RAWtopsy 1.10.05

Sound off:

I spent 35 bucks on this with hopes of seeing something special (Bautista or Benoit winning the title). We knew it would be a one match show going into it but I guess we never thought it would be that bad.

Armageddon and Taboo Tuesday are still worse to me…

I’m having a hard time prying the other 35 bucks out of my hand to watch the rumble later this month…

I Have to agree with your thoughts on the PPV. I went and ordered it and so wanted to call up Shaw and tell them what a piece of CRAP they gave us of course it isn’t Shaw’s fault but hell.. it is hard to go on with that kind of crap. Having Mr. “Suck the bosses nads to get what I want” HHH win the belt.. YET again… Well lets just say I wont be ordering another PPV and just reading the reviews on here. I do give a thumbs up to Eugene for continuing on his match with what looks like a legit injury. Lita.. I feel sorry for her short run as Woman’s champ due to that well, right out sucked. The worst one of the night as you stated was Maven and Benjamin… the time filler that they had to do due to the other quick endings to the other matches.. wasn’t enough and well down right blew monkeys balls. Maven is better than that… and could have put off a good match, especially for a PPV like that.

Good call on this PPV once again. Thanks for being around so now I just can read the crap that the WWE is giving us instead of giving them money to them for nothing in the way of a PPV.

You know JD, this type of show is the reason why I stop watching wrestling for long periods of time. I’m honestly fed up with HHH winning the championship. The man has become stale………….like Ric Flair. I mean, I read in a quote that HHH doesn’t wannt be like the Rock, but wants to be the first HHH. Well, I wasn’t aware that becoming the first HHH meant ripping off another talentless wrestler……..Ric Flair. So let’s check out what HHH has done…..
Create a stable based on getting laid, being the top 1%, and getting money…….check
Attain double digit title reigns………check
Get that classic Ric Flair physique……….not quite, but ALMOST THERE.

I mean come on. They say immitation is the best form of flattery, but HHH is ripping off Ric Flair to the T. Next thing you know, HHH will come out with Platinum Blond hair. The reason Ric Flair is a no talent hack to me isn’t the reason that Bret Hart stated. My reason is this. Over the course of 25 years, He hasn’t changed his character once. No matter if he was a face, or heel, he’s ALWAYS been Ric Flair “Jet setting, yada yada yada” you get the point. Same chops, Same flop, Same tights, same promos. Nothing changed.

And what’s worse, is that Vince doesn’t realize that ever since HHH ascent to the top, his business has steadily gone down. PPV numbers have declined, ratings have gone down. Because honestly, nobody is interested in seeing HHH. This isn’t the 80s where Hogan was hot, and people packed the arenas saying “man, I gotta go to the event to see Hogan”. You can’t build a brand around ONE guy anymore. And for the past 4 years, all it’s been in HHH this, HHH that, HHH….HHH…..HHH, and it’s sickening. Nobody’s going to WWE live events with the thought “damn, I gotta go cause HHH is on the card”. And somehow, HHH has convinced Vince that this is the general perception. That people are showing up to see him. It’s gotten so bad, that people will cheer ANYONE that steps in the ring against HHH. You could put JBL in the ring right now against HHH and get face pops. That’s how bad it’s gotten. Fans aren’t booing him cause he’s a heel, fans are booing because HHH is stale, overused, and being forced down our throats. And Vince needs to realize this. I’ve read alot of articles that Steph and HHH are next in line when Vince & Linda step down. Well, if those two are next in line, I do not have high hopes for the future of the WWE. Because contrary to popular belief and what lot of writers say, HHH is not a good business man. HHH is a good politician. He knows what to say to get himself put in the right positions, and what to say to convince the upper management that he’s the end all. He’s about himself, and nobody else. End of story. And Stephanie…………geeze, she doesn’t have a clue what so ever. SD! is proof of that. Hollywood writers don’t write good wrestling. Hollywood writers write wrestling like a soap opera, all complex and stupid. That’s not what fans want to see.

Anyways, I’ll ranted long enough.

Hey Dunn. I totally agree with you man. This was a shitty ppv, and I took it as a fan as a big slap in the face to put that belt back on HHH. They build this Chamber, then the build the hell out of Batista just to put the title on that weak ass HHH. I personally would have rather of seen, Mean Gene Okerlund win the belt last night. HHH is way past his time, he should passing that belt on to the young hungry guys, such as Orton, and Batista. I would love to see Batista as World Champ, and I was pulling for him and higly pissed off when he didn’t win..

You’re right on with this one! It was shit! The worst I’ve ever seen! TNA looks like a class act compared to this!

Thank You!

There is no such uncertainty as a sure thing. You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile. My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

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Those who seek happiness miss it, and those who discuss it, lack it. Blue eyes say, Love me or I die black eyes say, Love me or I kill thee. Dignity is a mask we wear to hide our ignorance. I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar.

There is nothing in socialism that a little age or a little money will not cure.

Men show their character in nothing more clearly than what they think laughable.You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

The cool kindliness of sheets, that soon smooth away trouble and the rough male kiss of blankets.

The fatter the flea the leaner the dog.

Good is a product of the ethical and spiritual artistry of individuals it cannot be mass-produced.

Yeah, that last one was just spam.

WWE Raw — 1/10/05

From Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Triple H (w/Ric Flair) is out to gloat. Might as well grab a Snickers. He dares us to bring up politics and favoritism. Well…nah. He compares himself to God. Ha! That’s rich. God is a proven draw. He brings out Batista for some more flagellation. Randy Orton interrupts the festivities, possibly to beg to get back into Evolution. He claims to have footage of Triple H allowing Batista to be pinned. Triple H says they’re not going to give him the satisfaction. Batista says he would like to see that footage. Orton shows footage of him hitting the RKO on Batista. Randy covers. Triple H gets up to make the save but falls back down on his ass and watches as Batista is eliminated. Orton warns Batista that eventually Triple H will turn on him. Orton demands a rematch for the title. Eric Bischoff comes out and agrees. HOWEVER, he also thinks Batista deserves a chance. Please not a Triple Threat. Please not a Triple Threat. No whammy! No whammy! No whammy! STOP! Bischoff actually makes a #1 contenders match between Orton and Batista. Good decision.

WWE is going to Japan. So sayeth Shane McMahon.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Maven.

This is a “Rumble Qualifying Match.” Maven cheapshots Benjamin immediately and yells, “Last night didn’t count!” Benjamin misses a splash but lands on the second rope. Maven gets a pretty wicked nadknocker. Maven with a neck twist. Crowd gives him good heel heat. Shelton makes the big comeback and hits the Stinger Splash. They botch the leg whip, and Shelton finishes with the T-Bone. Why not just do this last night? 1/2*

Royal Rumble commercial. You have to love Bradshaw getting so into it. JAZZ HANDS, BITCH!

Anyone else get that Vonage yodeling jingle stuck in their head?

Muhammed Hassan (w/Khosrow Daivari) vs. Hurricane (w/Rosey).

Hassan claims last night’s win was a blow to the biased media. Ross says he doesn’t like Hassan pushing his single-minded personal agenda. By the way, congratulations to the Oklahoma Sooners who had a great season again this year. BOOMER SOONER! Daivari snags Hurricane’s foot, distracting him. Hassan levels Hurricane with a clothesline. Hassan waists some time with his Cobra Clutch. Hurricane comes back but misses the Shining Wizard. Hassan pops up and delivers the Flatliner for the win. 1/4*

It occurs to me that if Maven & Benjamin had just done Lawler & Hassan’s match, and Lawler & Hassan had done Maven & Benjamin’s segment, the PPV would have been much better.

WrestleMania Recall is Kane piledriving Pete Rose. “Sure I bet on baseball…BUT IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

Triple H approaches a meditating Batista and tells him he has Hunter’s full support. Triple H says Batista deserves it. Batista says “eventually, we all get what we deserve.” See, this is why his promos rule. Nothing is delivered as “on the nose.”

Edge arrives and displays one of his two emotions — in this case, it’s rage. Not that I’m complaining. That’s one more emotion than most guys have.

Qualifying Match: Edge vs. Rhyno.

Ross mentions that it’s winner’s choice again this year at the Rumble, meaning the Rumble winner can pick whichever champion he wants to win. That opens the door for a Batista win so Triple H can lobby for him to be traded to Smackdown. Not that they will, but they could. Rhyno pounds away and sends Edge to the apron. Edge blocks a charge. He stretches Rhyno across the ringpost. Rhyno delivers a flying clothesline. He gets two off a powerslam. A sideslam gets two more. Rhyno sets up for the gore but runs right into a big boot. Edge spears him and finishes with the Edgucation. Abyss, this is your future. Edge calls out Shawn Michaels. 1/2*

Back from commercial, Edge is still in the ring, ranting about Shawn Michaels. He calls him the most selfish man in the business. ILSCTASTBSC ;). Edge complains about getting screwed and screwed again until he didn’t think he could stand anymore screwing. And THAT’S when the real screwing started. Shawn Michaels finally comes out. He says he used to be just like Edge. Big “You screwed Bret!” chant. Shawn tells them to stay in their own country because they’re stepping on his TV time. Who’s the heel again? Shawn advises Edge to stop talkin’ and take action. Ooh, that can’t be good. Edge slaps him, triggering a brawl. The officials come out to break it up, but it still spills into the crowd. Pretty good segment except for the crowd’s interjection. Interrupting Shawn is one thing, but when he’s trying to help Edge get over, you’re just hurting a guy trying to get over.

Not that I doubt that she’d be good at sniffing out pure evil, but would you really want Tara Reid to fight evil? Uwe Boll apparently does, and that’s why she’s in “Alone in the Dark.”

When we return from another break, the brawl has broken out again. This time it’s near the merchandise stand, which features high-quality T-shirts of your favorite WWE superstars.

Simon Dean comes out and — guess what — CALLS PEOPLE FAT! Fortunately, he has some fat-burning pills. He says he only has enough for one WWE superstar. He’s over 300 lbs., and he’s been known to wear a mask (which should give the joke away with the phraseology). Obviously, it’s not Rosey, but Kane. Kane tries a pill and doesn’t find it very tasty. He tries to force Dean to take his own pills. A fight ensues, and Kane is about to chokeslam Simon Dean…Kane is about to chokeslam Simon Dean…Kane is about to chokeslam Simon Dean, but Gene Snitsky arrives (finally) and BASHES Kane with a chair. Snitsky beats Kane with Dean’s weight belt and leaves him coughing up blood.

Hunter is deep in thought. Ric Flair is worried that Dave is buying into Orton’s line. Triple H decides Batista needs to be motivated. He tells Flair to remind Batista that he doesn’t have a great record against Orton.

Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit vs. Christian & Tyson Tomko.

Jericho and Benoit were pretty much shunted out of the main event after last night. Putting them together as a tag team is a good idea, though, and perfect timing considering Eugene’s injury. Christian and Jericho start. Christian shoulderblocks him down. Jericho chops him in the corner and delivers the enzuigiri. It gets two. Benoit tags in to a big pop. Christian slams him down and chokes him. Benoit avoids a splash (?!). Tomko tags in and manhandles Benoit. Christian low-bridges the ropes, spilling Benoit to the outside. Crowd chants “CLB!” Tomko powerslams Benoit for two, but Jericho makes the save. Crowd switches up to chant “Benoit!” Christian grabs a chinlock to shut them up. They bait Jericho in and doubleteam Benoit behind the ref’s back. Benoit elbows out of a chinlock, but Tomko levels him with a clothesline. Benoit ducks a big boot and hits a German suplex. HOT TAG TO JERICHO! Jericho flying forearms Tomko. Splash against the ropes. Springboard dropkick to Christian. The bulldog sets up a Lionsault attempt. Tomko rolls out of the way and delivers a sideslam. Benoit makes the save (hitting his own partner in the process). Christian and Tomko try a doubleteam, but it backfires. Benoit locks in the Crossface on Christian while Jericho scoops Tomko into the Walls for the submission. Tomko and Christian have the textbook heel tag team thing down. ***

Flair says things did not go well with Batista. Triple H says he will prove that he supports Batista.

Smackdown Rebound – Taker defeats Heidenreich and Paul Heyman in a handicap match. He gets to keep the Casket Stipulation as a result.

We see Lita buggering her ACL. She’ll be out for several months. .

Lingerie Pillow Fight: Christy Hemme vs. Maria.

Candace is your Special Guest Referee. There is a little bit of a backstory here as Christy eliminated Maria in the Diva Chickenfight yesterday. Christy dances down to the ring, looking sort of like Elaine from Seinfeld. Maria hits Lillian, triggering a four-way involving the referee too! Lillian hits Maria with a pillow, sending her falling over Christy, who is on her knees. Christy finishes with a Jackknife roll. AND IT’S A REALLY GOOD ONE! 1/2*

New vignette for Chris Masters. His gimmick is that he’s a “Masterpiece.” You know, ripping off Lex Luger didn’t work for Scotty Riggs, Shawn Stasiak or Mark Jindrak.

Randy Orton vs. Batista (w/Ric Flair & Triple H).

Batista shoulderblocks Orton down. Orton slips off his shoulder and lays in some punches. He tries a shoulderblock, but it’s like hitting a brick wall. Crowd seems pretty divided. Batista chokes him on the ropes. Orton ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Batista out. Triple H scurries over to help him up. We come back from commercial to Orton hitting the mounted punches. Orton sends him to the outside with a forearm, but he makes the mistake of following him out. Batista Snake Eyeses him on the crowd barrier. Back in, Batista pounds him and tosses Orton shoulder-first into the ringpost. He tries to squash Orton’s head like a grape between his foot and ringpost. Crowd taunts Triple H with a “You screwed Chyna!” chant. Batista pulls Orton back to the center of the ring and tries to twist his head off. Powerslam gets two for Batista. Orton fires back but gets take out with a spinebuster. Orton counters the Demonbomb to a DDT. He drop toeholds Batista into the turnbuckle. Flair gets on the apron, so Orton takes him out. He ducks a charge and delivers a stretch backbreaker to set up the RKO. Quite a number of boos. Flair distracts the ref again. Triple H tries to give Batista a chair, but Batista refuses. Orton sneaks in and knocks Batista into the chair. Randy finishes with the schoolboy rollup. Orton is your number one contender. Hunter and Flair beg for forgiveness as we go off the air. **3/4

Final Thoughts: The show seemed to hit its stride during the last half. Jericho and Benoit make an excellent replacement for Eugene and Regal, promising to reinvigorate the tag division. The Batista turn is still in a holding pattern, but they’re keeping it at a good simmer. Not sure where this leaves Orton, though. Much better show than last night.

J.D. Dunn