Rolling Germans Review: NWA TNA 10.09.02

The trials of NWA TNA continue as Viewers Choice Canada made it through the first trial period, dropped the show for a week (in favour of WWE Fanatix boatload of shit) and then brought the show back a week later. I get the feeling that’s going to happen every month as VCC usually put on Fanatix in the first Wednesday of every month and did whatever they wanted with the other Wednesdays. That’s going to suck for continuity but considering how much TNA does its “last week, this happened” segments, I guess the viewers won’t be missing out on a ton of stuff.

It should be noted that Scott “gave up on TNA a while ago” (his words) so as of now I’ll be handling TNA reviews for The Smarks. We may as well get one thing out of the way right now though. I don’t do write ups as the show happens (notice you’ll never see me do a TV show review). I do video reviews and these things are basically for those of you willing to seek out these shows whether they be via repeats on PPV and/or satellite or through the purchase/trade of a show from a reputable tape dealer. Anyway, with that in mind my timetable for reviewing these shows is completely contingent on what’s on my plate for the given days after the show airs. I always work nights on Wednesday and thus catch the replay. If I get any day off work AND I don’t have plans with the outside world (something a lot of net folk seem to sacrifice but I’m telling you right now I’m not willing to do) then I’ll be more than happy to do a write up for these shows. It should be noted that it’s pretty much guaranteed I’ll have a review done up before the next episode though so you have something to look at before deciding on getting the next one. With that in mind, let’s get down to it.

This review is brought to you by Orville Redenbocker’s All Natural Popcorn. DEAR… GOD… NO! Anyway, as part of my regimen of trying (and I emphasize trying) to get off the greasy stuff, I’ve adopted flavourless shit like this popcorn along with (shudder) flavoured rice cakes for snacking alternatives. I’m even busting out the mega water over just about anything else there is to drink to keep the body relatively clean of contaminants.

Last week MOTHERFUCKING RON KILLINGS was brutally attacked by someone obviously too stupid to realize the greatness of The Truth. Ron was generous enough to allow this jackass to let his aggression loose because he’s that giving a guy. BOW DOWN ALL OF YOU!

MOTHERFUCKING RON KILLINGS HAS THE MIC! FUCK YEAH RON! THE TITANS DO SUCK ASS! FUCK YA RON! CANADA ONLY HAD TWO BASKETBALL TEAMS AND WE STILL DIDN’T WANT THE GRIZZLIES! Don West grows a pair of balls but Killings verbally castrates him. FUCK YA RON! EVERYTHING YOU SAY RULES! Well here comes the guy who smokes up and the guy that gets the munchies for the both of them (X-Pac and B.G. James) to run their mouths. Killings barely gives these guys the time of day until they introduce Curt Hennig. Well whoop dee fucking doo. Hennig manages to kill all of his heat within 30 seconds with an interview so bad that Jeff Hardy wouldn’t claim it. If Hennig’s performance in the WWE is any indication of what he’ll do here, then I don’t want him in this fed. Why is it people keep clinging to this great memory of Hennig when he could actually wrestle instead of the sack of shit that’s been his performance for the last oh… FIVE YEARS?! Both Jerry’s Kids come out from behind and we get the advertised main event in the first match. Well at least you get rid of the garbage at the start instead of leaving it to the end.

SYXX PAC/B.G. JAMES/CURT HENNIG vs BRIAN LAWLER/JEFF JARRETT/RON KILLINGS
Pretty pedestrian stuff from Jarrett and Hennig to start. LET THE STALLING COMMENCE. BOOOOOORING! We finally get somewhere as Lawler and Waltman work it for a bit and Lawler gets in a nice Powerslam. Killings tags and looks for a Twisting Legdrop but Syxx moves and James gets a tag. He looks for the dancing jabs but Killings avoids that shit only to eat a right hand after doing too much K Kwik stuff. See, now look what James has done? Killings never would have made such a stupid mistake without James fucking with his head and bringing back memories of a clouded past where dancing was thought to be cool. SCREW YOU ROAD HOGG! Killings comes back (obviously) after a missed lariat and hits an Axe Kick for 2 and Ѕ. Lawler tags and hits a Hangman’s Neckbreaker and a Fistdrop for 2 and Ѕ. Jarrett tags but takes a James lariat and Syxx gets in there. He hits a couple of HORRIBLE leg lariats (actually Jarrett’s fault as he fell down waaaaaay too soon) and a Cross Bodyblock for 2 and Ѕ. The Bronco Buster is stopped cold with everyone’s favourite move; the kick in the cock. Delayed Vertical Suplex gets 2 and ѕ. Lawler tags and CUES THE CHINLOCK but Syxx comes back and hits a Sit Out Powerbomb. Jarrett and Hennig tag and the match breaks down with Lawler hitting a low blow on Hennig and hits THE TENNESEE JAM! 1… 2… 2.SYXX SAVES! Um… it should be noted that Jarrett is still the legal man but he left with James to brawl outside. That would mean a Count Out wouldn’t it? Am I the only one that pays attention to the rules in this fed? X-Pac and Killings pair off and we get THE X-FACTOR! 1… 2… 2.LAWLER SAVES! Now Lawler decks the ref (WHERE’S THE FUCKING DQ?) but now the Mystery Man runs in and hits a HUGE Sit Out Powerbomb on Killings leading to The Hennigplex for the victory. BOOOOOO! I saw two points where the match should have been over via COTR or DQ and yet somehow after it’s all said and done, the champion is the one that does the job. FUCK THIS MATCH! Crappy work, poor heat, no structure, Hennig looked terrible and Killings did the job. I hated this. *

B.G. JAMES IS LAID OUT BY JARRETT VIA LED PIPE. *****

Last week Jerry Lynn and A.J. Styles fought for the billionth time and Sonny Siaki interfered, causing Lynn to get punked off.

Jerry Lynn is out and he blah blah blah’s in a tone that makes me realize why the WWE fired him despite having great in ring skills. He wants Siaki next week. The Siaki comes out and IT’S ON! Too bad Lynn can’t handle the awesome stolen mannerisms of The Siaki as he gets thrown off the ramp and busts up his knee on the railing. Oh lord, does anyone expect me to believe that Lynn managed to slide his leg THROUGH the railing while flying in the air? Do you have any idea what kind of sick odds you would need for that to pan out?

Last week Syxx said something that was insulting to Low Ki. He says sorry and then A.J. Styles interrupts and produces another incoherent interview. Hey everyone wondering why Styles can’t get into any place big? There’s your answer. He’s one of the worst interviews you’ll ever come across.

THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TEAM vs CHRIS HARRIS/JAMES STORM (NWA Tag Team Titles)
Well it’s ABOUT FUCKING TIME we had the Tag Titles defended against someone that moves faster than a slug. SAT’s are fun and all with the spots but I’m not really a big fan of their “work” per se. At least the champs will get a good workout here. Storm and Joel work the flip flop for a bit. Joel blind tags and Jose hits a Missile Dropkick but Harris comes out of nowhere with THE GORE! SPEAR! GORE! (Um… tag? Anyone? Was a tag made?) Harris gets in a cross corner bulldog and Storm looks for a Moonsault but Joel crotches him, tags in (see? Tags? IN A TAG MATCH) and hits a rollover pancake (sorry I don’t have a better name for it) for 2 and Ѕ. The Maximos pull out a SICK double team as Joel slides Harris out from the top for a neckbracker and Jose comes off the top for a MOONSAULT/NECKBREAKER for 2 and ѕ.! AWESOME! Jose off the top but he’s caught in a Fireman’s Carry and that’s turned into a WHIRLWIND DDT! I LOVE IT! 1… 2… 2.JOEL SAVES! Harris tags and hits a Tilt A Whirl Powerslam for 2 and ѕ. Jose ducks a lariat and comes back with a Tornado DDT. Double KO leads to a both teams tagging but it doesn’t matter as it all breaks down. Jose looks for a cross body but gets CLOCKED with SWEET STORM MUSIC (OK so that isn’t the name for it. SHUT UP!) FOR 1… 2… 2.999999! Now Joel runs in and hits a Brainbuster and a GUILLOTINE LEGDROP! 1… 2… 2.99999! Harris runs in and hits THE CATATONIC! 1… 2… 2.JOEL SAVES! Harris heads up but gets crotched and The Maximos look for The Fly but Harris knocks Joel out of the ring. Storm saves and now it’s an Irish whip and a DOUBLE FLIP OUT POWERBOMB! OH… MY… GOD! This one is over. Well fuck me, a good match with good talent, who’d have thought that would happen? This is exactly the kind of match I’ve been begging for since they made Harris/Storm the tag champs. They need workers like The SAT’s who can “go” with them instead of heavy lead weights like Harris + random partner. It was a little disjointed at times and I still hate the Tornado rules that come into effect down the stretch but it was still very good. **3/4

Goldylocks interviews Chris Rock and he sells his soul to the devil by saying TNA is the best wrestling fed in the world right now. Well… there goes my respect for him.

KID KASH vs ACE STEELE vs TONY MAMALUKE vs LOW KI (15 Minute Iron Man Match)
Oy… this is a total mess of a match. There’s no tag format so it’s almost impossible to keep track of. I’ll just give you the fall count and some general thoughts on the match.

• Mamaluke beat Kash with a Guillotine Legdrop.
• Steele beat Ki with a Slingshot Splash
• Kash beats Mamaluke with the Kash On Delivery
• Ki beat Steele with a variation on the Juji Gatame.
• Steele beat Ki off a botched spot with the time running out as Plumtree holds Ki’s leg down while being suplexed in (think Warrior vs Rude from WMV)

Spots all over the place but like I’ve said before; “great spots don’t make a great match.” If this had some form of tag format and a semblance of structure to it, it could have been infinitely more enjoyable. As is though, it was a clusterfuck of moves with a botched ending to boot. *3/4

Hermie Sadler comes out (oh lord) and blah blah blah’s about NASCAR! Being Canadian, I’ll invoke my “DON’T GIVE A FUCK” card and move right into Sadler getting into a scrap with Bruce and Jarrett until James makes the save. UGH! This is going to mean a match next week isn’t it?

RON HARRIS/SONNY SIAKI vs CHRIS MICHAELS/RICK MICHAELS (#1 Contenders Match)
These guys aren’t brothers. They’re only somewhat generic blonde white boys so it may not be overly difficult to tell them apart. The Siaki really should be on a singles push instead of teaming with the big pile of shit that is Ron Harris. Siaki and Harris dominate ѕ of the match until Rick finally comes back with The Double Shot (Facebuster – Neckbreaker combo). Chris tags but gets cut off and The Siaki smokes him out on the floor. Back in the ring where Chris gets in a flying forearm and tags Rick but Harris stops him cold. Big breakdown leads to Siaki hitting The Samoan Pop but Harris pulls him off because he wants to get the final shot in. Well you can guess what happens as Harris nails Siaki with a big boot and Rick gets the roll up. BOOOOOORING! So basically they squashed the #1 contenders to the tag titles in about five minutes and these guys are supposed to be considered credible enough to hang with Harris/Storm? Is anyone even paying attention to stuff like this? Why should the fans even give these guys a ghost of a chance of beating the champs? You know what happens when fans don’t believe in the challengers? THERE’S NO FUCKING HEAT! Oh yeah, this match sucked too. ѕ*

Ron Harris and The Siaki get into it but Heavy D makes the save and throws Siaki out of there. Can we just team up The Harris Brothers and get it over with? This was interesting for about half a show… TWO WEEKS AGO!

Bill Behrens comes out to say that Lynn can’t wrestle because of his injury so he forfeits the title. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?! The guy can’t defend on ONE SHOW and he’s stripped? That the stupidiest piece of hotshot booking I’ve seen in quite a while. Behrens says that Steele will face Styles in a ladder match for the X-Title. Low Ki interrupts and demands a match with Steele.

ACE STEELE vs LOW KI
Ki’s ankle (which has been injured for weeks) is totally destroyed by Steele. Um… that’s the match? I assume a count out. DUD

Behrens comes back and says that everyone in the X-Division will compete for the X-Title in a ladder match. O… K.

THE MAXIMOS vs ACE STEELE vs AJ STYLES vs KID KASH vs TONY MAMALUKE (X-Title Ladder Match)
Riiiight. TLC IV took place two days before this and now we’ve got a bunch of guys fighting for a belt in a ladder match. Hey TNA fans, why don’t you try and explain how original the product is now? You know what this shows me? The booking is so short sighted in this fed that they’re willing to wait and see what the WWE is doing on their show and then decide on their booking plans. Get ready folks, this is going to be painful (for the wrestlers at least). The Maximos immediately go for ladders and hit a LADDER SANDWICH ON MAMALUKE! SICK! Mamaluke is already fucked up badly as he hurt his arm legit doing a nutty spot in the Iron Man Match earlier in the night. They try to get in the ring but Steele and Kash hit stereo baseball slides. Everyone’s out and Styles hits THE SHOOTING STYLES PRESS TO THE FLOOR! BOO YA! I LOVE IT! Back in the ring where AJ hits the Styling DDT on Joel and nails Jose with a dropkick in mid air. Wow, Styles is just destroying everyone here. Mamaluke and Styles bring in the ladders. Kash nails Styles with a slam and then LADDER SPLASHES HIM! UGH! The Maximos try to attack Kash but he fends them off. Joel’s stuck in the tree of woe and Styles hits a FUCKING RUNNING LADDER SANDWICH! OH MY GOD! And now they DOUBLE POWERBOMB JOSE ONTO THE OTHER LADDER! FUCKING SICK! Everything falls apart until Styles and Kash set up ladders but end up fighting on the top. The Maxiimos knock Styles off and look for a Super Spanish Fly but Jose is knocked off and Kash hits a SUPER TORNADO DDT OFF THE LADDER! INSANE! Styles and Joel climb but Styles puts Joel in a position where he’s straddling the ladder and then PUSHES THE LADDER ALL THE WAY DOWN! LADDER CROTCH SHOT! EEEWWW! That’s one of the most disgusting spots I’ve ever seen. Now Kash climbs and The Maximos (total pincushion MVP’s of this match, I’m surprised they’re not dead to be honest) try to cut him off but Jose is nailed. Joel stays with it though and hits AN EXPLODER OFF THE LADDER! UNBELIEVEABLE! Styles puts Kash on the top and hits A FUCKING TOP ROPE BRAINBUSTER! BLACK TIGER THAT SHIT DOWN! Styles climbs but Syxx runs in and hits a Backdrop Suplex off the ladder and WINS THE TITLE! NOOOOOO! FUCK ME! STUPIDEST ENDING EVER! IT’S SHIT LIKE THAT WHY I FUCKING HATE THIS FED! Waltman did FUCKING DICK ALL and wins the X-Title? FUCKING BULLSHIT! People had the gall to bitch about Kane winning TLC IV and don’t bitch this out? If that’s not hypocrisy then I don’t know what is. Everyone put their bodies on the line, you’re probably looking at multiple injuries considering how sloppy this was and then some guy just waltzes in there and takes the belt. I’d love to hear hardcore TNA fans try to explain this one. OK, as for this match. Well… you can’t deny the fun of outright ludicrous spots. Some of this stuff was so insane that I cringed watching it. However, this took all the worst aspects of TLC IV (big spots with no structure) and took it to a new extreme. Add the fact that most of this was sloppy as hell AND we got the worst ending possible for a situation like this and you’ve got a disappointing match. I’ll be extraordinarily generous because I felt pain for all the guys and go **1/2

Final Analysis: This is the kind of show that tells you the fed has major story issues. They’ve got a crop of relatively talented wrestlers but haven’t got a clue what to do with them so they throw them into situations like four ways and six way ladder matches. The problem is you can’t keep putting their lives in danger with stipulation matches. I think this is the third ladder match in a month. After a while it becomes just another match but the harm on the workers is still ramped up because they’ve got to figure out a way to top the last one and as is the philosophy with so many people, bigger spots = better match. As for the rest, well it’s a mixed bag and most of that mix is shit. The “main event” is a total write off as far as I’m concerned. The characters don’t know if they’re good or bad from week to week. The wrestling is deplorable. They’re using guys that are supposed to be main eventing in the opening match. Why should I care about the main event? Sorry guys, but seeing Hennig get a shot at the Heavyweight Title (and you know that’ll happen very soon) isn’t inspiring me to want to see the next show. The only thing that’s remotely good right now is the X-Division (when it’s not booked to hell) and the tag champs and that’s totally contingent on the opponents they’re facing. It’s almost ironic that the tag division is the only thing worth going after and that part of the show has zero storyline to it. Go figure. I’ll reluctantly see you all next week.

Not recommended.

Justin Baisden
Rolling Germans Wrestling