wrestling / Video Reviews
Euro Fury: RPW Live in Portsmouth 4
Loading...Rev Pro Live in Portsmouth 4
Rev Pro’s On Demand has been a little lacking in new content ahead of their massive double header in November (Global Wars, co-promoted with NJPW), so it’s pleasant to see this smaller show get released. It only took four months to get it out! Hosts are Andy Quildan and Andy Boy Simmonz.
June 2 2016. Released on VOD October 13 2016.
British Cruiserweight Championship
Pete Dunne (c) vs. Mike Bailey
This is so old that Dunne is still champion, despite losing the belt three months ago. This six month title run was the beginning of Pete Dunne: UK Superstar. He’s taken off everywhere since the title win in January. Rev Pro was ahead of the curve. Andrew Everett’s unfortunate injury benefitted Dunne a great deal. He’d have caught on anyway but it was an early chance for him to impress and he took it. This is the very definition of a hot opener, especially with Speedball bringing flips and kicks. Dunne crushing him back into place after each one. Bailey has such an impressive and unique move set that he tends to win crowds over instantly. It’s a crazy combination of knees, twisting splashes and fast kicks. If I was to create a wrestler on a game I’d probably give it Mike Bailey’s offence. Pete, vicious bastard that he is, bites Bailey’s toes, which is a wonderful little switch on his gimmick. It all makes sense and they have a cracking run towards the death. Bailey’s kicks get even better. Roberts stops Dunne using the belt but in taking it away he misses a kick to the balls and the Drop Dead finishes. Match of the night, nothing will top this.
Final Rating: ***3/4
The Legion of Lords vs. Dan Magee & Kurtis Chapman
LOL are a comedy heel team but they’re up against two lads from the Portsmouth academy so it’s an opportunity for the kids to get experience. Kurtis Chapman is what a streak of piss would look like if it got consumption. Based on what little I’ve seen of him he’s going to be fucking great though. Those stiff kicks and the technical stuff is all there. Magee is already really solid. The match has the misfortune of following the opener though and it’s really basic by comparison. This is probably the fault of the veterans rather than the kids. Ghosh in particular comes from a time where BritWres was shit. LOL drag this down to their level with a combination of ponderous heel work and slow cheating. It reminds me of shitty wrestling matches from ten years ago that I thought were gone from BritWres due to a general improvement in standards. Both the kids try hard to alter the match but it’s too much. LOL double team Kurtis for the win. Gideon seems like a lovely chap on the Twitter Machine but good grief this match was bad.
Final Rating: *1/2
Marty Scurll vs. Matt Cross
This is curious card positioning as this match is arguably the best left on the show. Maybe one of them had another event to get to afterwards? Both of them were booked in Germany a few days later, maybe they were catching a flight together? Quildan goes off on a Matt Cross history lesson about CZW and Backyarding. Cross does some lucha flips and doesn’t gel with Scurll at all. There are a few awkward bumps and the ideas don’t get going. When Scurll chops the ring post it’s telegraphed. As in you could read about the spot in the morning’s paper. Oh dear, darling, it seems that young Martin will be chopping the ring post later. What a terrible shame. Cross runs through his spots as Marty becomes increasingly disinterested. It’s a strangely mechanical performance, devoid of emotion. Considering the outstanding year Scurll has had it’s a bit of a disappointment. His standards are high though. James Castle runs in to help Marty, reminding me that Scurll was in the Revolutionists at the time. That faction seemed to fade away. Cross gets hit with an umbrella shot from the floor and Scurll wins with the Chickenwing.
Final Rating: **1/4
Post Match: The Revolutionists beat up Cross and Bram runs out for the save.
Rob Lias vs. Jonny Storm
Lias, another Portsmouth academy lad, is a bit more gimmicked up here. He’s dubbed Rob “The Gob” for starters. I misheard it on the ring announcement as “Rob the Knob”. He certainly wrestles like a knob. As a basic wrestler he’s looked really solid on the Cockpit shows but he’s working pure holiday camp shit with Jonny. Storm has been relying on the camp act for a while to pad out his repertoire as his bulk of work has been flying and he’s too old to do that all match now. When he is able to work in the lucha bits the match is pretty decent but it’s few and far between. I can understand Jonny’s need to slow things down and it’s smart work but it’s not good work. The near falls sequence shows how great the match could be if Jonny was in his prime. Lias looks decent throughout but comes up short when Jonny hits Wonderwhirl.
Final Rating: **3/4
Psycho Phillips & Andy Boy Simmonz vs. Joe Royal & Prince Jato
I honestly though Simmonz had retired. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Simmonz is pretty much exclusive to the south coast when he wrestles. Usually putting over lads he’s trained. As a trainer he seems to be producing some excellent talents but as a wrestler he peaked as a butler in FWA circa 2003. Royal and Jato are the faces but Royal looks like he’d make a killer heel. He carries himself like a heel. Jato is a smaller masked guy so he’s a clear face. Simmonz talks the younger guys through a very basic match. Gideon Grey joins commentary to absolutely bury Simmonz and Rev Pro’s booking of him and storylines in general. He doesn’t give a single solitary fuck, it’s actually quite wonderful. The heels have a communication breakdown and Jato pins Phillips with a splash. All of these guys will have better matches than this trainee exhibition style contest. Apart from Simmonz. He’s done as a worker and has been for years.
Final Rating: ½*
James Castle vs. Bram
This is the main event so this show has died a fiery death. Nothing against Castle, who’s been improving all year but Bram stinks. The whole match is Bram throwing gimmicked punches on the floor. Quildan calls Bram “one of the few bright lights in Impact Wrestling”. The fuck? For starters that’s a shoot but I wouldn’t call Bram a bright light of anything apart from spousal abuse, the fucking toerag. Over on Cagematch twelve massively deluded people have voted Bram 10/10 (and I’ve already talked one of those down). That’s saying Bram is as good as any wrestler in the world this year. Is he having a tonne of hidden ***** classics on TNA when I’m not watching or something? Anyway, back to the match, which is a brawl all over the building but it’s just loaded with gimmicked punches like this is 1999. Gimmicked punches should be banned. They’re more harmful to the business than a million piledrivers. One of the best things about modern wrestling is that the gimmick punch, usually complete with stomp on the canvas, has fallen out of favour because it’s total bullshit. This whole match is gimmicked punches, it’s total garbage. Bram, babyface hero, wins the match with a low blow and a DDT on the tag title belt, which doesn’t even belong to him. What a guy.
Final Rating: DUD
