The Smackdown Breakdown 11.25.05

From “Saturday Night Live’s” first post-9/11 show.

Lorne Michaels: Can we be funny?

Rudy Giuliani: Why start now?

WWE Smackdown — 11/25/05

Recap of the problems between Raw and Smackdown.

From Sheffield, UK.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

General Manager Teddy Long tells the security crew to be on high alert because rumor has it Raw will be there.

U.S. Title: Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. Chris Benoit.

Shoving match to start because Benoit was jawing with Sharmell. Benoit drop toeholds Booker’s face to the mat. Booker loses a battle of chops, so he bodyslams Benoit. Benoit comes back with more chops. A knee to the gut garners two for Benoit. Booker surprises him with a sunset flip for two and then hits a thrust kick. They slug it out with neither man gaining an advantage. Benoit avoids the sidekick but gets hung on the top rope. Booker blocks a sunset flip back in and rams Benoit’s shoulder into the post. We come back from commercial to Booker holding an overhand wristlock. Benoit elbows out of it, and they collide for a double KO. Benoit goes for the Crossface, but Booker counters to a hook kick. They go back and forth until Benoit gets whipped into the referee. Benoit gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Booker blocks the Rolling Germans with a rollup, but Benoit rolls through that and locks in the Sharpshooter. Charles Robinson runs down to replace the other ref. Booker makes the ropes, though. ROLLING GERMANS! Benoit goes up, but Sharmell distracts him long enough for Booker to catch him and superplex him back into the ring. Benoit scissors Booker’s legs Dynamite Kid-style, and both men’s shoulders wind up on the mat. ONE, TWO, THREE! (17:06) Both refs count, but who is the winner? ***

Upon further review, Sharmell rightly points out that a tie goes to the champion. Long decides to strip Booker of the title pending a “Best of Seven” series between the two. Match #1 at Survivor Series. These guys will be the first wrestlers in history to have a “Best of 15” series. Hopefully, these two will jump start each other’s motivation.

John Bradshaw Layfield goes looking for the Raw guys but only finds The Boogeyman. Uh, is he coming to get us anytime soon?

The Dicks vs. L.O.D. III

Christ, the WWE cloned Ted McGinley and signed them both to a contract. Actually, I’m guessing this is a nod to “Bachelor Party?” Please make their finisher a small package. Please make their finisher a small package. Please make their finisher a small package. The LOD attack and pound Dicks earlier. Might as well play along. They beat the Dicks together and start the match. The Dicks’ offense consists of a bunch of doubleteams, which I like. Yes, I like Dicks! Animal gets the hot tag and tosses a Dick over the top rope. He misses a charge at a Dick, and the other Dick sprays him in the eyes. The first Dick rolls Animal up while the other lends an assist in the butt. The Dicks pull one off at 3:06. Although, as a recapper I appreciate the gimmick, it has “Beverly Bros.” written all over it. 1/2*

Mr. Kennedy vs. Matt Hardy.

Matt grabs a side headlock. Kennedy tries to break with a backdrop suplex, but Matt holds on. Kennedy sets Matt on top, but Matt elbows out of it and delivers a moonsaults. Kennedy avoids the brunt of it and bends Matt across the ringpost. To the back, Mr. Kennedy goes. The crowd starts dueling chants for each guy. Matt counters a powerbomb to a Russian Leg Sweep. He gets two off a Side Effect, but Kennedy pushes out of a Twist of Fate. Hardy gets caught going up, but he bulldogs Kennedy into the ring. ONE, TWO, THR-Kennedy grabs the bottom rope. They brawl on the outside, and Kennedy grabs a chair. Charles Robinson tries to take it away from him, but Kennedy shoves it into him, drawing the disqualification at 6:09. *1/2

Outside, security confronts Eric Bischoff who has come as a harbinger of the Raw superstars. They’re coming!

Christy Hemme vs. Melina (w/MNM).

Those tights can’t be comfortable on Christy. Christy dropkicks Melina during her entrance, prompting MNM to shove her down. The ref sends MNM to the back and starts the match. Christy delivers a crossbody off the top and drops the hammer with a split-legged leg drop. Take that, Hogan. It gets two. Melina gets pissed because her hair gets messed up. She clotheslines Christy and gives her a backbreaker. She stretches her so that Christy’s boot touches the back of her own head. She’d make such a nice girlfriend. Christy comes back with kicks and a sunset flip for two. Melina spikes Christy’s head into the mat for the win at 3:00. MNM returns and carries a victorious Melina from the ring. *

Randy Orton apologizes for not saving Batista but does so in that Batista-ish sort of way that lets him know that it was a receipt for the injury Batista gave him months ago. Batista reminds him that while he defeated Triple H and walked away from Evolution on his own terms, Orton lost to Triple H and got kicked out of the group. If both these guys can stay healthy, the next year could be very interesting. Randy needs to head his own stable, though. Something that doesn’t involve his dad.

Buy the Bret Hart DVD. The review is done and should be up sometime in the future.

In Rome, Nunzio wins the CW Title and celebrates with his paisans. What I don’t get is that many of the people who were complaining that house shows were meaningless because nothing ever happens at them are now complaining because there was a title switch that wasn’t on TV.

Cruiserweight Title: Nunzio (w/Vito) vs. Juventud Guerrera (w/the Mexicools).

Chris Masters and Carlito Cool show up in the crowd. I didn’t even know they were dating. Forearm battle to start. Juvi gets a sunset flip and a spinning wheel kick for two. Nunzio bails. Juventud tries a pescados but Vito pulls Nunzio out of the way. Juvi go splat. Back in, Nunzio grabs a hammerlock. Juvi hits another spinning wheel kick and busts out a pump-handle facebuster. The Michinoku Driver (Juvi Driver) gets two. Nunzio misses the Sicilian Slice, and Juvi finishes with the Juvi Driver at 3:28. Thankfully, they showed signs of wrestling like actual cruiserweights. Part of the reason cruisers are obsolete in the WWE is they wrestle like heavyweights. Why would I want to watch two little guys wrestle a slow-paced match when I can watch big guys do that? The whole advantage of little guys is that they are quick and fun to watch. *

Damn, I feel sorry for that kid sitting behind Carlito.

William Regal & Paul Burchill vs. Rey Mysterio & John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall).

Only a complete badass could get away with wearing a robe like that. Regal tries a Butterfly Suplex, but Rey armdrags him out of it. This is an odd match-up. Burchill gets two off an elbow but takes a rana. Rey hits him with the 619 and Drops the Dime. Regal saves but takes a Clothesline From Hell. JBL stops to argue with Masters and Carlito. Shawn Michaels slides through the other side and SUPERKICKS JBL. Security chases after Michaels, allowing Carlito and Masters to jump in and attack the fallen wrestles. The Smackdown locker room empties to chase Carlito and Masters away. [NR]

Orlando Jordan vs. Bobby Lashley.

Lashley is so manly he wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. Jordan has his tips highlighted. Classy. Lashley spinebusters him and dominates with power moves. WAYNE BRADY KILL! The Dominator finishes at :58. 1/4*

Teddy Long finds some beat up guys in the parking lot and tells the nearest ref to go get everyone out of the locker room to surround the ring for the main event.

Ref: But what about these guys?

Long: Forget them. It’s too late for them. We have to worry about the main event.

Ref: But that guy’s still twitching. Maybe we should–**SLAP**

Long: Dammit, man! We can’t help them now!

WWE Title: Batista vs. Randy Orton (w/Bob Orton Jr.).

The rest of the Smackdown locker room, minus those three stage hands who were left for dead, surround the ring. Although the WWE doesn’t want us to know it, Batista actually injured his pectoral muscle trying to imitate that Fergie thing from “My Humps.” Batista overpowers Orton, but as soon as the match gets underway, the Raw guys run out, triggering a huge brawl. Orton takes out Cade & Murdoch. HBK sneaks in and superkicks him. Rey 619s HBK. Carlito gives Rey the Overdrive. Batista clears house but gets caught in there with Kane and Big Show. They overpower him as the SD don’t seem to notice. JBL dives at them, trying to save Batista, but Shelton Benjamin intercepts him. Show and Kane double chokeslam Batista through the announce table as the battle continues in the ring. [NR]

Final Thoughts: They’re really trying to build that match with a series of hot brawls, and for the most part, it’s working. They’ve done what they can, but it doesn’t look good for SurSer as there isn’t a lot of buzz about anything but the main event. No one really cares about Flair/HHH, and Booker/Benoit has been done to death. Their backs are against the wall, but sometimes that’s when Vince and company are at their best. See you Sunday for Survivor Series and Tuesday night for Smackdown live!

J.D. Dunn