wrestling / TV Reports
The Judgment Day 2009 Breakdown
May 18, 2009 | Posted by
| Judgment Day 2009 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Big reaction for hometown Punk. I can understand why they opened the show with him to get people energized. Besides, it’s not like this is some kind of huge, important match. What’s really odd is that Punk basically gets squashed. Umaga overpowers him and never really looks back, although the match is certainly more entertaining than the average squash. Punk gets a few kicks in and goes for the Go2Sleep, but Umaga slips his shoulder, thrust kicks him, hits the buttalanche, and finishes with the Samoan Spike at 11:55. So CM Punk is the new Booker T, destined to lose in his hometown returns? Well, he always did have a problem beating the Samoans. I can see what they’re thinking, but the ‘he gets more over by losing’ philosophy rarely works, and when it does, it has to be done just right. This ain’t it. I understand they have to keep Umaga strong. I mean, they had to keep Kane strong last month so he could… oh wait. Punk at least kept it somewhat interesting by coming back at the right times, but it was like wrestling a brick wall – which, I guess, it should be. **1/2 A bit disappointing, compared to their last meeting. They go a little more aerial than mat-based – in other words, a Christian match, rather than a Swagger match. Christian uses a lot of Bugs Bunny-esque tricks, like doing the slingshot kick not once but twice and then tricking Swagger into chasing him right into the buckle. Cute. Swagger catches him going up and takes over with a superplex. No one on the corner has Swagger like him. Odd spot as Swagger schoolboys Christian with a handful of tights, and the ref apparently catches him using the tights from the opposite side. Christian one-ups him by yanking down Swagger’s straps. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Swagger is so confused that Christian is able to roll him up and grab his loose straps for the win at 9:33. Clever finish, and these two have developed pretty good chemistry. Swagger looks rather stupid, getting outsmarted all the time. **1/2 Problem with the WWE Philosophy – “Let’s put every great wrestler on one show, and everyone we intend to push on the other.” The fans still haven’t taken to Morrison’s face turn yet. The springboard 450 helps, although Benjamin looks like an idiot for just wandering around until he hit it. I’m going to be skeptical the next time anyone complains about indy spotfests. At least set up the move first. Small “Morrison” chant for that. Morrison stops to argue with Charlie Haas and gets nailed on the top rope. And the crowd just DIES as Shelton takes over. They manage to get them back, but it takes a while. Shelton lands on his feet off a monkey flip, but the Stinger Splash misses. Morrison is able to hit Starship Pain for the win at 10:07. Great moves but no real story to the match. The fans popped for the moves but not the wrestlers, which means the writers need to put more effort into characterization for them. I really think these guys would be better off with their roles reversed, but the physical talent is there. If they’re really going to push Morrison as a face, he should be a sex symbol, not a weirdo Jim Morrison worshipper. Hopefully, he’ll make that transition. **1/2 Okay, we’re stuck on **1/2 here. Let’s pick it up a bit or fail miserably please. Jericho sets up a cool premise that sets the match apart. He vows that we will not see the 619 tonight, which makes the move more important. Not only that, but it makes Rey Mysterio want to go for the move more often, thus making him over-rely on the move, making it a great psychological ploy. And people wonder why Jericho was the 2008 Wrestler of the Year. Jericho baits Mysterio in early and hits a spinning torture rack. Rey twists out of a Walls of Jericho attempt but runs into the tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. Jericho ducks the 619 and goes for the Walls of Jericho. Rey counters THAT to a headscissors and sends Jericho into the ropes for the 619. But Jericho counters THAT to the Walls of Jericho. AWESOME SEQUENCE~! Finally, Jericho misses a charge and posts himself. That allows Rey to hit the 619 and the springboard splash at 12:37. The de facto stipulation around the 619 really gave them a story to work with. Jericho guided most of the action while Rey worked as best he could with an injured knee. Good stuff, and much different from their WCW matches. Jericho got quite a big face reaction too despite “people not respecting him.” ***1/2 Why on earth would Randy think Batista would join him? And, more importantly, did Randy not get the memo about the Legacy theme? They’re second-generation wrestlers. It’s gotta be like Harvard – non-legacies don’t get in unless they’re minorities. Batista overpowers Orton early, but Randy takes it to the floor and backdrops him on the barricade to take over. Bo-ring match follows. Randy works over Batista’s back, which is all well and good, just not interesting. Michael Cole compares him to both a viper and a python. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MUTHAFUCKIN’ SNAKES ON HIS MUTHAFUCKIN’ BRAIN! Batista blocks the punt to the head with a spear. Randy bails and opts for a countout. Batista tracks him down, though. Back in, Orton counters the Demonbomb, but Batista blocks the RKO. Randy goes for another and gets shoved toward the referee, so he just panics and slaps him for the DQ at 14:46. Well, it’s not like they haven’t gone the intentional DQ route for Orton before. Long way to go for that finish, though, and Randy Orton has no consistency as a character. Sometimes he’s a monster heel. Sometimes he’s a cowardly heel. *3/4 Cena has injured — ribs? back? scrotum? – from being thrown through the spotlight back at Backlash. Here’s the match: Show joyously destroys Cena’s midsection, Cena hits a move, Show blocks the next move, Show joyously destroys Cena. Cena comes back but can’t get the STF. My eyes go crossed with boredom and when they come back they see Show readying for the knuckle sammitch. Cena ducks and finishes with the Attitude Adjustment at 15:00. I had someone complain that I let Tyler Black off the hook for bad psychology while I’d crucify John Cena. Here’s an example of bad psychology from Cena, and I’m not going to rip him for it. After all, it ended this match, which sucked a giant monkey penis. The idea, driven home with a mallet by Michael Cole, was that Cena would have to “adapt.” He didn’t adapt. He just did what he would have done had his ribs not been injured. That’s actually the opposite of adapting. * JR says Edge is “about as welcome as Obama was at Notre Dame.” JR failed the SAT section on comparisons. JR, if I heard right, also called Jeff Hardy a “high-risk junkie.” I know it’s one of those little inside jabs from JR, but the idea of Jeff hanging out in a back alley saying, “I’ll suck yo dick if you let me jump off a ladder – just to get me through the day” is pretty funny. Jeff tries to wrestle early before taking it to the sky. That’s why it’s called a “blowjob wrestling sequence.” I appreciate the effort, but we both know that you’re not into it and what the real show is so let’s just get to that. Jeff hits a somersault plancha and appears to be on his way, but Edge (THE MASTER MANIPULATOR) takes over and works the back. Fans are apathetic until Jeff makes the comeback. He locks in a Sharpshooter that even the Rock would make fun of. TWIST OF FATE! ONE, TWO, TH-NO! Edge catches Jeff going up, but Jeff comes off with a sunset flip for two. To the floor, Jeff tries to run the rail… in front of a pair of clowns… and get speared. Back in, Jeff fights his way up to the apron and hits a Twist of Fate on the ropes. ONE, TWO, THRE-foot on the ropes. Back out, Jeff nails Edge with the flying legline and knocks him into the crowd. When they come back out, Matt Hardy clocks Jeff from behind with his cast. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge catches him and hits the Super Edgecution for the win at 19:53. About what we’ve come to expect from these two. The Matt stuff is played out, though, and it really isn’t necessary here. *** |
| The 411: God, I hate these kinds of shows. It’s not a complete failure, yet it doesn’t really have enough to make you spend your $40-$50. It started out on the “atleast okay” level and then hit a sporadic stride of fits and starts. If anything, the show demonstrates just how dominant Smackdown became from an in-ring standpoint after the draft. I’m going to call this a mild thumbs down as the stuff that was supposed to deliver really didn’t, and the undercard stuff wasn’t quite enough to make for a recommendation.
Mild thumbs down. |
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