Random Reviews: WWE Extreme Rules 2013

WWE Extreme Rules 2013
May 19th, 2013 | Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri | Attendance: 17,529

The hottest thing in wrestling at the time, the Shield, was coming off their first WrestleMania appearance. They’d taken out The Undertaker, The Rock, Daniel Bryan, John Cena and many others but on this event, they got their first shots at WWE gold. This was the fifth Extreme Rules Pay-Per-View.

The opening video package has a female voiceover and clips showcasing the biggest matches on the card. Those are Ryback/John Cena and Brock Lesnar/Triple H.

Chris Jericho def. Fandango w/ Summer Rae in 8:32
Fandango beat Chris Jericho in his debut at WrestleMania last month. Summer Rae looks insanely good here. A hot start by Jericho causes Fandango to take a powder. Jericho takes him out with a baseball slide and body press. Fandango uses a knee to take over, wearing Jericho down. They flub a kitchen sink spot before Fandango gets two on a slingshot leg drop. Jericho comes back with shoulder blocks but Fandango blocks the Walls. Fandango misses the big leg drop and Jericho hits the Lionsault for a near fall the fans totally bite on. Fandango survives the Walls only to come off the top into a Codebreaker for the 1-2-3. Jericho avenges Mania. Good work from both men and a solid opener. I liked the close calls and the crowd was into it. **¾

Douchebag Josh Matthews interviews Sheamus about facing Mark Henry in a Strap match tonight. It’s a generic babyface promo about Sheamus showing what he can do when going extreme.

They recap Ryback attacking John Cena’s leg last Monday.

WWE United States Championship: Dean Ambrose def. Kofi Kingston (c) in 6:49
I miss the Shield. The entire Shield comes out but Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns head back, leaving this one on one. The crowd is pro-Ambrose during the early exchanges. Ambrose avoids Trouble in Paradise but takes a monkey flip. Ambrose takes over and applies a chicken wing. I’m a sucker for that move for some reason. Kofi fights free, hitting the Boom Drop. After missing his finish again, Kofi gets two on SOS. Commentary does a good job (shocking, I know) saying that Dean looks wild in the ring but still wrestles smart. He hits a middle rope butterfly suplex like his name is Scott Steiner. Kofi finally hits Trouble in Paradise but Dean is on the apron, so he falls outside. Another Trouble in Paradise miss allows Dean to hit the original Dirty Deeds to win the title. It would start a reign of nearly a year. Fine little match. Felt more like something you’d see on TV rather than PPV but it was smartly worked. Dean had the finish scouted and it led to the win. **½

The rest of the Shield show up to celebrate with Dean Ambrose.

Strap Match: Sheamus def. Mark Henry in 7:57
This is the traditional Strap match where you drag your opponent to the four corners. Sheamus shows his power by pulling Henry around. They both tease winning a few times. I appreciate Sheamus trying something different and walking around on the apron to hit the turnbuckles. It backfires though since Henry has more leverage inside and stops him. I hate that they have the shitty lights on the ring posts, like this match is so hard to follow. The fight spills outside for a bit before we get another tease of Sheamus winning. Henry tries the World’s Strongest Slam but Sheamus gets free, hits the Brogue Kick and touches the final turnbuckle. Odd since Henry technically interrupted his stride, so he should have to restart. This was every strap match ever, which are rarely good. Not much to say here. *¼

AJ Lee speaks on Dolph Ziggler on the phone about playing nurse to him when she gets home. Kaitlyn interrupts and they trade barbs. AJ says Kaitlyn’s secret admirer may be a secret because he’s ashamed of Kaitlyn, while Kaitlyn calls her Dolph’s biggest headache (before the concussion) and a looney toon. Her “that’s all folks” is Porky Pig like and when AJ says it’s fitting, they brawl. The Bella Twins and Tamina eating a banana watch and root on the fight.

Number One Contender’s I Quit Match: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez def. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter in 11:17
This was supposed to be a Triple Threat match for the World Title but champion Dolph Ziggler got a concussion from a Swagger kick and is out. So instead, we get this WrestleMania rematch. Colter cuts a long promo beforehand. The match goes outside nearly instantly and it’s one of those I Quit matches where the referee asks on the mic. Hopefully it doesn’t happen too often. Swagger works over Del Rio with a kendo stick. Despite the beating, Del Rio refuses to quit. Del Rio comes back with a backbreaker and superkick. He lights up Swagger with kendo stick shots to the back. Swagger throws it back to his ECW days with a gutwrench powerbomb. Del Rio still locks in the cross armbreaker, but Swagger counters into the ankle lock. Ricardo teases throwing the towel so Zeb steals it and does it himself. That ends the match but another referee reveals what truly happened. A replay later and they restart the match. Swagger wisely goes after the ankle but ends up back in the cross armbreaker. Del Rio also latches on the leg and Swagger quits. Overbooked and not featuring any drama until the final few minutes. I also hate these matches where the referee is on the mic way too much. Del Rio did sell like a boss though. **¼

Ryback is interviewed and says he should’ve been champion months ago. That’s about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Tornado Match: The Shield (Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) def. Team Hell No (c) (Daniel Bryan and Kane) in 7:22
May 19th is a date Kane is oddly synonymous with. With the tornado rules, it allows for action from the start. Bryan and Seth have fun interactions while Roman and Kane hoss it out. While Bryan has Seth in a surfboard, Kane hits a low dropkick, which got a chuckle out of me. Bryan counters a super bomb with a rana before taking out both challengers with a suicide dive. As Bryan applies the No Lock, Kane cuts Seth off from breaking it up, which I liked. Seth gets past and succeeds but eats a Chokeslam, only for Reigns to Spear Kane. The Shield come close to winning but Bryan breaks the pin. After taking Kane out, Reigns got Bryan on his shoulders and Rollins came off the top with a flying knee to capture the titles. Fun sprint. It could have gotten more time but they made sure this had lots of action and smart spots. ***

The Miz defeating Cody Rhodes on the Kickoff Show is recapped. They also speak with the Kickoff panel.

Extreme Rules: Randy Orton def. Big Show in 12:57
Show knocked out Orton after they lost at WrestleMania to the Shield, leading to this feud nobody wanted. Orton gets a big pop in his hometown. Show overpowers Orton early but gets stopped by a whacking from a kendo stick. Show turns it around on him quickly and spends the next few minutes wearing down Orton. Orton dropkicks the knee but takes a particularly vicious looking chokeslam. Show is pissed so he lays a ladder across two chairs and sets Randy on it. He misses a Vader bomb and crashes through the ladder. Orton rallies and hits the RKO but Show kicks out. Knowing he needs to do more, Orton hits several chair shots and another RKO onto one. Show still moves, so Orton delivers the punt for the win. Better than I expected. They told a story of Orton having to do a lot to beat Show and reach down to use the punt. The crowd was hot and ate up the finish. **¾

WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match: John Cena (c) vs. Ryback ended in a no contest at 23:00
Classic WWE booking where Ryback lost at Mania but is the next top challenger for the title. Ryback has early control to “Goldberg” chants. Cena comes in with an injured leg, which commentary mentions several times. Ryback hits a powerbomb that Cena elbow bumps on because it’s the only way he knows how. The first big spot comes when Ryback puts Cena through a table in the corner with a fall away slam. Cena gets up at eight and goes into his offense. He then applies the WORST LOOKING guillotine type submission ever. He just hangs onto Ryback, cradling his neck. It’s awful. Ryback survives the STF but takes an Attitude Adjustment through a table. They both beat the count and Cena does the spear through the barricade spot that WWE has overdone do death. In the crowd they go and Ryback whacks Cena with a piece of the boards from the arena’s hockey rink. I appreciate the originality. They go to the stage, where Cena sprays Ryback with a fire extinguisher a bunch. Ryback picks up Cena and drives him through the stage. Charles Robinson throws the match out. Cena is carted off while Ryback walks off on his own power, so shouldn’t he win? Anyway, this was paint by numbers. Too many typical spots from these two. Doing the count so often hurt the pacing too. Also, I was not a fan of the non-finish. **

Steel Cage Match: Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman def. Triple H in 20:07
WWE did the inexplicable thing of having Triple H go over Brock at WrestleMania. They announce that the cage is new, being a foot taller than usual. HHH attacks during Brock’s entrance but once they’re inside, Brock takes over. They trade blows until Brock hits a German. This is pre-Suplex City. Brock rams his knee into the cage and yells “OW, MY KNEE!” Brock counters a Pedigree with the Kimura so HHH hits the knee. Heyman closes the door on HHH, leading to the F5 but HHH kicks out. Heyman puts a chair in play, which Brock uses. His knee gives out on the F5, so HHH attacks him with the chair. They horribly have Heyman plead for Brock, which makes him look so weak. Brock uses the ropes to help counter the figure four. Brock tries to climb on one leg, which is dumb, so HHH hits that leg with a chair. He reveals a silver, camouflaged sledge hammer on top of the cage. Brock survives a sharpshooter and Pedigree after Heyman interference. HHH gets the hammer but Heyman goes low. Brock hits him in the face with the hammer and the announcers get seriously sad about how much HHH could be hurt. The crowd is apathetic and Brock adds an F5 to win. I’d always heard this was the best of their matches and it probably was, but it still wasn’t very good. Brock looked way weak often and these two just never clicked the way the company hoped. **¼

3.5

The final score: review Bad

The 411

It’s hard to say this was a truly bad show. I don’t think anything on the card was particularly awful (though Sheamus/Henry sucked something fierce) but there was nothing that stood out. The best match capped out at three stars. Everything is either disappointing or lackluster. I wanted more from Del Rio/Swagger, while the Shield did alright. Jericho/Fandango and Orton/Show were solid. The two final matches both lacked despite their stipulations and could have been executed better.