Stupid, Funny, Weird – Who are the Wackiest Wrestlers of 2016? Hardy vs. Ryan vs. Shining Stars

Years ago I wrote a column here at 411mania called Wacky Wrestling Theory where I discussed some crazy, sexy, and cool ideas related to the world of pro-wrestling. During that time I twice honored the wackiest wrestlers of the year, and twice I honored the wackiest in wrestling like Youngest Looking Old Guy, Kane Award for Best Full Body Spandex (which would got to Finn Balor and Aerostar respectively for 2016), and the coveted Wacky Wrestler of Year award to the entitled Maryse (2008) and serial spitter Genba Hiriyanagi (2009).

If I’m gonna dust of the old statue that’s somewhere in my car trunk and present it to a wrestler for this past year, then I’m thinking there were three wacky standouts that will require some serious discussion in order to determine who should be bestowed with the title of Wackiest Wrestler of the Year.

They need to be stupid. They need to be funny. They definitely need to be weird. They need to have so much of those three qualities that you almost forget you’re watching wrestling when they’re on your screen. And it doesn’t come anymore stupid, funny, and weird in 2016 than Broken Matt Hardy, Joey Ryan, and The Shining Stars.

The 411mania Wrestling 3-Way Dance matches up three opponents in an intellectual battle every week. The biggest advantages and disadvantages of each contender will be highlighted before a final ranking will declare the ultimate winner. This week’s 3-Way Dance:

Who is the Wackiest Wrestler of 2016?

Broken Matt Hardy vs. The Shining Stars vs. Joey Ryan

Reasons for…

The Shining Stars = They sell time shares.

Let’s get this gimmick straight. These are two pro-wrestlers from Puerto Rico who want to sell you a time share that is most likely a scam of some kind.

Simple. Effective. Wacky.

Joey Ryan = Dude does a suplex using his cock.

The YouPorn-Plex grips the hand of an opponent and flips them onto their back.

https://youtu.be/K7QQuCS5_oU

Impossible. Offensive. Wacky.

Broken Matt Hardy = He talks in some kind of affected accent.

Matt Hardy went from a twangy light southern accent to sounding like a full-on faux-British super villain or something.

Grating. Confusing. Wacky.

Reasons against…

Broken Matt Hardy = Is he trying too hard?

The “broken” bit can be funny at times, but it’s so no-budget, tongue-in-cheek stupid that all these videos are kind of too cute for their own good?

When something is so wacky that it forces us to constantly acknowledge that we happily “get it” and “know what Matt Hardy is doing” then it might not the MOST wacky thing going. Wacky Wrestling Hall of Famers like Brian Pillman, Goldust, The Big Bossman… motherfucking Mantuar!… they weren’t in on the joke, they were fucking with the audience and it made people angry. My point is, if everyone “knows” it’s wacky then you might be doing something wrong.

Joey Ryan = Who sees this stuff?

Joey Ryan has an incredible collection of wacky moments on his YouTube, everything from goofy DDT Ironman Title 24/7 title changes, to having an asthma attack in the ring, kidnapping valets, and of course multiple examples of that YouPorn-plex. I mean, the guy even proposed to his finance in the middle of a match against her, and then rolled her up for the win after she accepted.

https://youtu.be/gnkulDND9rE

But I mean, c’mon, with all the unfunny bullshit WWE tries to pass off as comedy these days, they can’t throw Joey Ryan a few bucks? Shouldn’t more people be seeing this stuff?

The Shining Stars = Um… maybe nothing?

Is there really anything NOT wacky about The Shining Stars? The one seems like an absolute lock to me.

The Final Ranking

Okay, these are all reasonable (if not way too obvious) options, but who are officially the wackiest professional wrestlers of 2016?

#3 = Broken Matt Hardy

We’ve all seen Final Deletion, the vignettes that led up to it and the matches and angles that followed. That shit it wacky, on this issue there can be no debate.

Matt Hardy created this Troma-esque D-level action movie alternate reality bubble around him and anything he does in the generally serious TNA universe. Evil piano solos, sentient robots, fighting babies, bottle rockets shooting off like gunfire in an Iraq war night movie, stunts right out of an old WCW Uncensored PPV; everything about this gimmick screams wacky, but…

…he’s still really just a guy wrestling. Hardy is a madman who wants to beat people in matches in TNA and eventually still become TNA champion, and that’s kind of normal. The Shining Stars are trying to con other wrestlers out of money in WWE, Joey Ryan is actually an undercover (and corrupt) cop in Lucha Underground we found out this year, and so these ridiculous ulterior-motives kind of make me think that Matt Hardy isn’t broken enough yet.

#2 = Joey Ryan

That’s right, in Lucha Underground, Joey Ryan was “cast” as an undercover cop fighting in the Temple as part of an investigation into the criminal activities of proprietor Dario Cueto, but is also working a double-con to look the other way, sell out his partner, and take a heathy bribe.

As a sleazy, 80s action movie, moustache-ioed crooked cop, Joey Ryan is so ridiculously perfectly cast that you almost forget this is wrestling. Wait… is this wrestling?

#1 = The Shining Stars

But seriously, The Shining Stars!

They actually used their time share selling gimmick to buy their way into the 10-team Survivor Series RAW vs. Smackdown elimination match by taking advantage of that legendary dummy R-Truth.

No one was biting, and rightfully so, on the shady deal that The Shining Stars were selling until they got a hold of the bizarrely clueless and hopeless romantic R-Truth. This is about as chillingly real and wildly wacky as a storyline might ever get in the wrestling history.

R-Truth, a pro-wrestler apparently. traded away one of the only high-profile spots his tag team with Goldust would ever get, for a relaxing getaway vacation.

This is the same team that he refused to be a part of earlier this year because he was weirded out by the always mind-boggling style of Goldust, apparently even implying that he didn’t want to “partner” up with Goldust for fear of some kind of sexual implication.

Then when R-Truth was finally won over, Goldust wasn’t into it anymore and had to be woo-ed with a modified version of the rap song he’d been singing to the ring for like 10 years now.

And who can forget, later on, when R-Truth forgot to tag in to a Golden Truth match because he was too busy playing Pokemon Go on his phone in the arena.

Wait a second, what am I talking about here… forget The Shining Stars, Joey Ryan or Broken Matt Hardy, it’s no contest, the Wackiest Wrestler of 2016 is undeniably R-Truth!