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November 28, 2013 | Posted by Jonathan Sullivan

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Championship Roll Call:
TNA WORLD CHAMPION: “Vacant”
TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: Chris Sabin
TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Bro-Mans (Robbie E and Jessie Godderz)
TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION: Gail Kim


On a special Thanksgiving episode of Impact Wrestling it’s Team Angle Vs. Team Roode in a special 4-on-4 elimination match. Also on the show Mr. Anderson holds a public funeral for The Aces & Eights, Ethan Carter III faces his latest TNA legend, and the turkey suit will rear its ugly head once more.

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*****

TONIGHT ON IMPACT: Mr. Anderson holds a funeral for the Aces & Eights, Kurt Angle and Bobby Roode captain teams for an 8-man elimination match.

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We cut to a funeral home and pan different paraphernalia as Mr. Anderson announces via voiceover that tonight he’ll give The Aces & Eights a proper burial.

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We go “live” to the Impact Zone and after Mike Tenay quickly welcomes the home audience out comes Dixie Carter to open the show proper. Carter says she has been so crazy busy that she has decided to hire a Chief of Staff: Rockstar Spud. Spud makes his way out in a suit and is all smiles. Spud thanks Carter for this tremendous opportunity and says she guided him all the way through the British Boot Camp series which he won. Spud says Carter is the greatest boss in the entire world and warns the Impact roster that he’s watching them. Spud says his eyes and ears might as well be Dixie’s and tells them to watch out. Spud says that now he’s in the United States Carter is his queen.

Carter changes gears to the World Title tournament and announces the two semifinal match stipulations: Hardy/Roode in a Tables match and Angle/Magnus in a Last Man Standing match. Carter then says everyone who wins tonight will get treated to a feast and whoever loses will get nothing. Carter then switches gears once again and introduces Ethan Carter III to the ring. EC3 kisses Carter’s cheek and grabs a mic. He says Aunt D gave him the opportunity to fly his own opponent in and he’s his biggest challenge to date. EC3 tells everyone to remember that he’s unbeatable and he and Dixie do the “We’re the Carters” bit. EC3 is in action next.

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-Commercial Break-

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Ethan Carter III is in the ring awaiting his flown in opponent…who is Curry Man! YESSSSS! After doing a little dance, he grabs a mic and says a bunch of stuff in Japanese before being attacked from behind.

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Match #1: Curry Man Vs. Ethan Carter III

Carter slams Curry Man to the mat and follows up with a snapmare. Carter rams Curry Man’s head into the mat three times, while yelling “I AM RICH!”. Curry Man fights back with some jabs and chops but runs into a back bodydrop. Carter hits a series of right hands to the side of Curry Man’s skull then applies a camel clutch. A “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!” chant breaks out from the crowd. Carter hits Curry Man with a corner clothesline followed by a back suplex. Carter whips Curry Man into the ropes and Curry Man catches him with a kick followed by a forearm and a dropkick. Carter reverses a corner Irish whip but misses a splash. Curry Man boxes the ears, gets the crowd clapping, struts out of the corner, and hits a flying butt splash into the midsection. Curry Man heads to the top and Carter catches him with a right before slamming him down to the mat. Carter hits a short-arm clothesline (similar to Okada’s Rainmaker but without the oomph). Carter holds one finger in the ear then finishes off Curry Man with the ONE PERCENTER for the 1…2…3.

Winner [via Pinfall]: Ethan Carter III (3:36)

POST-MATCH: EC3 does his “I’m a Carter” spiel then poses for the crowd.

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LAST THURSDAY: Gunner throws in the towel, costing James Storm his QF match against Bobby Roode.

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Gunner is backstage with Kurt Angle. Angle thanks him for being part of Team Angle and says his focus will be on Bobby Roode. James Storm comes in and Angle asks if he’s okay for tonight. Storm says he’s fine and whatever problems he has with Gunner can be settled later. Gunner apologizes to Storm last week saying that he was doing what he thought was right. Storm blows him off and exits and Angle pumps Gunner up a bit to end the segment.

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A split-screen of Lei’D Tapa and Velvet Sky heading to the ring is shown. The match is next!

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-Commercial Break-

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The Bromans are backstage talking to their new DJ Zema Ion. They are interrupted by Eric Young and ODB. Young has the turkey suit and says it’s time for the Turkey Bowl, and The Bromans aren’t interested. Young says they are going to wrestle in the Turkey Bowl and drags in a sound guy for their opponent but he doesn’t want in. Young then points over to Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes. Robbie E tells them that they when then they lose the match they will do the Turkey Dance. He and Godderz then do said Turkey Dance as the segment concludes.

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Velvery Sky makes her way out for the second match as Tenay announces Final Resolution for December 19th. Her opponent, Lei’D Tapa, makes her way out second accompanied by Gail Kim.

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Match #2: Velvet Sky Vs. Lei’D Tapa [w/ *TNA Knockouts Champion* Gail Kim]

Tapa sends Sky into the corner. Sky runs at her and gets sent right back to the mat off a lockup. Sky ducks a splash attempt and hits a series of kicks, bringing Tapa to one knee. Tapa picks Sky up and rams her spine-first into the opposite corner. Sky dodges another splash attempt and applies a backpack sleeper. Tapa snapmares Sky off then tries another corner move but Sky once again dodges and hits a series of kicks. Sky hits the ropes and Kim trips her, prompting the ref to send her to the back.

Tapa gets in the ref’s face then hits Sky with a shoulderblock. Tapa stomps the fallen Sky and rams the back of her head repeatedly against the canvas. Tapa picks Sky up by the hair and throws her into both corners. Tapa this time hits a corner splash then poses as the crowd…doesn’t react much. Tapa goozles Sky to her feet then lifts her up for a double choke. Sky escapes via knees then kicks at the hamstrings. Sky gets a running start and runs right into a big boot. Tapa goozles Sky again and hits a fireman’s carry into a sitout Ace Crusher for the 1…2…3.

Winner [via Pinfall]: Lei’D Tapa (3:38)

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-Commercial Break-

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STILL TO COME: A brief shot of The Aces & Eights funeral is shown. Samoa Joe, Magnus, Kurt Angle, and others are in attendance.

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A video plays hyping up the Turkey Bowl.

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Eric Young and ODB are in the ring with the turkey suit. EY is the “high chancellor of the Turkey Bowl”. Zema Ion is at his DJ table and introduces The Bromans to the ring. Ion repeatedly hits the horn button on his DJ set and all three fist bump. This is actually wicked awesome and I feel weird admitting that. Their opponents, Norv Fernum & Dewey Barnes, make their way out second wearing Member’s Only jackets. Robbie E gets on the mic and tells Fernum he looks like a hariless hampster and Ion hits the horn button and laughs his face off. Jessie Godderz is next on the mic and says they are the World Tag Team Champions and Fernum/Barnes are nothing. Godderz slaps Barnes then they turn their back as Ion blows the horn again. The Bromans turn back to their opponents and Fernum/Barnes attack.

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Match #3: Norv Fernum & Dewey Barnes Vs. *TNA World Tag Team Champions* The Bromans [w/ Zema Ion] in a NON-TITLE TURKEY BOWL MATCH.

The Bromans easily regain the advantage and hit their finisher on Fernum for the easy 1…2…3.

Winners [via Pinfall]: The Bromans (0:18)

POST-MATCH: The Bromans yell at them to put on the turkey suits and Robbie E does his turkey dance while they do so. Fernum and Barnes wear the suits and start dancing as the turkey song plays. Eric Young and ODB get on the apron and help Fernum and Barnes embrace the embarrassment much to the chagrin of The Bromans.

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-Commercial Break-

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FRIENDS OF AJ VIDEO: AJ Styles tours the world defending the TNA World Title.

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Dixie Carter is in the production area freaking out. Carter says every single one of her lawyers are going to shut AJ Styles down, and he has one week to return her World Title back.

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Bobby Roode is backstage with his team: Christopher Daniels, Frankie Kazarian, and Chris Sabin. Roode puts over all three men and himself. Kazarian mocks Joseph Park for testing positive for “gravy”. Roode says he loves a good joke but tonight is serious and they prove again that he is better than Chris Sabin. Roode leaves and Sabin says they should follow him.

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-Commercial Break-

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A production executive corrects Rockstar Spud on his Thanksgiving food choices (he wanted fish and chips and other generic British foods) and he shoos her off to pick up the mashed potatoes and whatnot.

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Magnus and Kurt Angle talk about their match backstage. Angle says they’re going to beat the hell out of each other and one of them will become the next World Champion. Magnus says that’s next week but this week it’s about the main event and making sure Angle gets his hands on Roode.

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LAST WEEK: Mr. Anderson defeats Bully Ray, ending The Aces & Eights.

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The Funeral of The Aces & Eights

We go to the funeral home where the pastor goes into his spiel. Magnus is checking his phone and Eric Young is crying for reasons he doesn’t know. The pastor asks if they have any words to speak. Mr. Anderson emerges from the casket to say some words. Anderson says he was held captive by the group for a year and a half. Anderson asks if anyone has anything to say. Kurt Angle gets up to say some words. Angle says he had a couple of friends in The Aces & Eights, D’Lo Brown and Wes Brisco. Angle pulls out a D’Lo bobblehead and throws it into the casket, wishing him luck in his next life. Samoa Joe is up next and offers a six-pack of beer to put in the casket, but then decides not to waste them and hands it out except to Angle for obvious reasons. HA. Joe toasts to The Aces & Eights, saying “may you ride your mopeds to the shores of Valhalla”. Mike Tenay gets to the podium and says unfortunately Taz will be with him at the broadcast table but fortunately he’s able to lay Taz’s kutte to rest as well as Miss Tessmacher’s booty shorts.

Eric Young takes the podium next and pulls out a turkey costume, saying he came here to shed a tear for the men who will never wear this. Young puts the suit in the casket and starts crying as Tenay and Joe console him. Mr. Anderson retakes the podium and pulls out the rubber hammer to lay to rest…but instead of doing that he keeps it because it’s a perfectly good hammer. Bully Ray all of a sudden walks in and tells Anderson to sleep with one eye open, in the best interest of himself and his pregnant wife. Ray says everyone looks at death as the last sleep but he looks at it as the final awakening. Ray walks out to end the segment.

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-Commercial Break-

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Rockstar Spud tries the food and spits it out, yelling at the assistant that it needs to be fixed.

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Team Roode makes their way out to the main event, led by Bobby Roode and coming out to his theme. Team Angle makes their way out second, led by Kurt Angle.

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Main Event: Team Angle (Kurt Angle, James Storm, Gunner, & Magnus) Vs, Team Roode (Bobby Roode, Christopher Daniels, Frankie Kazarian, & Chris Sabin) in an ELIMINATION MATCH

Angle and Roode start off staring in the center of the ring. They trade right hands then counter one another’s finishers before ending the string in a stardown. Kazarian tags in and gets a hip toss, so Daniels attacks Angle from behind. Angle ducks a double clothesline from Bad Influence and hits both of them with one of his own. Magnus tags in but runs into a corner boot. Kazarian attempts a crossbody but Magnus catches him and hits a suplex. Team Angle gets some shots in before Magnus takes him down with a right hand. Storm tags in but Kazarian pokes his eye, allowing Daniels to tag in. Storm hits Daniels with a hip toss then drops him with a right hand. Gunner tags in and GunStorm hit a clothesline/Russian legsweep cover. Gunner covers Daniels but Sabin breaks the count.

Daniels reverses an Irish whip and Kazarian grabs the leg to distract him. Gunner steps on his hand but Daniels hits him from behind sending him out to the floor. The ref gets distracted, allowing Kazarian and Sabin to get some shots in. He gets rolled back into the ring and Daniels tags out to Sabin. Sabin and Daniels hit a double back elbow and Sabin covers but the ref doesn’t even count. Sabin chokes Gunner on the middle rope then tags Daniels back in. Daniels sends Gunner head-first into the top turnbuckle but he feels nothing. Gunner fights off a Bad Influence double team, taking Kazarian down with a fallaway slam. Sabin and Storm tag in. Storm hits a flying forearm followed by an inverted atomic drop and clothesline. Daniels jumps in and Storm gets the best of him with a lung blower. Stom then hits Sabin with Closing Time and sets up for the Last Call. Kazarian tries to attack so he hits Storm with it instead. Sabin rolls up a distracted Storm for the 1…2…3! JAMES STORM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

Magnus comes in for his team and Sabin catches him with a chop. Magnus goes for a clothesline and misses the first, but hits the second. Daniels tags in and Magnus chops him in the corner. Daniels gets a boot up during a corner splash attempt then sends him head-first into the boots of Roode and Kazarian. Kazarian tags in and Bad Influence hit him with some double team moves (including Daniels hip tossing Kazarian onto their foe). Daniels tags in and sends Magnus into the corner. Daniels hits some shoulderblocks to the midsection then brings him down to the mat for a 2-count. Daniels hits a series of elbows but runs into a right hand to the midsection. Magnus hits a spinebuster and both men are down.

Gunner and Kazarian tag in, the former getting the advantage. Kazarian jumps right into Gunner’s arm, who hits a urinage backbreaker. Gunner applies the GUN RACK and Sabin distracts the ref, allowing Bad Influence to hit Total Elimination on Gunner. Kazarian covers for the 1…2…3. GUNNER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

Magnus goes for a slam but Kazarian sends him into Team Roode’s corner. Daniels tags in and takes Magnus down with a headbutt. Daniels drops Angle from the apron, but Magnus starts fighting back with rights while kneeling. Daniels hits a jawbreaker but Magnus hip tosses Daniels out to the floor. Magnus climbs to the apron and connects with a flying clothesline. Magnus clutches his knee after he lands and the ref checks on him. The medical staff check on Magnus as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

We come back as Sabin is on the offensive against Angle. Magnus was ushered to the back during the break so MAGNUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. Sabin covers Angle for 1 then sends him head-first into Team Roode boots. Daniels tags in and rolls Daniels up but Team Roode distracts the ref to avoid the elimination. Bad Influence hit a sort-of Total Elimination (clothesline instead of spinning heel kick) then pose. Roode tags in and picks Angle up but Angle escapes and causes Roode to take out his own partners. Angle hits Roode with a running forearm but runs into a boot in the corner. Angle responds with a belly-to-belly suplex, then hits one on Sabin before clotheslining him out to the floor. Angle hits the first German suplex on Roode, followed by the second, and finally the third. Daniels comes in and eats three German suplexes himself. Kazarian then runs in and eats some German suplexes as well. Kazarian grabs onto Daniels, who grabs onto the rope, but the ref kicks his hands off and Angle suplexes both Bad Influence members at once. Sabin runs in and eats an ANGLE SLAM. Angle pulls the straps down and applies the ANKLE LOCK on both members of Bad Influence. Roode comes in and tries to hit him with a chair but Angle ducks and hits an ANGLE SLAM. Angle grabs a chair and hits Roode, causing a DQ and a loss. KURT ANGLE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

Winners: Team Roode (18:19)

POST-MATCH: Angle goes chair crazy on Team Roode and stands tall.

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-Commercial Break-

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MOMENTS AGO: Angle beats up Team Roode.

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Team Roode are celebrating their win backstage. Bobby Roode tells them to think about what they’re thankful for the most for the upcoming turkey dinner. Roode says he’s thankful for being himself and for beating Kurt Angle for a third straight time. Roode looks at the camera and says he just proved again that Angle can’t beat him.

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James Storm and Gunner are backstage. Storm says getting eliminated in front of his partner wasn’t the plan. The faceless interviewer asks if they have a plan as a team. Gunner then angrily asks if they even have a plan, then walks off.

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A video plays hyping the semi-finals of the TNA World Title tournament, which happens next week. The video features comments from the four men involved: Kurt Angle, Magnus, Jeff Hardy, & Bobby Roode.

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Rockstar Spud meets up with Dixie Carter backstage, in front of a banquet table full of Thanksgiving food. Ethan Carter III walks in and wonders if he has to eat this crappy food. Carter says not to worry as he has a gourmet feast planned on their private jet as they fly back to meet up with the Carter family at the house. Carter puts Spud in charge of the feast as they head out, Spud taking a picture of said feast.

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-Commercial Break-

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Winner Winner, Turkey Dinner

Rockstar Spud is in the ring. A feast is prepared on a banquet table in front of him. Spud invites the winners of tonight’s matches to the ring to enjoy the feast. Everyone except Lei’D Tapa and Zema Ion sit down at the table. Spud goes into a spiel but Bobby Roode grabs the mic. Roode asks Chris Sabin why Velvet Sky is here since this is a table for winner’s only. Sabin angrily gets up…and says he’s absolutely right, shooing Sky away from the table. Ion takes the empty seat. Roode tells the people to feast their eyes on a table of true winners and as a group they’d like to thank Dixie Carter for their careers in TNA and the lovely Turkey dinner. Christopher Daniels says they have a lot to be thankful for, including being well-endowed, then Frankie Kazarian says he’s happy to celebrate with E.G.O.

Gail Kim is next and thanks Lei’D Tapa for being so dominant and for herself for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in TNA history. Sabin is up next and says he’s very thankful for his very luxurious hair on his head as well as being the greatest X-Division Champion of all-time and…Velvet Sky too. Jessie Godderz says he’s thankful for Phil Heath and DJ Zema Ion. Robbie E says The Bromans are thankful for not having to wear the turkey suits as well as for being the greatest Tag Team Champs of all-time brooooo. Roode then grabs the mic again and is thankful for the real Thanksgiving last month (because Canada) as well as defeating Kurt Angle three different times. Roode then says everyone in the world will be thankful when he becomes the next World Champion.

The winners go to eat but out comes Kurt Angle to crash the overly public feast. Angle says he doesn’t see a ring full of winners: he sees a ring full of turkeys. Angle says while everyone cheated to get into the ring tonight none of them will get to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Roode asks Angle to come in and take all of them on. Angle says if it was just him and Roode he’d kick their ass but Roode’s not alone…and neither is he. Out come the good guys from the matches tonight (except Magnus). Naturally a food fight/brawl breaks out, Velvet Sky hitting Kim with pumpkin pie. Everything gets decimated as Rockstar Spud freaks out at what’s happening. Eric Young hits Kazarian and Daniels with the turkey. Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes hit The Bromans with stereo top-rope splashes and the crowd chants “TNA!” as the good guys celebrate this tremendous waste of food with some beers (except Angle).

*****

When not covering Impact almost every Thursday for 411 Jon can be found watching and writing about all sorts of rasslin’ on his own site Pro Wrestling Update. You can also follow him on Twitter if that’s more your thing. Actually you should be a bro/dudette and do both.

Keep refreshing the page for the latest results!

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Jonathan Sullivan

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