Rolling Germans Review: Ring Of Honor 03.30.02

RING OF HONOR 3/30/2002: ROUND ROBIN CHALLENGE

I know what you’re saying; “where’s the second part of The Fire Festival?” Well here’s the thing. I’ve actually recorded my thoughts on The Fire Festival on microcassette (that’s how all my reviews start in case you’re wondering) and was going to do them up today. But well… then I ended up with this along with ROH’s 4th and 5th shows in the mail on Thursday. I was all “I’ll watch this show and then do up the Fire Festival on Friday.” Well… this show fell into the category of “you will buy this now or you’re an idiot” so it got priority over Zero One’s tournament. So you get this first and then Fire Festival stuff probably on Monday.

I’m really not sure who to plug here. I obviously didn’t buy this from RF Video but because of copyright issues I’m not sure if I can divulge where I got this show from. So… well… go to RF for now and when I find out if I can plug the other guy, then I’ll do just that in my next review. The prices aren’t what you would consider to be economical but you are paying for masters (nice flashy cases, the whole nine yards) and considering what people pay for Puro masters (we’re talking triple digit prices here) the comparison isn’t that bad. Keep in mind that I live in Canada though, so the conversion is horrendous and I’m definitely never going to be buying tapes at the price. HA!

This review is brought to you by Tostitos Scoops and Tostitos Jalepeno Cheddar dip. I wanted these SOOOOO BAD! I tried to rationalize it with “I worked out today, so they cancel out and I’ll keep on going tomorrow.” Obviously that isn’t the case as I’ve probably got to work out for days to work this shit off but hell I wanted it so… um… yeah… SHUT UP!

WE ARE LIVE FROM SOME SHITHOLE WITH POOR ACOUSTICS!

Quick backstory for those of you that have no idea what happened at the first show AND didn’t read my review of the first show. This fed has this “code of honour” deal where everyone has to shake hands at the beginning and end of each match. There’s some other rules but they aren’t really important (at least to me). Anyway, Daniels refused to shake Dragon and Low Ki’s hand in their 3 way match at the debut show. Then Daniels pretty much slapped them by saying it took two of them to beat him and if they fought in singles matches that he’d beat them both. Who says stories have to be complicated?

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs AMERICAN DRAGON (Round Robin Challenge)

Quick feel out process to start. We move into matwork, with Dragon pulling out some innovative stuff. Daniels pulls out a Backdrop suplex and begins a very focused, methodical working of the neck. He goes to work with another Belly to Back Suplex and a rear chinlock. The commentary is brilliant here as they make sure the uninformed viewer knows why the psychology of the match is being played out in that fashion and what it can culminate into with Daniels’ Angels Wings. Inverted Neck Breaker gets 2 and Ѕ. Daniels looks for a Backslide but Dragon flips out and hits an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex. He looks for a vertical suplex but that’s blocked and Dragon sells the neck like a champ but keeps trying as he switches up into a Judo DDT. Dragon hits a Swandive Headbutt, but can’t get anywhere with it because of the neck work. You’ve got to love the selling from Dragon. Even his offense is hampered. None of this transition and blow off the injury bullshit you see all the time. Dragon looks for a Discus Elbow but that’s turned into an STO and Daniels hits The Triple Jump Moonsault for 2 and ѕ. Dragon comes right back with stiff kicks to the leg and a ROLLING ELBOOOOOOW for 2 and ѕ. They go back and forth with chops but Daniels manages to hit a BIG TIME lariat for 2 and ѕ. BLUE THUNDER BOMB! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10. He looks for another lariat but Dragon reverses and looks for Cattle Mutilation but he can’t hold the bridge because of his neck (I LOVE IT!) and has to break the hold and switch into more of a Rings of Saturn style move but Daniels makes the ropes. Dragon heads up but Daniels pulls him back and hits A PILEDRIVER! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! That’s just beautiful work. Who in the hell would have thought of a Piledriver? It’s so obvious but no one uses it anymore, thus making it all the better. Dragon’s a total mess and ripe for the picking as Daniels hits LAST RITES and slaps on a Crossface for the victory. I can’t remember the last time I saw a match this focused and actually (here’s the kicker) PAY OFF at the end. Props to Daniels for not succumbing to his usual goofiness and more props to Dragon for being a trooper and selling like a champ from bell to bell. Nothing inspires me more than a **** opener.

Prince Nana comes out with Eric Tuttle (Towel Boy from the first show) and some tramp named “Simply Lucious.” Whatever… blah blah blah. Did someone say… three minutes? YES! THE MOTHERFUCKING HIT SQUAD!

PRINCE NANA/ERIC TUTTLE vs DA HIT SQUAD

Nana gets the shit beat out of him and smoked with a Frog Splash. Tuttle gets the shit beat out of him more than Nana with The Burning Hammer. Thank you, drive through. DUD!

Earlier today, CW Anderson bitches about the code of honour stopping him from being allowed to have a Handicap Match with York & Matthews so he pulls a ring boy and tells him he’s his partner. O…K.

CW ANDERSON/ELAX vs CHRISTIAN YORK/JOEY MATTHEWS

Feel out process to start until York & Matthews hit Anderson with an RnR style Double Dropkick. Elax tags and gets pounded (what a surprise). Matthews tags in and they hit a double pancake into a double suplex (NICE!). Anderson just walks in and cleans house, nailing a Dragon Screw Arm Whip on Matthews. Anderson tags (what’s the point?) and hits a Hammerlock Driver for 2 and Ѕ. He keeps working the arm until he puts Matthews on the top and hits a DELAYED SUPERPLEX for 2 and ѕ! WOW! In all my years watching wrestling, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. Anderson looks for a lariat but that’s reversed into a Neckbreaker and York gets the hot tag. He cleans house on both guys but Anderson reverses a lariat into a Ferris Wheel Suplex. Irish whip but York slips out of The Spinebuster and Matthews hits another Neckbreaker on Anderson, only to have Elax nail Matthews with a Missile Dropkick. York looks for a lariat but misses and Anderson hits THE BEST SPINEBUSTER IN THE BUSINESS! 1… 2… 2.MATTHEWS SAVES! Matthews and York throw Anderson into Elax on the apron and that gives them the chance to hit THE PROBLEM SOLVER (Hotshot DDT) for the victory. This was solid stuff. This felt a lot like a TNA match. It was structured well until the ending and then all of a sudden these Tornado rules come into effect and everyone can pin everyone else. Whatever, still enjoyable. **

JAMES MARITATO vs XAVIER

Mr. Maritato is better known by most as Little Guido from the old ECW days. Didn’t he get signed by WWE recently? The name change comes with his apparent dropping of the comedy in his wrestling routine and a return to his UWF-I roots (complete with raggedy six – eight year old UWF-I sweatshirt he pulled out of the mothball closet). Great chain wrestling to start. Xavier breaks it open with a Hanging DDT for 2 and Ѕ. He brings the pain with his trademark Muai Thai knees and follows up with a Running Elbow for 2 and ѕ. Xavier looks for a Stratus Frankensteiner (I can’t believe I’m calling it that) but that’s blocked and Guido gets in a Tree of Woe Boston Crab (AWESOME!). He follows up with a Seated Missile Dropkick for 2 and ѕ. Xavier comes back with a Russian Leg Sweep and looks for a Powerslam but that’s reversed into a SICK Tornado DDT, sending Xavier outside. Maritato follows up with a beatuful Guillotine legdrop from the apron to the floor. INSANE! Back in the ring where Xavier reverses an Irish whip and looks for a Cobra Clutch but Maritato bounces off the top rope “Bret Hart Style” and hits a Heel Kick for 2 and ѕ. Maritato looks for The Tomikaze but that’s blocked and reversed into a Pumphandle but that’s flipped out of into a roll up but Xavier leaps that and falls back into an Inverted Jacknife for the victory. BEAUTIFUL! Maritato was all the more impressive without working the crowd with his overdone Italian gimmick and Xavier was his usual rock solid self. These two put on a clinic in chain wrestling with just enough stiff strikes and big moves that it didn’t detract from the chain wrestling theme. **1/2

BOOGIE KNIGHTS vs THE NATURAL BORN SINNERS

Boogalou hits an overhead slam right off the bat and distracts the ref so Homocide can use THE RUBBER CHICKEN! FUCK YES! BEST WEAPON EVER! Both teams tag and Homocide murders Drake with an Exploder and a Tombstone. Tobin tags in but NBS SMOKE HIM OUT with the Powerbomb on the knee followed up with the Lariat – Half Nelson for the victory. Hilarious match but a total squash and a waste of both teams. Ѕ*

LOW KI vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (Round Robin Challenge)

Ki brings the pain right off the bat with stiff chops and looks for an early Tidal Crush but Daniels ducks, only to take a Roundhouse Kick for 2 and Ѕ. Koppo Kick hits dead on the head for 2 and Ѕ. Triple Strike gets 2 and ѕ. Daniels tries to come back by pushing Ki in the corner and looking for The Venus but Ki blocks and turns that into a Triangle Armbar over the top rope. SWEET! Ki charges but he’s met with an STO and Daniels finally goes on offense. Man, he took a shitkicking for the first few minutes. Lariat gets 2 and Ѕ. Brainbuster gets 2 and Ѕ. Front slam is followed up with a Guillotine Legdrop for 2 and Ѕ. Again all of his offense is centered around the traps and neck region. He fires off a single crab segued into an STF (I LOVE IT) and just as Ki makes the ropes, it gets switched again into a Bow and Arrow (I LOVE IT MORE!). Daniels keeps it coming with a FALCON ARROW (I can’t remember the last time I saw that move) for 2 and ѕ. He hits a Soviet Slam and looks for The Triple Jump Moonsault but lands on his feet and takes The Matrix in the face for his trouble. Ki looks for an Iconoclasm but that’s blocked and Daniels looks for Last Rites but Ki flips over it and heads back up but Daniels hits a CROSS ARM ICONOCLASM! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! ANGELS WINGS! 1… 2… 2.999999! Daniels looks for a Powerbomb but that’s reversed into a Sunset Flip, which is rolled through by Daniels, only to take a kick in the gut and the KIIIIIIII CRUSHAAAAAAH! It’s a double KO and definitely the right decision as it would have been a travesty to have Daniels kick out of that move. Personally, I didn’t like Ki kicking out of Angels Wings either, especially after all the neck work but you can’t have everything the way you want. Both guys finally manage to get up and Ki KILLS HIM WITH THE TIDAL CRUSH! HO… LY… SHIT! 1… 2… 2.999999! Ki looks for The Ki Krusher but that’s blocked and Daniels looks for Angels Wings but Ki blocks so Daniels switches to LAST RITES but that’s REVERSED! DRAGON CLUTCH! AAAAAAND TAP TAP TAP TAP! BEAUTIFUL SEQUENCE! This had all the great psychology of the first match but with even flashier moves. Ki’s selling isn’t on the level of Dragon and I’m not happy with the disrespect of Angels Wings but the rest kicked all kinds of ass. ***3/4

CHRIS MARVEL vs PAUL LONDON

Both guys are students of Shawn Michaels old Texas Wrestling Academy, now owned and operated by Rudy Boy Gonzalez. We get a bunch of flip flop leading to London hitting a Quebrada on the outside and Marvel breaking his ankle legit when he tried to catch him. UGH! That wasn’t pretty. No rating.

JAY BRISCOE vs SPANKY

Basic story here is that Spanky got an RoH contract after winning the TWA tag match last month. Briscoe lost to Red last month and keeps getting hounded by his younger brother Mark about it so he’s dying for a win. Great chain wrestling to start until Jay hits a SWEET Slingshot Oklahoma Roll for 2 and Ѕ. He puts Spanky on the top but that goes nowhere as Spanky rolls Snake Eyes and hits a flying kneedrop for 2 and Ѕ. Spanky hits an AWESOME Tornado Facebuster (think HHH’s version of the Facebuster but in a Tornado from the second rope) for 2 and ѕ. He looks for Sliced Bread #2 (stupidest name for a finisher I have ever heard) but Briscoe stops that cold and hits a BRUTAL released German Suplex. Split Legged Facejam gets 2 and ѕ. He looks for a Powerbomb but Spanky slips out and hits a heel kick. Briscoe reels back and Spanky hits a Tiger Mask Backflip but gets BRUTALIZED with a Yakuza Kick. OUCH! He puts Spanky on the top but that leads to Briscoe on the floor and Spanky hits a TRIPLE JUMP PLANCHA! I LOVE IT! Back in the ring but a big splash gets Spanky a knee in the gut. NECK BREAKING POWERBOMB! 1… 2… 2.999999! Briscoe looks for The Jay Driller (thanks for the correction to all you that wrote in) but Spanky slips out and hits SLICED BREAD #2 for the victory. Great stuff from both guys. Briscoe has really come a long way since I first saw him wrestle a little over a year ago. Spanky continues to impress. You really don’t take him seriously when you look at his goofy demeanour but he’s a very well rounded wrestler and continues to prove it time and time again. This was everything I like in a match; good build, good heat, good transitions, lack of blown spots, big finish. ***

DIVINE STORM vs THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TEAM vs RED/BRIAN XL (3 Way Dance)

all six guys were in an elimination match last month and it was a total mess after Jose Maximo pinned Red and Chris Divine pinned XL (both pinned guys were screwed by their respective partners so to speak). So Mikey got pissed and put them in this tag 3 way dance. The first half is just insanity as they burn through a billion convoluted flip flops that basically end up in an arm drag when it’s all said and done. It settles down after everyone ends up outside to catch Red as he hits (well he blew it the first time and everyone stood there like morons) a Corkscrew Quebrada. Back in the ring and it’s more flip flop leading to Storm hitting The Spinal Shock on Red for 2 and ѕ (another viable killer gets flushed down the toilet). Joel gets in and puts Storm on the top for an AVALANCHE BRAINBUSTER, giving Red the chance to hit Storm with a POMMEL HORSE (spelled correctly this time, thank you good reader) SHOOTING STAR PRESS for the pin and elimination of Divine Storm. Red keeps coming with kicks and follows up with a Brainbuster on Joel for 2 and ѕ. Red looks for a Rana but that’s blocked and Joel hits a NO LOOK REVERSE TOMBSTONE! HOLY FUCK! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! That move is SOOOOOO DANGEROUS! I remember the first time I ever saw it from a clip of Mr. Gannosuke vs Hayabusa back in FMW and thought that move should be banned. Any move that drops you on your head and YOU CAN’T SEE HIM shouldn’t be allowed (except the Vertibreaker because I love that move). Now XL jumps in and nails Joel with a Standing SSP for 2 and ѕ (I remember a time when I didn’t think that was even possible, now they throw it around like it’s nothing). Now Jose jumps in and looks for The Skullet Driver (Pyramid Driver in case you’re wondering) but that’s blocked so he switches up into a Kryptonite Krunch turned into a Rock Bottom (sorry I have no idea what it’s called or how to properly explain it) for 2 and ѕ. Irish whip is reversed by XL but the blind charge leads to him being backdropped to the apron only to have him hit a Roundhouse and look for a DRAGON RANA but that’s reversed into a LYGERBOMB! AWESOME! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! Irish whip is reversed by XL and he hits THE EXCLAMATION POINT (Perfect Driver)! 1… 2… 2.JOEL SAVES! Jose and XL roll out so Joel and Red are now in. Joel charges but red ducks so Joel ends up on the second rope and Red hits a SUPER LYGERBOMB! OH… MY… GOD! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! Now Jose jumps in but Red and XL hits a DOUBLE HURRICANE KICK! AWESOME! Red looks for Infrared but that misses so XL hits a Springboard Somersault Legdrop but Red and XL fight over who’s going to cover. Red throws XL out and that gives Joel the chance to get in a schoolboy for the victory. SO… MANY… SPOTS! HEAD… HURTING! This my friends is what you call a trainwreck. Structure? Throw that out the window. Pacing? Kick it in the cock and send it on it’s way. They hit like 75% of the moves in this match. This felt a lot like Toryumon when it first started out. You had a bunch of talented guys with loads of flashy moves but they didn’t have any idea how to put a match together. If that’s the case then I’ll check in with these six guys in about three years and see if they’ve improved. I know I’ve said “great spots don’t make a great match” but this wasn’t really a match as it was a spotfest. I’m not quite sure how to rate it. As a “match,” it’s a total mess. As a “spotfest” it’s one of the most fun things I’ve ever seen. We’ll go *** and hope people don’t rip my head off for it.

AMERICAN DRAGON vs LOW KI (Round Robin Challenge – Special Referee Ken Shamrock)

AWWWW… SCAMROCK?! Of all the people in the world, we get Scamrock as the guest ref. Whatever, as long as he doesn’t try to put himself over. My friends, if you ever wanted to see ground work at it’s best, you had better go after this thing. We’re talking fifteen minutes on the mat with chain wrestling and submissions coming out the yin/yang. Arm bars, leg bars, headlocks, hammerlocks, bow and arrows, Indian Deathlocks. It’s all there for your viewing pleasure. The interesting part is that they still manage to tell an interesting story here. These two are kind of like the old “Wrestler vs Striker” from the old UFC days. So what you have is Dragon taking it to the mat and Ki trying to run with him but he’s not quite on the level so every few minutes he finds a way to get in a few stiff kicks to break up the ground work and reset. So it basically boils down a chess match to see who has a better grasp of their particular style and who can prevail with that style. Dragon mixes things up very well as he works the limbs but he also keeps coming back to work on the neck as a means to soften Ki up for The Cattle Mutilation. We break things open from the ground work at a point beyond what any other match on the card even got to and you realize that you’re in for something great. Ki hits a double stomp on the abs but Dragon actually bridges while Ki is standing on him (that’s outright unbelieveable) but Ki stomps him right back down (dirty dirty move). He looks for The Ki Krusher but Dragon manages to block and hit a Dragon Suplex for 2 and ѕ. Dragon heads up but hits Ki’s knee on the Swandive Headbutt. Irish whip and Ki hits The Tidal Crush followed up with a Dragon Suplex of his own for 2 and ѕ. Ki takes a page out of Dragon’s book with The Cattle Mutilation but Dragon has none of that shit and reverses his own move into The Dragon Clutch. Sadly Ki has no escape and has to force the rope break. Dragon gets outright SICK as he slaps on a neck crank and turns that into a NECK CRANK SUPLEX! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! WOW, I have never seen anything like that before. Irish whip into the corner and Dragon hits a FISHERMAN’S NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX (NLS with a hooked leg)! AWESOME! 1… 2… 2 AND 9/10! Dragon looks for a suplex but that’s blocked and Ki hits a Brainbuster but he’s totally winded and can’t cover for anything worthwhile. Ki brings a huge flurry of stiff as fuck kicks. NOW… KI CRUSHER ’99! IT’S OVER! 1… 2… 2.999999! OH MY GOD! That my friends is the only point in this entire match that I had a gripe. A full fledged kick out is a total disrespect to the power of the move. We keep going though as Ki hits a Backbreaker and looks for The Stardust Press but HITS THE KNEES! DRAGON SUPLEX! 1… 2… 2.999999! SUPER BACKDROP SUPLEX! 1… 2… 2.999999! Dragon puts Ki on the top and looks for another Suplex but Ki blocks and hits a MOTHERFUCKING SUPER KI KRUSHER! MOST DISGUSTING MOVE EVER! THIS CROWD IS OFF THE WALLS! “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” Both guys are down. Dragon rolls out of the ring and is FUCKING DEAD on the floor. Ki inches and crawls across the ring, barely manages to get Dragon into the ring and it’s 1… 2… 2.FOOT ON THE ROPE! IT’S NOT OVER! Ki brings the chops and looks for The Tidal Crush but Dragon blocks mid move and hits a MOTHERFUCKING CRADLE SUPLEX! SWEET JESUS! 1… 2… 2.999999! CATTLE MUTILATION! CATTLE MUTILATION! KI IS SCREEEEEEAMING IN PAIN! He inches… crawls… almost there… DRAGON BREAKS! PULLS HIM BACK! CATTLE MUTILATION WITH A CHINLOCK! THIS CROWD IS NUCLEAR! KI WON’T GIVE UP! The hand drops once… twice… IT’S OVER! GET THIS MATCH NOW NOW NOW! I loved the hell out this thing. This was absolute balls to the wall action. This had some of the best mat work you’ll ever see with a kick ass story to boot. Then you get the usual stuff that would end most matches. Then you get the insanity moves. Then you get the stuff that you didn’t think was even possible and it still keeps going until they take you to the absolute peak of anticipation before the big payoff. As Rasmussen would say, YOU WANT AAAAALLLLLLLLL THIS! ****3/4

Final Analysis: Did someone say best commercial tape this year? Oh… I guess that was me. The two squashes were kept to like a minute a piece. So disregard them because they weren’t meant to mean anything anyway. So now you’re left with seven matches with the lowest rated match being above average at ** and everything else being very good to outright MOTYC in the final match. YOU’VE GOT TO GET THIS TAPE! Pay whatever the fuck RF Video wants for it because it’s worth every single cent.

Justin Baisden

Rolling Germans Wrestling