Dark Pegasus Video Review: Backlash 1999

Backlash ’99 by J.D. Dunn April 25, 1999 Live from Providence, R.I.. Your hosts are the returning-to-PPV Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Opening Match: Mideon & The Acolytes vs. The Brood. The Brood used to be part of the Undertaker’s Ministry before Christian pussed out and revealed to Ken Shamrock where the Ministry was hiding Stephanie McMahon. The Undertaker wanted to sacrifice Christian, leading to the Brood making the save and separating themselves from the Ministry. The Brood does just fine early on, doing some basic brawling. Bradshaw is in super ass-kicker mode tonight. Edge plays face-in-peril thanks to a crucifix-gone-bad. Things go bad after that, mostly because the Acolytes let Mideon do most of the heavy lifting. The crowd rightly chants “Mideon sucks!” How astute Providence is. Christian gets the hot tag and gets two off an Inverted DDT. The Brood hits a pair of Poetry in Motion-style moves. Christian gets a close nearfall off a Tornado DDT on Bradshaw. He makes the mistake of mounting Bradshaw for the 10-count punch, and Bradshaw counters to a wicked powerbomb. The brawl spills to the floor where Viscera runs down and attacks Christian from behind. Back in, that sets up THE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL at 11:38. Would have been better with less Mideon and more Acolytes. **1/4 Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Al Snow. Al does a quickie bladejob off the bat. Holly introduces the LOADED JUG OF WATER to the match, and they brawl up into the crowd. They brawl back down where Snow uses the water bottle and grabs a hockey stick. PROVIDENCE IS MULLET COUNTRY! He beats Holly down with it and mocks his old Avatar gimmick, which seems to be lost on everyone. Weird Al sets up a table, but that allows Holly to recover and nail him with the hockey stick. Al retaliates with a cookie sheet shot, prompting Lawler to question why they keep all that stuff under the ring. They brawl to the back where Holly produces…THE KITCHEN SINK! Snow blocks with the fire hose. That leads out to the parking lot where Snow gets tossed into a dumpster for a two count. Up to the production truck now for a brief fracas. Snow hiptosses him onto a car below and gets two. They fight all the way back to the ring. Snow nails him with a frying pan. STAINLESS STEEL, BITCH! He sets up for a table spot, but Holly recovers and nails him with the pan. SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE! The ref lays the countdown on them for some reason. Holly gets two, and they stagger around for a bit before Snow grabs Head and nails Holly for the anticlimactic win and the title at 15:26. It was going well until the finish. A Head shot gets the win, but all of those bigger shots didn’t? Plus, the finish seemed to come out of nowhere. The garbage brawling was fun, though. **1/2 The Undertaker gives the Ministry a pep talk, but we have audio issues. Intercontinental Title: The Godfather (w/Hoes) vs. Goldust (w/Blue Meanie). Meanie riffs on Sable’s pre-match speech. Godfather comes out alone and gets booed, so he calls out some hoes. The one with the shoulder tattoo is pretty hot. One out of five isn’t bad. Meanie accosts the hoes, distracting the Godfather long enough for Goldust to jump him from behind. Meanie trips up Godfather and beats him down on the outside. He sneaks Goldust some powder and distracts the ref, but it backfires and gets knocked into Goldie’s face. Meanie tries to get involved, but Goldust can’t see and thinks he’s the Godfather and gives him Shattered Dreams. The Ho Train sets up the DVD for the Godfather win at 5:22. Godfather celebrates with the hoes after the match. ** In the bathroom, Michael Cole gets a word with new Hardcore Champ Al Snow. Head interrupts and makes a claim to hold the title since Head was covering Holly at the same time. Yes, I typed that. #1 Contender’s Match: The New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (w/Debra.) The Outlaws were nearing a breakup so Billy could be elevated to superstar status. **cough** The pre-match ramble is still over, though. Debra wears a bikini and a jacket. Meh. Butterface. Actually, I’m not impressed with her body either. It looks waxy or something, like she used too much Herb’s Tittie Wax. Jarrett refuses to let Debra show her puppies, so Billy offers to show his ass. Owen, in his last American PPV appearance, does some nice stuff, but he seems so unenthused. If ever there was an example of a guy who had a hard time adjusting to the Attitude Era, Owen was it. If he could have survived another year, though, he would have fit in much better with Angle, Benoit, Jericho and Eddy. The match is a decent Rock-n-Rolls-vs.-Midnights contest, but the crowd is more interested in seeing Debra’s puppies. Roadie plays Ricky Mizzorton. He avoids a Jarrett splash on the ropes and backslides Owen for two. Owen nails him with his SWEEEET leg lariat. Jarrett and Road Dogg collide in mid-air. Billy gets the hot tag and powerslams Jarrett for two. Debra distracts Road Dogg, but he tells her to perform fellatio on him. Owen goes for the Sharpshooter, but Billy jumps him and hits the Fameasser for the win at 10:34. The Outlaws become the #1 contenders and celebrate by flashing Billy’s ass to the crowd. Good formula match. *** Shane McMahon swears on the name of his grandfather that he’ll count the three if Austin pins the Rock. He also disowns his father. Elsewhere, Vince McMahon calls the whole situation with Shane and the Undertaker is surreal. Stephanie McMahon says Shane knew what he was doing when he swore on their grandfather’s name. I believe this was the PPV debut of Stephanie as a character. Just to explain: The Undertaker started stalking Stephanie around WrestleMania, so Vince became distracted from Corporate business. Shane got upset at Vince taking his eye of the ball and slapped the old man around. So, Shane is now running the WWF while Vince ensures his daughter’s safety. Boiler Room Brawl: The Big Show vs. Mankind. This is a rematch from WrestleMania and, I believe, was part of the show’s rebooking. At any rate, both guys are babyfaces. Mankind attacks and smashes drywall over Show’s head. Show puts Mick in the shopping cart and wheels him into some equipment. Mankind turns and smashes a piece of plate-glass over Show’s head. OUCH! Mankind turns it into a ladder match, going up for something hanging from the pipes. Show grabs him and chokeslams him through some nearby tables, shattering more glass. Mick’s hand gets cut open. Show slams him on one of the carts that carries the security railing and then wheels him into a pile of railing pieces. Mankind desperately knocks off the spigot to one of the pipes, spewing steam into Show’s face. Show wails and runs away, allowing Mick to bury him under a mass of pipes. That allows Mankind to get out of the boiler room at 7:35. Immediately after the match, Test and the Big Bossman attack Mankind. Show and Mankind beat them back, though. This is an unsung brawl that probably would have gone over better without the earlier hardcore title match. Pretty good on its own, though. ***1/4 Chyna and Triple H have words for X-Pac. Elsewhere, Show gets his finger snapped back into socket. Back in the boiler room, Mick gives us a tour of the carnage he and Show left behind. Triple H (w/Chyna) vs. X-Pac. Triple H has temporary generic heel music and is still wearing his long tights. X-Pac does well before getting tossed over the top to the floor. Chyna considers interfering, but X-Pac keeps her at bay. X-Pac makes a mini-comeback but misses the Broncobuster. Hunter targets X-Pac’s neck as Ross notes Pac’s near career-ending neck injury. Ross starts asking for the ref to consider stopping the match. Hunter slaps on a front facelock. The Pac tries to lift him up, but he’s not strong enough. Hunter, very plainly, tells him to do it again. Indeed, X-Pac does, but Hunter rides him down and asks the ref how much time they have left. Does Hunter wear his own mic to the ring or something? HHH bends X-Pac’s neck over his knee for a while, but Pac kicks his way out of it. Chyna gets involved, dropping X-Pac on the barrier. X-Pac: “Ahhh! Shit!” Back in, X-Pac small packages Hunter for two, but Hunter slaps on a sleeper. Apparently, Hunter found out they were doing fine on time. X-Pac reverses to his own to wake up the crowd. Hunter elbows out of it but eats a spinning kick. X-Pac hits a flying clothesline and a Tornado DDT for two. Chyna gets worried and hops up on the apron to distract the ref. It backfires, though, because X-Pac is able to block the Pedigree and hit a low blow. The crowd is pretty listless at this point. X-Pac accidentally hits the referee with a sliding dropkick, so there’s no one to count when he hits the X-Factor. D’oh! Chyna sneaks in, hits X-Pac with a reverse DDT, and puts Hunter on top. Kane comes out to get revenge on Chyna for double-crossing him. Chokeslam to Helmsley! Chokeslam to Chyna! He puts them both in the corners and walks out. X-Pac recovers and hits the Broncobuster on Helmsley, and then to Chyna. That allows Helmsley to recover and hit the Pedigree at 19:18. I remember this getting a lot of praise at the time, but it’s a one-sided snoozefest of meaningless restholds for about 15 of those 19 minutes. The parts with X-Pac in control were okay, though. It took Hunter another eight months to get really comfortable in the role. **1/2 The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Ken Shamrock. Paul was unhealthily chubby here. Thank God he lost that weight. The story here is that the Undertaker had been stalking the McMahons for reasons that were unclear at this point. Shamrock, who was a member of McMahon’s Corporation, became Vince’s point man for fighting back. Taker also kidnapped Ryan Shamrock and brainwashed her into becoming the Maestro’s valet in WCW. **Ahem** Anyway, this match sucks something fierce because their styles just don’t mix. It’s much like trying to run Norton Systemworks 2006 on a PC with a Windows Vista operating system. Trust me, it doesn’t work. If this had been 2005 MMATaker, it might have been a different story. Shamrock goes after Taker’s leg early. That’s the story for most of the match. Just lots and lots of legwork. He stomps Taker’s leg on the ringsteps, trying to break it. Back in, Taker pummels Shammy but gets taken down into a cross armlock. Taker brawls to come back and hits a backbreaker. I would think that would hurt his leg – you know, the leg Shamrock has been working over for most of the match. Then again, I’m not undead, so what do I know. Taker hits a legdrop, but Shamrock grabs the leg and turns it into a leglock. That’s a cool spot. No one in the arena cares, though, including the Undertaker. Kenny hits an elbow, then a flying knee but runs into a big boot. ONE, TWO, um…Ken, do you want to kick out for us? He doesn’t, but Hebner stops counting anyway. Shamrock slips out of the Tombstone and applies the Anklelock to wake up the crowd. That brings out Bradshaw with a baseball bat. Shamrock drops the hold and takes a swing at him. That allows Taker to recover and pick Shamrock up for the chokeslam. Shamrock rolls through into a cross armlock but drops *that* to go after Paul Bearer. God, he’s dumb. Shamrock goes to pick up the Undertaker, but Taker reverses to a Tombstone for the win at 18:47. The match at least had a good idea behind it with Shamrock going after the leg. It didn’t mean anything in the end, though, because it didn’t stop Taker from doing anything and didn’t lead to any believable submission moves. This was probably the match that cemented Shamrock’s fate as a midcarder, which is why he left wrestling a few months later. *1/2 After the match, Taker lets Bradshaw have his way with Shamrock. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. Outside, Vince McMahon kisses Stephanie and puts her in a limo surrounded by guards to keep her safe. Should a father really be using that much tongue? WWF Heavyweight Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock. Shane McMahon is your special referee. The back-story here is that Austin defeated the Rock at WrestleMania to win his title back. He wanted his old “Smoking Skull” belt back, though. Rock tossed Austin off the bridge and then tossed the title – or so it would seem. In fact, Rocky kept the title belt as a souvenir. Meanwhile, Vince had gone soft, getting distracted in his war with the Undertaker, so Shane took over the Corporation’s evil activities. That included trying to screw Austin out of the title – hence, his special referee status. Oh, by the way, if Austin touches Shane, he loses his title. Austin storms the ring, and IT IS ON! Slugfest to start, but Shane breaks it up when Austin starts to win. More brawling, and they work their way to the entrance where they tear down the set using each other’s bodies. Yikes. Interesting foreshadowing: Ross says the Walls of Jericho come tumbling down. Austin tries to come off one of the production trunks with the FU elbow, but Rock catches him in the breadbasket with a punch. Austin gets whipped into the jib arm. They brawl back to the ring where Rocky eats the steps. Austin hits a flying clothesline, but Rocky recovers and gives him a Rock Bottom through the Spanish announce table. He stops to do some commentary before tossing Austin into the crowd. Back to ringside, he grabs the cameraman’s camera, and we get a p.o.v. shot of the Rock flipping off Austin. Rock stops to pan to the crowd, but when he turns around, Austin is flipping him off. STUNNER! Ha ha! That’s fantastic! Back in, Rock hits the Rock Bottom, but he can’t cover. Shane physically puts Rock on top of Austin. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Rock picks Austin up and holds him for Shane’s beltshot attempt. Oops! Austin ducks, and the Rock sells the shot like he was looking into the barrel of a cannon that accidentally went off. Austin hits the Stunner, but Shane refuses to count. Austin chases Shane to the outside, and here comes Vince with Earl Hebner and the Smoking Skull Belt. Shane gets in Vince’s face and GETS KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT! Take that, Simba! Hebner’s in. Stunner. ONE, TWO, THREE! Austin retains at 17:09. If you can get past the inherent absurdity* of the match, this was a lot of fun. I think there were all of two wrestling holds (both finishes), but who cares. It was a fun match. ***3/4 Outside at the limo, the Ministry comes out to accost the limo, so the security guards tell the driver to take off. Turns out that the KruegerTaker is the driver and he absconds with the boss’ daughter. “WHERE TO, STEPHANIE?!” is one of the most fondly remembered awful moments in wrestling history. *Okay, by “inherent absurdity” I mean, of course, Russonomics because the whole thing was rendered Stupid On Arrival when the Ministry and Corporation formed the Corporate Ministry and revealed that Vince was behind the kidnapping of his own daughter and her subsequent forced wedding to the Undertaker (and her rescue). So, Vince and Shane going at each other’s throats here is all just a ruse, and Vince helping Austin retain the title is all just part of the con. To what end, you might be asking? Why would they go to all the trouble of tricking us into thinking they hated each other to the point where Vince was helping Austin retain his title? Why, to get the title off Steve Austin, of course. Wait for it. Wait for it. And, there it is.

The 411: The sheer stupidity of most of the booking is actually one of the entertaining aspects of this time period, and this show has plenty of that. The wrestling is surprisingly good, outside of a few matches. Generally, you have one great match at the top of the card and a lot of crap on the undercard. This had a pretty good match at the top and a lot of slight-above-average stuff elsewhere. Solidly recommended.

Final Score:  7.0   [ Good ]