a laugh out of this? After Shane’s snide remark about Braun’s reading level, he thinks Shane is laughing at him. Let’s be for real. This cant be the case, because they both know that if Braun wanted to, he could snap Shane’s neck like a twig. He is demanding an apology.

Here comes the money.

Shane gets in the face of Braun, then says he apologizes, and leaves the ring.

Shane walks up the ramp, then he stops and turns. He thinks better of it, and continues to leave. Stops again, as Braun says if he has something else to say, then say it.

Backstage, Sheamus is walking.


Match 2: Sheamus vs Drew McIntyre

We return and Sheamus is walking out, but Drew is there to attack!!! They go at it back and forth! Sheamus with a clothesline, Drew hits a back elbow! Ref is here. Right hand from Drew into the corner! Another. Sheamus shoves Drew away, then hits a knee. Sheamus with a stomp. Another. Sheamus kicks the chest of Drew. Sheamus gets sent into the stairs. Drew grabs Sheamus by the head and body slams him on the steps. Drew watches for a bit then grabs a kendo stick. He enters the ring and Sheamus kicks the ropes. Knee to Drew. Sheamus grabs the kendo sticks. Rolling senton. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus sits on the back of Drew, but Drew is able to lock the hips and send Sheamus flying! He kips up to the sound of piped in Drew chants. He grabs the kendo stick. Sheamus is standing. Drew smacks him one time, another. Drew attacks the back. He chokes Sheamus up for a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Drew smacks Sheamus with the kendo stick one more time, again. To the outside. Right hand from Drew, but Sheamus sends Drew into the post! Sheamus with a chokeslam ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!

WE ARE BACK and Sheamus locks in the Cloverleaf while kneeing Drew in the back. They break the hold, Sheamus hits the ropes. SPINEBUSTER FROM DREW!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! DREW OFF THE TOP!!! Another cover!! 1..2..NO!!! He goes for a kick, but Sheamus hits a surprise White Noise! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sheamus leaves the ring. He grabs a chair. Throat thrust from Drew!! He grabs the chair! Smack to Sheamus on the back! Double underhook. Future Shock into the chair! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Drew is up in the corner. He counts it down. He runs for a Claymore, but SHEAMUS THROWS THE FUCKING CHAIR AT DREW!!! KNEE STRIKE TO THE FACE!!1 COVER FOR 1….2….3!!!! Sheamus grabs the chair, hits Drew one time, then sets the chair up in between the top and middle rope. But it’s Drew who sends Sheamus into the chair! CLAYMORE FROM DREW!! Sheamus rolls out of the ring! Drew rolls out, back in to stop a count, then back out, and Shemaus hits a Brogue Kick!!!! Sheamus grabs the ring steps! Drew gets his own steps! They clash!!!

The ref asks Drew if he can continue, then Sheamus if he can continue. The ref calls for the match to end, saying they need help and medical assistance.

Lol.

Winner: No Contest
Ah, the ol No DQ match ending in a…dq? It’s a shame; the WWE latches onto something good and runs it into the ground, thinking that’s just what we want, but they do little to change or add intrigue. This match was another ass kicker of a match, and because they likely wanna do it one more time, we get a non-finish, deflating the match itself in grand fashion. Then again, at least they didn’t promise explosions and give us Gillberg.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues

Refs and medical personnel come to check on both men, as both seem out of it. Drew looks like he’s convulsing while Sheamus swings at the air, scaring Jamie Noble.

WE RETURN to RAW and get a video recap of the horror saga that is Orton v The Fiend guest starring Alexa Bliss.

Kevin Patrick is backstage. I don’t know who he is.

AJ wants to talk about Orton. Have you seen The Fiend? Orton burned him! What’s happened since then? He’s been haunted by The Fiend and Bliss. This is the worst thing Orton could have done. They are tearing him down bit by bit. Orton already hears voices in his head, and now he has some voodoo shit on him.


Match 3: Shelton Benjamin vs Xavier Woods

LOCKUP! Shelton backs Woods into the ropes. Shelton muscles him to the outside. Woods gets back into the ring hits some right hands. Knee from Shelton. Rope work and Woods hits a leg lariat and a cover for 1….NO!!! Side headlock. Back suplex. Shelton with a body slam. Shelton whips. Woods falls to his knees. Body slam from Shelton. Shelton with a chinlock from behind. He gets Woods into the corner then attacks with a running knee. Punch to the throat. He drags Woods into the center and covers for 1..2..NO!!! Chinlock again from behind.

Shelton gets distracted by Kofi. Woods rolls him up from behind! Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Xavier Woods
-yawn-
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:49

Riddle is scoot scootin backstage, and wonders where he can park it. He knows if he leaves it ringside, Ali will try and break it. What will he do?

Kofi and Woods enter (exit?) gorilla. Riddle invites them to a COD match tonight. Riddle wants French toast, wants to invite Reginald, but Riddle’s music hits. Riddle asks Kofi to watch his scooter.

Here’s Orton to stop the clowning around. Orton wonders if there is something funny. Orton challenges him to a match, and AJ accepts.


Match 4: Slapjack vs Riddle

Riddle with a forearm in the corner. Exploder suplex, misses a kick, misses a moonsault, Broton, running kick to Slapjack. Jack rolls out of the ring. Riddle ties to kick but Slapjack just pounds his fist on the bare foot of Riddle. Back suplex to Riddle on the apron. Jack kicks Riddle in the corner a few times. Riddle kicks out of the corner. Right hand to the leg from jack. Suplex off the top corner to the mat. A hook up then slam down and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Ali yells at Slapjack to stop playing with Riddle. Riddle with hands to the mid and gut. Dropkick out of nowhere to Riddle! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Stomp to the back of Riddle. Ali yells for Jack to shut it down. Riddle with a forearm on the top rope. He grabs Jack and hits some right hands on the corner, then hooks up. Elbows to the back of the head. Headbutt from Jack. He flies, Riddle garbs the legs, flips Slapjack and hits a knee to the face. Rope break, though. Riddle covers again for a 1…2..NO!!!! Jack gets a surprise kick just the same way Riddle does! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Jack lifts Riddle, looks for a Snapack, but Riddle escapes, Gator Roll, Knee, Bro Derek. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Matt Riddle
How many times will Ali be upset about the sucktitude of his little club?
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:55

Backstage, Adam Pearce heads into Shane’s office. He wonders if there is something else Shane wants to say. Shane says he is going to the ring, because there is something else.

Shane awaits Braun, Braun wonders what he’s got to say. Shane wants a new mic. Says he has something to say. He gets a new mic, says he should really get whats on his chest off, all while he backs up the ramp. He wants to say this face to face. Shane says he has done a little self introspection. Shane had fun last week? Absolutely, he did. This is what he does. He has fun. Braun should, too. Is it at others expense? Sure. But that’s ok. As long as it benefits ihm. There are plenty of people that do this, braun isn’t one, though. Hm.

Shane tells Braun to relax. He has one thing to get done. Ah, but Shane doesn’t know if he can talk about this. Why are they there, then, asks Braun? Shane wants to get something done. He needs to come to an understanding with Braun. One thing…says Shane, as he walks down the ramp again. Shane changes his mind, again, says he would never ever come out and make Braun look stupid. Never. He would never do that. In fact, he finds stupid to be an abhorrent word. Terrible word. One thing Braun has, as Shane can tell by non-verbal cues, is that Braun is upset. Braun is not a puppet, he says, and Shane says he doesn’t want Braun to feel stupid. Shane would never say that word. They are disgusting and cruel. Never would he make Braun feel like that. There are a few other words that pepel may say, though. Like falling out of a stupid tree, hit every branch on the way down. Or someone just straight up calling him stupid. This isn’t Shane, though. He’s not saying anything. Shane says some could compare Braun to a dinosaur: big man, little brain. But he would never, specifically, call Braun stupid. Would he? He then mocks Braun’s name, and runs to the back.

Braun is pissed. He leaves the ring and chases him to the back.

Shane runs all the way to the back, careful to assure his shoes squeak, and hops in a car, driving away with haste. Braun turns, fuming. He walks away, the not so stupid man that he is. Shane comes into frame and waves goodbye to Braun, then whispers that he is so stupid.

If you read this, and read every word above, I want you to know that YES, it is as bad as it sounds.

Nia and Shayna have a friend. It’s Reginald. Nia introduces him. Shayna is a bit annoyed. Reggie was fired and Sasha slapped him on Friday, but lucky for him, Nia brought him out to be ringside. Isn’t he cute?


Match 5: WWE Women’s Tag Team Title Match
Lana and Naomi vs Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler

Naomi and Nia to start. Naomi stomps the foot then hits a few eights. Tag from Lana. Kick and they double team Nia, but Nia ain’t havin it until both girls kick her in the head .Tag to Shayna, and Lana goes on the attack. Surprise leg drop, kick, tag to Naomi. Split leg drop to Shayna. She sends Shayna into the corner and Lana gets the tag. She runs, tries for a hurricanrana, lands on her feet, side Russian leg sweep from Lana and Naomi. Pin for 1..2..>NO!!! Shayna rolls Lana out to the outside. Nia is standing by. Naomi flies over the top rope with a spin! Nice.

Back from a break, and Shayna covers for 1..2..NO!!! ana fights to the corner, tags in Naomi, who hits a dropkick. Tag to Nia. Nia in and misses a punch. Rear View to Shayna. Kick off the ropes to Nia, kicks to the left, right, high kick to the face, she hits the ropes, dropkick to the knee. Leg scissors slam into the mat and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Shayna is there to pull her off Nia. Naomi punches Shanya, fights off Nia, Nia tries for a splash, sends Shayna off the apron, Naomi hits the ropes, and Reginald is there to pull her leg. Tag to Lana.

Naomi baseball slides into Reginald but Nia is there to smash both of them, sending Naomi off the apron. Nia with the chokeslam and pin for 1.2….3!!!

Winners: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler
A WHOLE lot of miscommunication here, with a lot of misses from Naomi – a rarity. The Reggie spot was also convoluted. Naomi tags Lana in, telling her to deal with Nia while she deals with Reggie, and Lana ignores that completely to baseball slide Reg. Just a lot of blandness here, and I am completely uninterested.
Total Rating: ½*
Match Time: 7:41

Mandy and Dana are backstage and they explain that they are serious about the title. They are both a great team and as singles competitors.

In comes Charlotte to tell them both that she is ambitious, and yes she does want a title shot at Mania.

Dana and Mandy say so do they. They will leave everything they got in that ring. Charlotte says they have five weeks to show her what they got.

Further backstage, AJ says Randy is crazy in the head. Orton shouldn’t be focused on him; he should be focused on The Fiend.

After another unnecessary recap of the title match at the top of the show, we get to the main event.


Match 6: AJ Styles vs Randy Orton

Orton corners AJ quickly, then stomps on the hand of AJ. Orton sends AJ into the corner then hits him with an uppercut. Orton tries for the RKO, but Styles rolls out of the ring! Orton follows. AJ back in, Orton rolls, and gets stomped. Kick to the head. Another from AJ. Stomp. Orton side swipes AJ ‘s face. Orton kicks AJ as he slides out of the ring, then hits a back supelx onto the announce table. Omos stares Orton down. Orton stares back, grabs AJ, and sends him back into the ring. AJ attacks on the apron, then flies to the outside with a forearm!

We return, and AJ sends Orton into the corner hard, then runs into a boot. He catches it and kicks the thigh of Orton. Again, with a kick to the knee. Antoher kick to the leg. Another stomp to the knee. AJ turns Orton, sends him to the corner. Right hands from Orton. But AJ clocks him a good one. AJ sends Orton chest first into the corner. Kick from Orton. Another. He exits the corner, but AJ just kicks him in the head. Orton goes down. AJ grabs Orton by the ear and locks the chin from behind. AJ drops an elbow onto the shoulder. Orton tries for a rope break, but AJ drops another elbow. Orton stands and turns into the hold, grabs the ropes, but AJ pulls him back into the center. Orton turns again into the hold, trying to grab the leg. He stands. Elbow breaks the hold. Right hand from orton. Another. Kick from Orton, AJ catches, spins, Orton with a clothesline! Powerslam from Orton! AJ kicks Orton, Orton with a backbreaker outta nowhere! Pin for .1…2….NO!!! AJ chops the back of the leg! He heads to the apron. He looks for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Orton hits the ropes, and AJ tumbles!! Rope-assisted DDT from Orton! But Aj walks into the ring, AJ hooks the leg, goes for a Calf Crusher, but Orton blocks it a bit, until Styles pulls back!!! HE GETS IT! Orton escapes. He grabs the head, DDT to AJ! Orton readies himself for the RKO, but Omos pulls AJ out of the ring.

On the screen, Alexa is playing with her little box.

Yeah, I said it.

She spins the handle, whispers “Not yet,” and puts the box down She lights a match and stares at it, then blows it out.

Kane Pyro hits the ring, but only three out of four. Lol. Orton starts coughing, then black shit comes out of his mouth. AJ on the apron. Phenomenal Forearm! Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: AJ Styles

Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 15:38

After the match, Orton is left in the middle of the ring, his mouth covered in black, all while Alexa laughs maniacally on the tron.

End Show

6.5
The final score: review Average
The 411
Well, it wasn't exactly the whimpering end of last night's PPV, but it also wasn't nearly as exciting. The good news is, we had some quality match ups in Drew v Sheamus and Orton v AJ. Unfortunately, two matches a show does not make. First, with Drew and Sheamus, I feel like the WWE sees exactly what we see, in that these two guys can put on a hell of a match, but unfortunately, in true WWE fashion, they drive it into the ground with little to no change on weekly basis, or add something that is relatively asinine, such as tonight, when the two guys decide to bang one another with steel steps for some unknown reason, and are seemingly out of it enough to not continue. AJ v Orton was great, but we get more of the same here as well, with Orton being possessed yet again by the black oil from Ferngully. Another issue with tonight was the excessive recaps, even within promos, where seemingly everyone had to let me know what happened last week, even after learning what happened last week from a video package. Everything else was just filler. Shelton and Woods never really got out of first gear, the women's tag was sloppy and botchy, Slapjack had a good showing but literally no one but Ali cared, and let's not even get started on the horribleness that was Shane's promo. What in the hell was that? Another ho-hum RAW.
legend

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