Memphis Wrestling (3.10.1984) Review

-Originally aired March 10, 1984.

-Your host is Dave Brown.

-Eddie Marlin strolls out with a $5,000 check and a trophy for the winner of today’s battle royal. Neither one will actually go home with the winner.

-We get pre-taped words from Rick Rude, who insists that Austin Idol apologize to him like a man, or else all of these ignorant hillbillies are going to have it in their heads that he’ll NEVER apologize. Austin refuses to sign the apology, but asks Angel to give a message to Rude on his behalf. He grabs Angel, wraps his arms around her, and inspects her tonsils, her esophagus, and I think all the way down to her small intestine. Angel looks like she’s fighting it and fighting it for a few seconds, but eventually gives in to her throbbing biological urges and gives as good as she gets it, and then walks off in a daze.

-Jerry Lawler is out here, with “Jump” by Van Halen playing all the way through his promo as he announces that he’s defending his Southern Heavyweight Title on TV this week because Eddie Marlin thought it would be a real treat for the fans, and hey, King’s a fighting champion. Let’s have a title match!

SOUTHERN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JERRY “The King” LAWLER (Champion) vs. RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE (with Jimmy Hart & Angelo Poffo)
-Jimmy Hart walks over to the commentary table and, sounding like he’s trying not to be heard, he explains that since he now manages Jerry Lawler, this match is now a conflict of interest for him, so he’ll just watch this one on the monitor in the back.

-Savage throws a punch to start off, then stalls for a bit. Lawler punches him right back, but Savage gets the King on the mat and traps him in a chinlock. Lawler gets free and sends Savage into the ropes, with Savage getting some SPEED as he runs the ropes, but finally, Lawler hiptosses him and Savage retreats to the floor to shake it off.

-Back in, Lawler clamps on the armBAR before switching to an ARMbar. Savage tries to escape but Lawler pulls hair to keep him in the hold, and when Angelo Poffo protests, the referee actually points out that Savage pulled the hair earlier and basically tells Poffo that Lawler is getting a freebie here. So Savage finally just throws a punch to get out of the hold, then flings the King to the floor.

-Angelo distracts so Savage can come off the top rope with an axehandle. Savage brings Lawler back in and jumps over the top rope to snap Lawler’s neck across it, a Savage spot that I’ve always liked. Savage misses a Bossman legdrop, and both men get the same idea and knock each other out with right hands. Lawler recovers but misses a fist drop. Knee lift by Savage gets two.

-Savage tries a side headlock, but Lawler turns it into a back suplex. Two-counts are exchanged, and Angelo distracts the referee as his son runs to the top rope to go for the kill, but the flying elbow misses. Referee gets bumped, but Savage & Poffo’s attempted chicanery backfires, and Lawler rolls up Savage right as the referee recovers, so Poffo just hurries into the ring and boots the King for a cheap DQ. The best psychologist in the territory vs. the best worker in the territory. There was no way for this to be bad.

-Jimmy Hart rolls in with a new music video of the New Fabulous Ones, Pork Chop Cash and Dream Machine, set to “Beat It.”

-But wait, Dave Brown says. Jackie Fargo has a video that he’s sent in, and Jimmy and his guys should probably have a look.

-Ladies and gentlemen, introducing THE BIGGEST FLOP OF THE MEMPHIS TERRITORY IN 1984. Jackie Fargo says that he personally interviewed “2,300 wrestlers” and finally narrowed it down to two men who will now be HIS New Fabulous Ones.

-So we cue up the video. It’s a tape of Jackie Fargo introducing a tape, that’s already the most fabulous part of this. We get some tantalizing shots of men putting on tuxedos without a clear view of them before we finally see Tommy Rich and Eddie Gilbert: the New Fabulous Ones, or technically the New New Fabulous Ones since they’re debuting after Jimmy Hart’s New Fabulous Ones. Both guys are here on really short notice. Eddie Gilbert is finishing up a go-nowhere run as Bob Backlund’s protege in the WWF, and in fact, in a move that would be increasingly rare after 1984, he actually went back to the WWF after this episode to finish a few last bookings for them. On the other side, we have Tommy Rich very abruptly rolling in here after the big “Mr. R” angle in Atlanta and a pretty secure spot as a main eventer down there. So that’s what’s odd here: being paired up as a replacement pretty boy team is clearly a step forward for Eddie Gilbert’s career, but it strikes me as a colossal step backward for Tommy.

-Jackie Fargo says that even though Eddie & Tommy have both wrestled in New York and Ohio, they both love fatback and grits, and they’re back in the south, where they promise to give 110% and be good to their fans, because their fans are the backbone of everything they do. Tommy & Eddie stroll in to shake hands with the fans in the audience, and Jimmy Hart and HIS Fabulous Ones are so disgusted that they leave.

-We go to the Mid-South Coliseum for the Zambuie Express’ title defense. Jerry Lawler comes to the ring alone, but when the Express gangs up on him, Joe LeDuc DOES show up with some real fire in him and brawls with them. Jerry notices and comes to LeDuc’s aid the moment he gets into trouble.

-Things fall apart when Jimmy Hart attempts to do some cheating, but he “accidentally” hits Jerry Lawler with his cane…or was it an accident? There’s your drama for the match. Jerry seems to perceive that it was on purpose, and he and LeDuc almost come to blows over it, but the Zambuie Express attacks them from behind before that can come to pass, which would seem to be a huge mistake on their part, strategy-wise. Geez, if only they had some sort of MANAGER at ringside with them.

-Later in the match, Jimmy tries more cheating, but he accidentally blinds Joe LeDuc with some powder in mid-free-for-all, and we get a zany finish, as one of the Zambuies covers LeDuc, and Lawler covers the other Zambuie at exactly the same time. The referee counts three, but it’s not terribly clear who the winner is. Therefore, the belts are held up.

-In the studio, the Zambuies are none too pleased about losing the belts in a decision that makes no damn sense. It’s a TIE. You don’t lose in a tie. That’s what “tie” means!

-We get pre-taped words from JJ Dillon, who suspects that holding up the belts was a scheme by Eddie Marlin to scam him into making the Zambuies stay in Memphis for ONE MORE MATCH instead of going to Florida. And JJ is irate because he put the cart before the horse and signed a bunch of title matches in the Caribbean and Puerto Rico. Dues are gonna be paid now!

HANDICAP MATCH: ZAMBUIE EXPRESS vs. FOUR JOBBERS
-This match cuts off on the tape after about five seconds, so I’m assuming the four jobbers died on their way back to their home planet.

-Jerry Lawler, Joe LeDuc, and Jimmy Hart are here to discuss the next card at the Coliseum. They agree that they want the rematch, but Jerry Lawler points out that Jimmy Hart screwed up with the cane AND with the powder, so two huge mistakes by Jimmy cost them the match.

-So Jerry Lawler cues up another video, set to a Spike Jones song, and it’s simply a montage of Jimmy Hart screwing up interference in Mid-South Coliseum matches and costing his men the win over and over and over again. Joe LeDuc thinks about it and just very asks Jimmy sit this one out for just one week. Jimmy Hart is so offended that he promises to be at ringside anyway, and storms off. LeDuc, meanwhile, ominously warns Jerry Lawler not to try anything funny. So that explains his commentary post-Attitude Era.

20-MAN BATTLE ROYAL
-Spike Huber, Black Ninja, A-Team, King Konga, Dutch Mantel, Randy Savage, Stagger Lee, Norvell Austin, Harley Davidson, Jimmy Hart’s Fabulous Ones, Dirty Rhodes, Jerry Lawler, Joe LeDuc, Zambuie Express, Scott Shannon. There’s also one referee in the ring officiating this match from the inside, so you know there’s gonna be a screwy finish. LeDuc, Lawler, and the Zambuies are the first four guys eliminated, brawling with each other until they all end up on the floor, and they keep brawling back to the locker room.

-Randy Savage dumps Bugsy McGraw. Everybody else just pairs up and brawls for a bit. Norvell Austin gets tossed. A lot of bodies fly out of the ring at once and we whittle down to the final four: Dream Machine, Scott Shannon, Randy Savage, and Dutch Mantell.

-Everybody slugs it out. Randy Savage rears back for a big punch and Dutch ducks and backdrops him over the top…but the referee is watching the other two guys in the ring. There ya go. Dutch eliminates Dream Machine and Shannon, but Randy Savage hurries back in the ring and dumps Dutch, so Savage gets the tainted victory. We get a huge argument on the floor, with Dutch throwing a punch that causes the $5,000 in cash to scatter everywhere, and Jimmy Hart & Angelo Poffo dive to scoop it up. HOLD ON. Eddie Marlin clearly handed Dave Brown a check at the start of the show. He even said “Here’s the check.” Where the hell did the $5,000 come from? Did Dave forget about the check and accidentally just hand everyone $5,000 from his own wallet like Homer Simpson?

-We close the show with breaking news from Jimmy Hart: The Moondogs are back!

8.0

The final score: review Very Good

The 411

Well now THAT was a hell of an hour!