Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Unforgiven 2008

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• DVD Packaging: Batista is made to look like Spiderman as seen on the Spiderman 3 poster that was badass but has been forgotten because the movie kind of sucked.

• DVD Presentation: The background is a static image following the design of the DVD cover. The foreground plays a rather generic series of clips excluding the Jericho-HBK footage directly from Summerslam 2008 and RAW aftermath greatly highlighting their feud. The menu music is the PPV theme, “Rock Out” by Motorhead.

• Relevant Storylines: Mark Henry has been dominating ECW. Shawn and Jericho are pissed at each other. Shawn is a family man. Jericho is a ruthless bastard. Triple H respects Jeff Hardy but doesn’t think he’s in his league. Batista and Mysterio are buddies who both want the title. Orton is injured and thinks CM Punk is a fluke. Punk is not amused.

• Scheduled Card:
1. Scramble Match for ECW Title: Mark Henry (c), Matt Hardy, The Miz, Chavo Guerrero, and Finlay
2. World Tag Team Titles: Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme
3. Unsanctioned Match: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
4. Scramble Match for WWE Championship: Triple H (c), Jeff Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, MVP, and The Brian Kendrick
5. WWE Divas Title: Michelle McCool (c) vs. Maryse
6. Scramble Match for World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c), Kane, JBL, Batista, and Rey Mysterio.

• After a cold open, a voice from the heavens informs us that tonight, “Tonight, championships will be won and lost. Tonight, history is guaranteed to be made.” One might equally say that all of the above are true on any given night there is wrestling.

• The video package doesn’t really pick up until the Michaels-Jericho portion which features such awesomeness as Jericho punching Michaels’ wife, Jericho threatening Michaels’ career and life, Jericho throwing Michaels into the JeriTron 5000, Michaels saying he hopes God can forgive him for what he’s about to do. It’s always problematic when you have wrestlers threatening and promising things they can’t deliver. And here with Michaels and Jericho more or less guaranteeing the audience attempted murder on camera, let’s just hope they can live up to the billing.

• We are live (sort of) from Cleveland, Ohio.

• Todd Grisham and Matt Stryker open on commentary which means the ECW Championship Scramble is first. Stryker informs us that the drawings were random and that “mathematical equations” do not favor the champ, Mark Henry. He throws out some 80% figure about the odds which is total bullshit but whatever. Math sucks. On with the match.

• ECW Championship Scramble: Matt Hardy and The Miz are out first. Hardy and Miz work over a headlock takedown into a few pinning combinations. Then, Miz takes over and does the same thing. Grisham puts over Miz and his championship credentials which is something you don’t hear the face commentators do much for heels. Hardy gets two with a nice slingslot sit-out powerbomb. Hardy gets a sunset flip for only two and Miz cuts him off and hits the Reality Check but Hardy rolls out to prevent a pin. Chavo is next and disposes of Miz and hits the frog splash. He gets the three count on Hardy and becomes the current champ. Stryker and Grisham fumble over discussing the rules and work some awkward football analogies that don’t work. Guerrero hits Miz with a rolling spinwheel kick. Miz hits a double crossbody block and only gets two as the crowd is visibly disappointed. After hitting a few moves and a Side Effect, Hardy pins Guerrero. It’s only 10 minutes in and Hardy has been caught talking on camera three times. As the countdown starts again, everyone stops as Mark Henry comes out. It becomes a three on one match that Mark Henry wins and gets the 3 on Guerrero. Henry swats Hardy to the outside and hits a shitty flapjack on Miz. Henry with a couple of bearhugs as Hardy talks some more on camera. Finlay is out last with Hornswoggle, Finlay hits a couple of quick DDTs and Henry no-sells and grabs another bearhug. Hornswoggle distracts, Finlay waffles Henry with the shillelagh, Hardy dumps Henry to the floor and Finlay pins Hardy. Hardy pins Miz with Side Effect that busts Miz open on the eye. Chavo gets a frog splash but the pin is broken up. Various moves and pins are attempted but the ring is too full. The last minute is particularly frantic as Hardy plays defense and tries to dump everyone and everyone tries to pin everyone. Crowd is counting along the last 10 seconds as no one pins anyone and Hardy is the new ECW Champ at 20:00. ***1/2 Awesome opener that was mostly exciting, especially toward the chaotic ending. It got the crowd into the show and demonstrated the effectiveness of the match format. It was smart to have Henry come in toward the end because you knew he would be “diabolical” and “methodical” to borrow a tortured JR-ism that means slow and gassed.

• Matt celebrates with brother Jeff in the back. Matt declares this the best night of his life and luckily doesn’t have any boogers showing to diminish his embellished statement.

• As we see a split screen of Triple-H and CM Punk preparing, we transition to Tazz and JR on commentary. JR plugs the question of the night: “Should Vickie Guerrero have allowed The Big Show into the Championship Scramble?”

• World Tag Team Championship: Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme. Now, Michael Cole and King are on commentary. Cole pimps Cody Rhodes’ new tights but doesn’t mention his baby blue boots that don’t match anything in existence. Cryme Tyme gets the advantage early with a couple of clotheslines and a springboard plancha as Shad launches JTG into Rhodes and Dibiase on the outside. Shad and JTG work some more doubleteam in their corner. Dibiase comes back with a jawbreaker but Shad no sells it and hits a powerslam out of the corner, elbow drop and gets two. Dibiase gets a tag to Cody. JTG gets a springboard shoulder block off of a blind tag and takes control. Cody and Dibiase have some nice teamwork on the outside and hit a clothesline on some misdirection. Rhodes works a KFC (bottom wristlock) on JTG and trades tags with Dibiase. Cody continues working on the wrist. Rhodes hits a nice Russian leg sweep but whiffs on a Flair knee drop by accident as Dibiase takes over. Dibiase and Rhodes continue to work over JTG with generic heel offense and an assortment of wrist locks. After a savant kick and a bodyslam, Cody goes up top with a moonsault and whiffs. Cody sells the miss like he is getting electrocuted. JTG gets the hot tag to Shad and he hits a couple of clotheslines. Dibiase almost gets a pin off of Cody’s DDT . Cody gets the tag in as the match breaks down into all four men in the ring at the same time. JTG and Cody are the legal men. JTG gets a small package but Dibiase breaks it up and pushes Rhodes into his own small package and Priceless gets the pin at 11:45. **1/4 This was a decent tag match. Cryme Tyme hit some mildly innovative double team moves but the biggest problem is that the crowd didn’t really care about either team and this match didn’t give them much reason to. Post-match, Cryme Tyme tries to get their heat back but Manu, son of Afa, jumps them from behind. The announcers feign ignorance as Manu and Priceless celebrate. This ended up going nowhere.

• Next up, we get an advertisement for The Rock’s DVD. This commercial had more charisma, excitement and entertainment than the entire last match.

• Shawn Michaels is in the back in jeans and a black undershirt as the trainer tapes him up. Cole switches to serious voice to talk about Michaels’ “slight tear of his left triceps.” We cut to a video package of RAW from three weeks before and cut to a video package within a video package (I think that’s a first) to Summerslam where Shawn tries to retire but Jericho but won’t let him. Jericho accidentally punches Michaels’ wife but refuses to apologize. Excellent video, even if a bit over the top.

• Unsanctioned Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho. Cole and Lawler still on commentary. In the hierarchy of gimmick matches, this must be above No Holds Barred matches (where both wrestlers wear tights) but beneath Street Fights (where both wrestlers “come as they are”), because Michaels came as he was but Jericho is in regular wrestling tights. No pyro for Michaels so we know he means business. Michaels runs in and immediately goes straight to a two leg takedown and hard right hands. He takes his boot off and waffles Jericho with it. Jericho gets knocked to the outside and HBK with a Cactus clothesline as both men are into the crowd. Back to ring side and Michaels slingshots Jericho into the turnbuckle. They tease a chairshot into the ringpost and Jericho takes over. Jericho with a DDT on the floor. We’re barely 3 minutes in and Jericho is getting out tables and chairs. Jericho sets up a table and goes for a powerbomb, but Shawn counters, and Jericho counters back into an alley oop on the apron. Nice. Into the ring, Jericho gives Michaels a gutshot with a chair and another across the back. Back suplex and still no pinfall attempts. The referee breaks up Jericho choking Shawn with his boot in the corner. That’s some selective discretion by the ref: chairshots and table shots are OK but don’t choke em with the boot. They tease a suplex from the apron to the floor through the table but Shawn reverses and clotheslines Jericho into the ring. Michaels is favoring the left arm and on the kip up sells the back and goes straight to choking Jericho and the ref breaks it up. At least, he’s consistent in his inconsistency. Top rope elbow drop and Michaels sets up Sweet Chin Music but stops and decides to just pelt on Jericho some more indiscriminately. Michaels with the Crippler Crossface. Jericho powers out and whips Michaels eye-first into the chair Jericho set up earlier. Awesome. Now, HBK has to sell an eye, back, and arm. Jericho rakes and punches the eye. Jericho whips Shawn into the corner for his cartoonish somersault spot which is out of place in this match. Jericho goes to the Walls of Jericho. Michaels gets the ropes but Jericho doesn’t have to let go. Michaels manages to grab a fucking fire extinguisher from under the ring and sprays the shit into Jericho’s eyes. That was convenient. Now, he’s hitting Jericho’s eyes. HBK throws Jericho back and forth up the ramp and hits a suplex on the ramp and Shawn goes back to selling the arm. Lance Cade comes out and hits the tricep and Michaels does a Perfect somersault bump off a clothesline. Cade and Jericho wrap the arm around the post and Cade hits a running knee on the exposed arm. More double-teaming in the ring. A couple of chairshots on the arm. Michaels fights back with Sweet Chin Music on Cade and a chair shot on Jericho that drops Jericho to the outside and through the table. Nice payoff. HBK to the outside for some one-armed(!) chairshots. HBK puts Cade and Jericho on the announcer’s table and an elbow drop from to top on both. Michaels is really playing up the emotion here as Cole awkwardly works in “crusade” and “passion.” Subtle. Just go ahead and call him Jesus and get it over with. Michaels removes his belt and starts tanning Jericho. At this point, Jericho is a corpse. Michaels wraps the belt around his fist and gets Jericho in the MMA crucifix and continues pounding. The ref pleading with him and finally rings the bell at 26:57 and declares Michaels the winner. ****1/2 Michaels’ selling was spotty at times, but this was fucking awesome. There was some storytelling that played into the history between the two and the previous matches. The highspots didn’t seem contrived and the placement of weapons had effective but not expected payoffs.

• Post-match, Michaels can’t control himself and the beating continues. Michaels with Sweet Chin Music on the ref and he’s on the verge of tears. Three more refs appear in record time and Shawn is paralyzed with anger and confusion.

• In the back, Priceless is celebrating with Manu as Orton comes in and everyone stands up. Cody finally introduces Manu. Dibiase asks Orton if he’s impressed. Orton pretends to be pleased and then cuts them down for winning because of “luck.”

• JR and Tazz shill the question of the night again.

• WWE Championship Scramble: JR again mentions random drawings for order of entry. Jeff Hardy and United States Champion Shelton Benjamin start. We cut to a split screen with a 30 second Benjamin promo where he says “gold” about 15 times. Then JR calls him a gold chipper. JR puts over Benjamin’s pedigree as Hardy rolls him up a couple of times and only gets two. Then, they work over a headlock takedown just like Miz and Matt Hardy earlier. Benjamin misses his kick but powerbombs Hardy on the turnbuckle. After a snap suplex, we’re back to another rest hold. Hardy reverse a suplex and then they botch a clothesline spot. Kendrick is out with future and last ECW Champion Ezekiel Jackson. Benjamin teases a German suplex from the floor onto the apron, an old Benoit spot. Kendrick boots him to the outside and works over Hardy and gets a couple of near-falls. Hardy pins Kendrick off a quick alley oop. Benjamin back in and Kendrick to the outside. Benjamin misses a splash and Hardy rolls him up with a two. Benjamin hits Pay Dirt but Kendrick breaks it up and dumps him. Kendrick pins Hardy after Sliced Bread #2. MVP is out and the crowd is dead. The crowd only cares about Hardy. MVP tosses Kendrick and MVP sets up the Drive-By on Benjamin but Kendrick breaks it up with a nice leg lariat. The crowd perks up with that and Hardy’s re-entrance. Hardy tries a pin but Kendrick breaks it up and dumps him. Kendrick with some easily visible thigh slapping on his kicks. Benjamin, MVP, and Kendrick trade some offense. Kendrick reverses a powerbomb into a huracanrana. Hardy is STILL playing dead. Triple H is last. He reverses everything and hits a spinebuster and Pedigree on Kendrick for the pin. Benjamin attacks from behind and he and Triple H battle outside. Triple H eats stairs. Hardy wakes up from his coma and hits MVP with a Twist of Fate and pins him. Hardy hits Kendrick with a sitout gordbuster and goes up top but Triple H crotches him. Kendrick eats another Pedigree and is pinned again. Hardy hits Kendrick with Swanton and pins him again. Triple H tries a Pedigree but Hardy drops him and hits a somersault plancha. Nice Tower of Doom in the corner with MVP, Kendrick and Benjamin. Hardy back in up a Swanton but is too hurt to recover. Triple H hits MVP with the Pedigree and pins him with one second to go and ends as champion at 20:14 by my clock but who cares. That finish deflated the crowd. They wanted Hardy to win. ***1/4. Not as good as the first one but still solid. Similar formula as they waited to bring out the slowest and most dominant wrestler, Triple H. Unfortunately, they had too much deadwood and mid-card heels the crowd didn’t buy into.

• Promo for the Mr. Perfect DVD.

• Grisham is in the back to interview Shawn Michaels. Michaels doesn’t want to talk about Jericho. He says he is going to clean up and go home and see his family. Michaels says he’s content but not satisfied and lacks closure. Michaels perfectly plays the veteran who’s years of wisdom are no match for his primal instincts and bloodthirst to hurt Jericho.

• Eve Torres, looking particularly gorgeous, is in the back to interview CM Punk. Orton interrupts before Punk says anything of note. Punk wonders whether Orton is actually injured and if he wants to compete. Orton says he’s really hurt and they trade barbs until Priceless and Manu jump Punk from behind. Kofi tries to save but the numbers are too much. Orton punts Punk and then yells about that being impressive.

• WWE Divas Championship: Maryse vs. Michelle McCool. Cole and Tazz back on commentary, sans announce table. Funny visual. Maryse and McCool trade pinfall attempts on some reversals. McCool flips out of a wristlock and arm drags Maryse to the outside. Maryse dumps McCool but she comes back with a big boot and a flying clothesline. Back in, Maryse takes over with a chop block. Maryse works the leg with a half crap and modified Indian deathlock. Maryse stays on the leg. McCool reverses and hits a rolling leg grapevine. They trade blocks and the crowd is getting restless. Maryse almost breaks her neck on a sunset flip. McCool’s leg buckles but she keeps the advantage and hits a sitout gordbuster for the pin to retain at 5:45. * Whatever.

• JR again comes back to question of the night. Survey says 77% say Vickie should have let The Big Show into the match and the other 23% don’t give a damn.

• Mike Adamle, RAW’S legendary GM, is out and gives some stilted exposition and says CM Punk won’t compete but the match must go on.

• The Big Show comes out, gets a mic, and humbly offers himself to replace CM Punk in the World Heavyweight Championship Scramble. It’s really a ploy though to rip into Vickie Guerrero. Vickie comes out to The Big Show’s music. Weird. Vickie rambles then calls Show “a big, dumb giant.” Vickie says something about consequences but the Undertaker’s druids interrupt with a casket. Show laughs it up. Taker comes out. Show holds Vickie in place. Show pretends to cooperate then waffles Taker with a haymaker and some headbutts. They brawl some and Show drives Taker into the post and flapjacks him into the casket. Crowd is dead and JR tries to cover for them. Show lays Taker out and Vickie gets in a shot at the end. What a crock of shit. This was 20 minutes of storyline advancement on a PPV. Next.

• Clips from RAW the previous week that show the beef between Orton and Punk. Then, we get a replay of earlier tonight where Orton kicked Punk.

• We get a voyeuristic camera angle and William Regal is in the back talking with Adamle. Adamle thanks him for his “suggestion.”

• World Heavyweight Championship Scramble: In a nice moment of continuity, we get a close-up of the title belt which still has Punk’s name on it. Batista and JBL are first. Somehow I don’t see these two working over a headlock takedown and pinning combinations. Batista with a shoulderblock and pounds away in the corner. They trade Irish whips and JBL ducks under for a sleeper. Batista reverses with a kneebreaker and works the knee. Batista with a figure four. Normally, this is blasphemy, but at this point, Batista is still doing his homage to Flair thing. They slug it out and JBL dumps Batista. JBL sells the leg. They do more punching on the outside. JBL gets whipped into the stairs. Kane is out at 4 minutes in, a full minute early. Kane very very very slowly reverses a whip and gets a big boot. They trade over more cross-corner whips. After about 4 more reverse whips, Kane goes up top for whatever and misses but gives Batista the throat thrust. Kane, Batista, and JBL all try finishers and fail until Kane hits the choke slam on JBL and pins him. Mysterio is out at 8 minutes, a full two minutes early. Mysterio comes straight to the ring and doesn’t even remove his mask over his mask. Mysterio gives a springboard dropkick and sends Kane to the outside. Mysterio gets a flying headscissors which Cole calls a huracanrana. Mysterio whiffs on 619 and Kane clotheslines him down. Batista back on offense and hits a few Batista kicks. Batista and Mysterio team up as Mysterio dies a splash from Batista’s shoulders. They try it again but Mysterio turns on him and rolls him up for two. JBL breaks them up before Batista can get payback and gets various moves in before JERICHO is out at 12 minutes. Everyone is shocked and JBL tries to pin Mysterio in the meantime. Jericho is selling the ever cryptic “internal injuries.” Batista hits a few spears. Ring is clogged up. Mysterio sorta gets a 619 on Kane but sells the leg also. Batista tries to steal the pin but Mysterio breaks it up. Batista destroys Mysterio with a clothesline and he falls to the outside. JBL gets a Clothesline from Hell on Kane but eats a spinebuster. Kane works over Batista in the corner. Jericho has still not gotten in the ring. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Batista cuts him off with a spear and spinebuster. Batista gets the 3 with 30 seconds to go. While Mysterio recovers and flies at Batista, Jericho crawls inside to pin Kane and steal the victory at 17:19. Don’t know what the hell WWE is doing with their clock. Batista is shocked, Kane sucks, and Jericho is champ. All is right with the world. *** They tried to compensate for lack of mobility and moveset by speeding up the intervals and using crash booking with Jericho as the mystery entry. The storytelling with Batista/Mysterio was good stuff but Kane is too slow and never a threat to win these kinds of matches and just brings it down.

• DVD Extras: A quick interview of Show and Vickie by Eve backstage wherein they write off Undertaker. That’ll work out well. Also, we get Jericho addressing the RAW crowd on September 8, 2008, the night after Unforgiven. This is clipped to only a few minutes of Jericho gloating and showing off his injuries from the match with Michaels

The 411: With four matches *** or more and one of them being a MOTYC, this is an easy thumbs up. The filler women’s match and the interminably long Vickie-Show-Taker segment drag it down some, but can’t outweigh the other two hours worth of good entertainment. This show was a showcase for the scramble match format and it’s a shame they didn’t make the gimmick match a centerpiece for this show every year.

Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]