The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Monday Nitro October 1996

The Furious Flashbacks – WCW Monday Nitro October 1996

Is that Marcel Marceau in the rafters?

This morning, when I woke up, I had a choice. I could either do this column or sit around watching Michinoku Pro from the same time on YouTube. It was very, very close and I may end up regretting this decision.

7th October 1996.

We’re in Savannah, Georgia. Hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. They accuse Liz of joining the nWo. We get the footage again. YOU GOTTA BE RIBBIN ME! Tell her, Mach! We cut to footage from WCW Saturday Night with Harlem Heat taking the tag titles back with NEFARIOUS cheating.

Public Enemy v Harlem Heat

No title rematch? No, this is a “grudge match”. To give you an idea of Stevie’s lack of ability; he can’t even manage a pre-match high five. Watch the elbows, man. That’s how its done. As Stevie stomps away I wonder what Dick Togo antics I’m missing out on. Clearly Craig Leathers is equally bored because he cuts to Miss Elizabeth (sporting leather shorts, yowser) looking for Randy Savage. Booker tries, as per usual, to save the match on his own. Through Booker’s coaching Heat run tag formula on Rocco. This is so boring we cut to the nWo who are in the arena. Hall has a mic and threatens the “two hillbillies”. Zuh? Booker is surprisingly strong in the ring while trying to ignore the Outsiders promo. This is all to build to the Outsiders title match at Halloween Havoc, which was the end of the once promising tag division. Unless you really dig the Outsiders for their in-ring work. Which you might have done in 1994 but here its paycheque wrestling. Rocco takes a sick bump at the end of this with Col Parker pushing him off the ropes through a table. Heat then take Grunge’s bad knee out all while Sherri has Impartial Referee Nick Patrick impartially distracted in the corner. Grunge, with broken knee, can’t kick out so Heat win. **. An awfully long match considering the lack of content but then WCW were so obsessed with cutting away it made it impossible to tell a story anyway.

BACKSTAGE Jeff Jarrett is here! The announcers speculate that he’s signed for the nWo too.

DDP v Jim Powers

These two could probably have wrestled this match in their sleep. Powers runs through all the basics of babyface offence until Page catches him with the Diamond Cutter. ½*. The only thing of note is that the Cutter is being used as a death finisher. In that when you’re hit with it you lose, guaranteed. Regardless of how long DDP takes to pin after hitting it.

POST MATCH Mike Tenay has Randy Savage for an interview. He gets a few chuckles about the nWo car crashing into the wall at a recent nascar event. Savage gets incredibly excited about the Slim Jim car finishing 10th. That’s the 9th placed loser! As Savage’s music kicks in Liz runs out to try and get words but Savage is more interested in hanging out with the car driver.

High Voltage v Faces of Fear

The SILENCE that greets High Voltage makes me smile. Sometimes when you suck, you get the reaction you deserve. High Voltage’s double teams are embarrassing. They go for a double move off the top. The blonde one fucks it up and hits whatever he was going for wrong. Then the brunette lands on his feet looking confused. The Faces amuse themselves by beating up the jobbers. Barbarian gets some serious jollies from a powerbomb . Naturally High Voltage lose. Because they suck so much that not even WCW will push them. 1/2*.

Glacier v Mike Wenner

Wenner gets his own ENTRANCE MUSIC! Its bland and generic but hey, not many jobbers get entrance music. As I await Glacier’s long fucking entrance to finish it occurs to me he’s like 3-0. Imagine if they’d given this guy the Goldberg push? GLAAAAYYYSHUUUUUUR. Goldberg didn’t wrestle in eerie blue light and couldn’t kick at head height (safely). I speak too soon as Glacier clearly kicks Wenner square in the face for the finish. ¾*. Glacier is growing on me as he gains confidence. I think they could have made something out of Glacier. This was his final appearance before the gimmick was re-tooled, which would be like Kane wrestling 4 jobber matches before getting his mask removed.

That was hour one? Fuck me, that was depressing. It was actually so depressing I didn’t come back to this review for 2 weeks. Second hour is hosted by Eric Bischoff & Bobby Heenan. Eric suggests Jeff Jarrett has already joined the nWo.

Hugh Morrus v Jeff Jarrett

I’ve always liked Jarrett as a wrestler but not so much as a character, if that makes sense. What part of irritating, Flair knock-off country singer says babyface to you? Jarrett doesn’t have much to work with and does the old broomstick match with Hugh. Just bumping around him and setting up his own spots. Jarrett makes Hugh look stupid and finishes with the Figure Four. *1/2. Jarrett hadn’t found himself and couldn’t wrestle as a face. Which is weird because he was fine as a babyface in Memphis.

POST MATCH Tony gets a word with Jarrett who uses his Southern rage to bash Hogan for not knowing his the heritage of the south. He tells the nWo to stick it thus declaring his neutrality. He’d have been better off coming in as a heel and joining the nWo. People hated him anyway.

Renegade v Arn Anderson

Renegade’s muscular but he’s stupid so Arn is able to position him with ease. Also Renegade is just isn’t prepared for Arn to take shortcuts, which makes him doubly dumb because he’s wrestling a Horseman. Renegade gets very little before Arn nails him with the DDT for the win. *.

POST MATCH Arn continues the beating until Lex Luger runs out to save. This all based on Arn calling Luger a wuss for quitting in War Games.

Dave Taylor v Lex Luger

Taylor lays out Jeeves before we get underway. The unmotivated Luger goes through the motions; something WCW fans would become accustomed to. Taylor gets nothing. Rack finishes. ¼*. Luger’s lack of effort is largely down to him being shunted down the card. A typically lazy powerplay whereby he only got motivated if he was main eventing.

POST MATCH Arn runs in to attack Luger with a chair, thus teaching him a lesson in ‘getting the job done’.

Rick Steiner v Chris Benoit

An injured Scott Steiner corners Rick (who lost to Benoit last time out). Mongo is here with Benoit. The belligerent Rick treats Benoit like crap, which provokes a solid brawl. Not happy that his usual stiffness isn’t putting Benoit off Rick chinlocks the match to death instead. Both guys are obsessed with popping off suplexes, which helps. Impartial Referee Nick Patrick is great in this match. Every time he goes to count a pin he holds his neck first and keeps holding it during the count. That man can sell an injury. The stiffness becomes so stiff that Benoit slams Rick’s headgear off. The spots get bigger with Benoit hitting the Swandive and Rick the diving bulldog. It’s a good match. As if Benoit has beaten some respect into Rick. Rick steals the Haliburton and lays out both Horsemen for the win. So this week Mongo cost his man the match. Idiot. ***. The replay makes me laugh as Rick threw the briefcase in the only fucking place that Patrick would see it. Anywhere else, any other side of the ring and he doesn’t see it. Idiot.

Randy Savage v Ric Flair

The nWo arrives and Hogan orders everyone to watch his back. The rest of the nWo assault Flair and steal his US title. With the nWo advancing on the arena Savage grabs a chair to protect himself and Hogan jumps him from behind. The nWo beatdown closes the show, as per usual. The only thing of note being Giant attempting to carry Savage into the ring and falling off the ring steps, which could have been nasty. Liz is forced to watch as Hogan finishes Savage off.

The 411 – 4.5

Benoit-Steiner aside this was a poor TV show. All jobber matches and crap, which is what WCW were making fun of the WWF doing in the first place. The nWo continue to run roughshod over everything. Naturally they’d need a major opponent and another WWF talent jumped at the chance. Yep, Roddy Piper. Aces. Can’t wait.

14th October 1996.

We’re still plugging away at Slim Jim’s Halloween Havoc in Memphis, Tennessee. Hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. They show more footage of the boring beatdown on lame duck challenger Randy Savage who has zero chance of taking the title at Halloween Havoc but the sponsors insisted he get a title match. SNAP INTO A SLIMJIM!

Dean Malenko v Brad Armstrong

Malenko has returned to his feud with Rey Jr because the matches were just too good for that not to happen. Therefore Brad Armstrong, as always, is Generic Babyface Jobber #1. You can tell the nWo has changed perceptions because as the face he’s soundly booed. We get footage of the finish of their match on WCWSN, which incidentally was a double pin not an Armstrong win. Its not Dean’s fault that WCW’s officials don’t understand the fucking rules. As with most Malenko matches this rocks on the mat. About a third of the crowd LOUDLY chant nWo in what looked like an orchestrated piece of business. This match is shockingly good. Basically Malenko can make anyone who’s halfway competent look like a million bucks. The best thing about Malenko is he knows when to sell. He knows if he sells instead of standing around like an idiot then any rope move looks reasonable. Its all in the timing and there are few in the business who can make wrestling look as realistic as Malenko. He needs to open a wrestling school so I can get more matches that don’t suck. ***1/2. MOAR MALENKO! MOAR!

BACKSTAGE the nWo is here.

Jim Duggan v VK Wallstreet

This is part of an ongoing feud, if you can believe that. VK recently won on reverse decision because Duggan, as per usual, used a taped fist. Which, incidentally, is illegal. This match makes me cringe and wish I was still watching Malenko. Its SO sloppy and ugly. Its like we just saw a match from the 90s and now we’re seeing a match from the 70s. Its like going back in time. Wallstreet works a chinlock for most of the match before Duggan inevitably goes after the tape. VK takes it off him so Duggan finishes with a clothesline instead. DUD. Just embarrassing. Like something off a Legends of Wrestling card.

Hugh Morrus v Jim Powers

Jesus Christ, WCW. You’ve got all that money and this is the best you can do? No offence to either guy but surely they should both be in there with someone better in order to improve. At least the action is slightly more up to date than the last match. But it has no direction. They just take it in turns to hit moves. Hugh’s psychology can only stem from his character being insane because nothing makes sense. Impartial Referee Nick Patrick is a little slow on Powers’ covers because of his bad neck. One of the counts is SOOOOO slow. Its should be painfully obvious by time point that Patrick has in fact turned heel. The heel spasms continue until Hugh takes over and finishes with the moonsault. *. All about Impartial Referee Nick Patrick.

POST MATCH Theodore Long jumps in there to insinuate that Patrick is a cheat and there’s nothing wrong with his neck. And Peanuthead has done his share of zebra work, so he’s know.

Greg Valentine v Lex Luger

This might have been a decent match…about 7 years beforehand. Crowd are so impressed with what they’re being presented they loudly chant “nWo”. Its clever from Bischoff because now the fans, who could previously chant for another company, now chant for another version of the same company. Create the competition and control it. Hammer plods though this one at his own, extremely slow, pace and works over Luger’s injured back. Luger is too lazy to make a comeback and that’s your match. Hammer stupidly thinks he’s won so Luger finishes with the Rack, which he shouldn’t be able to do with an injured back but hey, if Luger actually did things that made sense he wouldn’t have had such a ‘nearly superstar’ career. ¼*.

POST MATCH Tony gets an interview with Impartial Referee Nick Patrick. He announces Randy Savage’s fine isn’t a million but $500 and has a five match suspension from January 1st. Patrick calls WCW “spineless” and threatens legal action. This was after the nWo referee had first appeared. Patrick denies its him and threatens yet more legal action. Maybe I should change his name to Litigious Impartial Referee Nick Patrick.

HOUR TWO FIREWORKS. YEAH! Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan on commentary as Eric is doing interviews.

PROMO TIME Randy Savage. He wants Hogan RIGHT NOW. Patience is a virtue. Bischoff’s hair looks like a helmet. He throws to a soft focus pre-recorded promo from Miss Elizabeth. Its surprisingly good, for Liz who isn’t much of a talker, and heartfelt. Savage is so cut up he refuses to comment, which must be a first. Randy Savage has nothing to say! He walks out. “Shit” – Eric Bischoff. HAHAHA. Did you know there was a live mic there? He rejoins commentary. Heenan berates him for bringing Liz up in the first place and now WCW is further weakened. Of course this is all part of Bischoff’s eventual heel turn.

Eddy Guerrero v Cheetah Kid

Eddy is in a feud with DDP so this is a jobber match for him. Seeing as it used to be his gimmick, and he works here, the Kid is probably Teddy Petty. Eddy is very giving and lets Cheetah get a load of spots in, rarely hitting his own stuff unless its defensive and a counter. Eddy gets a super rana as the final counter and finishes with the frogsplash. *. Way short.

ON THE ROAD Lee Marshal is in Minneapolis, for some reason. On the upside he’s not here. He has LITERALLY nothing of interest to report.

Jeff Jarrett v Bubba Rogers

Bubba gets popped, possibly for having Memphis regular Jimmy Hart in his corner. Or possibly because this crowd are HEELS. This is one place where Jarrett is unlikely to get shit on though because he’s from Tennessee. “This should be a great matchup” lies Bischoff. Actually on paper this is probably the best match they’ve come up with (apart from the last one). I can’t get used to an over Jarrett though. Its freaking me out. He wasn’t this over when he was WCW champion. The match is mostly punching, which is ok because both guys have a good punch. They go for the Old School Memphis approach with the manager interference and such. They finish with a great spot. Bubba gets the megaphone and Jarrett dropkicks it into his face. Bubba being smart enough to throw it out of the ring in the process of falling over thus making it all look believable. **. A fine example of how to have a competent match without anything flashy and then throw out a cool finish to cap it.

POST MATCH Tony announces Jarrett gets a match with The Giant at Halloween Havoc to try and get Flair’s stolen US title back.

Non title – Harlem Heat v Faces of Fear

Just to make this completely pointless the prestigious tag team titles are not on the line. Before we even get underway Benoit & Mongo come out because they’ve got Faces of Fear at the PPV. Another match where Benoit has to try and carry three other guys. They even put him over in that match as a reward! In this match Stevie Ray and Barbarian absolutely stink the joint up. Terrible selling in particular although Stevie’s Irish whip is brutally bad. Like he has no fucking clue what he’s doing. Frankly this retrospective on Nitro has given me the chance to remember what a completely dreadful worker Stevie Ray was. He has to tag Booker in for the high spots. He can take those like a motherfucker and its like night and day between his section and Stevie’s section. The Outsiders show up and both teams get counted out. *1/2. At least Booker T is THE MAN. Otherwise this sucked. Especially when we sit through 10 minutes of it for a nothing finish.

POST MATCH Eric Bischoff thinks Savage might be gone for good. Before he can finish Hollywood Hogan strolls out for his…

MAIN EVENT PROMO. Hogan credits Liz for destroying Savage mentally. The Nasty Boys stroll out here with nWo shirts on to join the party. The Nasties bitch about their money and Hogan says he didn’t sign their contracts and takes offence to them wearing the nWo colours. This leads to the Nasties getting beaten down, which everyone saw coming apart from them. Still, it helped the nWo to be a more prestigious group until Bischoff’s recruitment drive a few months on from this added such main event stars as Scott Norton and Bubba Rogers. Heenan has sympathy. “They deserve it”. Hogan says he’s heading back to Hollywood to finish his “Three Ninja movie” and he’s taking Liz with him. Scott Hall claims Harlem Heat are from Texas, which they are. This goes on until someone cuts the mic to stop the reckless shooting.

The 411 – 6.0

Despite some decent wrestling, and some bad wrestling, the show rather hinges on the Savage angle. While Savage’s sell on it is great the whole Hogan promo at the end came off as rambling. He may have had a character breakthrough when he turned heel but his promos have become cookie cutter again. Just in a different way and after a few sentences I wish he’d just shut up.

October 21st 1996.

We’re in Mankato, Minnesota. I only type that out because I’ve never heard of the place. Hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. This is the lead-in show for SLIM JIM’S Halloween Havoc. We get footage of Savage getting all emotional last week. TELL ME A LIE, AND SAY THAT YOU WON’T GOOOOOOO. Back to Tony to shill for Slim Jim again. Man, they must have paid WCW a fucking tonne of cash for all these plugs. He also mentions something rather more important; Sting is here.

Bobby Eaton v Chris Jericho

This is another Veteran Eaton Vs WCW Young Lion matchup. Mainly because among WCW’s veterans he’s one of the few who can actually take the young guys bumps and keep up with the pacing. They don’t have any chemistry, which is a pity. Eaton doesn’t look like he knows what to expect from Jericho and bumps early to compensate. They kick it up a notch into a brawl, which is much better. Goes to show the variety of skills they both possess. Lets face it; neither is known for brawling. Eaton looks a little slow and Jericho has to help him out ahead of the Bomb’s Away. Not sure why he didn’t go with the Alabama Jam. Jericho is a lot faster getting up top ahead of a missile dropkick and that finishes. **1/2. Solid opener. Eaton was far more useful in this role than some of the other old dogs in WCW.

POST MATCH Tony gets words with the Lionheart. He brings his attention to Syxx, who’s in the crowd and wrestles Jericho at the PPV.

Jimmy Graffiti v Dean Malenko

Malenko’s opponent is Jimmy del Ray. He was in the Heavenly Bodies after Stan Lane retired but needed a home after SMW went under. He was in ECW right before signing for WCW. I need to do Heavenly Bodies v Thrillseekers from SMW in Available Online #3. Great feud. Graffiti is a guy who can keep up with Malenko, which is good news for Deano. He tends to be better when his opponent is quick because he doesn’t have to cover for a slower guy. He can do that but its noticeable. Graffiti falls out of the ring and lands SQUARE on the top of his head. That slows him down a mite. Back inside Malenko back suplexes Graffiti right on his neck. Malenko gets more aggressive after the spot on the floor and its because Graffiti caught him a little cold. Malenko crossbodies Graffiti over the top and Jimmy lands head first on the apron. DAAAAMN, he sure is unlucky with his landings huh? Malenko shows that timing again by staggering around as Graffiti comes off the top but catches him right into the Texas Cloverleaf. Beautiful. ***1/2. Good match made stronger by Del Ray’s desire to break his own neck and Malenko being THE MAN. Great replay of Graffiti bouncing his head off the apron.

DDP v Sgt Craig Pittman

Pittman gets pyro! He isn’t even going over. Pittman’s not a bad guy but he’s a bit limited. DDP works around him and gets a storyline going. CODE RED! Page quits but Impartial Referee Nick Patrick misses it because of Peanuthead who AGAIN cost his man the match. DIAMOND CUTTER. Goodnight. *3/4. The best part is Patrick injuring DDP’s arm by raising it and when Page pulls his arm away Patrick injures his neck. Hahaha. Page then injures himself with a SELF HIGH FIVE. Patrick bashes Long again blaming him for Pittman’s loss. Which is absolutely true. Normally Patrick’s calls are a bit screwy but this one was fine.

POST MATCH Tony gets a word with Nick who once again blames Teddy Long for being on the apron. Nick reminds us he got rid of the last interviewer who questioned his integrity, which was Gene Okerlund. His contract ran out and he’s yet to sign another one.

Jeff Jarrett v Ron Studd

Gangly circus freak jobber Ron Studd stumbles his way into a contest against a man WCW are serious about pushing. Mainly because they just signed him off the WWF. So naturally Studd has zero chance of winning. Ric Flair is out here too in street clothes. He was injured at the time and Jarrett took his spot at Halloween Havoc. Sorry, Slim Jim’s Halloween Havoc. STRUT OFF! Which is a stupid idea because now the crowd hate Jarrett and he was doing fine beforehand. Flair gives his endorsement but the crowd would rather see a fight. Jarrett really should have signed for the nWo and feuded with Flair over their similarities. Oh yeah, the match. Jarrett hits a suplex and the Figure Four finishes. Witness the incredible jobbing of Ron Studd! He’ll lose to anyone in five moves or less. ¼*.

POST MATCH Jarrett tells us he aims to Fig Four the Giant for the Nature Boy. Flair congratulates the nWo for playing the game dirtier than the Horsemen but now its on! They could have had Jarrett turn on Flair at the PPV too. Anyway, we’re into HOUR TWO with Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan & Mike Tenay.

Lex Luger v Roadblock

Roadblock brings an actual road block to the ring, just to show how subtle the character is. He’s also dressed in the same colours. Yeah. Anyway, big fat jobber. That’s all you need to know. To say Luger plods through this half-heartedly would be a massive understatement. It looks like the fuck that he usually doesn’t give didn’t even make it out of bed this morning. Having a match with loads of obvious co-operation is bad enough when its exciting. This is just bullshit. Ok, now Irish whip me. Ok, cool, and then I’ll powerslam you. Make sure to jump nice and early for it. As if to personally slaps me in the face they then BLOW the Rack, twice. JUMP HIGHER FATTY! -**. One of the worst matches on Nitro, ever. Why even book Luger against someone so useless? You know he can’t jump for the finish. Did nobody think about the finish to this one before it was booked?

ON THE ROAD Lee Marshal is in Phoenix ahead of next week’s Nitro. Erm, so? Are they just trying to get him away from the company? “We should leave him in the desert” – Heenan. Haha. My thoughts exactly.

American Males v Harlem Heat

Jesus, just turn Bagwell already. And Stevie Ray. This would be the added bonus of the nWo recruiting scumbag midcarders; it’d stop them ruining matches as terrible babyfaces or tag team partners of better workers. I can see Stevie being reluctant to turn because without Booker he’s nothing. Although he made for a decent colour commentator, surprisingly. Although Booker is better at that too. Speaking of Booker he makes Bagwell’s horrible offence look like main event calibre shit. Riggs gets himself sidekicked after Col Parker distracts and Bagwell rushes into the ring so he can stand there LIKE AN IDIOT and not break up the pin. *. The replay makes Bagwell look EVEN DUMBER as Impartial Referee Nick Patrick’s count was SLOW and Bagwell’s “attempt” to break the pin was just late. Idiot.

The Fantastics v Faces of Fear

The Fantastics? Where the hell did they come from? I guess WCW just signed anyone who was knocking around. Not that I’m complaining. I like both guys; Tommy Rogers in particular. Sadly their job here is to get thrown around by Faces of Fear. WCW’s attitude towards hiring expensive jobbers makes the matches somewhat more unpredictable and yet there’s something about famous jobbers that unsettle me. At least they’re great at being beaten up. It doesn’t help that Bischoff slights them at every turn claiming they’d be lucky to stay out of hospital let alone win. Anyway, the Faces win because, um, I’m really not sure. If I ever figure that one out I’ll be running a wrestling company. ½*.

POST MATCH Bischoff throws to the full video apology that Liz made last week. This time with the crowd audio removed so you can actually hear what she’s saying. Savage walked out and hasn’t been seen since, which bodes well for his title shot against Hogan on Sunday.

Mr JL v nWo Sting

And THIS is YOUR main event, ladies and gents. A cruiserweight jobber in a mask against a no-name imposter with limited in-ring skills. The entire nWo comes out to hang around ringside bar Hogan. Its bullshit like that probably provoked Jerry Lynn into proving WCW wrong by owning all in ECW right after his run here. Anyway, he gets slapped in the Sharpshooter and SAD MIME STING strolls out here to destroy Jeff Farmer. N/R.

POST MATCH Sting continues the beatdown with the nWo ignoring it. Thus provoking speculation from Heenan that Sting has joined the nWo. The nWo pile in to surround Sting and DiBiase addresses him. Hall offers him a spot. Sting replies with a cryptic “nothing’s for sure” after saying he might be in the nWo’s price range. Then he walks.

Chris Benoit v Randy Savage

This is only happening if Savage shows up and he isn’t here. When he does show up, in street clothes and nWo colours (head to toe in black leather), Bischoff gets a word. He throws right to Hogan’s film shoot. Hogan replaces the director and bullies Liz into shooting with him. Giant is terrific. “YOU GOT THE RIGHT LENS ON THAT CAMERA, BOY”. Hogan’s bizarre closing lines include name dropping his character in the Three Ninjas movie. Nutter. Savage cuts another cryptic promo saying “life is fragile” and he walks off. End of show.

The 411 – 5.5

The show started out great with wrestlers who make an effort. Even Jimmy Graffiti entertained me. Then the show got progressively worse as the main eventers came out to stink the joint up. Luger’s match sucked something fierce. Finally you’ve got the entire nWo here and none of them wrestle and you’ve got the two top faces in the company in Sting & Savage and neither of them wrestle either. I can see where they’re going with the angle but it sure doesn’t make for a good show. Shame that the effort from Jericho & Malenko wasn’t replicated anywhere else.

28th October 1996.

Sidenote: caught a little flack last month for suggesting that the nWo were booked too strong in the early going. I agree that they should have been kept strong but watching these shows again reveals just how overpowering it was. The crowd was already chanting “nWo” every week. WCW wrestlers got nothing against them at all and this is the heels getting everything their way. Look at the build up for Savage’s shot at Hulk Hogan. He got beat down every time he got near the nWo and still lost at the PPV. It’s the adage of ‘who wants to see a one-sided fight?’ No one. I get that it’s a new thing but Hall debuted five months ago and the worst he’s gotten from WCW for sticking himself into the company’s business is one slap in the face from Sting. WCW look like a bunch of pussies for letting the heels come in and walk all over them. That’s my take anyway and from the crowd reaction I’d suggest I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

Oh, before we get underway, this is the show after…

HALLOWEEN HAVOC. I’ve reviewed this show. LINK. Hogan retains via severe overbooking and Roddy Piper debuts to confront him. Outsiders take the tag titles and the undercard has some effort but nothing in the way of great matches. Not exactly the best PPV from WCW. The same month WWE ran Buried Alive pitting Undertaker against Mankind in a gimmick match where the loser was buried alive. Its actually a pretty good match but a bland PPV. Champ Shawn Michaels wrestled Goldust in a dark match and the show had middling reviews. At this juncture WCW’s advantage lies with having the hotter storyline and more money. WWF would get a lot of their momentum from guys who WCW spurned. Like Mick Foley (WWF main eventer that month) and Steve Austin.

We’re in Phoenix, Arizona. Hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry “Superman” Zbyzsko. We get a rundown on last night’s antics. In particular focusing on Roddy Piper. Larry mentions Piper’s movies are better than Hogan’s. They Live maybe. Hell Comes to Frogtown isn’t better than anything.

TV title – Lord Steven Regal (c) v Juventud Guerrera

Two tremendous workers with horrendous drug demons that wrecked their respective careers. This incidentally marks the debut of Sting sitting up in the rafters. He’s seen during the early moments of this match. Because this match is potentially awesome they cut away to Syxx hanging out in the crowd cutting a promo. Regal, visibly frustrated by this bullshit, starts going like the clappers and bumping rana’s and shit. He’s selling like Don Draper out there. He slips out of the 450 Splash and applies the Regal Stretch for the submission. **1/4. Oh, this should have gone another 10 minutes MINIMUM. Potentially MOTY stuff thrown away for nWo shenanigans.

DDP v Mike Enos

DDP is starting to get wicked over. He’s begging to be turned. His moveset is cool. He’s cool. He gets that sitout powerbomb and the diving lariat. Enos prevents the Diamond Cutter while the director focuses on the Outsiders in the crowd. Enos gets HEAT on Page. Actual fucking heat. And DDP is a heel still. They must have known he was primed for a face run. Enos goes for the Okie Stampede but gets countered right into the Diamond Cutter. *1/2. Man, Page was getting over like clover. Interesting to see Nash doing the ‘self high five’ in the crowd AND Tony pointing out the pop on the finish.

Dean Malenko v Jim Powers

Malenko opts for the speed v power story, which Powers is capable of following. Psicosis strolls out to watch as he wants a title shot. As soon as it gets technical Malenko gets to take over. Watching Powers work Malenko over, its clear that he’d have been a phenomenal JTTS (Malenko that is) and I’m stunned that the top guys didn’t want to work with him based on seeing him work. That’s the problem with WCW from here on out. Too much politics. The glass ceiling too high. Teddy gets into arguing with Impartial Referee Nick Patrick and that costs Powers the match. Malenko scoring a rollup after a move that looked like the Lungblower. **.

Ricky Morton v Jeff Jarrett

While Jarrett’s match with Ron Studd was a warm-up for Giant it was always going to suck. Putting him in with Morton gives Jarrett someone to play with on a more equal footing. However the crowd is less likely to support him against a traditionally strong babyface. That said, the reaction isn’t as negative as you’d think. They go Old School with one guy grabbing a hold and the other having to fight his way out of it. Sometimes failing a few times first. I love that shit. They even throw out stuff like rolling through a crossbody, countering the finish and breaking out the Brisco corner roll up. Jarrett hits a shinbreaker to set up the Figure Four and we’re done. ***. Great little match. Seriously old school. Jarrett learnt at that temple and Morton lived it. Had this gone another five minutes or so (at the same level) it’d be my favourite match of the month.

POST MATCH Giant, in the crowd, lays into Jarrett on the mic. He calls the Horsemen pathetic and this should have set up a bunch of main events pitting the Horsemen against the nWo. It wasn’t rocket science. Jarrett retorts by saying he promised he wouldn’t be chokeslammed and wasn’t. Um, only because of Flair. Anyway, Jarrett goes on to complain about WCW being disjointed and says he and Flair will unite WCW. If this was the WWF the main event of the next Nitro, or at least the one after would have seen some sort of Horsemen v nWo match. Here are the main events for the following Nitros…

1. Lex Luger v Booker T
2. American Males v Faces of Fear (no, really)
3. Chris Benoit v Eddy Guerrero
4. Harlem Heat v Faces of Fear
5. Lex Luger v Rocco Rock
6. Jeff Jarrett v DDP
7. The Outsiders v Faces of Fear
8. Lex Luger v Greg Valentine

Really? REALLY? Those are the next eight main events. There are some good match up’s in there but its like Giant’s comments were either not approved or Bischoff just hated the Horsemen so much he didn’t even want them to wrestle, let alone lose. I’m aware that Flair was struggling with an injury and Arn wasn’t 100% but its not like the nWo needed healthy opponents. Everyone is over anyway. I guarantee you that the WWF would have had an eight man tag within the month and all sorts of other crossover matches. Its not like anyone else is pressuring the nWo at this point.

The Amazing French Canadians v High Voltage

AFC are a solid team and it shows against a shitty team like High Voltage because they don’t look as terrible as they usually do. Just after the match starts we head into HOUR TWO and Bischoff, Heenan & Tenay take over commentary duties. The crowd hate AFC. Hate Canada? Hate France? Well, now you can hate them both in one! Before the match has enough time to develop beyond the basics the Nasty Boys run in for the DQ. *. Not long enough to expose what a bad team High Voltage are. Unfortunately the match was only there to put the Nasties over, who might be even worse.

POST MATCH The Nasty Boys get words implying they’re siding neither nWo or WCW and further imply they’re free agents like Piper and Sting are. Say what? They’re not an eighth the worker of either guy (even in 1996, and with Piper that’s fucking saying something) and even less of a draw.

Rey Mysterio Jr v Jimmy Graffiti

JG had a surprisingly great match with Malenko thanks to a lack regard of his own wellbeing. Rey is a tougher ask because he’s less fluid and likelier to make a mistake. Rey however is ON tonight and flips over JG ahead of an Arabian press. On taking a follow up rana to the floor JG lands head first on the apron. Man, he just loves trying to break his own neck doesn’t he? Hell, I’m disappointed when he follows out with a senton and doesn’t land on his head or neck. The match gets a wee bit too cooperative as it goes on but that’s on Rey for incorporating so much lucha. He rana’s JG for the win. **1/2. Not the same quality that Graffiti produced against Malenko but then, I wasn’t expecting it.

POST MATCH a basketball player wearing an nWo shirt tries to get into a fight with Impartial Referee Nick Patrick. Not even WCW is stupid enough to let basketball players wrestle*.

*I’m hoping people spot the sarcasm on that before commenting.

Chris Benoit v Eddy Guerrero

Both men are storyline injured coming in. I was hoping that Piper’s bit would happen before this match so Bischoff would shut up about it. And almost on cue here comes the nWo. No wait, its Mongo. I saw a useless wrestler in black clothes and got confused. As if WCW’s aim in life is to make me hate the shit out of the entire company we cut away again to get a Kevin Sullivan promo. Meanwhile, in the ring, both men are selling the bejesus out of those rib injuries. Its hit a move, both go down injured and so on. They have some tidy psychology about neither man being able to get an advantage based on the injuries. It allows counters with less effort. Sadly the psychology takes all the pace and excitement out of it. Everyone’s hurt out there. Including the ref! Woman runs interference, Mongo drills Eddy in the ribs and Benoit gets the pin. ***. Psychology was wonderful with two hurt wrestlers playing on the injury angles. However that took a half step out of the offence, which dragged it down to ‘better than everyone else on the card but not as awesome as usual’.

POST MATCH Impartial ref Nick Patrick, and his attorney Alan Sharp, get time to address the accusations of his impartiality (an outrage). Sharp blames Jericho for aggravating Patrick’s neck problem. That brings out Jericho & Thaddeus Long who are in agreement about this whole situation. Jericho shouldn’t side with Long because all his charges lose because of him. They argue back and forth until Craig Leathers gets bored and plays them out.

Booker T v Lex Luger

This is the main event as the actual main event will be Hulk Hogan blabbing about Roddy Piper. Its weird seeing Luger in there with someone who’s motivated because its just a massive difference. Especially as Booker bumps all over the place for him. Bischoff gets all excited at the prospect of Luger actually looking like a main eventer again, thus failing to notice that its BOOKER who looks like a main eventer. Luger’s just the stiff who he’s bouncing off. Seriously, Booker & Hogan would have been solid. Booker just won’t let Luger be lazy. He won’t let him rest. Bumping like a maniac. Like bumping is going out of fashion and he has to get every last bump he knows in before the hour is out. Then he just comes back and flattens Luger with the Axe kick and it’s the best looking offensive move of the match. Booker wastes time going after the Harlem Hangover and Luger finishes with the Rack perhaps relieved that Booker can actually jump for it properly at the first time of asking. But STING shows up and Luger legs it to try and get a word with his former tag partner. Booker wins on count out. Shit, I don’t remember that happening. **1/2. Another in a string of good matches tonight. A good-great worker in every match.

POST MATCH Bischoff talks about last night and how Piper asked for five minutes to address Hogan at the PPV, which is what he got. We go to last night for comments (they originally overran and the PPV company cut them off). I like that Piper cuts Hogan off. Somebody needed to because he just rambles on and on and on and on and on and normally everyone lets him. The best part of Piper’s promo is saying that while he was out wrestling at 15 years old Hogan was playing bass guitar at Tootsie’s Bar & Grill. He adds in that Hogan never beat him, which is oddly enough where this is going. Its another of those wonderful feuds where Terry gets his win back. He’s probably thinking, while Piper talks, that he could probably get a win over the Warrior out of this angle.

FASTFORWARD 24 hours as Hollywood Hogan demands a chance to respond. Even though he DID respond, albeit briefly, last night. His promo this evening is dreadful. He falls over words and loses track of where he’s going and it doesn’t make sense. Eventually he just hands it over to Ted DiBiase to get his points across while he poses for a while.

The 411 – 7.0

Enjoyed the hell out of the wrestling action tonight. Very strong card. Shame about the ‘main event’ of Hogan coming out and yacking but hey, I’ll take good wrestling with some garbage tagged on the end.

The 411: Hard to recommend the month from a wrestling standpoint, despite the litany of great workers putting on decent matches on the undercard, because the main events were too weak for Nitro. They should have been pushing for either good matches or big matches to headline once in a while. I should probably be grateful that there are good matches SOMEWHERE on the card based on Nitro under the Russo era where every match sucked but hey, Nitro set itself a high standard for in ring. Now its being judged against that.

Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]