#RAWisDVR: Greg DeMarco’s Accelerated WWE Raw Review for 2/4/19

Daddy’s back with a special look at WWE Raw! As many of you know, I live on the west coast, and my version of YouTube TV gives me Raw on the west coast feed, so I watch it later. I also record it, so this is the DVR version. Enjoy the bullet points! I am keeping time on a stopwatch (on my phone), so you will get timestamps throughout the show, and I will try to throw in a real time comparison as well so you can see how much time I am saving when I FAST FORWARD!

This is an experiment, I hope you like it!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 0:00

Stephanie McMahon kicks the show off with Becky Lynch!

* No surprise here, Becky Lynch interrupts Stephanie. Becky’s entrance is one I won’t fast forward. Becky’s too hot for that.
* Even the crowd doesn’t buy Stephanie doing a big-time intro for Becky. We all know where this story is going.
* Stephanie McMahon is horrible at “fake sympathy.”
* Becky refusing medical treatment is so logical, I love it. She already lost one opportunity thanks to injury. And in her face you can see it—she’s hurt and could lose it. DO YOU NOT SEE HOW GREAT THIS STORY IS???
* Steph hasn’t had to struggle? Listen to a Bruce Prichard podcast, you’ll see how hard Vince McMahon was on his kids. Hell, it drove Shane out!
* Someone forgot to tell Portland that the YES chants are over now. Over as in done, not over in wrestling terms.
* ADAM PEARCE SIGHTING!
* Becky attacking Steph wasn’t as involved as Twitter made it seem, but it worked. We still have two months to go!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 11:55

FAST FORWARD COMMERCIALS!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 12:15

Becky Lynch is shown the door, but just so happens to see Ronda Rousey

* I have no idea why Becky didn’t punch Ronda is in the face.
* I actually LOVE Ronda talking about selling a PPV. That was a huge deal in UFC, and this makes their match feel like a real fight.
* “Ice and Advil, bitch!” is a great line.

RAW Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey vs. Liv Morgan

* FAST FORWARD Ronda’s entrance.
* Liv Morgan is vastly underrated, in so many ways.
* The stomach punch was fantastic.
* Short but effective.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 15:47

RAW Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey vs. Sarah Logan

* Ronda acknowledges the boos, and I am here for it. There are no faces and heels.
* Liv Morgan still selling the arm!
* FAST FORWARD the commercials!
* Ronda has done a hell of a job adapting the UFC style to a WWE ring. She truly gets better with each outing.
* Does Ruby want some?
* Smart move…save that match. Elimination Chamber, maybe?
* Ruby Riott is a terrible Gorilla Position promo.
* And Dasha Fuentes is no Charly Caruso. Seriously.

Here comes Heavy Machinery and it’s time to FAST FORWARD!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 21:59 (show time, 33:39)

There’s Charly!

* Miranda Morales will be much happier about Sasha Banks’ hair tonight. Oh, and about Bayley, too.
* No one can believe Nikki Cross & Alicia Fox will win this match. NO ONE.

Fatal 4-Way: The Revival vs. Lucha House Party vs. B-Team vs. Heavy Machinery

* Curtis Axel, still NEVER ELIMINATED!
* I give Michael Cole credit for acknowledging that this idea was stolen from Smackdown.
* Bobby Roode & Chad Gable, much like The Miz and Shane McMahon, watch on a TV backstage.
* Heavy Machinery is the Bayley of the tag team division. Great for the kids, always has a place on the roster, occasionally in the mix.
* OTIS looks so lost! At least Heavy Machinery understands their place on the roster.
* FAST FORWARD the commercials!
* At least we didn’t miss any eliminations.
* The Revival are so damn good.
* Oh, there’s Roode and Gable again!
* Lince Dorado is crazy underrated.
* Why does Otis “call this the Caterpillar?” Caterpillars don’t do that! Is it because Caterpillar is a machinery company?
* Oh, so it wasn’t elimination? Raw, the three-hour show, gets a one-fall match, but Smackdown, the two-hour show, gets an elimination match?
* At least The Revival won!

Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder are backstage!

* Curt Hawkins apparently forgot how long Zack Ryder has been off of television.
* These two losers are making six-figure salaries, and Ryder is hooked up with Chelsea Green.
* Could Hawkins & Ryder be a WrestleMania story?

Kurt Angle has a conversation with Apollo Crews!

* I really hope we see Apollo again tonight. That pose down was fantastic.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 34:49

Kurt Angle is here!

* I didn’t FAST FORWARD the entrance, mainly because I was catching this report up.
* But I will FAST FORWARD Kurt’s promo until someone interrupts!
* Oh, it’s Baron Corbin. He sucks.
* Blah blah blah blah? That’s what we say to YOUR promos, Baron Corbin Sucks?
* Wrap this up? That’s ALSO what we say to you!
* FAST FORWARD to Drew McIntyre
* I feel like Drew deserves better, but if he’s the guy to retire Kurt Angle? I am okay with that.
* Telling a crowd to “shut your mouths” is so effective.
* Oh yay, Braun The Novelty Act is here!
* I imagine we’re seeing this tag team match later?

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 40:21

FAST FORWARD commercials, highlights, and more!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 41:11 (real time 1:12)

Bayley & Sasha Banks vs. Nikki Cross & Alicia Fox

* Pre-match attack, eh? DIdn’t see that one coming. (Seriously)
* Michael Cole tells us that Sasha hasn’t moved while Sasha is moving.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 43:38

FAST FORWARD commercials

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 43:51

Bayley & Sasha Banks vs. Nikki Cross & Alicia Fox (for reals this time)

* And we come back from commercial with Bayley in full control of the match, because of course we do.
* How long before Vince McMahon realizes Nikki Cross & OTIS are comedy gold together?
* Renee Young totally fangirling for Sasha & Bayley is funny.
* “They have to earn it, just like everyone else.” Except anyone on the Smackdown roster! They just declare for the match.
* “We know how Sasha’s ego is fragile.”
* Alicia Fox just chopped Bayley’s um…pelvic…area.
* BTW, we have Sasha—heel—teaming with Bayley—face—against Nikki—face—and Alicia—heel. Don’t tell me the alignment isn’t dead.
* And Bayley wins. SHOCKED.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 49:49

FAST FORWARD through the commercials!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 50:18 (real time 1:30)

Apollo Crews promo

* Why do we have Apollo, Drake Maverick and Razar promoing about Kurt Angle’s match in 2019?

The Road Dogg does NOT make me FAST FORWARD!

* Excuse me while I mark out like an Attitude Era mark again. “PORTLAND, OREGON…WELCOME TO THE DAWG HOUSE!”
* Lol James didn’t even bother to day “former.”
* Now I will FAST FORWARD Jeff Jarrett’s entrance, but I am happy we finally got With My Baby Tonight!
* “HELLO I AM ELIATH!” he had to say it a few times, but finally got everyone’s attention.
* “Shouldn’t you be on Smackdown tanking their ratings? You gotta come to Raw and ruin that, too?”
* So the fans chant with Elias, he’s a babyface, right? NO! Those don’t exist anymore.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 58:12

FAST FORWARD the commercials!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 59:25

Jeff Jarrett vs. Elias

* Really tempted to FAST FORWARD this match, but I expect it to be short.
* I did indeed FAST FORWARD and came back just in time to Drift Away.
* Road Dogg attacks Elias? WHAT?!?!
* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the guitar doesn’t break. Did they forget to remove the reinforcement?
* One thing I love is that Road Dogg is the true star here, way more than Jeff Jarrett. The winners get to write history, folks!

FAST FORWARD

Dana Brooke apologizes to Natalya

* I’m sure this is leading to something, but it sucks.
* Did Nattie get some injections in her face or something?

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:03:28

FAST FORWARD commercials, earlier tonight, commentators, etc.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:04:01

Finn Balor is with Charly Caruso!

* He’s tough, just like Becky Lynch. Watch out, you might get suspended!

Finn Balor vs. Intercontinental Champion Bobby Lashley

* #FinnBalorsDick is NOT SHOWN because we need to see Royal Rumble stills. Sorry Miranda. Missed opportunity for me to FAST FORWARD.
* Oh god more hightlights? FAST FORWARD.
* Lio Rush looks like he’s ready to join New Day with those tights.
* Unpopular take: Lio Rush should voiceover the opening video for WrestleMania 35. Fight me!
* Bobby is talking??? Isn’t that why he has Lio? I guess today was our reminder as to WHY Lio Rush is with Bobby Lashley.
* Ok let’s just get to Finn vs. Lio.
* And Lashley still attacks Balor. Why not, eh?
* The ref should have just rang the damn bell and given Finn his shot anyway.

Finn Balor vs. Intercontinental Champion Bobby Lashley Lio Rush

* I wonder how many people are wondering why the Man Of The Hour has the word Moth on his tights?
* And Lashley is kicked out as we FAST FORWARD the commercials!
* Looks like we got back just in time for the finish—NO! Lio is too quick.
* I can’t remember the last time a crowd popped for an Abdominal Stretch. Thank you, Portland.
* Lio Rush is honestly fantastic.
* Balor wins, and this match was probably better than Balor vs. Lashley would have been.
* Renee has become the WWE’s most annoying announcer.
* Why is Finn laughing at his opponent after a win? That’s right—BECAUSE FACES AND HEELS DON’T EXIST ANYMORE!
* Balor is hurt, but can still do the Balor Arms and flex!
* Oh, back to selling.

And here’s Paige!

* Paige is gorgeous.
* But I am going to FAST FORWARD the trailer, and commercials.

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:17:51 (real time 2:20:19)

Moment of Bliss with Alexa Bliss and EC3

* We’ve officially saved over an hour of time!
* Isn’t EC3 already in WWE if he’s appearing on Raw and Smackdown? Hell, NXT is part of WWE!
* Remember when Alexa was topless in the lockerroom, and I praised her for not using her sexuality? Well that’s over now, and I am here for ECBLISS. (It’s okay, she really likes him. Totally really.)
* FAST FORWARD Nia Jax!
* “He loves a good talk show!”
* Alexa Bliss’s reaction to be interrupted is priceless.
* “How dare you interrupt my interrupt.”
* “I don’t want to be out here any more than you want me to be out here.”
* THIS Dean Ambrose is the best, especially since his wife is on commentary.
* “Where are EC 1 and 2?”
* EC3 throws a hell of a worked punch!

@RealPaigeWWE is gorgeous and I am here for @AlexaBliss_WWE and @therealec3 being an on-screen team. #RAWisDVR #UseYourHead

— Greg DeMarco (@ChairshotGreg) February 5, 2019

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:25:32

FAST FORWARD the commercials!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:25:51

EC3 vs. Dean Ambrose

* So EC3 can talk!
* Have a mentioned how glad I am that they let him keep the EC3 name? Maybe we’ll get Dixie Carter some day!
* Why is the McMahon family still trying to “determine which brand they’ll be on?” * I feel like there’s a better story there and they’re simply not telling it.
* Jackknife cover gets three! Ambrose didn’t even try to kick out. I really wish Alexa Bliss had interfered on EC3’s behalf.

FAST FORWARD Kurt Angle!

#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:29:59

You do not FAST FORWARD Mojo Rawley!

* I don’t care what any of you think, I love Mojo talking to the mirror. Don’t @ me.
* Seriously, this man has talent.

FAST FORWARD the entrances!

Kurt Angle & Braun The Novelty Act vs. Drew McIntyre and Baron Corbin Sucks

* FAST FORWARD the commercials!
* I think I need to start calling Kurt Angle Kurt The Ram, because that’s how he makes me feel.
* FAST FORWARD the restholds
* How is this the main event?
* Kurt Angle was dead weight for that Angle Slam by Drew McIntyre.
* HERE COMES NOVELTY!
* Nostalgia & Novelty is a great working name for this Braun & Angle tag team.
* Maybe they can beat The Revival next week!
* Baron Corbin is like an invitation to FAST FORWARD.
* I love Drew McIntyre, but he’s the only reason I am don’t FAST FORWARD even more here.
* That’s the dumbest disqualification ever. But it ended this match, which makes me happy.
* I am pretty sure Angle hit his fucking head on the stairs. Seriously, RETIRE!
* I can only hope that Kurt’s WrestleMania match is limited to a six-man tag of some kind involving Strowman, Corbin (yeesh), McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, and maybe Jinder?
* Raw ends with Kurt Angle—this is a real story now.
#RAWisDVR timestamp: 1:40:01 (real time 3:00:00)

Time saved: 1 hour and 20 minutes!