No Way Out 2006 Breakdown

WWE No Way Out — 2.19.2006

Live from Baltimore, Mary.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

Pre-PPV Match: Simon Dean vs. the Boogeyman.
Simon claims he can beat anyone, so guess who answers the call. Simon tries to hide behind the referee. He tries the cheapshot tactics, but Boogeyman no-sells and goes for the pumphandle slam. Dean escapes but eats a lariat. The pumphandle slam finishes at 1:55. Boogey pukes some worms into Dean’s mouth for fun. 1/2*

Opening Match, WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Gregory Helms vs. Scotty II Hottie vs. Paul London vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. SuperCrazy vs. Psicosis vs. Nunzio vs. Kid Kash.
Did I just hear Michael Cole say Vince defeated Stephanie a few days before her wedding? I try to tune him out in the opening, but that was one of those doubletake things. Everyone is in the ring at the same time. First fall takes the title. Helms decides to stay outside and pick his battles. Scotty knocks Nunzio down with a right. London and Kendrick drop Scotty with a double dropkick, but they both get tossed to the floor. The Mexicools hit stereo planchas and the two teams brawl on the floor, hopefully setting up a series of matches. Helms lets Funaki and Kash beat the hell out of each other and then jumps them both. Helms finds himself trapped amongst all of the cruisers, and they stomp him down like he’s a black motorist in Los Angeles. London ranas Psicosis, but Crazy catches him with a missile dropkick. Kendrick tries the same thing, but the Mexicools avoid him. London hits a seated dropkick to Helms in the corner as Scotty delivers a delayed backdrop suplex on Kash. Kash and Helms finally come face to face, and they slug it out. The crowd doesn’t care because both guys are heels. Kash tosses Helms to the floor where Scotty somersaults onto him. Kash avoids a Psicosis charge and slingshots himself into a huracanrana on the outside. Nunzio drops the SICILIAN SLICE on London, but Kendrick makes the save. London and Kendrick team up to sky out on top of everyone. That leaves Helms and Crazy. Crazy ducks the Shining Wizard and delivers a spinning wheel kick. Kendrick sneaks in and drops Helms with Sliced Bread #2. Crazy breaks up the pin, though. London hits Helms with a senton, but Scotty superkicks him out of the ring. Helms staggers to his feet and takes a bulldog. W-O-R-M! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Psicosis pulls Scotty off him. Kash grabs Psicosis and gives him a roundhouse kick. The Dead Level knocks Psicosis silly, but SuperCrazy knocks Kash aside with a moonsault. Psicosis is still out, so Helms sneaks in and covers for the win at 9:42. The crowd started to get into it as time wore on, and they actually let them do some real Cruiserweight stuff in there. Better than last year’s elimination match. **3/4

In the back, Booker T and Sharmell beg to get out of their match with Chris Benoit, but Teddy Long is having none of it.

Elsewhere, Fit Finlay complains about not having a fight tonight, so he kidnaps Kristal and carries her out to the ring. Bobby Lashley makes the save, but it’s a total suckerjob as Finlay beats Lashley down until John Bradshaw Layfield arrives.

John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall) vs. Bobby Lashley.
Finlay is escorted to the back as the match starts. Lashley’s offense consists of clubbering for the most part. HE BE CLUBBERIN’! JBL begs off and puts Jillian in between them long enough for him to get a cheap shot in. Lashley shrugs it off and chases Jillian off as she tries to use her clipboard on him. JBL stumbles into a belly-to-belly on the floor and lands with a sickening thud. Back in, Lashley hits a delayed suplex that pops the crowd. In desperation, JBL tosses Lashley to the floor to take over. Back in, JBL drops an elbow off the top rope and starts delivering neckbreaker after neckbreaker. Crowd chants, “Let’s go, Lashley.” Seriously? JBL catches him in a sleeper as Michael Cole offers a simile about Legos or something. Lashley stuggles out of it but catches a beatdown. JBL goes up but gets caught in a powerslam. Lashley makes the big comeback and hit a clothesline. QUADRUPLE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEXES! Bradshaw slips out of the Dominator, but Lashley blocks the Clothesline from Hell with a T-Bone suplex. Finlay returns, though, and tosses Announcer Chimel in as a distraction. With the ref trying to get Chimel out, Finlay hits Lashley with the shillelagh, setting up the Clothesline from Hell. That’s enough for the win at 10:58. They try to get Lashley the respect ovation, but it’s half-hearted at best. Better than you probably thought it would be. *3/4

Chimel brings out our special guest…BATISTA! He’s here for three reasons, none of them, sadly, involving kicking ass or bubble gum. 1) He wants to see Angle vs. Undertaker. 2) He misses the fans. 3) To announce that his torn tricep is no longer torn. He’s coming back soon, baby! He says he doesn’t care who the champion is, he *will* reclaim his title.

Kurt Angle looks on in the back. Randy Orton interrupts him and says that he’ll be the World Champion by the time Batista comes back. Kurt gives him what-for and walks out.

Non-title: MNM (w/Melina) vs. Matt Hardy & Tatanka.
Oy. If you’re going to pay it off with someone who’s stuck on Velocity and 10 years past what is generously called a prime, just announce it on TV so you don’t get people’s hopes up. It’s not that I dislike Tatanka that much, but it’s really unfair for him to have to live up to all that speculation. Hardy dominates Mercury early, and he and Tatanka team up for a double leglift slam. Nitro snaps Matt’s neck on the rope and chokes him down as Melina berates him for not joining them. Matt counters a double suplex to a neckbreaker and makes the tag to Tatanka. Tatanka starts chopping the hell out of MNM, but Melina stops him with a rake of the eyes. MNM isolates Tatanka and mocks his war dance. Tazz and Cole start ripping on each other about Melina’s screaming. Finally, Tatanka hits an atomic drop and clotheslines Nitro. HOT TAG TO MATT! Matt delivers a tilt-o-whirl slam and takes out both members of MNM with a bulldog/neckbreaker drop combo. Nitro takes the Side Effect but saves Mercury from the Twist of Fate. Tatanka gets the tag and delivers a double Tomahawk chop to MNM. He drops Mercury with the Samoan Drop as Hardy delivers the Twist of Fate. That’s enough for the upset win at 10:28. Formulaic fun. **1/4

Recap of Booker’s lazy path to the U.S. Title and Benoit’s subsequent contender win.

U.S. Title: Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. Chris Benoit.
Booker starts out refusing to defend the title, even going so far as to call out Teddy Long and forfeit the title. Benoit starts a “coward” chant and refuses to take the title like that. Sharmell blames Benoit and slaps him. Of course, it was all a ruse, and Booker attacks from behind. Cole: “Now it dawns on me! This was a setup!” Oh my god…you can talk! Benoit almost immediately comes back with chops. Booker tries to get the win with a Flair pin, but Benoit rolls through and baseball slides Booker to the floor. On the outside, Benoit whips Booker into the ringsteps, injuring Book’s groin. Of course, *that’s* a lie too. Back to the ring, Book tries to ride Benoit down on the mat, but Benoit escapes and drops Booker on his head with a German Suplex. Booker rolls through the Crossface and delivers a spinkick to get out of trouble. Booker slows things down with a sleeper hold. The crowd is just kind of passively watching at this point anyway. Benoit gets out of it with a backdrop suplex, but Booker stays on top with his own series of suplexes. The scissor kick misses, and Benoit makes his big comeback. TRIPLE VERTICALS! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Booker cuts off his momentum with another spinkick. Benoit catches him going up and superplexes Booker to the mat. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Benoit charges right into a spinebuster. THE HARLEM HANGOVER…MISSES! Benoit responds with ROLLING GERMANS! Sharmell distracts Benoit while he’s going for the Diving Headbutt, enabling Booker to yank him off the top and hit the Scissors kick. ONE, TWO, THRE—NO! Benoit rolls through the sunset flip into a Sharpshooter attempt, but Booker kicks him away. Benoit accidentally knocks Sharmell off the apron. Booker misses another Ax Kick, and Benoit locks in the Sharpshooter. Booker tries to crawl to the ropes, so Benoit switches to the Crippler Crossface for the real tap out at 18:12. It started out slow and sluggish before kicking into high gear at the end. The crowd popped huge for the Benoit win too. ***

In the back, Benoit is congratulated by all the babyfaces, including a very proud Vickie Guerrero. Benoit reminds Rey Mysterio that he’s fighting for Eddy right there in front of Eddy’s widow. But, uh, you know, no pressure.

#1 Contender’s Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton.
Orton starts the psychejob early, slapping Rey around and smirking. It works too because Rey misses a springboard crossbody, allowing Orton to take over. Crowd chants, “Randy sucks,” so Randy hits a move and asks them, “Who sucks now?” Sue him, D’Lo. Sue him! He mocks Eddy, so Rey kicks him upside the head and headscissors him to the floor. Rey tries to jump off the apron into a huracanrana, but Randy catches him and slams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Orton goes after the shoulder with a hammerlock and then drives Rey down with a Canadian neckbreaker drop. See, that’s what Orton lacks in psychology. A shoulderbreaker would have been so much more dramatic, and he had him in position for it, but that isn’t “his move.” Rey comes back with a rana to get temporarily out of trouble. To the outside, Orton stays on top by slamming Rey’s arm into the steps. Back in, Orton aggressively wrenches Rey’s arm against the ropes. Orton sets up for the same Canadian Neckbreaker, but Rey throws him to the outside with an armdrag. They fight in the corner, and Orton sets him up in a Super Electric Chair, but Rey reverses to a sunset flip powerbomb. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Rey dropkicks Orton’s knee out from under him and springboards into a vertical bodyblock. A follow-up neckbreaker gets two, and Randy starts to bleed. Rey tries a quebrada, but Orton catches him. Rey reverses to a botched DDT for two. Rey goes up and comes off with a crossbody, but Orton catches him on the way down with a dropkick. Rey explodes with a dropkick that sets up a 619, but Orton sees him coming on the Titantron and pin him with a handful of ropes at 17:28. Rey can’t believe it, but Orton gets on the stick and gloats as he walks out. Rey bursts into tears as Tazz rubs salt in his wounds on commentary. ***

Rey takes the longest walk in the history of time as he walks up to Chavo and a tearful Vickie Guerrero. He apologizes for letting the Guerrero family down, but they’re not having any of it. Instead, they both embrace him and tell him they’re proud. It’s little consolation, though. As Rey walks by the roster, they all kind of clam up and stare, and Rey is forced to walk to the back alone. That was actually an emotionally powerful segment.

World Heavyweight Title: Kurt Angle vs. the Undertaker.
Undertaker attacks right away, but Angle is able to dodge. Taker goes after the shoulder early. He makes the mistake of going Old School, and Angle yanks him down. Taker goes back to the arm to stay on top and get the Old School forearm anyway. A Snake Eyes sets up a big boot, but Angle dodges and stomps him down in the corner. He knocks Taker off the apron to the crowd barrier. Taker catches him coming off the apron and rams him into the ringpost. A guillotine legdrop on the apron leaves Angle reeling on the outside. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Angle kicks at his knee. Big Kurt gets heelish, wrapping Taker’s knee around the ringpost and applying the ringpost figure-four. Angle splashes Taker’s knee against the ropes, so Taker tosses him to the outside in desperation. Taker tries another guillotine legdrop on the apron, but Angle catches his leg and drags him out into the anklelock! Great spot there. Angle goes back and forth between the anklelock and breaking Nick Patrick’s ten count. Back in, Angle slaps on a spinning leglock. Taker fights out of it and counters to a Triangle Choke, which is somewhat coincidental because that was the move they were in when Taker tapped out during the pin back in 2002. To the outside, Taker tosses Angle into Tony Chimel. Bad night for Chimel. Taker sets up the announce table, but Kurt dodges him and put Taker down with an ANGLESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE! Angle refuses to take a countout victory, though. While that’s honorable, it’s certainly not smart. Taker makes the immediate comeback and goes up top. Kurt catches him and delivers a super belly-to-belly suplex! Taker nearly didn’t make it over. ONE, TWO, THRE-NOOO! Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Angle counters to the ANKLELOCK! Taker struggles and reverses into a TRIANGLE CHOKE! Angle reverses *that* to another Anklelock, though! Taker rolls Angle away and hits him with a chokeslam! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Angle rolls his shoulder. Taker goes for the finish for real with the Last Ride, but Angle slips over his shoulder into the ANKLELOCK! Taker scrambles toward the ropes but finally just pushes Kurt away. ANGLESLAM! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Angle gets fired up. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Oh, but Taker isn’t going to settle for that. ZOMBIE SIT UP! Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Angle reverses to his own. Taker reverse *back* to a Tombstone, but Angle shimmies out into another ANKELOCK! He even applies the scissors, which is usually the death knell. However, Taker kicks his way out of it. ANGLESLAM! Angle tries to roll him into a stacked cover, but Taker counters to another TRIANGLE CHOKE! Kurt is out. The arm falls. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Kurt pops up and flips over into a Jackknife Rollup! ONE, TWO, THREE! (29:36) They try to sell it as if there’s some sort of controversy just to make sure Taker doesn’t lose cleanly. That was unnecessary, but the match was incredible. Probably Taker’s finest singles match since he went Biker. They did everything to play to the strengths he has left (looking like a bad ass, faux MMA, and laying around on the mat), and it worked perfectly. ****1/4

Final Thoughts: I said it could either be a decent card or one of the biggest dogs of all time, and it wound up exceeding my expectations of what I thought would be a best case scenario. There were no bad matches, and there were a lot of damn good ones. The oddest thing, though, is the minimum of backstage segments and skits. Only the Rey Mysterio angle really took place in the back, and that was quite the emotional rollercoaster. A welcome rebound after a disappointing Royal Rumble.

Solid thumbs up for No Way Out 2006.

J.D. Dunn