Five-Star Conversation 01.27.09: Jeff Hardy, Shelton Benjamin and More!

NOTE: THIS PORTION OF THE ARTICLE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WRESTLING; IT IS PERSONAL IN NATURE, SO IF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED, WELL AND GOOD, PLEASE PROCEED ON DOWN. Friends, this has been one of the most emotionally harrowing and draining weeks on record for a good long time.

To begin, there’s a café called Organic To Go on the basement floor of my building here at work. Apparently, they have a nasty habit of bundling and processing debit/credit transactions for as much as six to twelve months at a time. The day before my check dropped into my account via direct deposit, on a period where, I’ll admit, I was running pretty close to zero but was on the good side, OTG ran through a batch of charges totaling around $140, which resulted in over $360 in overdraft fees.

Many of my co-workers have been similarly stung, and so we’ve had a huge on-going e-mail thread in our office where we’ve shared our various woes and discoveries as we’ve all dealt with our own situations. One of my co-workers warned that, once they have a specific credit card number, they can process charges on that number for up to 60 days, and advised us all to cancel our credit/debit cards and have new ones issued to us. It was when I followed that advice and was on the phone with my bank when I learned of a SECOND batch of transactions being processed by the same company, this time the charges topping $450! The gentleman to whom I was speaking informed me that my account was overdrawn by $45, which was impossible! Then he informed me of all these additional charges and asked if I wanted to file a fraudulent charges claim. Uh, YES.

I took the following day off from work to deal with this situation, because, basically, the motherfuckers got my entire paycheck, between charges and overdraft fees, aside from the fact that I had to clear myself in the eyes of my bank, as the exorbitant amount of overdrafts could very possibly compromise the integrity of my account, which I’ve kept in good standing for over a decade.

Well, happily, before I could even formulate a plan of attack, a representative from my bank called me and, PS, long story short, we hashed out the entire fiasco and not only were all charges reversed in my favor, but so were all overdraft fees, which is not common in dealing with a bank. I was also assured that, should a third batch of such transactions be processed through my account, my bank would block that vendor from being allowed to do such in the future.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time this has occurred with this company, although when it happened before, it was on a much smaller scale and the company swore it had redressed the issue, which, obviously, was a baldfaced motherfucking LIE. Friends, be warned. This company has locations in Los Angeles, Washington DC and Seattle, where it is corporately located. DO NOT set foot in this lying, thieving company unless you live a life blissfully free of drama and have a thousand or so dollars with which you can frivolously part. I still have yet to receive my credit card statements…

Ah, but that is simply part one of my week from hell.

On Thursday, the president of my company was in from Chicago, interviewing candidates for our LA General Manager position which has recently and unfortunately become vacant. As soon as he walked in, he asked if he could “borrow me” for a minute or two, which, of course, sent the blood racing to my head and my guts to contracting and squirming. “This is going to be a hard day,” he opened as I entered his interim office and shut the door behind me, “and I’m going to need your help.” He tore open a FedEx box containing five envelopes of “walking papers” as he got our Human Resources person on the phone. It was to be my responsibility to usher my co-workers who were to be laid-off to him so that he could deliver the news.

So there I sat at my desk, literally sick to my stomach as I awaited each call, a sick anticipation manifesting itself, as, one-by-one, he informed me who of my friends I was going to be asked to lead to slaughter, not even certain if the fifth was going to be me. In the eight-plus years I’ve worked for this company, never have I bore such a grim responsibility. It was a surreal morning which saw me lightheaded, and not in the preferred manner.

Black Thursday concluded with a company meeting where the lay-offs were officially announced and those of us spared were informed that, in deference of further lay-offs, all employees were taking a temporary, yet mandatory, 10% salary cut across the board.

On the plus side, though, Thursday also marked the one-year anniversary of my being completely tobacco-free and that feels great! I don’t have the slightest desire for a cigarette whatsoever, and that’s a huge relief! I really do feel fantastic, and all things considered, that extra $15-20 a week comes in really handy.

Okay, sorry to have blathered on for so long about myself, but some of us have gotten to know one another during even this brief tenure of 5SC and I felt like sharing. But there’s rasslin to discuss, so let’s get this donkey show on the road! Your referee…Bronco Lubich!

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Brie Bella? You mean her name is Pretty Cheese…?

KANE & ABEL, WWE-STYLE
First of all, congratulations to readers The Great Capt. Smooth and DaJ for correctly predicting Matt Hardy as the person responsible for the various attacks on his younger brother Jeff. I had married myself to the notion of Christian being the attacker in question, because, quite frankly, we reported that potential spoiler right here on 411Mania. One wonders if McMahonagement had originally intended to make that the case and changed its mind once word got out, or if this was the plan all along and Vince teased us, then swerved us. If that’s the case, kudos to the man with his wiped to one side of his head, thanks to Randy Orton.

To recap, we’ve had some discussion over the topic of Jeff’s assailant:

From the 12.09.08 edition of 5SC:

Although I don’t like the idea of the Hardys in a blood feud, it makes perfect sense. Matt is jealous of Jeff’s popularity and for being the fuck-up he always had to coddle to make sure made the shows on time, hell, even going back to the glory of THE HARDY BOYZ and TEAM EXTREME, Matt can take credit for having been the mastermind behind their creativity and popularity but that Jeff always was the one praised, and for what? Having no regard for his physical well-being? Let’s praise his drug habit, then, too, because it’s a different example of the same state of mind.

We could even take it to the end that, while Matt was trying to play it straight, to earn the fans’ adoration, thinking that would be enough to elevate himself to the place on the card his brother currently enjoys, Edge was pushed to the top of the card for being a lying, cheating philanderer…so Matt finally learned the lesson life and Mr. McMahon were trying to teach him for years…nice guys finish last and if you see something you want, you TAKE it, be it a world title or your best friend’s girl, even if it means rolling your own flesh and blood to get it. Wow, bring some sunscreen to the arenas, folks, cuz the heat would be toxic.

From the 1.06.09 edition of 5SC:

What a horrible notion, brother attacking brother, especially older attacking younger, given the stigma that an older brother helps to guide and protect his younger sibling. Ah, but there’s the rub, as Shakespeare once wrote, and it applies to this Bardian story of greed, jealousy, contempt and resentment.

It’s long been common knowledge that Matt was the proverbial brains behind THE HARDY BOYZ/TEAM XTREME. It was he who would brainstorm the flashier, more colorful and dangerous maneuvers that made fans worldwide take note. Matt was the architect of Jeff’s daredevil antics, the kid in A Christmas Story who Triple Dog Dare-d Flick to stick his tongue on the icy flagpole…except Jeff never got stuck. Indeed, The Charismatic Enigma (whatever the fuck THAT means) seemed always to fall up.

When Jeff left the company to explore TNA, a move which typically pisses off Vince McMahon (just ask Mick Foley), it was Matt who was fired when “Litagate” broke on the Internet…and Jeff, with his satchel of drugs, was welcomed back into WWE. When Matt was finally rehired, it was ultimately to put over another performer (notwithstanding such performer was the former friend who coaxed his real-life, six-year girlfriend into the sack while Matt was home injured); Jeff became InterContinental Champion. When Matt was having one of the best programs on SD! against MVP which culminated in the biggest singles title victory of his career, Jeff was serving a suspension for failing a Wellness test. When Jeff racked up his second Wellness violation, thus earning a 60-day suspension without pay, such suspension saw Jeff screw himself out of a substantial WrestleMania payday where he was heavily favored to win the Money in the Bank Ladder match, which would have been his easy ticket to the top, Matt was dropping his UST after a paltry and unmemorable three months. But when Jeff’s house burned down, it was Matt who took him in and gave him food and shelter, because that’s what brothers do.

Now here’s Matt all but banished to the televised developmental, while Jeff climbs to the top of the heap on SD!, the brand for which Matt used to compete, but was seemingly shuffled away to make room for his more colorful (figuratively and literally), more popular (in front and, apparently, behind the curtain) brother who, despite his myriad fuck-ups continues to be afforded opportunity after opportunity, finally ascending the ladder, shattering the glass ceiling to become WWE Champion. Oh, sure, Matt might hold the WWECW title, but he had to give up the UST to get there, a move which, if anything, is decidedly lateral.

Matt resents Jeff for the undeserved and repeated chances he’s been allowed by McMahonagement and the fans. Matt resents the fans who dress up like his drug-addled brother and buy his merchandise. Matt resents the fact that his own merchandise has to be paired up with Jeff’s, to be sold as THE HARDY BOYS to sell, even as Jeff’s solo merch flies off the stands. Matt could always beat Jeff as they were coming up, back on the trampoline, in OMEGA, whether sparring or scuffling as brother are apt to do growing up. If he only had a shot at that WWET, he knows he could beat him again and ascend to his rightful spot as a true standard-bearer, the brand leader he knows he could be if his own flesh and blood (who is too busy reveling in his newfound status) would allow him a title shot.

As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Matt decided to squeak across the skull of his champion brother.

Or, Jeff might just leave the cap off the toothpaste. So does this mean Jeff & Beth need to check out the Cameron Days Inn…?

First of all, THERE’S the controversial “stigma” comment, and I gotta hand it to reader Iron Knee, my correct usage of the term is indeed in question. What would have been a better option is to have said “…given popular notion that an older brother helps to guide and protect his younger sibling.” Thanks for keeping me honest!

This is just an observation, really, but it seems, in retrospect, that we should have seen this coming in Matt’s regard, because every different booking decision in his regard has been completely telegraphed by McMahonagement for the last six months. We finally are allowed closure from the unforeseen medical tragedies that befell both Matt and MVP during Matt’s UST chase with Matt going over, but then we saw him suddenly drop the belt after a brief, lackluster reign unbefitting the celebrated “most significant singles victory in his career”, a move that had to happen to allow him to move to WWECW, where he pretty quickly won the WWECWT in the Championship Scramble match at the last UNFORGIVEN. Again, the celebrated “most significant singles victory in his career”. Another fairly uneventful run saw Matt lose that title to Jack Swagger a couple weeks ago, the new champion having, at least, built well toward that victory, leaving Matt at a convenient loose end where he can now focus on Jeff.

However, in screwing his brother out of the WWET at ROYAL RUMBLE, he also screwed himself out of the opportunity to defeat him for it…which I’m sure was McMahonagement’s intention. I’m sure Vince was cool with allowing Jeff the chance to test the waters as SmackDown!’s top guy, but I doubted highly that he’d have allowed the King of the Misfits to be in a headlining story as we draw closer to WrestleMania, especially considering his much-publicized history as a Wellness offender. Vince generally likes to garner as much mainstream media as he can for the Grand Daddy of ‘em All, and it seems to me Triple H versus Edge carries a hell of a lot more marquee integrity in Vince’s eyes than does Jeff Hardy versus whomever, although a solid spot on the undercard suits him just fine. Remember, Vince is the same guy who, for YEARS, refused a HWT run for The Undertaker because of The Dead Man’s dark image, and he was reticent to allow the top spot in the company to be exemplified by such a character.

But now that the speculation has come to an end, let’s look at this angle so far in a different light.

This is why I’m not a fan of stories such as these – such sensationalistic angles such as the Raw set collapsing on Vince McMahon six months ago in addition to SmackDown’s pyro being tampered with gives WWE the impression that any of these “independent contractors” could have a civil suit on his/her hands against the company for unsafe working conditions (and if this were TNA, there’s a chance we could see that as an angle!). BTW, have we ever discovered the what, who, how and why Vince was buried under the set, or was it Mike “I don’t know why” Knox…?

Furthermore, considering we saw Jeff & Beth at the roadside with a highway patrolperson after the vehicular assault (Jeff’s own words) a couple weeks ago, would it be safe to assume a report was filed? If so, then we’re looking at a legal issue here. So now that Matt has finally been revealed as the assailant, will Jeff decline to press charges, preferring instead to take out his revenge in the ring? And if so, would it then become a District Attorney’s moral obligation to follow up on such litigious behavior?

Obviously I’m overthinking here, as, of course, Jeff is going to seek his own revenge in the court of the squared circle, but it’s these kinds of angles that make professional wrestling appear as silly to those whom Vince seeks to charm the most, the casual fan.

Let’s move on to Jeff’s sit-down interview with Jim Ross last Friday. It started out fine, but from that forced pause where Jeff bowed his head and ran his hand through his hair, it completely fell apart. You could practically see the words on the teleprompter scrolling by reflected in his eyes.

My absolute markdom for Jeff has been well and frequently documented here over the years, but as voracious and long-standing as it’s been, it’s never been and is not now blind. This promo, possibly the most important of his career to date, was embarrassingly painful to watch. To his own detriment, it was plain that Jeff neither thinking nor feeling the words he was saying as he said them. The scripted promo, well-worded in and of itself, though, served as a neat & tidy brand toward everything WWE thinks is Jeff’s appeal, and with its “stop cutting yourself, Emochild, and lay your black fingernail-polished hands on the television set” rhetoric, it probably served to confuse and alienate more fans than it rallied.

Jeff is not a traditional performer in any sense of the term. To truly send him into the stratosphere, McMahonagement needs to think outside of the box where these situations are concerned. Some cheer him because of his image, others in spite of it, but promos like this will cost fans and make him appear undeserving of a top spot.

What set Jeff apart in terms of promos when this WWET run first began to come into focus were the creepy, mysterious black-lit promos where he wore the odd face paint and made dark, cryptic, poetic threats against his opponent, inspired by Heath Ledger’s Joker. I’d say finding one’s own voice by the influence of an Oscar winner (the Hollywood scuttlebutt is that Ledger’s a posthumous shoo-in) makes a hell of a lot more sense than allowing one’s self to be square-pegged into an ill-suited role, which is exactly what we saw occur on Friday. Would it be a challenge for Jeff to continue to communicate in such a manner? Yes, it would, but that’s why he should be allowed such artistic freedom, because that’s what he is. What Creative managed to do here is stifle that of Jeff’s and send his career back about eight years. It was against everything for which Jeff’s ever stood and it was sadly apparent.

THE TARNISHED GOLD STANDARD
I was completely annoyed by the Shelton Benjamin/Undertaker match on last week’s SmackDown! for a couple of reasons. In sum? The United States Champion, who, BTW, has managed to accomplish dick since having won the title LAST JULY, is short-changed his entrance so Taker can have his ten minute walk to the ring and disrobing ceremony and then not only jobs clean but taps out in the end.

Yes, I know The Undertaker was a favorite to win the Rumble match and every January the big guys always get a push to hype their heightened chances (no pun intended) in the match, but why is a rising talent, especially a champion, being sacrificed to make Taker’s point, especially by submission, a finish that doesn’t play into the mechanics of The Rumble at all?!

Did Benjamin have some close calls? Sure he did, and, for all intents and purposes, it was an entertaining if innocuous little television match; however, it was a match that was booked stupidly and is symptomatic of why Benjamin isn’t viewed as being any better than he is currently, belt or not.

The Gold Standard has toiled hard to learn and establish working heel after a few dodgy, initial months. But he’s pulled it together and polished his act quite well, as compared with the dangerous risk-taker who stood the chance of crashing and burning as often as he pulled of whatever crowd-popping feat he attempted. It’s a safer, more sound strategy that will likely extend his career and livelihood for years. Unfortunately, though, he’s managed to re-invent himself at the cost of working toward that which is his best individual skill. What I mean by that is he now needs to work at combining his newfound and well-earned heel proficiency at working heel with “what brought him to the dance” as JR would say, that being, the amateur wrestling skill of which we’ve been reminded every week, every match since Benjamin debuted back in 2002.

The match in question could have been an intriguing and impressive “wrestler versus striker” contest, Taker eventually overcoming what might have been an intelligent, basic and effective ground attack, whereby he took out Taker’s legs from under him, working on one of those weathered knee joints; instead we saw Benjamin’s near-constant attempts to gain the upper-hand by throwing fists, when we’ve had it shoved down our throats for years that no one wins a fistfight with The Undertaker!

Too, why the tap out? That’s a cop out finish that does neither man any good on The Rumble go-home. We know Benjamin’s not going over; why not, after a tough wrestler/striker match, we see Benjamin somehow or another “eliminate” Taker, sending him over the top, which, of course, under the auspices of the match itself, but on Sunday is tantamount to elimination? Benjamin grins, nodding to Taker, tacitly saying, “Yeah, it could happen that easily, Dead Man.” Realizing the message sent, Taker fires up as only he can, re-enters the ring determined to wipe the smug off The USC’s face, whips him to the ropes and delivers the big boot on the rebound, sending Benjamin flailing over the top to the floor where Benjamin grabs his belt and takes the ten. As he backs up the ramp, he rubs his jaw, telling Taker to “just wait till Sunday.”

This way, a great, character-consistent match that is honest to the styles of each performer is had where the USC looks strong and smart, takes the heel’s way out, but we also have a mini-story going into The Rumble. Taker eliminated Benjamin anyway, why not give it some meaning?

COMMENTPALOOZA!
You really crashed on the comments this week. I have no idea how you do it all, pal. If I had that many people commenting on anything I read, I might just audition for Larry again. I do have this one idea…
Posted By: thegunisgood

How you can break apart each comment into certain areas and have them all tie together in the comment section scares me. I would go nuts.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

Gun, you mean anything you wrote? Hey, if you have an idea, I say go for it! You did defeat me back in the day in The Great Debate!

It’s a real chore sometimes, my friends, and last week, in particular, I was totally frazzled afterward, but it was worth it! You guys all put a lot into commenting on my stuff, I feel the obligation to uphold my end of that bargain! After all, it is supposed to be a conversation!

Geoff, I’m glad that you like my idea about the Family Business. Of course the WWE should wait for Rotunda Jr. to be ready. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

Nit-picking, he’s Taylor Rotunda, not Mike, Jr., but, meh, we all got your intention, and good call waiting…it’s more than McMahonagement has been able to do in a couple cases!

I can see one problem with The Family Business, in that it starts off as a reject stable, and that perception can be hard to shake off. If it’s full of guys kicked out of one group, why should we rally behind them or think they can succeed? This was my problem with Manu and Snuka, they weren’t faces or threats, they were heels too stupid and weak, and explicitly described as such, to be a part of the Legacy.
Posted By: Robin

Robin, I see what you are saying about the Family Business idea, but I think that is what would make them connect with an fans. They only got their foot in the door because of their name, but didn’t get in the exclusive club. They have to get by on hard work and not special treatment. Through them battling with the Legacy, the audience can see just how good they really are and the Legacy will come to regret rejecting the them. I think much more of Manu and Sim for standing up to Orton than I do of Ted Jr. for acting like Orton’s bitch.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

To answer your question, Robin, we feel empathy for them over the shitty way Orton treated them and then for being double-crossed at the moment of truth by DiBiase. However, you have a point that they were never booked to look good, but that could go another way in that…are they really any good to start with? We saw how atrocious Snuka was when he was Deuce; sure he had a long run with the WWETTTs, but after dropping them, the team, and, later, he alone couldn’t have bought a cheap win from Rod Blagojevich. And Manu hasn’t been referred to as Manure on a couple of occasions by a couple different people because he forgets to wipe sometimes.

Now perhaps the introduction of a new, motivating talent could conceivably light a fire under these two, but, really, that brings us back to D’oh!…can they wrestle…?

The only problem that I could see with The Family Business idea (apart from a possible lack of polish for some of the guys called up) is that to be honest it sounds more like an idea for a great Heel stable. You have two sons of heels (one of which has pretty much just been a heel on TV thus far) that reform a stable of people cast out of the Legacy (so far that’s Manu and Snuka, who are also both heel.) You can’t really play their heritage into making them face (with the exception of Snuka, who’s father was best known as a face.) To me the Family Business seems more like an alternative to the Legacy as opposed to an immediate opponent.

Although I wouldn’t mind seeing them originally start up as a sort of friendly rivalry that just expands into an all out war, which depending on when Rotunda gets called up could possibly set up for a nice Survivor Series match.
Posted By: Blanky

Blanky, too, makes a good point, but I still think, ability depending, TFB has some legs. The other question, though, is, if these guys are sub-standard, do we really want to attach their HoF fathers’ own legacies to them, just because it’s convenient? Doesn’t that do more to tarnish the careers of the bygone wrestlers than get over a couple guys who’ll likely be wished the best in their future endeavors because they failed to follow in daddy’s footsteps?

Let’s tuck this nifty little idea away until such time as a few other notable and worthy second/third-generation kids are primed and ready to make the jump and use it to help them make a real splash…if this LEGACY thing doesn’t make that eventuality passé.

I like the Family Business idea. But I get the feeling that the WWE doesn’t really have any idea what to do with Legacy other than pairing them up. So are they now gonna feud with the McMahons since Orton kicked Vince in the head? While it might be interesting to see the McMahons as faces, is another McMahon feud their best idea? Really? I loved all the ideas we came up with a few columns ago here. I really liked That Goldust/Cody Rhodes confrontation, but I get the feeling that’s all we’re gonna get from that.
Posted By: JLAJRC

This is a good question, . I can’t imagine The McMahons as faces, but considering Vince & Stephanie both have huge heat with both Orton and Jericho, it seems certain that this is exactly what we’re liable to see. I’ve been quite reticent to make any WM card predictions just yet, but it seems as if we could be seeing Orton/Cena and Jericho/…? A representative opposing Y2J on behalf of The McMahons? Shane, perhaps?

And, really, how beautiful was that kick to Vince’s head? And hearing The Vincess shrieking afterward like a two-pack-a-day post-op trannie, looking like Miley Cyrus’ slutty older sister…that has to be one of my absolute favorite Raw moments EVAH. Vince deserved what he got for that disgusting suit alone. It’s a fucking CRIME that he has as much money as he does and dresses the way he does. The only thing stopping that moment from being perfect is if Orton, instead of displaying regret, would have smirked and done the same to Stephanie, grabbing the mic and calling after her as she’s wheeled up the ramp, “Go ahead and sic your husband on me, Steph, I can kick his ass, too.”

And, come on, dood, you know Vince has to be involved in WM somehow. Was Umaga/Lashley the best idea…?

And it appears as if we’re going to see Cody/Dustin in the coming weeks, as well, stemming from that awesome exchange we had last week on Raw, as well as the fact that Cody eliminated Goldust in The Rumble match.

So where does that leave Ted…? The Undertaker…? (Actually, I’m just stirring the pot…we’re likely going to have Taker/Umaga on tap for WM.)

A lot of talk on DJ Gabriel this week. Why? The guy is just a ham and egger who doesn’t have much identity outside of being compared to Alex Wright or Disco Inferno. I personally want to compare him to polka dotted Dusty and the effort wasteful Sapphire (she wasn’t on the top 25 managers?) but even I don’t think that would be fair to DJ.
Posted By: thegunisgood

Work it out, there, Bobby.

Quite frankly, Gabriel has shown more promise in the times I’ve seen him than anything I’ve ever seen out of Ricky Ortiz, Ryan Braddock, Scotty Goldman, Curt Hawkins or Zack Ryder (although, before the flaming commences, I’ve not seen a lot of Goldman, so ease off, there, turbo!). I was simply trying to express my concern both in specific and general terms about the manner in which McMahonagement is giving its next generation of wrestlers its start in the big time. His in-ring act will come together in time, I have faith, but, especially in these times, Gabriel needs to make the most of this opportunity, make this gimmick work if he wants to remain in WWE, as we’ve seen evidenced by Black Friday, even though it’s pretty fucked up how these guys are brought up with little to no ingenuity, fanfare or differentiation afforded them, which was the general point I was attempting to drive home.

as for dj gabriel, if he’s a disc jockey, why’s he dancing all the time?
Posted By: DaJ

Sorry, that was my bad, I was a little misleading with respect to what I meant by DJ. Gabriel is supposed to be portraying a club DJ, not a radio disc jockey (although, as a former radio disc jockey, I can tell you that a fair amount of dancing does occur in the booth when the talent is off-air!).

DJ Gabriel. Isn’t he British? Lose the dance and pair him up with Burchill and let them be part of Regal’s “Court”.
Posted By: Angry Bear

@ Angry Bear:

Regal, Burchill, and Gabriel – three blokes that McMahonagement really needs to shit or get off the pot with, right?

I was a fan of the initial Regal-Burchill tag team early on into the latter’s WWE tenure (hell, I even liked Pirate Paul to some extent) and thought that pairing him with Regal was definitely the thing to get that guy over quickly. These were two tough-as-nails Brits kicking ass and taking names on Smackdown and I think they should try to get back to that. Gabriel would just be good comic relief for the two serious types. Finally, throw in all of their respective girlfriends and you have one killer group in my opinion.

What would you call them though?
Posted By: JMAC

@ JMAC:
Sounds like a dysfunctional family. And because being British automatically = royalty/nobility, a dysfunctional royal family. I think this idea has legs.

On everybody’s comparisons of Alex Wright and DJ Gabriel, at least DJ has a few dance moves. Whether or not they are any good is another matter, but Wunderkind only had that one stupid move.
Posted By: Galaxy Express

A faction comprised of William Regal, Paul Burchill and DJ Gabriel stands to be quite good, and a solid learning experience for Gabriel, being associated with Regal. Gabriel’s real name is Steven Paul Lewington…perhaps we have him go by his real name (drop the Paul to avoid redundancy)? Lewington is terribly English, don’t you think? Add in Katie Lea, Layla English & Alicia Fox and you have an intimidating gang of hooligans…a-ha…there’s our name! THE HOOLIGANS…you think…? Anything to keep those Disco Inferno/Alex Wright comparisons at bay, especially since Gabriel could already wrestle circles around ol’ Glen. Poor Alex gets a raw deal, being that he was just a kid who didn’t speak very good English and was still learning his craft. Chalk up another miss for ol’ WCW.

Think the dancing gimmick would have been better if Scotty Goldman had done it as he has charisma to burn to make it work.

Dj is a good wrestler but he shows no signs of his character once the bell rings. Whether this happens over time I don’t know but dancing scotty would rule!
Posted By: Mr Wheal

That’s exactly my point…he’s been saddled with this shallow gimmick that’s difficult to translate into a ring setting, even though he’s got a solid foundation. WWE picked him up, BTW, on a tour of England, where Gabriel was hired as a local boy to job to Umaga. His performance was such that McMahonagement thought it might behoove them to sign him and see what could happen. Let’s hope they give him more of a chance than he’s been afforded thus far.

Actually alot of the big DJs (well in Europe where it matters), jump around the booths like fools. I’ve never read of any DJ besides Baby Anne being dancers. And thank god they are not doing a rave thing, since Special K (in ROH) worked that angle and that was already a little late since the real rave is long dead.
Posted By: kinaj

Considering the majority of the American wrestling public hasn’t seen ROH (not a rip on ROH at all, but when most haven’t even seen TNA…), it surprises me that WWE didn’t rip off that gimmick. Vince probably still hasn’t heard of raves. But, could you imagine, fucking Johnny Ace thinking he’s being cutting edge, hooking up Gabriel with some neo-Shamen gear and Alicia all candy-raver-ed out? Sadly, they haven’t even put that much effort into the kid.

I want to say Swagger vaguely calls to mind Tully Blanchard for me, but I’m almost positive there’s someone else I’m thinking of too.
Posted By: Galaxy Express

I hadn’t seen Jack Swagger until recently, but I have to admit that I “marked” out for him because he uses one of my favorite moves, the “gut-wrench powerbomb”, which Terry Taylor used in the 90’s, which I believe was invented by Dr. Death Steve Williams (Doctor Bomb). Swagger does not remind me of Ric Flair, but DOES remind me Steve Austin when he started out.
Posted By: Michael in Austin

Being compared to Blanchard and Austin this early into his career can’t be a bad thing! Good eye (and memory!), Michael calling The Doctor Bomb! Now there’s a DVD set I’d like to see, Steve Williams! Doctor Death was the SHIT back in the day, and with an excitable, young Jim Ross on commentary in The UWF (who was committed to putting over his friend and fellow Oklahoman), there were an abundance of excitable moments! He deserves it, too, after the most memorable moment of the last decade was getting knocked out by Bart Gunn in the ill-conceived Brawl-For-All.

Swagger’s got it all, though, and is only going to get better. He’s gonna be around.

“I’m not sure I initially follow you, Bear, in terms of Edge losing the WT at WM25”

Sometimes my mind is going faster than my fingers (or mouth), but what I meant is that Edge is probably going to lose his belt to HHH at WM25, then Hardy, Hardy, Edge, and Christian can have a TLC for a title shot. Even though a TLC for the title would be even better involving those four.

The Homewrecker thinks Swagger should start coming down to the ring like Apollo Creed in Rocky.

Allright, I’m sure that I’m not the only one that does this but here’s why the Royal Rumble is just as big if not bigger than WM with me and my friends. We each throw in $20, usually 5-6 of us. We (evenly) pick the numbers 1-30 out of a hat. Whoever comes out in your picked spots is your guy. If you’re guy wins the Rumble, you get the $100-$120. It originated in 92 and has been going strong for 11 years plus now. We also have side bets. First guy to get all of their wrestlers eliminated does a shot of wild turkey, for example. We’ve tried to establish another way to bet on the PPV’s but this way has always been the best by far.

Good work and always appreciate the effort.
Posted By: Angry Bear

It appears as if you’re on the right track concerning the WWET thus far, Bear, and it would surprise me greatly to see HHH facing anyone but the Champion at WM, and to be anything but on the winning side when all is said and done, although it makes me wonder if HHH might be done putting over Jeff, especially when a world title is at stake.

Stallone makes me sick to my stomach, so I don’t really know what The Homewrecker is talking about, but I’ll assume it makes sense, based upon the respect I have for Mr. Wrecker.

So how’d you make out in The Rumble? I generally don’t bet, as tends to be a trait among by people. We’d much rather, as a whole, spend money than risk losing it. Bragging about a great pair of shoes means more to us than lucking into someone else’s money. Po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to. Hope you did well!

Creative really does need to do something to differentiate the look of the new guys. They all kind of blend together with short hair, boring tights, and tatoos, Punk and Kofi excepted. The WWE needs to realize how far a distinctive look goes in creating character. I thought they were onto something with that Vansen guy they just cut. They also need to realize that not every single wrestler needs to be super-over out of the gate. Allow the fans to warm to a guy in either direction.
Posted By: Iron Knee

Exactly! All these generic guys, with stupid names and indy looking gear are a joke! DJ Gabriel? Sim Snuka? Jack Swagger? Kofi Kingston? Ricky Ortiz? Kizarney? Dibiase, Rhodes, Marella, Manu, etc? Is this what Vince had in mind when he destroyed the wrestling industry? Vanilla nobodies with zero charisma and extremely limited experience and talent? What’s even more astounding is he puts belts on them, which renders the titles absolutely meaningless. If you win the IC title, and the tag team belts in your first year in WWE, what is that saying about the level of competition in WWE? Vince and his daughter are clueless, and since they’ve had no serious competition for over a decade they have no-one to copy. It’s a hopeless situation.
Posted By: Dr Thaddeus Amicus Soggybottom

Exactly. It seems there’s no room for a sensible medium anymore, and, worse, they’re getting the balance wrong. Scotty Goldman is the new IWC “IT” boy, but McMahonagement has no use for him, despite having incredible potential, and yet exactly how many times have dead-ends Hawkins & Ryder been WWETTCs? And we’ve already discussed Snuka & Manu, which, BTW, pains me to say, considering the wealth of professional respect I have for their dads, yet here they are pushed into company with The Rumble winner.

I imagine these kids are scared to death. They’re told to stand out, yet have it drilled into their heads that they can only work within the parameters Vince has ultimately set for (or against) them. And considering Dr. Soggybottom‘s list, some of those fellas stand out…but not in a good way…

I beg to differ, Mr. Soggybottom:

Ricky Ortiz will be a good upper midcarder once he finds his niche. He also has that x-factor (like Swagger)that can cover up his wrestling skills while they develop. Creative just needs to find his shtick. He should do a rock-like gimmick calling himself the Big O (“even a bigger O than Obama”), dress flashy, be a ladies man. Just don’t make it too obvious that he’s a rock-ripoff. He should study his tapes and learn similar moves (samoan drop, spinebuster, pretty easy stuff).
Posted By: Angry Bear

Uh, that’s DOCTOR Soggybottom…lol!

Bear, I’ve never seen anything Ortiz has offered in the ring that has translated to making a living as a wrestler, although he does come out of the chute each time with a lot of fire and charisma. However, on more than one occasion, I’ve seen that life wither and die once the bell rings. The fans would have chanted boring if they’d been awake. But, charisma goes a long way in professional wrestling, especially if Vince is pulling your strings. Time will tell…

“wasn’t it around the time that Cena started getting booed that DX reformed and started telling dick jokes?”

that was also when hhh started getting smarky. personally, i’d say that was the height of the cena hate, it really started at summerslam 2005.

you know what annoyed about the cena hate? the fact that when he was in some real sucky form (most of 2004 and up to his first title win in 2005), i.e., when saying he sucked held some merit, he was really really over.

but when his in ring performances started improving and he started having more kick ass matches, we started to see this wall of hate from many in the live audience.
i blame wrestlemania 22, it made it look cool to hate cena.
Posted By: DaJ

That’s an interesting point, DaJ, although I don’t think Cena ever really sucked, he just improved, especially where his storytelling ability is concerned. Someday I’d love to get to the bottom of all the Cena hate and really have a complete understanding of it…

“Christian needs a new finisher. The Unprettier 1) no longer suits him, 2) takes WAY too long to set up and execute, 3) is the one thing that will harken back to his Mid-Card 4 Life days when he became DDP’s goofball foil. “

I have been saying this since Christain started his hot run bad mouthing Cena. He needs a finisher that he can pop off at any moment with little to no setup.

Even if it is a variation of the current move it would be a step in the right direction. I believe that a kick ass finisher can go a long way to establishing a star in his own light.
Posted By: Todd Vote

Absolutely. Steve Austin’s finisher in WCW was The Stun Gun, basically the same as “Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert’s Hot Shot (which is how JR calls it, in honor of the late wrestling talent). When he jumped to The WWF in 1996, he inherited Ted DiBiase, Senior’s Million Dollar Dream. But it was The Stunner that really helped to pull the whole Stone Cold image into focus. The same with DDP’s Diamond Cutter (the only real move that hack really knew) Orton’s RKO and MVP’s Drive By kick. Favor Christian with such a move and watch him jump up the ranks (did anyone hear the “We want Christian” chant last night…?)

Finally, is it just me or does Y2J with a goatee kind of look like an older Bam Margera?
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

I was so pleased when someone else was struck by the visual of the scowling, newly-goateed Jericho when The Vincess tramped her way into her office. Although I personally saw a leaner Ricky Gervais with a wicked streak, combine that image with a pissed off Bam and I think we’ve pretty well nailed that image.

I don’t want to turn this into another Y2J lovefest, but it simply amazes me how Jericho can have been in the business for so long and play such an effective face and antagonistic heel, and yet manage to evolve so completely in such a relatively short amount of time! It may be time to revise my “All-Time Favorite” list…

Thanks for reading this week…now leave me alone, I have a Curt Hennig DVD set to watch!