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SICKOS! Wow, it feels like it’s been forever since we had AEW action, but with Collision having been moved to Thursday last week, that might seem like the biggest reason. The other reason, of course, was the biggest event on the WWE calendar taking place and, as a result, a plethora of events in and around Sin City. As for AEW? All quiet on the Western Front for the most part this past week, although that changes tonight!

On tap for tonight, we have a semifinals match in the Women’s Owen Hart Tourney, as Kris Statlander and Jamie Hayter will bash it up, with the winner moving to the finals next month at Double or Nothing! Kevin Knight has found a new friend, and will team with Speedball Mike Bailey to face Nicholas and Matthew Jackson, the EVP Bucks. Ricochet will face off with Mark Briscoe, Will Ospreay will team with Brodie King to face Josh Alexander and Konosuke Takeshita, FTR are back after their one-week suspension, and of course, SO much more!

So, how are you all doing tonight? I heard there is the NFL draft starting tomorrow night. Between that and the Pacers having a 2-0 series lead on Milwaukee, it has helped me to cope the way the Flyers season ended, and the Phillies right now. That, and my first show EVER at Stage AE next week in Pittsburgh! Can’t wait!

And likewise, cannot wait for Dynamite to go BOOM!

Tonight, we are LIVE from New Orleans, Louisiana! Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Taz are on the call tonight. Apparently, Ian Riccaboni is here, too!

Skeeeeeeeeeeevoone is in the middle of the ring to start us off. He’s here to introduce Master P! Did you know he owns House of Glory? This could be interesting.

New Orleans! AEW! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He is here to introduce the new Trios’ champions, the Opps! It gets confusing for a bit, because P keeps talking, but so does Excalibur, as we see the main event from last week’s Dynamite.

Joe has the mic. He wants to try one out. Make them say UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Singalong time commences. It is good to be here tonight, says Joe. The Opps are here to celebrate. But before they do, they have to give props to Master P for welcoming us to your city. He appreciates everything he does for the city athletes. He went from Master P to Coach P because he loves New Orleans. Joe asked where is the best city to celebrate? It’s right here in New Orleans!

Jon Moxley and the Big Wheelers have heard enough. But it’s a distraction, as Marina Shafir has the guy’s attention, allowing the rest of the group to attack. The champs are laid out, as the Death Riders circle Master P. Moxley looks too long at him though, as Joe puts on the clutch! The champs attack on the floor. Master P laughs on the mic. They want all the smoke.

Incoming lawsuit from the Street Prophets

Speaking of incoming, here are the EVP Bucks and Okada! They attack the Opps, seems like it’s another peace offering to Moxley. Shafir is back in, and she gets Jon out of the ring.

The hits keep coming, as Swerve Strickland’s music plays. He slowly makes his way through the crowd with a chain around his neck. The Bucks and Okada escape, but wait, Kenny Omega is here with a chair! The Bucks and Okada now go through the crowd, you know, the part that Jon and the Big Wheelers don’t go through. Joe stares off into the abyss, Prince Nana dances on the floor, and Master P is gone.

Joe on the mic again. You see we’re good brother. JON MOXLEY! You wanted me, you’re going to get me, he will choke out Moxley and take back his AEW Championship! Swerve gets a wry smile on his face, and Omega looks disheartened lol.

The Patriarchy is in the back with The Remarkable Renee Paquette. Christian says without him, Nick wouldn’t be ROH TV Champion. He forced him out of his comfort zone and forced him to be the man that he wanted to be. In fact, Mama Wayne and Cage celebrated his victory extensively.

Giggity.

See what happens when you shut your mouth and listen to what Cage says. he never lies. Nick says so what happens when you stick to the plan? Cage puts the title back on Nick, says he loves his family, and leaves.

To the Ring!

Ricochet vs. Mark Briscoe
Sounds like Mark diversified his portfolio really well with that 100,000 he won a couple of weeks ago! Ricky goes outside and tells a man with a beard that they are making fun of us. LMAO! Bald chants ensue as Ricky gets back in the ring, and we have a tie-up. Briscoe gets the upper hand as we get DEM BOYS chants. Briscoe backs Ricky up to the corner and he tries to hide. Ricky tries a cheap shot, but Mark catches him and unleashes the right hands. Counters ensue, as Briscoe hits a forearm and a trio of kicks, sending Ricky to the floor. Briscoe with a scissors kick through the ropes. That was creative! Briscoe continues the beating on the floor, as Ricky tries to get into the ring. Both men on the apron, Mark wants to show him his Redneck Kung-Fu. Ricky isn’t impressed as he hits a pump kick. He does, however, run into a drop kick from Mark. Cactus Jack elbow from Mark to the floor on Ricky. Briscoe returns Ricky to the ring, cover for a two count. Briscoe continues the hands and tries a suplex, but Ricky wiggles out and rolls him up for a two. HUGE chop from Briscoe to Ricky. Mark charges in, but Ricky grabs Paul Turner and uses him as a shield. he uses the distraction to drop Mark throat first on the ropes twice. He sends Briscoe to the floor and taunts him as we go for PIP.

PIP PUP:
-Collision, this Saturday AFTER NBA coverage.
-Yeah, no, I don’t care about the Librarians unless Leva and Peter are in it.
-Sonic Smasher for a dollar? That won’t feed me for a minute lol.
-Coors = barf.
-Oh, no, Domino’s is doing the 50% off sale again.
-Lucky Rabbit named Foot! Awesome!
-That Gucci commercial is…yeah…
-Grab a Coke with your name on it!
-Outback has the OI OI OI dishes!
-Red bull soapbox race looks like chaotic fun, NGL.
-Kings and Oilers, game two tonight after Dynamite!

We’re back, as Ricky hits a running CUTTER for a two count. Ricky goes to the top rope, signals for an elbow, but jumps into a punch to the gut. Briscoe reverses an Irish Whip with a flying back elbow. Briscoe blocks a bulldog attempt, so Briscoe smacks him on the head three times lol. Fisherman’s buster gets Briscoe a two count. Ricky reverses Briscoe, but Mark gets the upper hand with a roll up for a two. Jackknife cover by Ricky for a two count. Bridging Northern Lights into a pin by Ricky for a two count. Ricky with corner offense, he springboards in but Briscoe catches him with an exploder. Mark looking Jay Driller, but Ricky dips his knee, so Mark with a DVD into a basement clothesline. Briscoe thinking Froggy Bow, but Ricky moves, forcing Mark to roll through. Ricky lures Mark in with two snaps of the neck on the top rope. Springboard 450 splash by Ricky! Cover, two count! Ricky to the top, the fans harass him, and it slows Ricky down long enough for Briscoe to meet him up top. Briscoe knocks Ricky from the top and to the floor, Briscoe on the move, TOPA CORNHEO! Back in the ring, lariat by Briscoe gets him a two count. Jay Driller countered again, Ricky tries to roll up Briscoe with his feet on the ropes, but Briscoe rolls him through with his own roll up for the win!
WINNER: Mark Briscoe
TIME: 14:10
THOUGHTS: A really good match, but then again, I’m not telling you something you didn’t already know. Surprised Mark did win over Ricky, I thought he needed the win more, but I’m not complaining.
RATING: ***1/2

Post-match, poor sport Ricky attacks Briscoe with chair shots to the back. He grabs scissors that happened to be in his knee pads, but here comes Kevin Knight! He drops Ricky on his ass and takes the scissors, as Ricky runs to the back. Knight helps Briscoe up as we see the Rock ‘N Roll Express in the crowd! With FTR up next, no WAY they DON’T factor into this segment!

COMMERCIALS!

Tony is in the ring again, he wants to welcome FTR to the ring, but Stokley Hathaway is back! He runs down the accolades of FTR and brings them up. Dax and Cash want to shake hands with Tony, and he reluctantly shakes them. Stokely wants to address the elephant in the room. You were fined and suspended for accidently touching someone? Ricky comes to work and shanks people with scissors. Hangman sets houses on fire. Jon Moxley has committed acts of terrorism and extortion, and he does it to FTR, and he goes unpunished. And that, to Stokely, is unjust. But that’s why he is here. He will have the suspension expunged from their record. He will make sure the fine is returned to them. If you want to have a conversation with FTR, you need to have a conversation with Da Stoke. As of today, he is the new agent for the best team alive, FTR! Tony, do your job!

Cash says thank you Mr. Hathaway, beautiful work. What happened last week with Danny Garcia was not their choice, he made the choice for them. It was 2point0 who got in their face and said they wanted to fight, and where they come from, if you say you want to fight, you have to fight. They stopped beating their ass when he begged them to. Don’t forget, FTR guided Danny when others refused to him. They helped Danny get to the TNT Title, but they won’t help anyone else anymore.

Dax wants to know what is with the hostility. Dax invites Ricky and Robert into the ring. Morton and Gibson get into the ring, as Dax holds the ropes for them. Dax states the obvious that the RNR is one of the greatest tag teams of all time. He wants to know what their greatest match ever. Dax cuts them off; he says Philadelphia with the Midnight Express. No shade, but the ME was better than the RNR. But they are here to talk about 40 years of the RNR Express. How old are you guys?

Nope, Dax keeps going, if he was judging by looks alone, they look 108 years old. What would you say is your favorite experience in the 80’s?

Ricky says they aren’t embarrassing them in front of the wrestling world tonight. Stokely unveils a new FTR shirt (its their old one but grey scale), and FTR attacks. SHOCKED, AM I! Here comes the Paragon, too little too late, as Ricky gets the spike piledriver!

COMMERCIALS…AGAIN!

Succession greats us on the other side of the break, as the EVP Bucks are here. I wonder where the elevator is, though.

Nicholas and Matthew Jackson vs. Kevin Knight and Speedball Mike Bailey
Finally, Rick Knox’s life has meaning again! Knight and Bailey come out as a team, which is cool.

Bailey and Matt to start. Exchanges occur, somehow both men lock their legs up on kicks. Nick come in and attacks Bailey, bringing in Knight. The Bucks think they have the upper hand, and they pose, but Knight and Bailey aren’t having it. Matthew is thrown from the ring onto his brother as knight and Bailey celebrate. Over the top with stereo springboard body blocks! Back in the ring, Matthew throws Knight from the ring, Nick kicks him. Tandem offense from the Bucks, as Nick finishes it with a moonsault from the apron. PIP Break.

Pip Tips:
-BAZINGA, PUNK!
-You can’t settle and make something great at the same time, so use Floor & Decor!
-The Accountant 2? I never saw the first one lol.
-Maker’s Mark, it will have you dragging a block of ice because, sure, why not!
-Applebee’s 2-for-25 has been upgraded.
-This Kay’s commercial has been shown like four times already, but the first time in my PIP house.
-Don’t let it be said that Progressive don’t have all the commercials.
-Depends, for dudes, too!
-Same Coke commercial.
-Scrubs guys shilling T-Mobile, shocking!
-Tennis, coming 5-25-25!

We’re back, as Bailey tries a flash pin on Nick for a two count. Matt tags in and drops Knight from the apron. The Bucks try to double team Bailey, but he unleashes all the ninja moves. Knight back up, he gets the tag and kicks Nick out of the ring. He flies over Matt and hits a clothesline. Corner clothesline, another one. Matt said not a third one, so he gets hit with a scoop slam. Standing sky twister for a two count. Knight rolls through, but Matt cuts him off, looking for some locomotion! Bailey in, so Matt hits both of them with a third Northern Lights. Bailey is isolated in the Bucks corner, as Nick hits a double stomp off the top to the back of Knight, popping him into a sit-down powerbomb from Matthew for a two count. Matthew talks that smack, allowing Knight to take in Bailey. Matthew catches Bailey with a DDT. Superkick Party is called for, but it’s Matthew who eats one. Nick hits one on Bailey! Knight hits one on Matthew! Everyone gets a superkick! Call Oprah!

Everyone is down as the match resets, as Bailey tags in Knight. Nicholas in to meet him with a roundhouse kick, but he runs into a drop kick from Knight. Knight goes to attack, but Matthew catches him out of the air on his shoulders! Nick and Bailey trade on top of their opponents’ shoulders lol. Double team moves from Knight and Bailey on Matthew! The cover, but Nicholas breaks the pin up. High-Low from Knight and Bailey on Matthews. KNIGHT WITH A SPLSH IN THE RING AND BAILEY WITH A MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE! PK by Bailey, knee drop by Bailey, UFO SPLASH BY KNIGHT! THE COVER, BUT IT’S BROKEN UP BY MATTHEW! The Bucks say it’s time to escape, but Knight and Bailey aren’t having any of it. Matthew sweeps the leg of Bailey out, so he hits the floor. DOOMSDAY DEVICE FROM THE BARRICADE BY THE BUCKS! Bailey tries the inside out moonsault, but both Bucks catch him. MELTZER DRIVER ON THE FLOOR! Knight avoids the EVP Trigger in the ring, double kicks to both Bucks. Double DDT by Knight! Ricochet is back, he grabs the leg of Knight. It allows he Bucks to catch Knight and hit the EVP Trigger for the win.
WINNER: The EVP Bucks
TIME: 15:00
THOUGHTS: I wanted to believe that Knight and Bailey could win this match, but poor naive me. At least it was a BRISOE, at any rate.
RATING: ***3/4

Renee has Toni Storm and Luther in the back. Toni wishes the ladies good luck, rip your tits, but now you are watching the feature presentation. Speaking of Toni will be on the red carpet for the Empire Strikes back. Toni has an idea. This Saturday on Collision, she will put on an AEW Women’s Elimination performance.

Queen Aminata is here, you know she wants that shot. Let’s make cinema, says Toni, as she is carried away by Luther.

Back in the arena, the Hurt Syndicate are here. MVP on the mic. This is an official announcement from the Hurt Syndicate. On behalf of the Standard of Excellence and the All Mighty, they hurt people. They are so good at hurting people, that every tag team they have faced, they haven’t been back. They’re still at home. The Gates of Agony say they like to be hurt? That’s a dumb thing to say, so they obliged them. They are impressive but now is not their time. This time, he wants to hand the mic to Bobby.

Never mind that though, as we see a fancy car roll up on the screen. It’s MJF! He tells the valet to keep it running as he punches him in the dick lol. Bobby is actually smiling. Interesting.

Here comes MJF to the ring. CUT MY MUSIC, CUT MY MUSIC! Gentlemen, he knows they had a good time last week, and if you want to have a good time for the rest of your lives, all he needs is three thumbs up.

You know how MVP feels, thumbs up! Shelton? Shelton wavers, before he gives the thumbs up. But he wants to make something real clear, he didn’t give him a thumbs up because of a bunch of broads and a watch. he got a thumbs up from him because of MVP.

MJF gets it, we all love Montel! We also love our good friend Bob! He wants to see it, but no, MJF says he know where he is going with this. He knows Bobby has his Reversation, but they will get all the money and all the gold if he is in the group. He knows this place better than anyone. he can cut corners better than anyone.

Taz: That’s a shot.

You let MJF in the Syndicate, they run all of professional wrestling. They got off on the wrong foot, and it wasn’t his fault, BUT he is willing to accept responsibility. He’s Sor… He’s…okay shut up let him do this! Bob, he’s sorry! Wait, before you do this, you see that car he drove up in? That car is yours if you give him a thumbs up.

Bobby is smiling, he wants to see the keys, but they’re in the back. They’re going to take a walk!

Man, the fans with all the chants tonight, on point lol.

We go back to ringside with the guys, as I am sure we’ll see this development momentarily. As if on cue, we’re in the back, as MJF hands the keys to Lashley. Bobby gets in the car with Shelton. Bobby puts the thumbs down and takes the car! LMAO! MVP tells him to give the people what they want.

COMMERCIALS!

Rnee has Hangman Page in the back. Next week, you’re facing Kyle Fletcher, who attacked him from behind. When he sees Fletcher, he is going to put him in the ground. Here comes MJF. He says he looks like he married his sister. Unless you have something of substance to add, get in your car…oh wait.

MJF says the joke is on the guy who enters the Owen when he gets in the back door by joining the Syndicate. Page says the man who lost to him at Revolution needs to figure out another plan to get around. First of all, Cowboy, they’re 1-1. If they wrestle again, he will send him out the back like Seabiscuit. If he does make it to the finals, he will choke. As MJF leaves, Page says he has something he can choke on, and Renee is like whoa.

Willy Goat BRUV and Brody King are here!

Will Ospreay and Brody King vs. Josh Alexander and Konosuke Takeshita
The bell rings, as Ospreay and Takeshita will start us off. Alexander in, as he hits Will in the back. Double team clothesline and back suplex by The DCF members, as Takeshita flips off the fans. Alexander in legally now, but Ospreay hits the Manhattan Drop only to miss the standing moonsault. Alexander locks in the ankle lock, but Will gets out of it quickly. Undeterred, Alexander works over Ospreay with forearms. Ospreay reverses with a head scissors takeover. King tags in. Double team shoulder tackle by Will and Brody. Takeshita gets slammed on top of Alexander, King slams Ospreay on top of the DCF members, then King hits the back splash. King clobbers Alexander in his corner and then puts the boot to face. King slaps Ospreay to tag him in lol.

Callis: What a tag there, eh?
Taz: We’re not in Canada, Don.

Alexander hits Ospreay with a tope suicida through the ropes and to the floor, as we go to PIP Break!

PIP-N-LOAD:
-Collision, this Saturday Coast to Coast after NBA coverage.
-Kings-Oilers, game two, next!
-Gucci commercial…yikes.
-Keep is TWISTED!
-Kay commercial, take five!
-OH, YOU’RE FROM OkLaHoMa????”
-Turtles on Jardiance, got it.
-BAZINGA!

We’re back, as Ospreay is trying to create space from Alexander. Ospreay backs Alexander into his corner, tagging in Takeshita. Will tries to fight off both men, finally does with a handstand crescent kick to both men! Here comes King! ARF! ARF! ARF! he wrecks shop of the DCF. Takeshita with a kick to the gut, he ducks one clothesline, but not the second one from King. King with a tope suicida through the ropes to both men! King drags Takeshita and Alexander to the chair at ringside. DOUBLE DECKER SAMMICH! Back in the ring, Ospreay with the tag, off the top with a double stomp to the back of Takeshita! The cover, Alexander breaks it up. He drags King to the floor and throws him knee first into the ring steps. Takeshita and Ospreay now in the ring, awesome exchanges go from Ospreay hitting the enziguri into a Blue Thunder Bomb from Takeshita. Cover for a two count as Callis has lost his mind. FUCK DON CALLIS chants. King and Alexander in the ring now. Counters ensue, HUGE LARIAT from King, cover for a two. Alexander in the corner, CANNONBALL from King. The cover, but Lance Archer on the apron. King knocks him off the apron. Ospreay in the ring, goes through the ropes and takes out Archer. Ospreay back in, but a power bomb from Alexander takes him down. Big kick by Takeshita on King. German from Alexander, double ripcord lariat by the DCF. Rolling elbows from both men to King. The cover, King is out at two. PowerDrive Knee from Takeshita. C-4 SPIKE BY ALEXANDER! THE COVER, THAT’S GAME!
WINNER: Konosuke Takeshita and Josh Alexander
TIME: 13:25
THOUGHTS: Really fun match, Konosuke and Josh seem like such a fun team already, and Will and Brody were fun, too. But they didn’t have Don, and they didn’t have Lance.
RATING: ***1/4

Post-match, the DCF attack King and Ospreay, as Kyle Fletcher saunters his way to the ring. Hangman Page is here! He approaches the ring, but Trent Beretta and Rocky Romero attack from behind! They throw Page into the ring, but he gets up swinging, trying to get to Fletcher. He gets beatdown rather easily, however. Fletcher hits the sheer drop brain buster on Page as King and Ospreay get stomped down some more.

Our main event is next.

COMMERCIALS!

Jamie Hayter is out first for the MAIN EVENT!

Women’s Owen Hart Tourney Semifinals Match: Jamie Hayter vs. Kris Statlander
First tie-up is a stalemate, the second one sees Statlander take Hayter over. Back to their feet, and Statlander trucks Hayter. They go again, double tackle, double kip-up. Release German by Hayter. Corner Meteora from Hayter, cover for a two count. Jamie lays in some shots, Kris responds, and reverse’s Jamie reversal. Kris to the apron, she drags Jamie out. Kris catches Jamie, leg sweep by Statlander. Kris misses the standing moonsault and hits the floor. Jamie with the big boot as she dries her face and throws the handkerchief at Kris. PIP Break.

🧐🧐🧐

And we’re back, as a hockey fight as taken place in the middle of the ring. Statlander with an enziguri, this leads to follow-up clotheslines. Statlander with a dragon sleeper on Hayter. Jamie rolls back Kris for a pin attempt. Hayter again counters the submission for a two count. Jamie with a leg lock applied to the head of Kris. She fights up to her feet with Jamie on her shoulders and throws her face down. Standing double knees to the back of the head to Hayter. Cover, two count. Roll-ups are traded, two counts for all. Thrust kick by Hayter, roundhouse kick by Statlander. Enziguri by Hayter, off the ropes, powerbomb by Statlander! Kris goes to pick her up, but Jamie with the Hayte Breaker! Hayter for the pin, two count. Jamie kisses her bicep and approaches Kris. Hayterade is ducked, Kris with a belly-to-back-suplex. Kris to the top, 450 splash! The cover, two count. AUBREY screams Kris. Statlander to the top again, but Hayter cuts her off and goes up top. Superplex is blocked by Kris, she shoves off Jamie, but she jumps right into a lariat! Hayter picks up Kris, HAYTERADE! The cover, and we have the finals!
WINNER: Jamie Hayter
TIME: 11:40
THOUGHTS: Really good match between two big, bad women. And you can’t argue with that at all.
RATING: ***1/4

Post-match, The CEO Merecedes Mone is here! She applauds Jamie and points to the trophy on the ramp. Jamie flips her off, as I noticed Merecedes only has three belts. Did she lose one at some point?

Excalibur runs down Collision’s card this Saturday and tells us that Moxley and Joe will face off for the AEW World Title on May 14th in Chicago.

And with that, we’re done!