Rolling Germans Review: NWA TNA 12.11.02

NWA TNA: 12/11/2002

Before I get started, I just wanted to apologize to everyone that looks forward to reading my material but haven’t had much to read lately. As the vast majority of you know, I put out a Christmas Compilation a few weeks ago. Well the volume of orders was beyond anything I could have hoped for. However, the downside is I pretty much dub tapes all day and all night (I’m just waiting for one of my four VCR’s to choke and die any day now). The only time I’ve taken to break away from dubbing tapes has been to tape The Sopranos for my mom (she loves all that mob shit) and to tape NWA TNA. So you figure “well fuck Justin, why haven’t you been reviewing this stuff if you tape it every week?” Well the simple answer is that I usually work Wednesday nights at the Hellmouth that is my job. The timer on my “Descrambler VCR” doesn’t work properly so I can’t tape the first showing. I always end up taping the second show and considering I’m usually pretty pissed off after coming home from work, wrestling in general and TNA in particular is not something I’d care to plunk down two hours of my life on when I’d rather just read something decent (TWO TOWERS THAT SHIT DOWN!) or just go to bed. Bottom line here is that I was home today and hadn’t watched a full episode of TNA since um… (checks Rolling Germans Archive) October 16th. Yeah; I’d say I’m a little behind. I do tape it though so odds are I’ll be back reviewing this show (I hear some of it isn’t terrible) whenever time permits.

While I’m here, I have my staff Christmas party on Sunday December 15th. That means I’ll be watching the replay of Armageddon. Which (and I know some of you are cringing knowing what I’m about to say) means there will be no Hangout Report for the PPV.

This review is brought to you by Tostitos Mini Triangles. I’m not sure when I bought these but they were in the liquor cabinet. I was originally going for those seashell chocolates you only seem to find at Christmas (we keep chocolate in the liquor cabinet… don’t ask) but then I saw the chips and was like “Um… OK. I’ll take that.” They were still crunchy (sort of) so I can only assume (aka hope and pray to God) they won’t poison me in my sleep.

I haven’t watched this show in seven weeks and Don West still has THE SAME FUCKING SHIRT!

Last week Roddy Piper made me sick to my stomach bringing up the late great Owen Hart’s death to put over a shitty angle no one will remember in about two weeks. Russo comes in, BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH! Piper should be ashamed of himself for hashing up Owen. Russo should be run over by a truck and then have a cow shit in his mouth so he’d be validated in the bullshit he tries to spew. Somewhere along the line, The Harris Twins and B.G. James turned heel. Sadly I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THEM! If you’re going to re-hash DX then at least do it with workers who are cared about outside of their mothers. Oh yeah; Percy Pringle showed up and he’s FUCKING FAT! HO… LY… SHIT!

JASON CROSS vs TONY MAMALUKE
Tenay spends five minutes talking about Cross having the greatest finisher in the history of greatest finishers. West says stuff and my shrink tells me I’m close to total blockout of his voice. Pretty pedestrian stuff to start until Mamaluke ends up on the floor and Cross hits a No Rope Corkscrew Bodyblock. Cross misses a Moonsault off the steps and Mamaluke goes to work. Back in the ring where Mamaluke crotches himself off a missed Baseball Slide into the corner. Man I remember when Eddie pulled that shit back in ’97 and it was all “HOLY FUCK! HIS BALLS! HIS SPINE!” Now it’s been done to death. Cross looks for a Suplex but Mamaluke slips out only to have Cross reverse a German Suplex attempt into a Brainbuster for 2 and Ѕ. Cross misses a Somersault Legdrop and Mamaluke hits a Chop Block. He works the leg and then breaks away for an ugly German Suplex for 2 and Ѕ. Has Mamaluke been in some great match I’m not aware of? Why does he keep getting national exposure? I can understand fans seeing him on ECW TV back in the day but if the ratings were any indication, a bunch of drunken frat boys and the sluts they were fucking doggy style were the only ones watching it. Anyway, Mamaluke goes back to the leg but Cross gets in a Mule Kick (that spinny kick Jeff Hardy uses. Does it have a proper name?). Cross hits a Blockbuster and heads up only to have Mamaluke attack but that’s blocked and Cross gets in a dirty Double Underhook Facebuster (that’s definitely new) and hits THE MOTHERFUCKING CROSSFIRE! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! For those of you that don’t know, it’s a Shooting Star Legdrop. It’s an absolutely unbelievable move made all the better by a flawless execution by Cross. Anyway the leg work actually plays a part in the psychology of the match, as Cross can’t cover as he sells the leg. He charges but Mamaluke catches him with a Knee Breaker and segues that into a Dragon Screw followed up with The Sicilian Crab (Half Crab around his neck) for the victory. Bah… Mamaluke sucks. The match was OK for the mostpart. It started too slow and the middle was sloppy. If it wasn’t for the insane ending I’d have been really disappointed. On the bright side, I’m happy to see an ebb of psychology in the match with the leg work actually getting a payoff. YOU’VE GOT TO SEE THE CROSSFIRE! *1/4

The Harris Twins and B.G. James come in and punk out the juniors. James says stuff and I get a bottle of water to go with my Tostitos. Bob Armstrong interrupts and makes you realize how great Al Wilson SEEMS compared to this guy. He does do one smart thing as he brings out MOTHERFUCKING RON KILLINGS! Apparently we’re going to have a Chain & Chair match between Killings and James. Chain… and… chair? Oh lord; that can’t be good.

Backstage, Goldylocks talks to Jorge Estrada. HE CUT HIS HAIR! FIFTY POUNDS LIGHTER EASY! He bitches and moans about everyone walking out on him. Well DUH! WHAT’D YOU EXPECT?! Siaki got all the charisma. Yang got all the workrate. Priscilla sucked all the cock. FUCK MAN; YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE YOUR AFRO ANYMORE!

KID KASH vs JORGE ESTRADA
Basic stuff leads to flip flop to start. Kash ends up outside and Jorge reaffirms my belief that he sucks by nearly breaking his neck on a Corkscrew Bodyblock. Back in the ring where Estrada eats boot and Kash shows him how to properly execute a Corkscrew Bodyblock. Backdrop Facejam gets 2 and Ѕ. Communication leads to a brutal middle portion of the match until Estrada hits a Hip Toss turned into a Neckbreaker for 2 and Ѕ. He eats boot and Kash comes back with a Missile Dropkick followed up with a Swinging DDT for 2 and ѕ. Money Drop (Dangerous Brainbuster) puts this one away. BRUTAL (the move and this match)! Kash is so above working with Estrada. I found it hilarious that Tenay tried to cover up Kash’s getting outright pissed with Estrada’s blown stuff by calling it “a new mean streak this week.” HA HA! More hair = greater workrate. Grow it back Jorge, it’s all you’ve got. Ѕ*

AMERICAS MOST WANTED vs DIVINE STORM (w/Trinity)
Whoa… what the hell happened to Harris & Storm? Looks like they’ve been making friends with Mr. Needle in the ass while dating Ms. Creatine. Divine Storm are small but DAMN they look outright pint sized against AMW. TNA manages to disappoint me on a new scale as Trinity is now completely decked out EXACTLY like Lita during her Essa Rios days. STOP FUCKING COPYING 1999 WWF FOR GOD’S SAKE! Harris & Divine pair off and then we get Storm & Storm pairing off with the flip flop. We end up outside for an early trainwreck leading to Lita (OOPS! I mean Lita… I mean… yeah Lita) hitting a Moonsault to the floor. Back in the ring where AMW just dismantle Storm with double teams. Hey; if you can put on the weight and still not lose a step then more power to ya. Harris gets in a DELAAAAAAAYED Suplex on Storm for 2 and Ѕ. Divine goes old school Bret Hart style with a knee in the back from the apron and that gives Storm a chance to tag. Ugly ugly Backdrop Suplex gets 2 and Ѕ. Tilt A Whirl Legsweep gets 2 and Ѕ. He heads up but Harris just chucks him to the floor. Storm runs in but takes a GORE! GORE! GORE and Harris makes the tag. James Storm hits Quiet Storm (this is getting stupid) with a SICK 270 Powerbomb. Divine comes in but he’s clocked with a Superkick for 2 and ѕ. Um… who’s legal? FUCK I FORGOT HOW MUCH I HATE TNA TAG RULES! AMW hit some whacked out Double Rock Bottom on Storm for 2 and ѕ. Now Harris is legal (WHY!? FUCK!) and 2hits a Tilt A Whirl Powerslam for 2 and ѕ. Divine Storm make the comeback and the match breaks down (more than it was before) leading to Divine looking for a Thesz Press only to have Storm block and turn him into position for The Death Sentence but Lita comes from behind with a low blow for the FUCKING STUPID COP OUT BULLSHIT FINISH! Hey I like Divine Storm but they SUCKED tonight. I’ve got to wonder if Whipwreck taught these guys how to wrestle or if he just went right into “how to land only 33% of your spots 101.” AMW looked great (as usual) and continue to improve by leaps and bounds every time I see them. I hope they get the tag titles back (when’d they lose them in the first place?) ASAP. **

Last week AJ Styles laid out Red before he could enter The Fatal Four Way with a Styles Clash on the ramp. UGH! That looked pretty sick. I think it was just to write him off because of a legit injured foot.

AJ STYLES (w/Mortimer Plumbtree) vs THE AMAZING RED
Someone was saying these two have faced off before. I can’t seem to recall a match between them in TNA. Was it in another indy fed like ECWA (does Styles even work that fed?) because I’ve got all the ROH out on video and never saw these two go at it. Hmm… Red’s got a little less spring in his step with one bad wheel. Anyway; Red attacks before the bell and goes to work with a flurry of attacks leading to the 718. Oh man, I can’t believe he outright stole Misterio’s move and then bastardizes the name. Styles is out and Red looks for a Pescado but he’s caught and Styles hits a POWERBOMB BACKBREAKER! SICK! Back in the ring where Styles hits a Backbreaker turned into a Gutbuster followed up with a BIG TIME Discus Lariat for 2 and Ѕ. Styles hits a Tiger Mask Flip but eats boot on a charge. Red looks for The Code Red but that’s flipped into The Styles Clash only Red holds the ropes and then flips to the top for a Tornado DDT but that’s blocked and turned into a NASTY Snap Northern Lights for 2 and ѕ. Back outside we go as Styles rolls Snake Eyes on the steps and then takes it a step further as he HOTSHOTS RED ON THE STEPS! FUCKING SICK! I LOVE IT! Back in the ring where Styles hits a Senton Atomico for 2 and ѕ. He charges but Red fires off a snap Huracanrana for 2 and ѕ. Heh… I just read the other day someone going on about The Rana no longer being a great wake up move like it was for Misterio back in the 90’s and here it comes off exactly as such. Red looks for a shot to the face but that’s turned into a Reverse DDT for 2 and ѕ. Styles brings the pain with an Indian Deathlock turned into a kneeling Deathlock (that’s new) for a nice rest sequence. Hey if you’re going to rest then you may as well do it with something nice to look at instead of your usual bearhug/chinlock/sleeper/etc. Irish whip but Red comes back with The Code Red for 2 and 9/10. Blind charge leads to a kick in the gut and Styles hits a SICK Sit Out Powerbomb for 2 and 9/10. He heads up for The Spiral Tap but Red cuts him off and looks for a Top Rope Frankensteiner but that’s blocked and turned into a Super Styles Clash but Red flips out of that, hits a SICK Hurricane Kick and again looks for the Rana but Styles again blocks into a Mega Styles Clash but that’s reversed into a MOTHERFUCKING JERICHO SPIKE! HOLY FUCK! 1997 THAT SHIT DOWN! Well it’s obviously over. Man I haven’t seen that move in AGES! Did Red recently sit down with Halloween Havoc ’97 or something? Anyway; they did a great job telling a story here as Red is the injured babyface who took a beating last week but has enough heart to not only come out this week but take everything Styles had to give (and there was a hell of a lot) while refusing to stay down. **3/4

RON HARRIS/DON HARRIS vs SLASH/BRIAN LEE (w/James Mitchell & Belladonna) (NWA Tag Team Titles)
Now I know I’m out of the loop. When did Don Harris drop his pussy squad security team and start working matches again? Wait… why’s Brian Lee not only working with The New Church but also having the hate on for his former buddy Ron? Who the fuck is Belladonna? I’ve really got to watch all my older tapes because this is confusing me. Anyway; this match sucks tremendous amounts of cock as it’s basically a big brawl in the crowd leading to B.G. James coming from behind and hitting Slash with a chair for the victory and Tag Title change. We’ll be generous and go -*. BUT WAIT… Percy Pringle literally waddles down to the ring (what the hell happened? I was reading about how he lost like 150lbs. If he lost the weight then he gained it all back and then some because he was NEVER that fat in the WWF) and bitches about James causing the screwy finish. So the ref decides now would be an ideal time to throw away that “first ruling is final” rule wrestling is supposed to have and reverses the decision.

The Shit Twins are pissed so James Mitchell is all “don’t look at us, he who isn’t on The Subway Diet screwed you over.” So they go after Pringle but AMW lay everyone out with chairs. AWWWW FUCK! This means we’re going to have a 3 way dance next week doesn’t it? NOOOOOO!

We get a video package that’s like two months old (I know because I saw it just before I stopped watching this show) with some added clips thrown in to hype Siaki vs Lynn.

Tenay interviews Siaki, asking about his lack of respect for the vets like Lynn. Siaki basically says “I’m young, they’re old, fuck them.”

SONNY SIAKI vs JERRY LYNN (X-Division Title)
Jeremy Borash classes this match up big time by doing boxing style introductions for both guys. I’ve been saying for years that WWE should do that for their title matches, especially now that they’ve only got one singles and one tag title on RAW. It’s little things like that that make fans realize the titles actually mean something. Nice chain wrestling to start as Lynn is practically holding Siaki by the hand and guiding him through everything. We end up brawling outside with Siaki gaining the advantage but it doesn’t last as Lynn hits a Slingshot Legdrop on the apron. Lynn looks for a Rolling Reverse Cradle but no dice and Siaki responds with a Hotshot for 2 and Ѕ. Short Arm Clothesline gets 2 and Ѕ. Lynn comes back with a Scissor Sunset Flip for 2 and Ѕ. He looks for a German Suplex but Siaki’s trick leg acts up and he hits a Superkick for 2 and ѕ. Lynn slips out of a slam into a Reverse DDT for a Double KO. Siaki looks for a Rana (WTF?) but Lynn reverses into a Sit Out Powerbomb for 2 and ѕ. I hate spots like that. Siaki obviously doesn’t use a Huracanrana. It’s outright insulting to fans when you throw together reversal sequences just for the benefit of one guy. Stick within your moveset or at least establish the move (as in execute it properly the week before) before doing something like that. Anyway, a Lynn Tornado DDT gets 2 and ѕ. Siaki comes back with a Slam turned into a Cutter for 2 and ѕ. The ref is bumped and Siaki looks for The Siakalypse but that’s turned into THE CRADLE PILEDRIVER! NO REF! AWWWW SHIT! Lynn heads up but some big titted brunette walks down and crotches him (oh lord… ANOTHER girl that no one will care about in two weeks) and Siaki capitalizes with a PULL OUT SUPER SIAKALYPSE! FUCKING SICK! Lynn’s back will need massage therapy for a week after carrying Siaki to the best match of his career. You can really tell the day and night contrasts between Lynn on offense and/or doing reversal stuff compared to Siaki on offense. A true testament to Lynn’s abilities. It should be noted that I HATE that ending and I don’t think Siaki should be holding on to a major title this soon. ***

B.G. JAMES vs RON KILLINGS (Chain & Chair Match)
OK here’s the stips. It works like a regular chain match (collar around each guys wrist) but the chair is wrapped up in the middle of the chain. I knew right from the announcement of this match that it would suck on new and more interesting levels and I was right. Basically Killings uses some fun stuff like a Missile Van Daminator and an Axe Kick on the chair before James manages to kill any hope of something decent with his usual brutally boring offense. Then the match breaks down as the collars pretty much fall off both guys hands. No one cares and Killings reverses The Pumphandle Slam into a Split Legged Facejam on the chair for the victory. BOOOOOORING! STUUUUUUPID! This is the kind of crap that is too dangerous to be worthwhile and too stupid to ever be done right. I’m tempted to slap on another negative rating but I’d hate to do that to MOTHERFUCKING RON KILLINGS so we’ll be generous enough to say it’s a DUD.

Killings looks to put James out of his misery but Armstrong saves his son. Of course that backfires as James lays out both guys with a chair.

Earlier today, Mike Tenay had a talk with Jeff Jarrett. They talk about his feelings towards Russo and how he felt about Owen’s name being brought up. Jarrett takes the high road stating “I won’t talk about Owen’s death on a wrestling show.” Well I’ll be damned, A BIT OF FUCKING CLASS ON THIS SHOW FOR ONCE! It must have been brutal for Jarrett to listen to that shit last week because he and Owen were really tight. Odds are when this fed is in the shitter; it’ll be remembered most for the disgusting slap in the face that was using Owen’s death as a hotshot.

CURT HENNIG vs JEFF JARRETT (NWA World Heavyweight Title)
Long feel out process to start with nice work from both guys. We end up outside and Jarrett brings the chair shots (Um… Ref? Chairs? DQ? DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!) Back in the ring where Hennig comes back off a Scissor Stomp and Jarrett cries like a little girl. Hennig works the leg for a while and slaps on a European Figure Four but Jarrett eventually breaks the hold. We go OOOOOOLD SCHOOOOOL with an Atomic Drop segued into an Inverted Atomic Drop. Jarrett just blew off the leg completely. Jarrett fires off a Slingshot and rams Hennig into an exposed turnbuckle. Hennig recoils back into the referee (uh oh) and that leads to Russo (FUCK) hitting the WORST GUITAR SHOT EVER on Hennig for the screwjob ending. This was perfectly fine wrestling until the Figure Four and it was all downhill from there. It’s like Jarrett forgot all the great stuff he was doing at the start and decided “fuck it; I’ll do what I feel like.” Russo wins The Lance Storm Award for Worst Performance With A Foreign Object. *1/4

Russo and Jarrett get into a shoving match leading to AJ Styles attacking from behind as we cue the Nitro finish.

Final Analysis: It was a mixed back this week. Styles vs Red along with Lynn vs Siaki were both very good matches. Divine Storm vs AMW could have been something great but was basically just a spot a thon barely held together by AMW. The rest varied from “OK throwaway” like the opener to “outright shit” like the Tag Titles and The Chain & Chairs Match. It was better than RAW but then again, people didn’t pay $10 for that. Mild recommendation to avoid this episode.

Justin Baisden
Rollng Germans Wrestling