Hamilton’s WWE Crown Jewel Review 10.21.21

Quick WWE Crown Jewel Results
Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso pinned Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin in 10:38 (**¾)
Hell in a Cell: Edge pinned Seth Rollins in 27:37 (***¾)
Mansoor pinned Mustafa Ali in 10:02 (***)
Riddle & Randy Orton pinned AJ Styles & Omos in 8:41 to retain the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship (**¼)
Queen’s Crown 2021 Final: Zelina Vega pinned Doudrop in 5:50 (*¾)
No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere: Goldberg pinned Bobby Lashley in 11:23 (*)
King of the Ring 2021 Final: Xavier Woods pinned Finn Balor in 9:36 9 (**¾)
Big E pinned Drew McIntyre in 13:22 to retain the WWE Championship (***½)
Becky Lynch pinned Sasha Banks & Bianca Belair in 19:22 to retain the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship (***½)
Roman Reigns pinned Brock Lesnar in 12:20 to retain the WWE Universal Championship (***¼)

— If you’re on Twitter, give me a follow over on @IanWrestling – and check out the GoFundMe that’s still open for Larry’s family.

It’s time for the universally-beloved Saudimania shows again… it’s not the most questionable financial investment that the Saudis have made as far as sports and entertainment, but I guess they’ll be happy to divert their interest from their struggling, under-pressure football team to watch the wrestling show they’ve paid for that’s also under pressure.

We’re coming from the Mohammed Abdu Arena in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and live on Peacock/WWE Network. WWE Crown Jewel kicked off with tag team action as The Usos managed to defeat The Hurt Business’ Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin during the Kickoff Show. The Smackdown team finished the match after Jey hit Alexander with an Uso Splash from the top. The Smackdown tag team titles, currently held by the Usos, were not on the line.

Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Byron Saxton are on hand for commentary, once we get past the faux-spirational intro package and all the pyro. All of it. Oh, and the VR flying carpet…

Hell In A Cell: Seth Rollins vs. Edge
We’re starting with heck in a cell, and THAT music as the cell lowered into… a video package. This is why I don’t watch the pre-shows! At least we learned that Edge is probably more serious about home security these days. We also see that there’s… camels below the stage. I bet they’re loving the pyro.

Edge hot shots Rolling early as we have a rather floaty camera inside the cell. Rollins recovers with a springboard knee, before he dived into the cell wall. Edge rubs his face in it, then grabs some chairs from under the ring before an implant DDT left Seth down for a two-count.

Edge got an inanimate rod that he tries to choke Seth with, but Seth grabs it and returned with a Slingblade for a two-count, before he baseball slid him out of the ring. Edge gets bounced into the cell wall, before he snuck back in with a baseball slide of his own.

Back inside, Edge’s shoulder charge traps Seth inthe corner, but Rollins comes back with chairshots, looking to set up for a Conchairto… but Edge sweeps the leg as Seth fell flat on his arse. A crossface follows, but Seth’s crawling over to that inanimate carbon rod and jabbed Edge in the eye with it. A chair’s punched into Edge’s face as Rollins heads up for a frog splash, but it’s only good for a near-fall.

Rollins grabs a table from the outside, setting it up for a powerbomb, but instead hits… the Unprettier? It’s good for a two-count, so Seth goes back up top for a Phoenix Splash… but for the second time today it goes awry as Seth’s knocked into the cell wall, then crashed through the table.

The crowd’s randomly Ole’ing, I guess not for Sami Zayn, as Edge brings some of the ring steps inside. He pulls Seth into an Edge-o-Matic onto the steps, then went up top with a chair in hand, landing a chair-assisted elbow onto Seth in the process. Looking for a spear, Edge runs into a superkick as Rollins quickly followed with a Pedigree for a near-fall, before a curb stomp was countered into a buckle bomb.

Rollins barely kicks out from a spear, and… who the hell left a ladder under the ring?

Edge drills the ladder into Rollins’ face, but gets whipped into the ladder in the corner as we all fall down. Atishu. Seth’s up to set up the table again, rolled Edge onto it, only for Edge to get up and catch Seth atop the ladder so he could superplex him… but Seth goes back to the eyes then flipped over and hit a sunset bomb through the table instead.

Edge kicks out at two, but got to his feet as Seth was looking under the ring… Superkicks lay out Edge, allowing Seth to grab a chain from a toolkit, then wrapped it around his boot in preparation for a mega superkick… before a curb stomp ended with Edge turning a chair sideways as Rollins crotched himself.

Edge returns with superkicks of his own, then stripped the chain off of Seth’s foot, using it for a crossface… swapping it out for a spanner before he let go of the hold. From there, he steps back for a curb stomp onto the chair, and that’s enough to win as Edge beats Seth with his own move. A very plunderiffic match, and perhaps a touch on the long side, but good as a blow-off to the feud. It’s that, right? ***¾

Edge gets a whack-tonne of pyro afterwards, because why not? $55m a show buys you all that…

After a bunch of adverts, they play a vignette for Bianca Belair, as we finally get to our second match…

Mustafa Ali vs. Mansoor
A “can they coexist?” storyline that’s now hit the “they’re feuding” stage, or so I gather from the recap package…

Mansoor gets the hometown pop, as I remember him getting into a fight with the Daivaris on one of the earlier Saudi shows… he also seems to have a good record on these shows. He starts by having his hair pulled as Ali escaped a side headlock, but the pair go back-and-forth as Mansoor got back to an armbar.

A wheelbarrow roll through, a standing moonsault and a dropkick took Ali outside, before he returned into a waistlock takedown. Again, Ali powders to the outside, but he baits Mansoor, and pulls him onto the edge of the ring, before throwing him into the security wall. Returning to the ring, a cradle gets Ali a two-count, as he then trapped Mansoor in a camel clutch. Wonder how the lads by the stage rated it?

Ali takes to the air with a tornado DDT for a near-fall, before he kicked away at Mansoor in the corner amid a barrage of trash talk, prompting a Mansoor comeback with an enziguiri and a spinebuster, before a clothesline took Ali to the outside. An attempted dive’s dropkicked away by Ali, who tries to finish with a 450 splash, only for Mansoor to return with an overhead belly-to-belly into the corner.

From there, Mansoor goes up top and lands a moonsault… for a near-fall, as Ali kicked out and applied a Koji clutch, forcing Mansoor into the ropes. Ali follows with a 450 splash, but Mansoor rolls away in time, then slingshotted back in to land a neckbreaker for the win. A good little TV-style match, with Mansoor finally getting his revenge. ***

Except Ali attacks Mansoor after the match, only to get interrupted by… generic hi-yah music? Out comes a man in a gi, walking to the ring… and it’s 2020 Olympic karate silver medallist Tareg Hamedi (cheers Fightful Select for that hat tip). Hamedi undoes his head dress and gets a big pop, then laid out Ali with a head kick. Thanks for coming, Mustafa!

WWE RAW Tag Team Championship: AJ Styles & Omos vs. RK-Bro (Randy Orton & Riddle) (c)
We’ve some gaga as Riddle ditches his scooter and comes out on a camel. Haven’t they suffered enough?

Orton and Riddle start on AJ, with an early RKO attempt getting pushed off before Orton stomped away on AJ. Riddle’s assisted senton’s good for a two-count, before a spinning gutwrench dropped AJ in the corner, as Omos tagged in. Omos pounces Riddle, who then hurried a tag out to Orton so he could try his luck.

Omos shrugs off some right hands and decked Orton, leading to Snake Eyes as AJ Styles tagged in. Yeah, the pace here’s achingly slow, but the crowd’s still biting for everything. A dropkick gets AJ a two-count, while Omos’ nerve hold forced Orton to go to the eyes as tags get us back to Riddle and AJ.

AJ’s sent into the corner as Riddle surges ahead… landing a back senton and a PK for a two-count. A Style Clash is escaped as AJ’s flurry ended with a knee from Riddle, before Orton threw AJ into Omos… a scoop slam is next, before he was distracted by Omos. A hot shot drops Omos to the floor, but AJ’s right there with a Phenomenal Forearm… that’s turned into an RKO. Riddle’s back for a twisting senton off the top, and that’s all. Slow and basic, but the crowd lapped up this house show fare, so who am I to whinge? **¼

Kevin Patrick’s backstage to speak with Becky Lynch. She’s a brick wall to stop everyone’s momentum, and doesn’t appreciate being told the rules of three-way matches.

Charlotte Flair gets a vignette as they’ve been doing a load of character videos during the night…

Queen’s Crown 2021 Final: Zelina Vega vs. Doudrop
Apparently the average match time in the Queen’s Crown tournament’s not been that long. Good job I used the bathroom between matches…

Doudrop’s shoved by Vega, but shoves right back, only to get hung up in the ropes… Vega jumps, but her crossbody’s caught, before a sunset flip is blocked. Polish hammers drop Zelina, as does a slam, before a satellite DDT caught out Doudrop for a near-fall.

Vega keeps pushing on, trapping Doudrop in a Dragon Sleeper. It’s broken as Doudrop backs into the corner, before Vega’s attempt at a Code Red was stopped. A cannonball from Doudrop misses, as Vega comes right back with a dropkick into the corner, but she struggled to pull Doudrop out and ends up only getting a two-count.

Doudrop pulls Vega away from the ropes, then hit a back senton for a near-fall, before Doudrop missed a diving splash, then took a Code Red as Vega escaped with the win. Short, and initially very basic in terms of what they did, but the pace picked up as they barely got five minutes here. *¾

Zelina poses with her cape, crown and sceptre afterwards. Greg Hamilton hailed her Queen Zelina, and you know there’s more than 50-50 chance that’ll be her gimmick now.

No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere Match: Bobby Lashley vs. Goldberg
Falls Count Anywhere was added to the match before bell time… if they’d made that first, we wouldn’t have needed the other!

Goldberg gets his entrance from the locker room, while Lashley’s smuggled chain in his ring gear. Goldberg swarms him at the bell, but Lashley manages to hit some chain-assisted punches before throwing Goldberg into the ring post. On the outside, Lashley looks for a table, but instead grabs a chair from ringside, before he threw Goldberg back into the buckles.

Lashley pulls out an uncooperative table, props it up in the corner, then chop blocks Goldberg’s leg. Goldberg’s leg gets Pillmanized, but he still manages to sidestep a spear as Lashley ate the table. A spear from Goldberg follows, as did a Jackhammer, before Goldberg ripped off his gloves, throwing them into the crowd before he threw Lashley out of the ring… then speared him through a ringside barricade, because it’s been a few weeks since that’s happened.

Goldberg marches Lashley towards the ring steps, threatening to Conchairto him with the steps, but Lashley got away and ended up getting backup in the form of Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin. Except they’re easily dispatched, and we have a Kendo stick fight as this is getting old.

Goldberg breaks a Kendo stick in half, then speared Lashley off the ramp into a conveniently-placed table for the win. Had this ended at the jackhammer, and this been the post-match, I’d not have been as down, but this was way too drawn out, as expected. *

Lashley walked away under his own power, by the way, so that promise of death didn’t materialise.

They recap a contract signing from SmackDown for the Lesnar/Reigns match, and the seeds of doubt being planted over Paul Heyman.

King Of The Ring 2021 Final: Finn Balor vs. Xavier Woods
I bet this goes longer than five minutes…

We start on the deck as Woods and Balor trade side headlocks, before a side Russian legsweep drew an early two-count for Woods. Balor comes in with a side headlock, clinging on as Woods tries a back suplex to get free, before they ended in the ropes. Xavier’s back with a dropkick to Balor in the ropes, but his springboard DDT back in is blocked as a stomp left Woods down.

Balor’s chops prompt a fightback, but an Eye of the Hurricane cuts off Woods for another two-count. A superkick nearly wins it for Woods, who continued with chops and elbows until an overhead kick from Balor left both men down. Danielson-ish elbows stop Woods, but an inside cradle nearly shocks Balor ahead of a superplex that gets Woods another near-fall.

Woods went back up top for an elbow drop, but Balor countered it, ran back with a Slingblade then a shotgun dropkick… but the Coup d’Grace misses as the pace quickens. A gutbuster from Woods sets up for that top rope elbow again, this time landing for the win as New Day star Xavier gets a crown. Pretty good for the time they got, and you know what, I can see Woods giving the King gimmick a good go, because you know they’ll go that route. **¾

WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre vs. Big E (c)
We start with a lock-up as Big E and McIntyre try to establish themselves early on. Shoulder tackles initially don’t register, so McIntyre goes back to the side headlock, then worked a chinbar on the champion.

Big E rolls free, then decked McIntyre with an elbow before pulling him onto the apron for some clubbering. Drew’s quickly back with an overhead belly-to-belly on the floor, before he rolled up Big E for a near-fall. It’s back to the chinbar from there, but although Big E escaped, he ran into a spinebuster for another two-count.

Big E manages to get back in with belly-to-bellies of his own, but Drew’s got some more in the tank, chucking the champion across the ring, before a neckbreaker put him down. A big splash gets Big E a near-fall as he then looked for a Big Ending… but a leg clutch pin and a Michinoku driver gets McIntyre a near-fall – and some use out of those old puro tapes.

Drew runs into a STO out of the corner as Big E put himself back in it, following with a backslide… but Drew’s up at two ahead of a Futureshock DDT. Big E kicks out at two, then came in with a Stretch Muffler… only for Drew to slip free of it. Drew runs into a Big Ending for another near-fall, as Big E clearly needed to find a new level.

Which he gets by going up top for an avalanche Big Ending that Drew fought out of, countering with a bulldog off the top instead for a near-fall. From there, Drew measures up for a Claymore kick, but Big E ducks… he’s hit with the Claymore seconds later, but manages to kick out.

McIntyre tries for his own Big Ending, before Big E scooped him up to hit his own move… and that’s enough to retain. An enjoyable match, even if the whole “Drew’ll win the title and take it from Raw” thing didn’t seem likely. ***½

They replay the Usos beating the Hurt Business on the pre-show which feels like ages ago at this point…

WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship: Becky Lynch (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair
I wonder if this’ll get more time than the Queen’s Crown final? They show clips of Becky beating Bianca at SummerSlam in the intros…

Banks looked to start on offence, kicking Becky, who then got shoved into the ropes by Belair… who used Banks as a Terry Funk Ladder to knock down Becky. A goddamn one-handed press slam from Belair takes Banks off the top rope, before Sasha came in with some bodyscissors on Lynch as those two traded pins.

A lucha armdrag from Banks gets a one-count as Lynch bridges up, before she got thrown into Belair. Becky blocks a back stabber, but can’t continue as a running Meteora nearly puts her away. My feed drops out, but comes back at the end of some three-way stuff as Lynch’s missile dropkick saved Banks from a KOD… and led to her getting a couple of two-counts in the process.

Lynch misses a legdrop, but picks Belair’s leg ahead of a bulldog for a near-fall. Banks has to kick out of a legdrop in the ropes, before Bexploders chucked her challengers across the ring, leading to a wacky double-pin on Banks and Belair for a two-count before we reached a stand-off as Becky got buckle bombed. A whole lotta Bs here…

A crucifix from Banks gets just a one-count as Belair countered in kind, following with a dropkick before she kipped up looked for a suplex. Banks escaped and hits the Three Amigos, before she aborted a frog splash… and ran in with double knees to Lynch in the corner. Belair POUNCES Banks out of the ring to stop her in her tracks, as Becky returned fire with a roll through to spark more pinning attempts, leading to another KOD as Sasha Banks again got involved in a Terry Funk ladder deal.

Belair hits a gutbuster to Lynch, then splashed into Becky’s knees as a pinning attempt saw Belair bridge up… despite Banks’ attempt to push her down. Sasha’s attempt to influence a sunset flip is for nought, but both Banks and Becky avoid a handspring moonsault from Belair, who’s then caught in a pair of holds as a Bank Statement and a Dis-Arm-Her was applied at the same time.

Banks breaks it up, only to get caught with uppercuts as Becky goes back up top… she misses something, then gets caught with a backstabber and a Bank Statement. Belair’s handspring moonsault breaks it up for a pair of two-counts, but Banks is able to recover as she looked to restrain Belair by her own hair. Hey, that kinda rhymes.

In the end, Belair flips Banks inside out with the hair and pins her for a two-count, before Bianca was dispatched… Banks nearly loses to a Manhandle slam (a uranage), which Becky then tried on Belair, but it’s blocked… she grabs Belair by the hair and tried to tie it in the ropes. Banks makes the save, then baseball slid under Belair, looking for a powerbomb, only to get caught by a flying Lynch.

Back inside, Belair’s taken into the Dis-Arm-Her again… Banks tries to break it up, but instead Becky trips her into a double Dis-Arm-Her, only for Belair to power her way free. Lynch’s rear spin kicks knock Banks down again before Belair picked up Becky for the KOD… it lands, but Belair’s taken outside by Banks, who tried to steal the pin, only for Lynch to cradle her for the pin. Really enjoyable, but this went on perhaps a few minutes too long given the state of the crowd – run this back with a hot crowd and it’ll likely be better. ***½

They’re going to trade the titles again, aren’t they? With Charlotte on SmackDown as the Raw women’s champion, and Lynch on Raw as the SmackDown women’s champ?

This show was meant to end at 3pm ET… we’re at 3.30pm ET and the main event is next. But first, recaps!

WWE Universal Championship: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
As you can tell, I don’t follow main roster WWE, but even I’ve been able to glean that Paul Heyman’s gotten Universal Champion Roman Reigns paranoid going into this. Who’s corner is he in?!

Reigns takes Lesnar into the corner from the opening lock-up, but Lesnar’s quickly swarming Reigns… a waistlock’s elbowed away, only for Brock to switch back in as Roman had to throw more elbows. Shoulder charges keep Reigns in the corner, as he again had to grab the ropes to block a German suplex… which Lesnar eventually hit.

More shoulders keep Reigns in the corner, but the pair head outside as Lesnar gets posted. He teases an F5 into the ring post, but opts to throw Reigns back inside, only to get Superman punch’d off the apron, before a tope caught Lesnar on the outside.

Back inside, a spear drops Lesnar for a two-count, before a series of Superman punches left Lesnar in the corner… before Brock leapt over a spear. Reigns hits the buckles, apparently KO’ing himself, as Lesnar gets back up to knock out some more German suplexes. The F5 follows, but Reigns is up at two, as this crowd’s getting LOUD considering it’s an outdoor stadium.

Lesnar picks up Roman for another F5, but it’s countered into a guillotine, only for Brock to break it up with an eventual spinebuster. They telegraph Roman getting F5’d into the ref, as Brock then covered Roman with the ref down. My favourite spot! Snarling Brock stands over the ref and throws him back down, giving Reigns time to hit another spear. And time for Paul Heyman to grab the title belt.

He throws it between Lesnar and Reigns – remaining non-committal – as we then get a tug of war. Cue the Usos hitting superkicks. Cue a belt shot from Reigns. Cue a second ref sprinting down, and that, surprisingly, is the pin. I thought there’d be more to it than that, but a clean finish and unanswered questions around Heyman as this feud must continue! ***¼

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

You know what the deal is with these shows. Sportswashing and a myriad of other real world issues aside (which makes these incredibly hard to watch without feeling dirty), it’s a blend of maybe a glorified house show, maybe a PPV, but all overwhelmed with the veneer of the sportswashing this covers. They’ve gone past the days where these shows burnt out the crowds early (this one did it by about the halfway mark instead), but my Thursdays usually only have me watching one WWE show where I feel a bit iffy afterwards. Still, at least this show will look good on the sheets in next month’s financials, alongside the slew of names that’ll inevitably be released for “budgetary reasons”. Whatever they deem important will be shown on SmackDown and Raw in clip packages… or to put it another way, I watched it all, so you don’t have to.