wrestling / Video Reviews
Dunn’s Countdown To The Rumble: Royal Rumble (1996)
Watching the 93 Rumble again reminded me of how much of a transition (read sucky) year 1993 was for the WWF. They were slowly weaning themselves off of the stars of the 80’s, but had yet to find anyone to really replace them. I’ve been watching all of the Rumble matches over the last few weeks, and watching the contrast between 92 and 93 was mind-numbing. 92 had all of the star power and an outcome that was truly in doubt. By early 93, Hogan was on vaction, Flair was on his way out, Sid had left, and Savage was essentially reduced to a broadcaster and part-time wrestler.
The 1993 Rumble only really had Flair, Savage & UT as the major stars of the match. Backlund re-established himself at that show, but really didn’t do much of note until his heel turn in mid 94. Other than that, you have a host of midcarders and jobbers, with far more one-shot wrestlers than usual.
Damien Demento, Max Moon, Tenyru, Carlos Colon, Papa Shango, Berzerker and Skinner were all in this Rumble, and none of them were long-term prospects. You also had the Nasty Boys who were on their way out, Dibiase, in his last active year with the company, and Repo Man, who is a great example of why you shouldn’t kill good gimmicks for shitty ones. Let’s not forget Terry Taylor, who returned for this match, continuing his pinballing between WWF and WCW to try and make anyone forget about the Red Rooster.
There were a couple of promising stars in the Rumble, such as Tanaka (who was at least over) and Owen Hart. And Hennig, who would go out with a back injury in late 93. However, with the exception of Yokozuna UT, and the aforementioned promising stars, there weren’t too many people who went on to do anything of note in the WWF. Fairly weak RUmble with a hilariously dumb ending.
The more things change, the more they stay the same, I guess.
Re: 1992 just wanted to drop a line about this review in particular. reading about Flair’s history with all of those guys really gave me a new appreciation for that match. i knew he was involved with several of them, but i knew nothing specific. the stuff about valentine was cool in particular, didn’t know about that.
“Then, in an infamous WWF moment.Sid pushes Hogan over to a huge babyface pop which was dubbed over as outrage. “
i also just wanted to say that this is sort of a myth. i have the original ppv broadcast of this on tape, and by no means would i call it a ‘huge babyface pop’. its a pretty big reaction, probably 65/35 cheers, but thats about it.
Like most recappers, I probably fell into hyperbole here. It wasn’t an Austin pop or anything like that, just sizeable enough for the WWF to feel the need to change it.
Loving these Rumble countdowns. Hopefully, when ’94 comes, you’ll do justice on the Taker-Yoko fiasco.
Considering that Flair is most likely to be in this year’s Rumble, and since his past two Rumbles he entered as #3 and #1… that’s right, this year he’s gotta go #2 to complete the circle of drawing shitty numbers.
And speaking of drawing shitty numbers, don’t the announcers ever realize that drawing #2 is just as bad as drawing #1? They make it sound like #1 is like walking through the Fifth Circle of Hell, but they never say that about #2. #2 is just as bad and probably worse because #1 can jump you (or “Pearl Harbor” you as Gorilla would say) when you enter the ring. Why the announcers never hit on that, I’ll never know.
Well, as you know by now, while it’s not exactly in my pantheon of all-time Rumble moments, I don’t hold quite the disdain for that segment as a lot of people do. I’m working on a review for Jim Cornette’s 1994 SMW Fan Week interview and someone asked him about it. Like Jim, my biggest problem is “How did he get out of the box?”
I just saw your review of (the 1994 Royal Rumble) and I agree with you that Luger looks like Huey Lewis. I mentioned it on my King Of The Ring 1993 rant on my website listed below. nickjr0.tripod.com
See, great minds think alike. I wonder if Luger wants a new drug.
Yes, 1995 is a very underrated Rumble, probably due to the stupid “30-second intervals” thing. Plus, I always thought they should have prepped Diesel up more rather than throw the title on him as quickly as they did. They should have let Backlund run through every babyface thrown to him (DBS, Luger, Kid, etc.) and have Diesel win the Rumble, then there’s your WM11 main event that probably would have done well. Just my theory; I just always believed Backlund should have gotten more of a run with the title than he did.
I’ve never been a big fan of the Rumble itself. The actual event, though, is one of the best they’ve done. I also think you can make a parallel between Diesel in 1995 and Batista in 2005. Be careful what you wish for IWC.
Nice recap on the shows, I’ve been enjoying your Rumble recaps and your RAW/SD shows over the last few months.
However, just one thing, and I hate to be pedantic…
Highlights of last year’s Royal Rumble.
Royal Rumble.
Thirty-minute intervals this year. That’s a GREAT idea!.
That must’ve been one hell of a match 😉
Keep up the good work,
Thank you very much. Oops on the 30-Minute Intervals. Obviously, it was a thirty one-minute intervals (actually 29 one-minute intervals because #1 and #2…ah, never mind). Funny thing about “That’s a GREAT idea!”, I had it wrapped in sarcasm tags like you might see on the forums and occasionally in print, but because I am teh suck at teh int3rn3ts, I completely forgot that html will simply make them disappear. w00t, LOL, WTF, RoXXorS!!!
Ahmed could have drawn huge money if would have learned to work safely. It’s hard to believe that Jarrett somehow became respectable after this. Ahmed reverses a hiptoss to one of his own. He misses a charge but levels Jarrett with a lariat. Jarrett’s shoulderblocks are no-sold. Ahmed powerslams him and delivers a flying clothesline. Ahmed tries another and gets caught in the ropes. Jarrett hit’s a clothesline to take control. Ahmed no-sells a trio of double ax-handles and catches Jarrett in a bear hug. He spikes Jarrett with a spinebuster. Jarrett rolls to the outside for a breather. Ahmed follows him out with an over-the-top suicida. Impressive! He tosses Jarrett back in and goes for the off-the-top-rope somersault legdrop. Jarrett rolls out of the way and exploits it with a figure-four. Ahmed reverses it and sends Jarrett to the outside. Jarrett just grabs his guitar and smashes it over Ahmed’s head for the DQ at 6:38. What a way to get the crowd excited for the rest of the PPV! *1/4
The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (former WWF Trainer Tom Pritchard). Former WWF ьber-hottie Sunny (Tammy Sytch) is their manager and, for those of you who are new to wrestling, was the hottest valet in wrestling until drugs and Cheetohs took their toll. Billy starts of with Skip, getting a quick two off a shoulderblock. Skip comes back with a headscissors and sends Billy over the top rope. The Donnas sling Billy back in the ring, but when they try the same thing with Bart, he lets go of the ropes and slings them out. Billy comes out on top of them with a no-hands over-the-top tope. It’s not quite as impressive when you consider Bart was pulling the ropes down. Sunny starts flirting with Bart as a distraction. Zip (who is the spitting image of Fit Finley) tags in and calls out Bart. Bart no-sells some chops and press slams Zip. The Gunns hit Zip with a Hart Attack Clothesline. Sunny senses the end is near, so she hops up on the apron. Zip whips Billy into the ropes, knocking Sunny off the apron. Billy stops to check on Sunny because he’s an idiot. Of course, it was all a ruse, and the Donnas jump Billy from behind. The Donnas bust out their array of doubleteam maneuvers. Skip reverses suplexes Zip onto Billy for two. Then, Skip powerbombs Zip onto him. Gunn keeps kicking out, though. The Donnas flapjack Billy, and we get a three-way collision spot. Billy crawls over and makes the much-needed tag. A melee erupts, and Zip accidentally backdrops his own partner. The Gunns hit a Decapitation move, but Sunny has the ref distracted. Zip hits an ax handle off the second rope and covers, but it only gets two. Sunny whines about the count. The Donnas go for a double suplex on Bart, enabling Billy to come in and spear on of them. Bart rolls up the other one for the win at 11:13. Very R&R vs. Midnights. ***1/4
The first five minutes or so is Golddust fondling himself. The basic story is Golddust molests Ramon until he gets good and pissed off. Then, Golddust hides behind Marlena. Finally, Ramon just sets her aside, but that opens him up for Golddust’s attack from behind. Golddust gets a slingshot backdrop suplex. Marlena blows some pixie dust in Razor’s eyes, blinding him. The match grinds to a halt as Golddust locks in a sleeper. Razor counters with the mule kick to the Golden Rod. Razor makes the big comeback and delivers a super backdrop suplex. Marlena distracts Referee Tim White long enough for the 1,2,3 Kid to run out and hit Razor with a spinning wheel kick off the top. Golddust covers for the win and the title. (14:17) 1/2*
Hunter Hearst Helmsley is #1 by virtue of his loss at the Free For All. Always pay attention to who gets #1 (or #2 if the #1 entrant wins). They’re almost always in line for a big push. Henry O. Godwinn is #2. HOG knocks him down and gives a “sooey!” Perfect notes that three girls in the audience moved toward the ring. He presses Hunter overhead and, unlike the British Bulldog and Lex Luger, is about to toss him out. HHH rakes the eyes to counter. Bob Backlund is #3. He saves Helmsley from elimination. They trade off trying to eliminate each other, then save each other. Jerry Lawler is #4. He gets distracted by the crowd’s “Burger King” chant. He grabs HOG’s slop bucket, but it backfires. The heels gets slopped on the outside. Bob “Spark Plug” Holly is #5. He goes right after Lawler. Helmsley tosses HOG, but Godwinn lands on the apron and scoots back in.
King Mabel is #6. He goes after HOG. Jake Roberts is #7. He dumps out his snake and rubs it in Lawler’s face. Freud would have a field day with that one. Lawler scurries out of the ring and isn’t seen for a while. Mabel gets caught in the ropes, but Sir Mo helps him get out. The skeletal remains of Dory Funk Jr. are next at #8. He trades blows with Bob Backlund in a match I would have loved to seen in 1977. We see Lawler peeking out from under the ring. Yokozuna is #9. THAT’S NO MOON! THAT’S A SPACE STATION!!! He goes after Mr. Backlund and tosses him. Backlund is the first man eliminated after setting the longevity record in 1993. Mabel avalanches Yoko, squashing Godwinn in the process. The Kid is #10. Razor Ramon chases him around the ring in retaliation for costing him the IC Title earlier in the night. The officials finally get Razor to go to the back. Mabel choke lifts the Kid.
All Japan’s Takao Omori is #11. Dory holds Mabel for an Omori dropkick. Omori tries to slam Mabel. Are the laws of gravity that different in Japan? Jake hammers away and fells Yokozuna. Savio Vega is #12. SALSA! He goes after Mabel, I guess out of revenge for losing at King of the Ring. Yoko tosses Mabel. Omori and Helmsley try to eliminate Jake Roberts, but Jake grabs the ropes. Omori spills to the outside, eliminating himself. Vader is #13. Savio eliminates Dory Funk. Vader destroys Vega in the corner. Doug Gilbert (brother of Eddie) is #14. Jake goes for a DDT on Lawler but gets sent over the top on a clothesline by Vader. That looked horrible. Headhunter A is #15. He jumps Yokozuna. Yoko kills Gilbert dead with a chokeslam. The Kid attacks Helmsley’s knee in the corner. Vader presses Gilbert out. The Headhunter goes after him, but Vader shrugs him off and tosses him over the top. Vader and Yoko mix it up, despite the objections of Jim Cornette.
Headhunter B is #16. They go after Vader, but Vader and Yoko eliminate them both just to be on the safe side. Owen Hart is #17. Vader and Yoko doubleteam Savio in the corner. They both avalanche him to the “ohs!” of the crowd. Vince works the word “notwithstanding” in for the fifth time (by my count). Shawn Michaels is #18. He goes after Savio, the Kid, and Helmsley. Vader eliminates Savio. Yoko and Vader renew acquaintances against the ropes. Shawn sneaks in and tosses them both. Kid goes after Shawn, so Shawn presses him out. Vader and Yoko get into it on the outside. Hakushi comes in at #19. Vader gets back in and tosses Shawn over the top. They decide not to honor the Gonzales-Undertaker precedent, so Shawn gets to come back in. A horde of WWF officials — including Gorilla Monsoon, which would become important in later weeks— comes down to talk Vader out of the ring. Hakushi delivers the handspring elbow to Owen. Tatanka is #20. I don’t remember if he was a heel or face at this point. Holly tries to eliminate Shawn, but Shawn has hold of the ropes. Hakushi nearly sends Shawn out, but Hunter makes the save.
Aldo Montoya (ECW’s Justin Credible) is #21. Owen tosses Hakushi. Helmsley nearly tosses Shawn out. Shawn takes a breather on the outside. While there, he finds Lawler hiding under the ring. He drags him back in kicking and screaming. Tatanka sends Montoya packing. Michaels eliminates the King. Diesel (Kevin Nash) is #22. He sends Tatanka out. Shawn and Diesel go at it, despite being friends. Holly nearly sends Shawn over again, but this time Diesel makes the save. Kama (the Godfather) is #23. Shawn and Diesel doubleteam him. Diesel accidentally punches Shawn out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin) is #24. You get the sense with all these parenthetical names as to just why the WWF was in the doldrums at this point. He attacks Bob Holly and sends him over with a running knee. Barry Horowitz is #25 and has “Havi Nagila” as his music for some reason. Shawn kicks Owen out, but Owen skins-the-cat back in. Diesel LAUNCHES Helmsley out of the ring after nearly 50 minutes.
Fatu (Rikishi) is #26 and he’s…”makin’ a difference.” And you thought “It’s not my fault!” was a bad catchphrase. Horowitz dominates Owen Hart in the corner. “Horowitz dominates” just feels so wrong to type. Isaac Yankem D.D.S. (Kane) is #27. Owen sends Horowitz over the top. Owen enzuigiris Michaels silly to further their angle. Diesel tosses Owen Hart. Ringmaster just LEVELS Michaels. Marty Janetty is #28. He goes after Diesel. Fatu makes a difference to Yankem’s face with a superkick. Marty and Shawn go at it and knock each other out. Diesel sideslams Marty. The British Bulldog is #29. He goes right after Shawn again. Bulldog tosses Marty Janetty. Fatu sends Ringmaster out. Yankem jumps Fatu and eliminates him. Duke Droese the Hardcore Garbageman is #30. He goes after Isaak Yankem. “Remember **punch** to separate **punch** your syringes for **punch** the garbageman!” Diesel saves Shawn from being pressed out by the Bulldog. Michaels sends Yankem back to the dentists’ office. Kama and Diesel team up to eliminate Droese.
That leaves Shawn, Bulldog, Diesel and Kama. Bulldog tosses Michaels, but Shawn lands on the apron and slips back in between his legs. Shawn clotheslines Bulldog out. Diesel eliminates Kama and turns right into Sweet Chin Music to send him over the top. Shawn claims his second straight Royal Rumble. Diesel isn’t happy, but gives Shawn a high five anyway. Bad first half, good second half. Not sure why they didn’t milk the ending a little more. **3/4
Diesel is still hanging around, moping at ringside. He and Taker get into a brawl in the aisle, setting up Wrestlemania. Eventually, the two are separated, and Bret comes out. Bret avoids tying up and pounds away in the corner. Taker no-sells and choke lifts Bret. Things actually slow down after that (yikes!). Taker tries to smother Bret with his hand. Not sure why that would be legal. Bret gets his foot on the ropes, but Paul Bearer keeps shoving it off before the ref can see it. Taker deliver the forearm off the top rope. Back to the smother. This match has real smother issues. Bret comes back with a second-rope clothesline and sends Taker over the top with another. PESCADO! Bret tries to jump onto him again, but Taker catches him and rams Bret into the ringpost. He tries it again, but Bret slips off his shoulder and shoves Taker into the post. Bret charges into a big boot. He reverses a whip into the steel stairs. Bret targets Taker’s knee. Back in, Bret stays on the leg with a hamstring stretch. Taker is having trouble standing. Figure-four by Bret. Taker lets his shoulders drop for a two count. He reverses the hold, but Bret makes the ropes. Back to the knee. A bored Mr. Perfect rips off Lawler’s “Stu and Helen are so old…” shtick. Crowd tries to get into it with a “Rest in Peace” chant. Taker comes back by dropping his good leg across Bret’s face. Taker tosses him to the outside and chokes Bret with some camera cord. The ref is distracted by Paul Bearer, though. Back in, Taker misses a big boot, and Bret goes back to the knee. Mixed reactions to that. Taker blocks the Sharpshooter and headbutts Bret with his “facial appliance.” He legdrops Bret’s face. So, I guess his knee is okay again? Taker tries a Tombstone, but his knee buckles. I guess it’s a trick knee. Bret snaps his neck on the top rope. Taker tries a backdrop, but Bret counters to a DDT. Side Russian Legsweep, but Taker sits up. Bulldog, but Taker sits up. Pendulum backbreaker, but Taker sorta sits up — until he realizes that he needs to lie flat so Bret can hit the second-rope elbow. Taker counters the Sharpshooter to a choke. The double clothesline each other. Bret recovers and unties the top turnbuckle pad. He rips off Taker’s facial appliance (or “mask” in technical terms). Bret rams Taker’s face to the exposed turnbuckle to big heel heat. Bret staggers Taker and goes for a crossbody, but Taker counters to the Tombstone Piledriver. Taker covers, but Diesel returns to ringside and pulls the ref out, drawing the DQ and saving the title for Bret. (28:29) Diesel flips off the Undertaker and walks to the back. Cut about fifteen minutes off the front end and you have a decent match. Pathetic effort for two guys who should know better. *1/2
Final Thoughts: With the Royal Rumble match itself being merely “okay.” And the title match being downright horrid, this goes down as one of the worst Rumble PPVs in the history of the event. When Billy Gunn and Chris Candido put on your best match, you know you’ve got problems.
Not recommended.
J.D. Dunn
