wrestling / Video Reviews
Dark Pegasus Video Review: Pro-Wrestling Guerrilla: An Inch Longer Than Average
July 21, 2011 | Posted by
5.5
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| An Inch Longer Than Average by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Noticeably larger crowd than the first few shows. In fact, some would say “an inch larger than average.” Title reference of the show: unless there’s another pop culture reference I’m missing, it refers to the myth that black men’s penes are, on average, an inch longer than white men’s penises. Given Excalibur’s sense of humor, I’d say it’s a safe bet. By the way, you don’t see a lot of black guys trying to dispel that racist myth. -“Black guys are lazy!” TJ has converted from Pinoy Boy on the last show. Upgrade. The Ballards actually get some good heat from the crowd, which, I suppose, is their job, but how anyone can work up the energy to feel one way or another about the Ballards is beyond me. Talwar blamed Cholo for their loss last time out, so they’re on opposing sides this time. Longish feeling out period. The Ballards are pretty solid tag wrestlers, as they show here. The heels try the triple-battering ram, but the faces send them crashing into each other. Rowboat follows. The match breaks down, naturally, and Cholo goes for an Ace Crusher. Talwar counters to an inverted DDT, though, and picks up the win at 12:00. Not a bad opener, as no one was given much of a chance to suck. Needed more Perkins, though. ** Matt Cross gets O Fortuna? That’s as bad as Vince Russo coming out to “Iron Man.” This match has garnered a bit of a reputation online for one particular spot. More on that in a bit. These guys are “high-flyers,” which, in indie terms generally means they can’t do anything else. We see that right off the bat as they can’t even connect on simple armdrags. If the hope was that they’d find someone who would make Matt Cross’s execution look like Bret Hart’s in comparison, Frantz wasn’t a bad choice. M-Dogg knocks him to the floor at one point and then does a spinning suicide dive and lands on his face. That sets up the flagpole elbow drop, which is, admittedly, pretty impressive. Back in, Frantz hits a huracanrana, but M-Dogg DVDs him into a neckbreaker and hits a split-legged corkscrew moonsault (Starship Pain). Then, “it” happens. Cross is supposed to run up the ropes, and Frantz is supposed to run up and German Superplex him off (á la Kurt Angle). Instead, Cross slips on the ropes and Frantz has to watch him go up. Then, Frantz is late jumping up behind him, so Cross doesn’t wait for him to get a waistlock. Cross just jumps off and German Suplexes himself! This is why no one should ever, EVER call AJ Styles or John Morrison a spotmonkey. It’s one thing to rely on a series of predetermined points in a match, but when you rely on them so much that you can’t improvise when one goes wrong… well, you wind up doing a backflip and landing on your face as a “suplex.” Even Excalibur and Disco can’t believe it. Frantz misses a spinkick, and Cross DDTs him. That sets up the Shooting Star Press at 10:58. Both of these guys are really talented… gymnasts. It’s just a shame they never learned how to wrestle. Frantz more so than Cross. 1/2* There’s no referee available, so resident Excalibur-hater Chris Bosh answers the call. Bosh allows the X-Foundation (Kim & Lost) to double-team Excalibur with abandon, much to Disco’s chagrin. Disco breaks up a doubleteam and takes a loud bump to the floor for it. DiscoCalibur get in some doubleteaming of their own, and Excalibur jaws with Bosh. Kim rolls up Excalibur for a quick two, so Excalibur argues. Excalibur ENDS Kim with a lariat. The X-Foundation botches a doubleteam due to ring spacing. Kim’s exasperated reaction is worth it, though. Kim breaks up ROLLING GERMANS with a superkick. The match breaks down, allowing Excalibur hitting a double-underhook piledriver. Bosh is busy watching the action outside the ring, though. Excalibur tries again, but Lost springboards over him into a sunset flip and gets the pin at 11:00. This was really puzzling booking that seemed to break continuity out of nowhere because the X-Foundation were babyfaces. Instead, it was all about Excalibur and Bosh with the X-Foundation playing a role that could have been played by anyone. ** Ryan charges out to attack a fake Super Dragon, so the real one comes through the crowd and attacks from behind. Slapfest ensues. That leads to a chair duel that nearly takes out the referee. An awkward exchange leads to Dragon DECIMATING Ryan with a chairshot. Ryan’s still alive, so Dragon curbstomps his face into the chair. Ryan outlasts the STF and fights his way out with a chair. Dragon no-sells his meager strikes and beats the crap out of him. Joey wants more, so Dragon smacks him around with a chair. Ryan ducks out for a breather, and Dragon throws the chair on his head. This is just brutal. Dragon haphazardly tries to dive out on him, but Joey nails him with a chairshot á la Jericho/Benoit at the Rumble. Joey brings in a ladder and suplexes Dragon on it for two. Dragon takes over on the outside, though, and sets Joey on a table. Joey rolls off, so Dragon hits that rolling suicide dive he was looking for earlier. Back in, Joey spears Dragon into the ladder. Dragon grabs a chair and gets German Suplexed, but he breaks up ROLLING GERMANS with a blind chairshot. More dives to the floor. Back in, Joey SMASHES Dragon’s arms with a chair and applies a Fujiwara Armbar. Good psychology there. Dragon rolls through, but Joey switches up to the cross armlock. Dragon grabs a chair and fights his way out. Joey hits a running dropkick and stops to rearrange all the plunder. Guys… just wrestle. It’s easier and more fun to watch. Dragon blocks something off the top and throws Ryan from the top rope to the floor. That allows Dragon to set up the table again and put Ryan through it. You’d think that after all that build-up that would be it, but Dragon pulls Joey up at two. Ryan small packages him for two, so Dragon unloads with strikes. To his credit, Dragon is selling the arm injury. Dragon takes Ryan up and hits sloppy pumphandle slam (which, I assume, was supposed to be a Supernatural Driver). Actually, it was Dragon’s ass that took the brunt of the move. Dragon stacks the guardrail on the ladder and hits the Psycho Driver for the win at 31:45. Oy. I’ve heard this called the first great match in PWG, and I’ve heard it called a horribly self-indulgent mess. I’m inclined to agree more with the latter. They did work in a number of brutal and dangerous spots, but there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for them. This wasn’t a grudge match in the strictest sense. It had a history behind it, but nothing that would justify this level of brutality. Even so, the psychology comes and goes. Ryan seemed to forget about the arm once it was convenient to move on to something else. Dragon sold it for only a little while longer. Plus, much like a two-disc “Best of Matchbox Twenty” compilation that should be limited to one disc, this was too long for what they had to offer. **1/2 Vander Pyle brings out WWE ring announcer Justin Roberts to introduce Adam Pearce. Pearce is a heat machine, insulting the fans with highbrow insults like “faggot” and “retard.” He complains about not getting a title shot. Cabana is a babyface for this one, and he’s already to starting to work in a lot of European comedy stuff. It’s an interesting mix of styles because Pearce is, as usual, going the southern heel route. Back-and-forthish with a lot of banter (and loud spot-calling). Cabana goes after Vander Pyle, so Pearce jumps him from behind. Cabana tries to roll him up, but Pearce squats down on him (with an assist from Vander Pyle) and gets the pin at 13:29. Eh. I like both guys, but this just didn’t work. ** Kidd is a no-show, so PWG Commissioner Paul T replaces him with… Huge pop for Punk. These two didn’t have much of a history yet, but it was still a pretty big deal in the indies. Suddenly, all the douchebags in the audience who were quipping their way through Joey Ryan vs. Super Dragon have fallen into a hush. Granted, it’s an ironic hush, but still. This match plays like just what it would become – a precursor to later, great matches. Punk, realizing he’s overpowered, tries to ground Joe and wear him down. Joe, of course, is like that big rolling ball in Raiders of the Lost Ark – unstoppable once he gets going. Punk counters a kick to a Dragon Screw and works the leg. Some idiot yells, “Sell that injury Joe!” Okay, I’m about half past give-a-shit with this crowd. Punk gets caught in a charge and STJoe’d. He responds with a Shining Wizard, but Joe TAKES HIS HEAD OFF with a lariat. They fight up top, and Punk teases the Pepsi Plunge. Instead, Joe backdrops him over, which was supposed to be into a powerbomb, but Punk lands on the apron instead. Um… awkward. Joe powerbombs him and turns over into the STF. Punk makes the ropes, so Joe calls for the Island Driver. Punk fights away from him and goes for another Shining Wizard, but Joe counters to the Dragon Screw and finishes with the STF at 12:28. Loved the psychology and storytelling, as usual. As with their future matches, Punk had a great strategy, but Joe is just the overall better wrestler. ***1/2 Weird being reminded that Danielson used to come out to The Offspring. I like what they did with Kazarian on these early shows, bringing in established wrestlers with national reputations to show that he’s on their level. Plus, Dragon can work well with anyone, so you know Kazarian is going to come out of this looking like a million bucks. Of course, it would all be moot in a few months, but the thought was there. Danielson tries to ground Kazarian, as usual, but Frankie has a lot of flashy counters. Finally, Dragon gets a hold of the arm and goes to town. He’s like Dean Malenko if Malenko was pissed because he stopped eating meat. Danielson goes heel by jawing with the fans. He actually threatens to kill someone. Yeah, I’m in favor of it at this point. I’m not even joking. Meanwhile, Kazarian can’t get anything going because Bryan always has a counter waiting for him. The champ finally blocks a charge but get too cute on his flippy moves and eats Danielson’s rolling forearm. A diving headbutt leads to CATTLE MUTILATION! Kazarian counters to the katahajime, but Danielson wriggles out. WAVE OF THE FUTURE! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Danielson blocks whatever Frankie was setting up and hits a missile dropkick. They headbutt each other from their knees, a battle that Kazarian wins. SUPER WAVE OF THE FUTURE! That gets the pin at 22:10. This was 2/3 of a great match – a great set-up and a great resolution, but it didn’t have the conflict in the middle. Kazarian looked overmatched but resourceful, which was what they were going for, and Danielson did a great job of ridding himself of any good will the fans had toward him going in. ***1/4 |
The 411: The last half nearly redeems this show, but not quite. If you're a big Punk vs. Joe aficionado, you might want to check this out, but outside of that it's a lackluster show. They did a good job of building to the next show, though. I'll give them that. Mild thumbs down. |
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| Final Score: 5.5 [ Not So Good ] legend |
