wrestling / TV Reports
The No Way Out 2008 Breakdown
February 20, 2008 | Posted by
| No Way Out 2008 by J.D. Dunn Gee, who saw this match opening the show. Chavo slaps him in the face, so Punk kicks him upside the head. Chavo, ever the hero, tries to get Punk counted out and then grounds the match (bit early for that) with a bodyscissors. Punk slips out and catapults him into the corner. Chavo blocks a charge but runs into a powerslam. That sets up an early Go2Sleep attempt, but Chavo reverses to a rana. Chavo gets a nice Tornado DDT, but Punk enzuigiris him. Punk tries the Triple Verticals, causing the crowd to turn on him. Oops. A small, vocal “Chavo” contingent speaks up. Punk bulldogs him for two, but Chavo gets his foot on the rope. Punk knocks his block off with a roundhouse kick, but Chavo is content to take the countout. Punk has to go get him and tries for a huracanrana. Chavo blocks, and Punk knocks the wind out of himself. That sets up the frogsplash at 7:15. Good-sized pop for Chavo. Punk needs to be someone other than Sting-92, because he’s not that guy. ** Sadly, Khali fits perfectly in one of the chambers. I was kind of hoping he’d have to squat down and clutch his own knees like an elementary school kid during story time. Maybe toss him a Capri Sun and a box of graham crackers while he waits. Undertaker and Batista start it out, and since we know that all four other guys have no shot in hell of winning, at least one of the two will have a long night. Lots of sluggery with no clear advantage to either side. They boot one another as Big Daddy V is unleashed on the populace. Michael Cole gets to work in his size metaphors. BDV apparently has “skillet-sized” hands, and when he steps on you, it’s like parking a mini-van on your chest. BDV headbutts Taker, who staggers out and falls through the cage. Oops. 16 tons of steel. Two miles of chain. 200 lbs. of bullet-proof glass. One rusty door that Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel tied shut with chickenwire. BDV improvises by going after Batista and avalanching him. Big Daddy V has apparently gained weight because he’s now been upgraded from “mini-van” to “mack truck” in Colespeak. He charges again, but Batista simply plants him with a spinebuster. Taker adds a DDT, and there goes BDV at 9:07. The Great Khali comes in next and wreaks havoc on the big dudes. Taker eats a Tree Slam but kicks out. Khali goes after Batista, trying to squeeze his head with his “NFL football-sized” hands (according to Cole). Batista goes low but gets nailed by the Undertaker. Taker locks Khali in the gogoplata for the very quick submission at 12:36. Finlay is the next one in, and he runs right into a knee from the Undertaker. He recovers with the Celtic Cross, but it’s the Undertaker, so he kicks out. Finlay gets catapulted into the chain. He beats Taker from pillar to post until Batista tosses him into the post. Taker bides his time and waits for MVP’s number to be called. MVP doesn’t want to get out of the chamber, so Taker goes in after him and lays him out. MVP recovers and takes out Batista and Undertaker with Kawada Kicks. He strangles Finlay with his bling. Taker recovers and chases MVP up to the top of one of the cells. MVP tries to fight him off, but Taker grabs him and slings him to the mat with a chokeslam. Finlay rolls over and pins MVP at 22:30. Taker misses an elbow drop, so Hornswoggle appears and tosses Finlay the shillelagh. He starts firing off shots like an L.A. policeman on a black motorist. What? Too soon? Batista hits him and goes for the Demonbomb, but Finlay hits him in the head with the shillelagh. Taker grabs him and chokeslams him over the top rope onto the mesh. That eliminates Finlay at 24:11. So, we’re back where we started with Taker and Batista slugging it out. The crowd is clearly behind the Undertaker. Batista wins the slugfest and Demonbombs the Undertaker. It only gets two (that’s three finishers he’s kicked out of in the match!). Batista climbs up for mounted punches, but Taker toughs it out and hits the Last Ride. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Now they’re even. Batista slips out of the Tombstone and tosses Taker to the steel platform. He picks Taker up and javelins him into the mesh. He tries again, but Taker slips over his shoulder and hits the Tombstone at 29:28. This was the very definition of “formality,” as Taker was practically wedged into a WrestleMania slot upon his injury last year. The match fell into that “okayish” level. Khali and BDV didn’t bring much to the table. Finlay got to do the “spirited performance” routine while MVP was just there to round things out and get some face time. In retrospect, it probably would have been more effective for the Undertaker to polish off Batista cleanly in a one-on-one. That way MVP could have defended his title (imagine that!) against Finlay. As it is, just throwing everyone in there together created a cluttered mess because (unlike the Raw side) there weren’t six guys that really deserved to be in there. **3/4 Flair’s career is on the line, of course. They do a brief feeling-out segment where they trade shoulderblocks. It’s not long before Kennedy goes after Flair’s injured leg with a dropkick. That sets up the next few minutes as Kennedy locks in the half-crab, the ringpost figure-four, and the regular figure-four. He spends the whole time talking trash to Flair and mocking him. Flair slips out of the Finlay Roll and clips Kennedy’s knee. Flair gives him a kneebreaker and goes for the figure-four. Kennedy counters to a small package once, but Flair stays with it and reapplies the hold. That gets the submission at 7:14. I think this match reinforced that it really *has* to be Shawn Michaels facing Flair at WrestleMania. Kennedy was forced to carry the action here, and that made this feel like a Nitro match from 1996. No real attempt to tell a story, it was just Kennedy doing his stuff, and then Flair coming back with the five moves he can still do. *3/4 Edge, naturally, goes right after Rey’s injured arm. The ref offers to call the match, but Rey’s a trooper. Edge ties Mysterio in the tree-of-woe but misses the charge and crotches himself. Rey hits a Tornado DDT and a 619, but he can’t capitalize immediately. He tries a springboard move, but Edge spears him out of the air for the win at 5:27. Gotta give Rey credit for gutting it out, but that doesn’t make the match any better. *1/4 This match seemed disjointed in comparison to their matches late in the summer. Cena comes out swinging for the fences with a small package and a bulldog. Orton methodically picks him apart in between mini-comebacks to keep the crowd in it. Cena goes for the FU, but Orton elbows out of it. Orton grabs the Ortonlock, but Cena supermans his way out of it. Orton avoids the FU again, and they brawl on the floor, teasing a DCOR. Both guys dive back in at the last second, and Orton gives him a stretch backbreaker for two. He stalks Cena for the RKO, but Cena blocks and counters to the STFU. Orton desperately reaches the ropes, drawing a pop from the males in the audience. Orton pulls himself to the floor and begs the ref to count him out because his knee is hurt. Cena ain’t buyin’ it and goes out to toss him back in. Orton, of course, kicks him in the nuts and gives him an RKO on the floor. Orton tries to take the countout, but Cena makes it in at nine. Orton is apoplectic and incredulous at Cena’s resilience, so he just turns and slaps the referee. Okay, that was pretty funny. The ref calls for the DQ at 15:50, thus screwing us out of an actual finish. At the very least, it adds some intrigue to the road to WrestleMania because everyone had Cena and Triple H scribbled down in pen for the main event. Started out awkward but got better before the screwy finish. **3/4 Jericho and Shawn start with a series of rollups. Jericho gives him a backbreaker and glares at JBL. Shawn comes back with the usual, but Jericho blocks the Picture Perfect Elbow with his knees. Shawn tries the same thing to block the Lionsault, but Jericho lands on his feet and grabs Shawn’s legs for the Walls of Jericho. Shawn reverses to his submission attempt, but Jericho blocks. They collide for a double KO so the next guy can come in. The earlier match had a similar double KO spot before the monster heel got in, which Lawler even points out. Umaga adds much more than Big Daddy V did, though, busting out a DOUBLE SAMOAN DROP on Shawn and Jericho. A thrust kick sends Shawn tumbling over the top. Finally, Shawn and Jericho team up as Shawn drops an elbow on Umaga’s back and Jericho turns him over into the Walls of Jericho. Umaga holds out, so Shawn adds the Crossface. There’s a new guy coming in, and you know it *has* to be JBL because neither of the others would save Umaga. Indeed, JBL comes in and makes the save, booting Jericho right in the face. The heels beat down the faces, and thee match grinds to a halt. Triple H comes in next and destroys everybody. He tosses Umaga into the glass, avoids the Lionsault, and goes for the Pedigree on Jericho. JBL saves with the Clothesline from Hell, so Jericho thanks him with the Codebreaker to send him packing at 13:46. JBL is pissed, so he grabs a chair and just WALLOPS everyone in the match (except Hardy, who is still safely ensconced in his Alien sleeping chamber). Jeff is released and goes after everyone. He even uses an involuntary assist from Jericho to hit Poetry in Motion on Umaga. DX tries to team up on him, but he knocks them down with the Whisper in the Wind. Umaga puts an end to the offense and spikes Jericho down with a swinging slam. Cool spot as he ties HHH in the tree-of-woe and whips Shawn into him. Jericho is leaning up against the glass, so Umaga puts him through with the buttalanche. He sets up for the Samoan Spike on Jericho, but Shawn superkicks him silly. Jericho hits the Codebreaker, HHH Pedigrees him, and Jeff adds the Swanton. Jericho steals the pinfall, eliminating Umaga at 19:46. He stands up and eats Sweet Chin Music, so Hardy covers him for the pin at 19:54. Jeff and Shawn slug it out, so Hunter sneaks in, tosses Jeff, and Pedigrees Shawn to end his night at 20:28. HHH and Jeff slug it out, and Jeff DDTs him on the floor. Back in, the Swanton misses, so Hunter just Pedigrees him and picks up the win at… JEFF KICKS OUT?!? What… in the… blue Hell? Hunter grabs a chair and goes for the Pedigree. Jeff goes low and calls for the Twist of Fate, but Hunter tosses him onto the chair. The Pedigree on chair finishes Jeff at 24:55. Much like the earlier Chamber match, this was a mere formality. Now the big question is whether or not Randy Orton gets squeezed out of the main event. Jeff Hardy, on the other hand, may have missed out on WrestleMania, but he got a much more special honor by kicking out of the Pedigree, which, in WWE canon is like winning the main events of all the WrestleManias, making it to the Super Bowl, throwing a touchdown pass to yourself, and banging Angelina Jolie all in one night. The match was significantly better than the earlier one, even though I didn’t like the rapidfire eliminations. ***3/4 The 411: The show felt breezy and inoffensive while I was watching it, but there’s nothing really to recommend about it. Everyone knew what the outcomes of the Chambers would be (except for the 38-percent group who apparently still ask for ponies on their birthday). Everyone knew that Flair would not end his career at the lead-up show. Everyone knew that Rey wasn’t going over Edge. It just felt like they were putting on a show because they had to fill the February slot, not because they actually had anything interesting to put out there. The lone surprise was Orton retaining against Cena, and I’m sure that one’s not over yet. The last Chamber match was pretty good, but it’s not enough to definitely recommend the show based on that alone. Neutral feelings here. |
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