The Smackdown Breakdown 01.13.06

WWE Smackdown — 1/13/06

From Philadelphia, Penn.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

Batista and Teddy Long are out. Batista makes the semi-shocking announcement that he must tearfully forfeit the title due to injury. It’s certainly not an injury to his fashion sense, though. That’s a nice suit. Batista credits a lot of guys who came before him and promises that he will win the title again when he’s healthy.

Ricky Steamboat, Bobby Lashley, Road Warrior Animal and several others congratulate Batista on a good first reign and a classy exit.

Long announces a battle royal to crown a new champion.

Randy Orton wants to be let out of the Best-of-Seven U.S. Title series in order to enter the Battle Royal, but Teddy Long says he needs to honor his commitments.

U.S. Title, Best-of-Seven: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton.

Booker T and Sharmell are, of course, at ringside to observe. Tentative start for both men. Benoit shoves him to the corner off a tie-up. Orton tries to wrestle him, but that’s a mistake because Benoit comes out of it with a hammerlock. Benoit blocks a suplex to the inside and snaps Orton’s neck off the ropes. Booker threatens to use the crutch, so Benoit pulls an Eddy move and falls down, clutching his knee. The ref tosses Booker and Sharmell. We come back from commercial to Benoit elbowing out of a hammerlock. They take it to the mat where Orton blocks the Crippler Crossface with a rear naked choke, but squirms out of it and lays in the CHOPS. Benoit blocks a clothesline and settles for a Fujiwara Armbar. Orton ducks out of the ring to break Benoit’s momentum. Benoit sets Orton up on the top rope, and they battle back and forth until Benoit headbutts Orton to the floor. We come back to Orton driving knees into Benoit’s chest. Benoit elbows out of a chinlock but runs right into a dropkick. Benoit comes back with chops and a Fisherman’s Suplex for two. SHARPSHOOTER! Orton makes the ropes. ROLLNG GERMANS! DIVING HEADBUTT–misses. The ref gets knocked down on an other Sharpshooter attempt, so Orton hits the Stretch Backbreaker and sets up for the RKO. Orlando Jordan runs down and screw his timing up enough for Benoit to reverse to the Crippler Crossface. Booker T and Sharmell come down and swing Booker’s crutch at Benoit’s head. Benoit counters another RKO to the Crossface, but the ref is out. Finally, Booker comes in and SMASHES the title over Benoit’s head. Orton crawls into a cover as the ref recovers. ONE, TWO, THREE! (28:06). That’s a long way to go for an uninspired and clichéd finish. The early part of the match was very mat-based and not at all WWE-like. ***

Roddy Piper is just chillin’ backstage when he runs into Jillian Hall and John Bradshaw Layfield. JBL makes fun of him for not winning a WWE Title, so Piper invites him to be on Piper’s Pit.

The Mayor of El Paso presents Eddy Guerrero’s family with the “Star of the Mountain” award. What a great story.

Piper’s Pit:

Piper’s guests are JBL and Jillian Hall. JBL runs down Batista for dropping the title. After all, he had a 10 month reign and never took a day off. Piper tries to ask him some questions, but JBL keeps interrupting. Piper dozes off before asking Jillian what the hell is on her face. When JBL protests, Piper gets sick of him and brings out The Boogeyman. JBL gets scared and shoves Jillian into Boogey, so Boogeyman takes a bite out of Jillian’s mole and chews on it all the way up the ramp. How do you bite a mole off of someone’s face when you don’t have any teeth? Well, it’s in character and it gets rid of Jillian’s mole which was a stupid idea in the first place.

In the back, MNM and Mark Henry gloat about taking out Batista. Melina tells them to bring her more gold. Melina looks particularly do-able tonight.

Fit Finlay returns next week.

World Heavyweight Title, Battle Royal:

Your participants are Lashley, Mark Henry, JBL, Psicosis, SuperCrazy, William Regal, Road Warrior Animal, Matt Hardy, Brian Kendrick, Paul London, Johnny Nitro, Joey Mercury, Rey Mysterio, Nunzio, Big Vito, Paul Burchill, Sylvan, Simon Dean, Orlando Jordan, and…TANK ABBOTT! Oh, wait. It’s KURT ANGLE! He goes right after JBL and gives him a German Suplex. There goes JBL. Vito goes after Angle and gets eliminated. Suddenly, everyone goes after Angle. Animal and Mark Henry go at it. STRONG! Henry clotheslines him out as we go to break. During the break, Simon Dean gets tossed. MNM teams up to toss Nunzio. OJ gets a few jabs in on Angle before being eliminated. There goes Regal. Burchill gets belly-to-bellied over. Mark Henry knocks Angle to the floor, but it’s under the bottom rope. Paul London goes via Lashley. Henry sets up the announce table and does it with about as much urgency as his steel cage debacle. Angle tries to suplex him, but Henry press slams him through the table. Mysterio gets dropped to the apron by Nitro, but he holds on. Lashley and Henry go face to face. You just knew that was going to happen. Henry no-sells him and sends him to the floor. Kendrick goes to the floor like a superball. Angle is still out when we come back from another break. Matt eliminates Sylvan, but Henry counters a Twist of Fate and eliminates him. Rey eliminates MNM by himself. That leaves Mark Henry and Rey Mysterio (and Angle, but we’re not supposed to remember him yet). Rey goes after Henry’s legs and dropkicks him in the back. 619! Another 619 to the gut. Rey jumps on Henry’s back and takes the Benoit route, holding on to his head and teetering him on the ropes. Henry squirms out, catches Rey in mid-air, and tosses him over the top. But now Kurt’s recovered! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Kurt fires away but runs into an Avalanche. Angle slips out of a Fireman’s Carry and delivers the ANGLESLAM! Henry recovers first and Avalanches Kurt in the corner. He sets Angle up on top and tries to knock him off, but Angle grabs a headscissors, trying to choke the big guy out. Henry counters to a powerbomb. Angle ducks a clothesline and delivers a German Suplex. Angle also goes the Benoit route with the front facelock, but Henry powers him back in. Angle goes back to the headscissors and pulls Henry out. And the crowd goes…huh? There are a lot of hometown cheers and “thank God it wasn’t Mark Henry” cheers, but for the most part the reaction was head-scratching. **

Final Thoughts: I’m not a big fan of the Battle Royal way of picking a new world champion. For those arguing that Edge was illegitimate because of the way he won his title, I give you Angle as a counter argument. Importing Angle makes it look like they have no idea what they want to do, especially since they just moved him over to Raw in the middle of last year. I suppose the Raw match could be for the World Title and Smackdown could wind up with Shawn instead. I won’t complain that Angle is champion, but it seems like there could have been a better way to handle the situation.

J.D. Dunn