Memphis Wrestling (3.6.1982) Review

-Originally aired March 6, 1982.

-Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown.

THE MONK (with Jimmy Hart & Kenny Shane) vs. CHIEF THUNDERCLOUD
-I love that we still hold up Friar Ferguson to this day as an example of how stupid and cartoonish the WWF was when territory after territory after territory had a wrestling monk before them. Once the robe is off, he looks like post-Ozempic King Kong Bundy.

-Monk snapmares the Chief down as Jimmy excitedly goes to the commentary table to boast that he’s now managing “the Clark Gable of Professional Wrestling,” The Monk. Chief tries a weak shoulderblock, but chops work better. Monk fights back with chops of his own. Headbutt and a splash…well, a falling-down-on-purpose…gets the three-count for The Monk.

-Jimmy and the First Family are here for a special presentation. Jimmy is sick of wrestlers trying to break into the music business. Jimmy Valiant and “Boxcar Lawler” tried to launch music careers off Jimmy Hart’s back, but as soon as they turned on Lawler, neither one of them ever accomplished another thing in music.

-This leads to oh-my-god a music video by Jimmy Hart and The First Family, for a song called “We Hate School.” They’ve got the MTV Year One sound down cold, and it could not look more like something you’d see out of TNT three years later, complete with a ridiculous shot of the Iranian Assassin playing the drums with a completely dead-eyed expression on his face. Jimmy sings a tune about how his teacher hates the music he listens to, and the melody is actually really similar to “Crank It Up,” the song from the Piledriver album.

BOBBY EATON & SWEET BROWN SUGAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. ROY ROGERS & RICK MCCORD
-Rogers dropkicks Sugar down. Eaton tags in and accidentally backs Rogers into his own corner to allow a tag. Flying headscissors by McCord. Rogers tags back in and gets his leg worked over before he can escape and get McCord back in there. McCord takes on both opponents until Jimmy Hart smacks him with the cane behind the referee’s back, and the First Family notches another win.

-We get highlights of a recent Jerry Lawler/Dutch Mantell match for the Southern Heavyweight Title, set to “The Winner Takes It All” with ABBA. The title is perfect but the melody could not be more wrong. Anyway, Dutch is your winner and Jerry looks shocked. The building looks WAYYYYYYY too small to be the Mid-South Coliseum, but the title lineage says that’s where the title change happens, so this appears to be a smaller venue where they’re pretending it’s the title changing.

-We get words from Jerry Lawler, recapping all of his career setbacks in the last two years…but damn it, even after a tough loss, he still believes himself to be a better wrestler than Dutch, so he asks Dutch for ONE more match to prove himself. Clean, simple, and to the point: he wants a match because he wants the title. You don’t need more than that.

-Steve Kiern is here to review clips of a match against Norvell Austin, providing us all with shocking evidence that Norvell Austin actually does wrestle, or at least did so on one occasion. Austin pulls out a chain for the disqualification, and then Keirn gets his hands on the chain. Kiern lights into Austin with the weapon, which brings out the rest of the Midnight Express for the rescue, but a handful of babyfaces come to Keirn’s rescue to make it a fair fight.

-Back in the studio, Norvell Austin is here to challenge Kiern to another match, recalling that Keirn once said he could beat Austin in five minutes. Austin challenges Kiern to a match with a ten-minute time limit in which Keirn has to score two falls to win…and punches are illegal…and kicks are illegal too…and also the Tag Team Titles will be on the line even though it’s one-on-one. Keirn balks at this until Superstar Bill Dundee walks out and happily hands over his own Tag Team Title belt and says he trusts Kiern to get the job done.

TAG TEAM TITLES 2-FALLS-IN-TEN-MINUTES NO PUNCHING AND NO KICKING: STEVE KEIRN (Champion) vs. NORVELL AUSTIN
FALL ONE: Keirn gets Austin on the mat for a hammerlock right away. Backdrop by Keirn, and he gets a three-count in 2:59, so he has 7:01 to score another fall.

FALL TWO: Keirn gets a two-count right away, and Austin rolls to the floor to stall while he tries to figure out what the hell to do. Back in, Austin spits in Keirn’s face. Keirn gets fired up and punches Austin in the face…and that’s a DQ. Whoops. Austin is the Tag Team Champions.

-Steve Keirn begs Eddie Marlin to get out here. If Austin gets a match with stipulations he picked, Keirn should get a rematch with stipulations he picks. He wants lumberjacks around the ring, and he wants to be tied to Austin with a chain. Sounds like something they’ll make us buy tickets for.

7.7

The final score: review Good

The 411

This was fun!