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From the B-Movie Vault: The Incredible Hulk Returns and Captain America (1990)
Image Credit: NBC
From the B-Movie Vault Issue #17: The Incredible Hulk Returns and Captain America (1990)
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest From the B-Movie Vault. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.
Looking back at these low-budget Marvel movies makes me realize that we’ll likely never see anything like them again. Comic book movies, and even comic book TV shows, are big business now and “require” huge budgets and production value. And while I do understand why that is (spectacle is expensive and there is an expectation from audiences that they will get that spectacle), I still think it’s sad that we’ll never see a low-budget superhero movie again from Marvel or D.C. I thought, maybe, if someone created a new superhero property, one that isn’t from an already existing IP, we might get something in the low-budget realm again. I don’t think that’s going to happen, though, unless someone like the fine folks at The Asylum try to do something. Does The Asylum want to do something like that? Marvel and Disney and DC and Warner Bros. just aren’t going to do it, and I doubt that anything affiliated with Image Comics, Dark Horse, or any other comic book company will try to do something. Our only real hope might be the true blue indie movie world. Can someone in Nebraska make a low-budget superhero movie for like $50,000? I hope someone gives it a shot one of these days.
I also want to reiterate that these low-budget comic book/superhero movies need special edition home video releases. DVD, Blu-ray, special features, documentaries, the works. People would buy them. I know I would.
And so, without any further what have you, the low-budget Marvel movie marathon continues with The Incredible Hulk Returns and Captain America (1990). Enjoy.
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(Author’s Note: this review originally ran in The Gratuitous B-Movie Column issue #382, which appeared in early November 2016)
The Incredible Hulk Returns
The Incredible Hulk Returns, written and directed by Nicholas Corea (IMDb claims that Bill Bixby did some uncredited directing but I have no idea if that’s true), is the first of three Incredible Hulk TV movies made after the original CBS TV show ended in 1982. The Incredible Hulk Returns debuted on the NBC broadcast network on May 22nd, 1988. The other two TV movies are The Trial of the Incredible Hulk, which first aired in May of 1989 (you will see the review for that flick in the next From the B-Movie Vault)), and the third and final movie, The Death of the Incredible Hulk, aired in February of 1990 (I haven’t seen this movie since the first night it aired. I do hope to come across it, either on home video or online, at some point in the future). All three TV movies first aired on NBC. The Incredible Hulk Returns stars Bill Bixby as David Banner, the same character from the TV show. The still “wandering and looking for a cure” Banner now works at a scientific research facility as a Dr. David Banion (or maybe Banyon). Banner has apparently managed to live a decent life since the end of the TV show. He has a steady girlfriend who adores him and wants to marry him (Maggie Shaw, as played by Lee Purcell), a great job that allows him to conduct the kind of research he wants to (it’s still all about gamma ray stuff), and he hasn’t transformed into the Hulk in four years. It’s almost as if Banner is finally at peace, or at least as close to peace as someone that can turn into The Incredible Hulk can hope to be.
Banner’s new perfect life starts to unravel when his gamma research leads to the creation of something called a “gamma transponder,” which generates all sorts of publicity, attention Banner has never, ever wanted. At the same time, a well-known scientist named Donald Blake (Steve Levitt) shows up to confront Banner on his secret life. Blake knows who Banner really is and wants to know what the heck his deal is. Why does Banner still want the world to think that he’s dead? Blake also wants Banner’s advice on how to deal with a bit of weirdness that he encountered while on an expedition to far off Viking lands. To make a long story short (and by long story I mean a long goddamn story. Blake’s Viking story seems to go on forever), Blake now possesses a magic hammer that, when he yells out “Odin!” conjures up the Viking demigod Thor (Eric Kramer). It’s a ridiculous story, but, hell, it’s real. Blake demonstrates his new hammer power right in Banner’s lab and brings Thor to life, an event that causes Banner to grow angry and hulk out. Thor and the Hulk (Lou Ferrigno) then fight, trash the lab, and are seen by the public as their big fight spills out onto the street.
It’s at this point that we learn that Zack Lambert (Jay Baker), the younger brother of science lab owner Joshua Lambert (John Gabriel), is in cahoots with the unscrupulous Jack LeBeau (Trancer hunter Jack Deth hisself Tim Thomerson). Now, LeBeau is, as far as I can tell, some sort of black market criminal that likes to sell new and important technology to the highest bidder. LeBeau wants to obtain the gamma transponder and then sell it to a foreign government that might want it for some reason. I’m still unclear why, outside of using the transponder to reverse Banner’s hulking issue, the transponder is such a big deal. I mean, sure, with the way everyone talks about the new technology, evil governments and people all over the world would sell their souls for the chance to have it in their arsenal, but I still don’t know why. Zack is all about giving the gamma transponder to LeBeau because he feels as though his brother Joshua (John Gabriel) doesn’t respect him. So LeBeau brings in his best henchman, Mike Fouche (the immortal Charles Napier), to help Zack come up with a scheme to get the gamma transponder.
So then some stuff happens, Fouche attempts to kidnap Banner and his girlfriend Maggie, and more carnage ensues. Fouche is a good henchman, but he didn’t plan for an appearance by the Hulk, so kidnapping Banner becomes impossible. Kidnapping Maggie, though, is relatively easy, and suddenly Maggie is the most important key to getting control of the gamma transponder. Banner, Blake, and Thor then come up with their own scheme to get Maggie back and keep the gamma transponder out of LeBeau’s grasp.
Now, while all of that is going on, Jack McGee (Jack Colvin), the dogged reporter that was always hot on the trail of Banner/the Hulk in the TV show, is still in business and still trying to track down the Hulk. Hulk sightings have obviously been few and far between in the years after the end of the show, but with the big public fight inside the science lab, McGee see this as his potential big break. His new editor isn’t too keen on McGee continuing his Hulk hunt, but McGee doesn’t give a hoot. He wants to find the Hulk and prove to the world that the Hulk is real.
If you look up The Incredible Hulk Returns on the internets, one of the first things you’re likely to read is that NBC hoped that the movie would spur interest in a potential Thor TV show. That potential Thor TV show, obviously, didn’t happen. Thor’s presence is generally weird when you consider that the old The Incredible Hulk TV show was basically grounded in a kind of scientific reality and didn’t go full on into the supernatural. I mean, there may have been a few episodes that had a supernatural bent, I can’t remember, but I’m pretty sure that the TV show never had anything like Thor in it at any point. It makes me wonder why NBC didn’t try to do the Thor pilot as its own thing, or didn’t try to just make a Thor movie. In retrospect, that seems to make more sense considering the already established world of The Incredible Hulk. It is cool to see Thor and the Hulk in the same story, fighting and eventually teaming up to fight the big bad guys, but, again, it’s also incredibly weird when you consider the reputation and the setting of the Hulk TV show.
It’s also weird to see Bill Bixby’s David Banner happy. Banner never once seemed like a happy guy on the TV show for any extended period of time, and seeing him content with a girlfriend who adores him and a solid job is just jarring. I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that, just like always, it doesn’t end well for Banner and he has to give up whatever life he’s managed to create by the end of the movie.
The overall look and production design of The Incredible Hulk Returns is shockingly good for a low-budget TV movie. The technology on display in the Lambert science lab looks expensive, and the stunts and fight scenes are well staged and exciting. The slow motion used when the Hulk appears, while a franchise staple, is off putting the first time you see it, especially when Thor also doesn’t move in slow motion, but you get used to it by the end. The Thor costume is functional, but Thor’s hammer isn’t all that impressive. It’s a biggish hammer, but it isn’t the monster hammer that Chris Hemsworth has in the modern Marvel movies. But then, when you consider that Blake has to hold the hammer, too, it does make sense not to have the hammer be gigantic.
Bixby is his usual classy self as David Banner. Again, it’s weird to see him happy, but it’s also fun to see him in a different light for a little while. And it’s also interesting to see Banner hold himself together until the end when he makes the typical decision he has to make when the Hulk emerges: he has to leave. Great stuff from the late but always great Bixby. Lou Ferrigno, once again, kicks ass as the Hulk monster. He doesn’t do anything we haven’t seen him do on the show or in the other movies, but it’s still cool anyway.
Steve Levitt does a great job as Donald Blake. He’s a smart guy stuck in a weird situation and you can tell that he’s trying to figure it out and make the best of it. At the same time, he seems awfully confident talking to Banner and, before that, tracking Banner down. He has good “friend chemistry” with Eric Kramer, who plays Thor as a lovable giant douchebag. He’s larger than life, he’s arrogant, and he can back it all up in the ass kicking department. The big partying/beer drinking montage in the middle of the movie is a hoot and, I assume, an example of what we may have seen every week in a potential Thor TV show. It’s too bad that NBC didn’t go for it and try it. I would have watched it back then.
Tim Thomerson does his usual excellent job as the villain Jack LeBeau. I wish I knew what the hell LeBeau’s real deal is, but Thomerson, when in full on villain mode, knows how to pile on the sleaze, and LeBeau is a total sleazebag. I mean, just look at the way the guy plays racquetball. Charles Napier, who appeared three times on the TV show and apparently provided the grunt noise for the Hulk, adds even more sleaze to the bad guy side of things, and it’s fun to watch Thomerson and Napier argue and threaten to kill one another. Hell, NBC could have had two TV shows if it really wanted to with this movie. NBC could have done a Thor TV show, and a LeBeau and Fouche TV show. A hero show, and a show about two rival scumbags. I bet someone would have tried making that LeBeau/Fouche show today.
Lee Purcell does a great job as Maggie. Purcell has terrific chemistry with Bixby and makes Maggie’s relationship with Banner that much more believable. It’s heartbreaking at the end when Banner has to leave. I’d love to know if Maggie ever tried to track Banner down later in her life. I know that Banner would have told her to forget about him, but their bond would, at least to me, seem to necessitate a potential reunion in the future.
And then there’s Jack Colvin. He only has a few scenes, but it’s classic McGee stuff that was always fun to watch in the TV show. He wants to find the Hulk, man. It’s too bad that Colvin apparently suffered a stroke after this movie was completed and didn’t get to appear in the other two The Incredible Hulk TV movies. I’d love to know if McGee ever came close to finding the Hulk ever again.
The Incredible Hulk Returns is a great low-budget superhero flick and a wonderful way to start off The Incredible Hulk TV movie trilogy. If you’re a fan of the old TV show The Incredible Hulk Returns is an absolute must see. And if you’re a fan of well-made low-budget TV movies, the kind of movies that the major broadcast networks don’t seem to be interested in making anymore (or the cable networks or the streamers, either, for that matter), then The Incredible Hulk Returns is a must see. And if you’re a superhero movie nerd interested in how the superhero movie used to be before they all became big deal Hollywood movies and whatnot, you definitely need to check out The Incredible Hulk Returns. It is awesome, awesome stuff.
See The Incredible Hulk Returns. See it, see it, see it!
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 1, maybe 2. It depends on how you want to look at it.
Explosions: A few small ones.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: Nightmares. Beach exercise. Coffee. An equipment demonstration for the press. Trespassing. A flashback. Some bullshit about Odin. A giant granite coffin. A big brawl. Hammer to the face. Roof jumping. Clothes stealing. People playing racquetball. A science lab tour. A hilarious bar carnage montage. Arm wrestling. Dancing. Silencer hooey. A very deliberate flip and fall. Truck door removal. A helicopter attack. Tranquilizer dart hooey. Kidnapping. Fridge issues. Microwaving scientific equipment so it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. A junkyard assault. An out-of-control Mercedes. Giant steel beam to the chest. Hammer throwing. A wild flip. Total gun destruction. Metal pipe bondage. An ending that’s both hopeful and kind of sad.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: Modified TV show opening. Bill Bixby. Bill Bixby in a comfortable white robe. Coffee. A CD. Thor. Lou Ferrigno playing the Hulk. Jack Colvin. Tim Thomerson. Tim Thomerson playing racquetball. Multiple leper analogies. Shirtless skateboarders. “Buick on stilts!” A drinking, arm wrestling, and dancing montage. Charles Napier. New Orleans/Cajun bullshit. The Hulk and Thor running together in slow motion.
Best lines: “That tickles. It’s supposed to tickle. You smell delicious. You taste delicious, too.” “I have to understand something before I can believe it, Don.” “Odin!” “Your century’s version of hell, huh, Blake?” “Drink! There’s nothing to drink in this alchemist’s den?” “Go away. Leave me alone. Please.” “Don’t make me angry.” “This will send you back to hell you ugly troll!” “I think I’ve made him angry.” “The hound returns meekly to the kennel of Odin.” “Nice try, Lambert.” “You’re badly out of shape, Lambert.” “Thank you, Odin!” “Food later, questions now.” “Call me Thursday!” “I like you, Blake, but only when you’re asleep.” “Hey! Cab!” “Shut up! You’re gonna die!” “I’ve got the dart, Maggie! I’ve got it!” “I am Banion! You are Banion?” “Peace of mind is for the dead, my friend. I guarantee.” “To get a computer to somehow forget what it has learned seems… blasphemous.” “Ha! I knew he thought it was a good plan! Come on, troll!” “You’ll be a hero yet, Blake.” “Good work, troll!” “Good fight, eh, Blake?” “I told you we would win the day, Banner. Odin willed it.”
Rating: 9.0/10.0
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(Author’s Note: this review originally ran in The Gratuitous B-Movie Column issue #418, which appeared in July of 2017)
Captain America (1990)
Captain America, directed by the great Albert Pyun, is a misunderstood comic book superhero movie, and has been misunderstood since it debuted in the early 1990s (it didn’t premiere in the United States until 1992 when it debuted on home video, which is where I first saw it). Much like the Dolph Lundgren led The Punisher, the 1990 Captain America is a low-budget affair that manages to do more with considerably less than most low-budget action movies. It doesn’t have the sheen or spectacle that the Tim Burton Batman movie had (that movie came out in the summer of 1989), but what it does have is plenty of heart and innovative action scenes that are simply astonishing when you realize that Pyun and company had such a meager budget to work with. In fact, on the Shout! Factory Blu-ray, there’s a documentary with an interview with Pyun where he says that there were times when the movie had zero money in the bank. How the hell do you make a comic book superhero movie with no money?
Now, I’ll admit that Captain America (1990) isn’t as good, production wise, as the Marvel Studios Captain America movies with Chris Evans starring. On that level, there’s just no way for Pyun’s movie to compete. But, as I said, what makes Pyun’s Captain America work as well as it does is its heart. It really believes in the story it’s telling and wants you to cheer on the hero as he faces down the forces of evil. All you have to do is sign up for the ride.
Captain America (1990) stars Matt Salinger as Steve Rogers, a polio survivor in 1943 America, smack dab in the middle of World War II. Rogers volunteers for a super-secret Army project called “Project Rebirth” that, if it works, will turn him into a super soldier of sorts. The project is the brainchild of Dr. Maria Vaselli (Carla Cassola), a Nazi scientist who defected to the American side when a similar project she created for the Axis Powers was used on an Italian child. We see at the beginning of the movie the Italian fascists kidnap a young piano prodigy, massacre his family in front of him, and then take him to a Nazi lab in an Italian castle where the boy is transformed into the Red Skull. Rogers is meant to be the first of many American super-soldiers, and while the super-soldier procedure is a success, Dr. Vaselli is murdered by a Nazi mole, ending the program with only the prototype (Vaselli didn’t leave behind notes or instructions on the Project Rebirth process, it was all in her head, so when she was killed the plans were killed with her). There’s no time to mourn the death of the good doctor, as the Nazis are believed to be targeting the White House with a super rocket and the Allies need Rogers, now known as Captain America, to infiltrate Nazi occupied territory and dismantle the rocket. It’s a tough job as Captain America, despite the name, isn’t a badass soldier with tons of war experience. He’s just a guy with a fireproof suit, a shield, and super strength and endurance.
So the Allies send Captain America to find the rocket, and almost immediately he is attacked by heavily armed Nazi soldiers. Cap destroys the Nazi soldiers without breaking much of a sweat and finds the rocket quickly. However, before he can destroy the rocket, the Red Skull (Scott Paulin) appears and prevents Cap from completing his mission. The Red Skull ties Captain America to the rocket, hoping to destroy both the White House and his “brother” in one fell swoop. Captain America refuses to give up, though, and grabs the Red Skull before the rocket launches. The Red Skull breaks free before the rocket launches, though, cutting off his own hand in order to get away. As the rocket travels to Washington D.C., Captain America tries to figure out how to keep the rocket from hitting its target. How the hell do you stop a rocket that you’re attached to?
You kick the crap out of its wings.
So Captain America kicks in the rocket’s wings and manages to divert the rocket from hitting the White House, just missing a young kid who just so happens to be there taking a picture of the White House in the middle of the night (this is Garette Ratliffe, playing the child version of the character that eventually becomes the President of the United States, Tom Kimball). The rocket ends up crashing in Alaska and Captain America disappears under the ice. And Captain America stays there for nearly fifty years, stuck under that ice. In the ensuing half century, the world changes quite a bit.
The Axis powers, obviously, lose the war, and the United States becomes one of the world’s two main super powers. The Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War consume the news and history, along with various political assassinations (John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr.). Tom Kimball grows up to eventually look like Ronny Cox and becomes President of the United States. Kimball’s best friend in the whole world, Sam Kolawetz (played by the great Ned Beatty and his son Thomas Beatty as a child) becomes an award winning newspaper reporter. And the Red Skull, surviving the end of World War II, becomes the leader of an international criminal cartel that is essentially responsible for every major historical event after the end of WWII.
So fifty years pass since the end of WWII and, one day, Captain America is revived by accident by explorers in Alaska. Rogers has no idea that fifty years have passed since the Nazi rocket crashed. Rogers still thinks it’s 1943. He starts running south to California, his home before he became Captain America. Little does Rogers know that his revival from the ice has sparked an international media firestorm that has marshalled the attention of President Kimball, Kolawetz (they’ve been trying to figure out the “man attached to the rocket” mystery since Kimball took a picture of the rocket and ended getting a brief image of Captain America), and the Red Skull’s cartel. The President and Kolawetz want to meet Captain America and find out who he is (Kolawetz actually travels to Canada and manages to track Captain America down) and the Red Skull wants Captain America dead. So the Red Skull tasks his daughter Valentina de Santis (Francesca Neri) and her Eurotrash scumbag assassin friends with finding Captain America.
Rogers, after fighting off Valentina and her friends and ditching Kolawetz, manages to get back to his old California neighborhood and can’t believe how much everything has changed. His old girlfriend, Bernice “Bernie” Stewart (Kim Gillingham), is now in her 70s, married with a daughter (the husband, Jack, is played by Wayde Preston, and the daughter, Sharon, is also played by Gillingham). What the hell?
So Rogers sort of reconnects with Bernice and starts to learn exactly how much the world has changed since he was frozen. And while that stuff is going on, the Red Skull concocts a scheme to kidnap President Kimball in order to brainwash him. The Red Skull’s cartel is incensed with President Kimball’s upcoming environmental legislation that will hurt the profit margins of many of the companies that are a part of the Red Skull’s cartel. With the help of scumbag American Army general Fleming (old man Parker/Carl Kolchak hisself Darren McGavin), the cartel decides to capture President Kimball when he travels to Rome for a big hooha international meeting.
So then some stuff happens, the Red Skull’s assassins wreak havoc on Steve Rogers and his friends, and Rogers and Sharon end up travelling to Rome in order to track down who the Red Skull really is and thwart whatever big scheme he has in store for the world. The rest of the movie takes place in “Rome” (it’s actually somewhere in the former Yugoslavia) where Rogers and Sharon manage to escape multiple attacks. They also happen to unravel the Red Skull’s plans for world domination because, well, that’s just something a guy like Captain America is supposed to do, even if he is hopelessly out of place. And that, in essence, is the ultimate theme of Captain America (1990). This guy is hopelessly out of place. How is he going to overcome the troubles in front of him?
The opening sequence, where we see the young Red Skull kidnapped by the Fascists and Nazis is harrowing stuff. It’s brutal, it’s tragic, and terrifying. We all know just how terrible and awful the Fascists and Nazis are, but to actually see them in action just hammers the point home. They are the worst people in the world and they will need to be stopped.
The sequences in the 1940s are well done. The period detail seems to be spot on, especially in the diner that doubles as a secret military lab. One thing you’ll notice throughout the entire movie is that the sets, besides the Rogers house and the newsroom that Kolawetz works in, are sans clutter. Threadbare sets can make a movie look cheap, but for whatever reason here it just looks right. The Red Skull’s castle could have used more “stuff” in it, like weird looking computers and technology and a cool throne for him to sit on, but the lack of those things is okay. The Red Skull oozes menace, and menace is all a good villain needs to be a bad guy.
The stuff in “Italy”/Yugoslavia looks great, with the old, narrow streets and old buildings and whatnot. The action scenes here are fun to watch. If only more low-budget genre movies filmed in Eastern Europe looked as good as Captain America (1990). It isn’t murky, it isn’t relentlessly gray. It’s actually full of color and vibrant. Amazing stuff.
Now, I have often wondered why the American government never tried to find Captain America after the rocket crash. You’d think someone in authority, like the President or some other higher up in the U.S. military, would have wanted to find out what happened to one of the government’s most important military assets. Sure, the government could have concluded that the rocket Captain America was attached to blew up and that Captain America was blown up with it, but why didn’t anyone try to get photographic proof? Of course, there’s a chance that there was no way for the government to track where the rocket ended up, but the government is full of smart people. Surely someone could have figured something out.
And what’s the deal with the rubber ears on the Captain America costume? Why does Captain America need fake ears? I wasn’t bothered by that when the movie first came out, and I’m still not bothered by it, but I still wonder how that decision was made. Was there an argument about ears by the costume makers back in 1943? I have also often wondered why no one ever complained about how the costume wasn’t made bulletproof. The costume is fireproof, and he is a super soldier, so why isn’t the Captain America costume like armor?
The heart of Captain America (1990) rests with Matt Salinger’s performance as Steve Rogers/Captain America and with the friendship of Ronny Cox and Ned Beatty’s characters. Salinger is just so damn good as Steve Rogers. He’s kind of lame, kind of a nerd, but he has an inherent goodness to him that makes you want to root for him, even if all he drinks is milk. The only time he swears is when he tries to take the Red Skull with him on the rocket. All of his other “curses” are in the vein of “Holy mackerel!” Salinger looks a little weird in the Captain America costume, but then Captain America is supposed to look kind of weird. Again, he’s a man out of time and out of place. He needs to look weird. And Salinger does a fine job in the many action and fight scenes he performs in. Awesome job, Salinger.
I still think it would have been cool if, in the big deal Hollywood Marvel Captain America movies, Salinger and Reb Brown could have had cameos where they hand Chris Evans’ Captain America his shield or something like that. I’m sure Salinger and Brown would have done it. Truly, a missed opportunity.
Ronny Cox as President Kimball is an inspired choice, especially since Cox had just played the rat bastard Dick Jones in Robocop (1987) and the reprehensible Cohaagen in Total Recall (1990). Dick Jones is so iconic as a villain, and having him play an inspiring President of the United States is just brilliant. Ned Beatty is a newspaper reporter who just wants to get scoops and figure things out. He, too, is kind of a nerd, but you want him to succeed no matter what. You want him to win. You get sad when Captain America ditches him in Canada and when he tries to talk with Bernice. Now, Kimball and Kolawetz don’t share any scenes together as adults (we only see them together when they’re kids), but their phone call will make you stand up and cheer. They’re going to figure out the Captain America mystery! Holy smokes! I actually get a tear in my eye when I think about it.
Scott Paulin is a bit of a tragic figure as the Red Skull. He didn’t want to be evil, he was transformed into the ultimate evil, so you kind of feel sorry for him. At the same time, the Red Skull has done so many bad things since the end of World War II, even if you do feel sorry for him you still want to see him destroyed. Paulin is charismatic as the Red Skull, both when he has the actual Red Skull makeup on and when he’s just the guy with a scarred up face. The scene where he’s listening to the piano performance of the night he saw his parents killed will make you pause and think about what this guy went through. Jesus. Paulin deserves more recognition for his work here. He really does.
When I first saw this movie I had no idea that Kim Gillingham plays two parts, both Bernice, Rogers’ girlfriend, and Sharon, Bernice’s daughter. She plays Bernice under heavy makeup and does a great job, and she plays Sharon as a spunky modern woman. She’s smart, she doesn’t take shit from people (she throws cans at Rogers’ head!) and she can hold her own when the shit goes down. I love her. Great, great stuff.
Darren McGavin is a piece of human garbage as General Fleming. He’s beholden to money and greed and nothing else. His “crapper” speech in front of the Red Skull tells you everything that you need to know about him. Bill Mumy plays the younger version of Fleming, which is something I didn’t notice until I watched the movie again. And how cool is this? Melinda Dillon, Ralphie’s mother in A Christmas Story (1983), shows up at the beginning of the movie in Steve Rogers’ house. Ralphie’s father is in the movie, too. It’s a Christmas Story reunion! Well, sort of.
Michael Nouri is interesting as Lt. Colonel Louis, the guy that informs Rogers that he’s the only super soldier the Allies have. He doesn’t even look like Michael Nouri, but it’s him. A damn good actor. And Francesca Neri is excellent as Valentina, the Red Skull’s daughter assassin. You take one look at her and you just know that she’s a terrible person. Her terribleness isn’t her fault, in a way, since her father is the goddamn Red Skull, but, still, she’s a horrible person. Good job in the part, though.
Oh, and be on the lookout for the great Jeff Imada in a small uncredited role as one of the Red Skull’s henchmen. He gives Captain America a run for his money. Amazing stuff.
I love Captain America (1990). I still think it’s one of the best comic book movies ever made. It’s still exciting, still full of heart, and still fun decades later. It deserves a bigger audience and a better reputation than it currently has. I urge all of you to check it out as soon as you can. It’s very much worth your time.
See Captain America (1990). See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: At least 20.
Explosions: Several.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: Piano playing. Kidnapping. Off screen machine gun massacre. A rat that’s been turned into a demon lizard. A going away party. A roadside diner that’s actually a secret military lab. The Project Rebirth process. An assassination. Electrocution. Jumping out of an airplane. Watchtower destruction. Using a giant truck as a moving shield. Exploding truck. Shield throwing. Shield capturing. A brutal beat down. A rocket. Off screen hand removal. A rocket trip that ends in Alaska. Montage of history since the end of World War II. A terrifying Presidential address on what could happen to the Earth’s environment if the world doesn’t act. A secret history lesson. Ice breaking. Running. A band of dirt bikers riding through the forest. Befuddlement. A cruel truck trick. Sleeping in the back of a truck. Beer cans to the face. Another history lesson. Milk drinking. Phone surveillance. Pencil chewing. An old military file. Bullet to the back. An off-screen kidnapping. Trying to find an old military lab. A Nazi assassin team. Using a garbage can lid as a kind of shield. Throwing a guy down an air conditioning duct. Torture. Off screen homing device removal. A cruel car trick. Acid. An attempted apology. Porsche attack. Fruit cart destruction. A foot chase through the cobble streets of “Rome.” Bike buying. A water landing. Purse stealing. A really small car. An old recording. An attempted suicide. Rocks to the head. Bullet to the arm. Chair throwing. Fist crushing. An epic fist fight. A detonator for a nuclear device. A high fall. Hope for the future.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: “Italy 1936.” Melinda Dillon. Smoking. Bill Mumy. Michael Nouri. A Captain America costume that has fake ears on it for some reason. A kid that’s walking around Washington D.C. in the middle of the night. A fake Walter Cronkite. Ronny Cox. Darren McGavin. Ned Beatty. A “Captain Midnight” keychain. A Molson Light Beer truck. Talk of VHS and VCRs. Wheel of Fortune on the TV. Jeff Imada. An old recorder. Big ass chunky cell phones. A nifty drawing of Captain America that appears over the end credits.
Best lines: “I’ll wait for you. Forever and ever!” “A little scared, Steve? I’m not scared.” “How’s the pot roast today, Roz?” “He’s gonna be a national hero!” “Colonel Louis, where did you say that launch site was?” “I won’t let America down, sir.” “I love you, Bernie!” “God bless you, Captain America!” “My American brother has arrived.” “Holy mackerel!” “Where is the pen of my aunt?” “Tell me, do you think I could be President of the United States?” “Wow!” “Did he have a trident?” “Wow. This would make a swell story for the school paper.” “Cut the crap, cut the crap. All I want to know is when we kill the little sonofabitch!” “What the hell is this thing?” “No way that just happened.” “Sam, they found the guy on the rocket ship!” “Who was that shooting at you? Nazis.” “Captain America, you gotta help us.” “You know this guy? Yes, I do.” “This can’t be real. It is.” “You waited for me for sixteen years?” “You saw him and you let him get away?” “Call the jet. Captain America is in California.” “They kept asking where Captain America was. She didn’t tell them.” “Sharon, calm down.” “This is for Bernie!” “Where is he? Where is the Red Skull?” “Are you just psycho, or is there something particular you’re after?” “This sucks.” “Loose lips sink ships. Will you stop being so paranoid?” “We have, like, the worst luck!” “I’m not going to blow it this time!” “Please come back, Mr. President.” “You mean, you were the little boy?” “Sam told me there would be days like this!” “Are you kidding me? I’m not backing out on Captain America!” “You care. Then come to me, my brother. Let us see if this heart of yours is stronger than my hate.” “You remain a poor choice, my little brother. Stop calling me your little brother!” “Mr. President! Thanks.” “Just one more second.” “We are both tragedies. And now I send both our tortured souls to rest. Speak for yourself!”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
**
Check out previous issues of From the B-Movie Vault!
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm and Phantasm II
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead and Phantasm IV: Oblivion
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm: Ravager and John Dies at the End
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners II: The New Order and Scanners III: The Takeover
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanner Cop and Scanner Cop 2
From the B-Movie Vault: John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2
From the B-Movie Vault: Silent Night, Deadly Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
From the B-Movie Vault: American Ninja and American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine and 12 Rounds
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine 2 and The Marine 3: Homefront
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine 4: Moving Target and The Marine 5: Battleground
From the B-Movie Vault: American Ninja 3: Bloodhunt and American Ninja 4: The Annihilation
From the B-Movie Vault: Cyber Tracker and Cyber Tracker 2
From the B-Movie Vault: Captain America and Captain America ii: Death Too Soon
From the B-Movie Vault: The Punisher (1989) and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD
**
Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
B-movies rule. Always remember that.
The Incredible Hulk Returns
Bill Bixby– David Banner
Lou Ferrigno– the Hulk
Jack Colvin– Jack McGee
Steve Levitt– Donald Blake
Eric Kramer– Thor
Lee Purcell– Maggie Shaw
Tim Thomerson– Jack LeBeau
Charles Napier– Mike Fouche
John Gabriel– Joshua Lambert
Jay Baker– Zack Lambert
Directed by Nicholas Corea
Screenplay by Nicholas Corea, based on characters created by Stan Lee
Distributed by NBC, Lakeshore Entertainment, Anchor Bay Entertainment, and Image Entertainment
Unrated
Runtime– 100 minutes
Buy it here
**
Captain America (1990)
Matt Salinger– Steve Rogers/Captain America
Ronny Cox– Tom Kimball
Ned Beatty– Sam Kolawetz
Darren McGavin– General Fleming
Michael Nouri– Lt. Colonel Louis
Scott Paulin– Red Skull
Kim Gillingham-Bernice/Sharon
Melina Dillon– Mrs. Rogers
Bill Mumy– Young General Fleming
Francesca Neri– Valentina de Santis
Carla Cassola– Dr. Maria Vaselli
Wayde Preston– Jack
Directed by Albert Pyun
Screenplay by Stephen Tolkin, based on a story by Stephen Tolkin and Lawrence J. Block and characters created by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby
Distributed by Columbia Tri-Star Home Video, MGM Home Entertainment, 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, Curnan Motion Picture Services, and Shout! Factory
Rated PG-13 for violence and language
Runtime– 97 minutes
Buy it here
