The Name on the Marquee: NWA World Championship Wrestling (3.7.1987)

Back after a brief hiatus.

And of course, by “brief hiatus,” I mean the Mister Rogers Neighborhood marathon on Twitch. Anyway…

Cold open: The Horseman-on-Horseman violence that ended last week’s program.

-Originally aired March 7, 1987.

-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett.

-The Russians and Dick Murdoch are here. Ivan complains about Nikita injuring his throat, as evidenced by Ivan’s deep, gravelly voice. Dick Murdoch complains about being booed by a crowd full of melon farmers.

-Most undersold debut of a mega-star ever, as Tony just casually mentions that some guy named LAZER TRON is wrestling this week, like that’s not a giant deal.

LEX LUGER (with JJ Dillon) vs. ROCKY KING
-Apparently, they’ve settled on the branding at this point, as David calls him “The Complete—err, Total Package.”

-Luger shows what he’s learned since joining the Horsemen, working the arm of King and staying on it. King throws punches, but Luger shakes off every one of them and hammers him down. Powerslam could finish, but Luger takes a time out to pose instead. Torture rack finishes.

-JJ complains about how hard he works keeping the Horsemen happy, like making sure the limo always has domestic caviar for Arn and imported caviar for Tully. I can believe limos, jet-flying, and champagne…I cannot buy for even one second that Arn Anderson has touched caviar. Anyway, his point is that Ole is an ungrateful dick. Luger, who is sucking some major wind after a four-minute squash, says that for the moment, he’s still only an associate Horseman, but he makes a compelling case that he’s more than qualified for full membership.

-Shaska Whatley wants all the hillbillahs to shut up and listen. He’s on his way to Florida for a piece of Ron Simmons. Why would you devote two minutes of national TV time to a regional feud involving a guy that 80% of your audience hasn’t heard of yet?

MOD SQUAD (with Superstar Bill Dundee) vs MITCH SNOW & GEORGE SOUTH
-Dundee’s a manager at this point because the Crocketts are looking at him and they just don’t know anymore.

-Basher hammers and boots away at George South. Dundee adds some cheap shots as Spike comes in and chokes him out. Basher faceplants South. Mitch Snow tags in and gets clobbered. Basher with an AWESOME lariat that should have been his finisher, but he keeps pounding on Snow, and Spike comes off the top with an elbow for three. Mitch Snow makes it a point to kick out right at three, to make sure he protects himself.

-We go to Sabatino’s Restaurant in Baltimore for the official announcement of the Crockett Cup tournament. Mrs. Crockett Sr. delivers a brief speech before we finally get to business. Your top ten seeds for the Crockett Cup tournament.
#10: Ivan Koloff and Vladimer Petrov and oh my god, yes, they misspelled Vladimir’s name.
#9: The Mod Squad, which is an even bigger screw-you to Petrov.
#8: Tully Blanchard and Lex Luger
#7: Ole and Arn Anderson, so we probably have an angle coming before the end of the show.
#6: The Midnight Express, and Cornette throws a tantrum and storms out.
#5: Japanese Entry, one of the legendary teams in the history of the land of the rising sun.
#4: The Rock & Roll Express.
#3: The Road Warriors.
#2: The Superpowers.
#1: Ravishing & Raging. Paul Jones is most pleased that his campaigning was not in vain.

-Jim Crockett concludes by announcing that Ric Flair will defend the World Title against Barry Windham as part of the night show.

MIKE ROTUNDA vs THUNDERFOOT #1
-The graphic says “Rotunda,” David Crockett says “Rotundo” for anyone keeping score. Armdrags and dropkicks by Rotunda as the commentators keep hyping Florida angles. A vocal contingent chants for Thunderfoot as Rotunda works his arm. Rotunda tries a backdrop, but Thunderfoot hammers him and bounces off the ropes. That’s a mistake as Rotunda catches him and just makes it an airplane spin for three.

-Tim Horner is here to say he and Mike Rotunda are going for a million dollars in Baltimore, just as sure as Mike Rotunda is heading to Florida to take the Florida Heavyweight Title from Ed “The Bull” Gantner. And just to show you how hard that territory is circling the drain, Rotunda hastily clarifies that he means IF Gantner is actually the Florida Champion right now, because he’s not exactly sure who the Florida Champion is at the moment, but whoever it is, Mike wants a title shot. Oh my god.

-Bill Dundee and the Mod Squad are here, and Dundee is already counting his money because he manages the Mod Sqaud, AND he entered himself in the tournament with Barbarian as a partner. Basher says he got kicked off the police force for being too brutal, but “too brutal” is just what it takes to win the Crockett Cup.

ARN ANDERSON vs MIKE JACKSON
-Arn tries to work the arm, but Jackson counters and re-counters everything Arn tries and they stalemate. Jackson dropkicks him, and Arn tries to smile and shake it off. David points out that JJ is noticeably missing from ringside as Jackson hits a Jacksonsteiner on Arn and hammers away on him.

-Arn finally gets some traction, choking Jackson down and working the arm as the fans chant “We want Ole!” Arn stays on the arm until Jackson gets a second wind, firing punches with the good arm and connecting with a dropkick. He runs into a spinebuster, and Arn pins him right away.

-JJ is here with Tully Blanchard and Lex Luger. Tully calls out Ole for being MIA during a couple of crucial matches for the Horsemen in the past few months. Also, Ole hasn’t been hitting the gym as hard as he needed to and he’s blown it in the eight-man tag matches at house shows lately. Ole needs to forget about his snot-nosed kid and think about his priorities. His priority is being a member of the Four Horsemen. Arn basically says that the Anderson family jumped the shark until he came along two years ago and revived the Anderson name, and then Ole screwed that up by blowing the match at Starrcade ’86. He demands a match with Nikita Koloff, since it’s time to prove himself without Ole.

JR. HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: DENNY BROWN (Champion) vs LAZER TRON
-Tony Schiavone explains that Lazer Tron is “the protector of the children.” If I need children protected, it’s not going to be a dude in a silver women’s bathing suit and a horned mask that I call on for that job.

-Lazer Tron connects with forearms and dropkicks Brown for two. He applies an armbar, to protect the children from being over-stimulated by fast-paced action. Brown punches out but misses an elbow. Armdrag by the Tronster as Tony marvels over how much strength Lazer Tron has, as evidenced by the pads he wears on his arms. Brown backdrops Lazer Tron, but Tron bounces up and snaps on headscissors.

-We pause for a commercial break, to protect the children from peeing their pants because they’re too afraid to leave the screen while a match is on. Brown throws punches, but Tron suddenly throws a protective arm pad in the air and dazes Brown with the highly abrasive polyester. Figure Four by Lazer Tron to protect children from being confused by an unfamiliar finishing hold.

-Monkeyflip by Brown, but Lazer Tron lands on his feet and takes Brown down. Tron goes for a Boston crab as Crockett notes how confused Brown must be by these wrestling moves that he’s never seen before. Forearm off the ropes by Brown, and a suplex gets two. Tron connects with a forearm of his own and pins Brown clean as a sheet to win the Jr. Heavyweight Title. I’m happy that Hector Guerrero is getting pushed, but man, could he be saddled with a stupider wrestling gimmick? I highly doubt it.

-Jim Cornette complains about the #6 seeding for the Express and runs down every tag team that outranked them in the tournament. Ravishing and Raging are #1 because they are the champions, but that just goes to prove there IS an anti-Midnight Express agenda in the NWA because the Midnights were champions last year and didn’t get the #1 seed. Also, fuck the Garvins.

-Paul Jones celebrates the number-one seed for his men.

“Boogie Woogie Man” JIMMY VALIANT vs TOMMY ANGEL
-Valiant rakes the eyes and throws Angel out to the concrete. Back in, he works the arm and drops an elbow to finish.

-Bill Dundee and the Barbarian are here to warn Jimmy Valiant that he’d better stay out of Florida, or else there’s gonna be trouble.

THE BARBARIAN (with Superstar Bill Dundee) vs RANDY MULKEY
-Barbarian just murders Mulkey while David Crockett hilariously marvels “How does Randy Mulkey do it?” Barbarian press-slams him a few times. Cheap shots by Dundee while Schiavone mentions a new tag team, the Gladiators, will be debuting shortly. Oh shit, I forgot that was coming! Yay! Diving headbutt finishes Barbarian off, but things will get better for Randy Mulkey soon.

-Superpowers recap all the sell-out crowds that Nikita has wrestled in front of this week.

BARON VON RASCHKE & WAHOO MCDANIEL vs RANDY BARBER & RICKY SULLIVAN
-Heckler says something to Wahoo at the start of the match. Wahoo says something back and it gets the biggest pop of the show, so I’m sorry we can’t hear whatever happened there.

-The AARP takes turns working Barber’s arm. Sullivan tags in and gets kneed down. Wahoo chops him down and Baron finishes with the claw.

-Baron warns “Lee Harvey Murdoch” that he’s going to pay in Jacksonville, Florida next week.

VLADIMIR PETROV, IVAN KOLOFF & DICK MURDOCH vs ALAN MARTIN, ZANE SMITH & COUGAR JAY
-Vladimir pounds Smith to the mat and rams him into the turnbuckle. Ivan elbows him and drops the leg, then demands fresh blood and throws him into the corner for a tag. Murdoch slams Smith and Ivan rips away at his face. He tosses Smith to the floor and Murdoch beats him down while the fans chant “We want Dusty!” Vladimir with a boot to the stomach that Smith sells like a boot to the face.

-Cougar Jay finally tags in and gets murdered by a sickle from Vladimir, and that’s all it takes.

BARRY WINDHAM (U.S. Tag Team Champion) vs. CHANCE MCQUADE
-Windham snapmares McQuade down and applies a side headlock, then brings him back up and slams him. Gutwrench suplex follows. Flying lariat ends it.

-Barry warns Flair that he’d better be prepared for the Crockett Cup.

-Brad Armstrong is here. Tomorrow night he has a chance to win the TV Title and $10,000 from Tully Blanchard.

JIMMY & RON GARVIN (with Precious) vs. LARRY STEVENS & DARRELL DALTON
-Without looking up the title lineage for a hint, I’ll simply say they REALLY need to change the US Tag Team Titles soon, because it’s not doing anybody any good for those belts to be held by the guy chasing the top singles title and a guy involved in an angle about bonding with his brother.

-Garvins take turns working over Stevens, with Ron working a clean match and Jimmy dropping him throat-first on the ropes and arguing with the referee, showing why they drifted apart in the first place, in a nice touch. Ron applies a half-crab while stepping on Stevens’ arm, and then just completely twists the guy’s torso around. Garvin’s moveset was so amazing; it’s so basic but he finds a way to do the basic stuff really imaginatively and it’s fun to watch.

-Ron lifts Stevens by his mouth and tags in his brother. Jimmy rams him from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, and Dalton finally tags in. Jimmy tries to do some Ron-style offense to show that they’re related, and Ron finishes Dalton with the hands of stone.

-Jimmy promises that no matter what legal maneuvering Cornette’s lawyers attempt, the cage match with his brother WILL happen.

6.5

The final score: review Average

The 411

When they can concentrate on one promotion, this show is fine, but it gets cringey and murky whenever they try to designate segments for Florida or whatever dying territory they purchased this week...Unfortunately, that's only going to be a bigger problem in the coming year, I know.