Dark Pegasus Video Review: Insurrextion 2002

Insurrextion 2002 by J.D. Dunn Ah yes. The infamous U.K. tour that led to “the plane ride from Hell.” Wrestlers got in trouble, got released, and a whole lotta bad blood resulted. It was part of what was a disastrous 2002 for the WWE, one that destroyed the brand extension out of the gate and forced Vince to rebuild around the Class of 2002 (but that came later). May 4, 2002 Live from London, England. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Opening Match, Intercontinental Title: Eddy Guerrero & Rob Van Dam. Eddy recaptured the IC Title from Van Dam at Backlash, but he used the title belt to do so, and Van Dam wasn’t happy about it. This follows the same formula as their previous match – Van Dam tries to use his kicks and quickness to stay on top, but Eddy is crafty and meticulously dismantles him. Eddy takes over with a vicious sunset flip bomb and zeroes in on Van Dam’s leg. He shows great psychology here because every time Van Dam starts a comeback, Eddy dropkicks his leg out from under him. He locks in a side leglock, but Van Dam won’t give up. Van Dam thrust kicks him out of nowhere and makes his comeback with his usual (split-legged moonsault, Finlay Roll, moonsault). The Five-Star Frogsplash misses, so Eddy rolls to the floor and grabs the title belt. The ref tries to stop him from using it, so Eddy shoves him down for the lame DQ at 11:23. Rob didn’t sell the leg at all once he started his comeback, and the finish was awful for an opening match. Eddy had the right idea, though. **1/4 After the match, Eddy goes after the referee, but Van Dam recovers and makes the save. Eddy takes the Five-Star. In the back, Molly Holly and Jazz complain about the Divas exposing their bodies for profit. Looks like Molly still has remnants of the RTC left in her. If only she had been *in* that group. Trish Stratus & Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly & Jazz. Raw became the home of the Women’s Title after the brand extension, and it’s the one thing that they (eventually) got right. Trish, then just a set of implants and vinyl pants, was made the centerpiece of the division, and damned if she didn’t turn into a fine (in both senses of the word) wrestler. The heels, however, didn’t fare as well. Jazz was supposed to be a heel because she was ugly. Molly was supposed to be a heel because she was proud of not being a whore. There’s a bit of a disconnect there. The heels attack at the bell and toss Trish. Jackie plays face-in-peril for a while. It’s the old Rock ‘n’ Rolls/Midnights formula (if Eaton and Morton both showed up drunk and uncoordinated). Trish trades off and assumes the face-in-peril role. They work in a false pin spot where the ref is tied up with Jackie and doesn’t see Trish’s backslide. Jackie gets the hot tag, and the faces clean house. They do the old do-si-do and hit Stratusfaction and a Tornado DDT for the double pin on the heels at 6:45. They had their hearts in the right place, but everyone but Jazz looked awkward and forced. *1/2 Bradshaw vs. X-Pac. Bradshaw was one of the three main babyfaces (along with Steve Austin and Kane) on Ric Flair’s Raw. It didn’t work out because they didn’t really change him or Faarooq, so people just assumed they’d get back together at some point, and it turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy because the WWE had to put them back together when Bradshaw came back from injury. X-Pac gets tossed around like a rag doll but makes it interesting with some cheating. He undoes the turnbuckle cover and drop toeholds Bradshaw into it to bust him open. Bradshaw storms back with power moves, but Scott Hall walks down to ringside and nails Bradshaw with X-Pac’s nunchakus (which Microsoft Word assures me is supposed to be “munchkins”). That gets two. Bradshaw nails Hall with the Clothesline from Hell, but X-Pac sneaks in a low blow and finishes with the X-Factor at 8:48. See, in 2000, X-Pac was shoved down our throats despite not being over, then when he tried to start his own stable, he couldn’t buy a win. When he went back to being a bootlick in 2002, he started getting wins again. *1/4 Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Booker T. Richards was borrowing the Hardcore Title from Bubba Dudley. Both guys were heels, but Booker had the catchphrase and Spinaroonie, so he was the honorary face for the night. This is a rather odd match as they go back and forth between a normal match and a hardcore match. Richards grounds things for a while with a chinlock. That goes against the whole point of the hardcore match. At least put a Kendo stick over his throat or something. Booker has the right idea, slamming a trashcan lid over Richards’ head and then missile dropkicking him. It only gets two, though. The Steviekick gets two, but Booker comes back with the Book End at 11:26. That earns Booker the Hardcore title, but Crash Holly runs in and schoolboys him for the title at 0:30. Big heel heat for that because it was such a cheap win. He stops to celebrate, so Booker hits him with the Ax Kick to take the title back at 0:16. Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible attack, hoping to become Hardcore champs themselves. Booker fights them off, though, and celebrates with a Spinaroonie. Jazz attacks him from behind, allowing Stevie to drop him facefist on a table (which was supposed to break – oops). That only gets two, so they repeat the spot (d’oh!), and the table breaks this time. That gets the win, and Richards takes the title back at 2:11. Typical Hardcore Title nonsense. The whole thing gets ** In the back, Paul Heyman tells Shawn Stasiak to stay out of Brock Lesnar’s way once the match starts. The Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak (w/Paul Heyman). This was just after Lita nearly had her career ended while shooting a scene for Dark Angel. The Hardyz were on the verge of a breakup anyway, so from a creative standpoint, it was convenient not to have to explain which side she was on. Stasiak ignores Heyman’s instructions and storms the ring. Of course, the Hardyz doubleteam him all the way back to “Planet Stasiak,” which is right next to Uranus. Ha! There are soooo many jokes you can make with that planet. Beats Jupiter all to hell. Brock breaks up Poetry in Motion, drags Stasiak back to their corner and tags himself in. He destroys Matt Hardy for a while, but he chooses not to pin him. Eventually, Hardy avoids a charge, and Lesnar posts himself. Stasiak makes the mistake of listening to the voices in his head, and they tell him to tag himself in. Jeff gets backdropped to the apron, but that sets up the Twist of Fate and Swanton on Stasiak at 6:43. This accomplished everything they set out to. Brock looked like a psychotic, barely contained animal; Stasiak looked like a goof; and the Hardyz didn’t get buried any more than necessary. ** After the match, Lesnar destroys all three guys. European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal. Spike stole Regal’s brass knuckles and knocked him out with them to take the title. Now, Regal is pissed. Spike fires off a few dropkicks, but he lands badly on his ankle while going for the Dudley Dog. The trainer comes out and cuts off Spike’s boot. Regal clips Spike from behind, though, and slams his ankle on the middle rope. Butterfly Bomb, but Regal wants to add more punishment. He hauls Spike up, but Spike reverses his suplex attempt to a small package for the win at 4:55. Mmm. Now that’s good comeuppance. Regal knocks Spike out with the brass knuckles to get some revenge. The actual match was about two minutes. 3/4* Recap of Ric Flair accidentally screwing Steve Austin out of the title shot. He tried to make it up to him by booking him in a match between Austin & the Big Show and the nWo, but Big Show swerved everyone (except those who actually watch wrestling) by turning on Austin and joining the nWo. Steve Austin vs. The Big Show. To keep the nWo from interfering, Ric Flair appoints Nick Patrick as the inside official and himself as the outside official. Sure, appoint Nick Patrick. He’ll never favor the nWo. Show overpowers Austin despite Austin getting JACKED with some pushups. Austin goes low and woks Show’s leg. Then, for some reason, they basically repeat the first four minutes of the match over and over again. Austin gets overpowered, Austin cheats and goes after the legs, Austin gets overpowered, Austin goes after the legs. Of course, it’s not enough just to have a horrible match. There has to be a ref bump too. In this case, Show accidentally nails the ref. Austin hits him with the Stunner, but there’s no ref. Austin calls for Flair to replace the original ref, but Scott Hall and X-Pac drag him out. Flair chases them to the back as Kevin Nash sneaks in with the nunchakus, but Austin stuns him. A pair of Stunners to Show finish him off too. Austin overcomes the odds at 16:21. Bleh. This sucked something fierce, and all the silly booking surrounding it just made it that much worse. 1/2* After the match, Flair tries to make nice with Austin by sharing a beer with him, but Austin gives him a Stunner. JR sells it as shocking that Austin would Stun the guy that signs his checks. Yeah… haven’t seen that in…what, 2-3 months. Triple H vs. The Undertaker. Taker cost Hunter the Undisputed Title at Backlash, so we violate the brand extension right of the bat with this Raw vs. Smackdown match. This is a disaster of epic proportions. Undertaker wrestles the same match he wrestled against Austin at Backlash, but Hunter’s offensive style doesn’t work the same way Austin’s does. There’s no real “pop” to it. Not only that, but the top rope breaks, and they’re forced to wrestle like Billy Graham and Bruno Sammartino with no rope-running or Irish Whips or anything. Hunter hits TWO neckbreakers, which means Taker’s neck should either be extra broken or back to its original place. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Hunter counters to a sloppy DDT. Taker stays with it and hits the chokeslam, but he grabs a chair instead of going for the win. Hunter knees it back into his face. Taker hits a much better DDT, but Hunter slips out of the Taker Care of Business (God, that is such a dumb name). HHH cuts off the big boot with a high knee and finishes with the Pedigree at 14:31. Jim Ross goes WAY overboard selling the match, calling it “one for the ages” and “one of Triple H’s hardest-fought victories.” Hopefully, they make Scope-flavored BBQ sauce. Taker and Hunter do the staredown thing after the match. I’m thoroughly underwhelmed. *3/4

The 411: This thing just doesn't stop sucking. Raw was fairly light on good wrestlers anyway, but the roster had bad finishes and booking working against them too. The best match barely scratched the average mark. Thumbs way down.
Final Score:  3.0   [ Bad ]