The Sure Thing Review: Undertaker – He Buries Them Alive

Hey ladies and gents. I’m back with my second review here. I’ve decided to start doing a poll of what show to review next. That way everyone gets a say. The only condition is that your vote must come with your feedback, opinion, or comments on the current review. So make your comment, hit the enter key a few times, and then vote for the next review. Your choices are as follows;

WWF Wrestlemania IX (9)
WWF Rebellion 2001
WWF Royal Rumble 1995
WWE Wrestlemania XXVII (27)
WWF Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart (Coliseum Video)

Anyway, I’m hoping to hear from all of you and hope your enjoying my reviews. Lets get it on!

· Your host is ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted DiBiase.

· DiBiase lets us know that he’s taking time out of his busy schedule to host this WWE Coliseum Video. DiBiase then lets us know that The Undertaker is one of the greatest superstars in the history of the WWE and that he should know, since he’s the one responsible for bringing The Undertaker to the WWE back at Survivor Series 1990.

· The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Ted DiBiase)
This is from Summerslam 1994. Your hosts for this match are Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, and Jerry Lawler. Ted DiBiase’s impostor Undertaker was of course, Brian Lee who is better know as Chainz (Disciples of Apocalypse) later on his WWF career. In 2002, Lee would also go on to win the TNA Tag Team Championships with Slash. For reading purposes, I’m going to refer to the impostor Undertaker by his real name. I still can’t believe they thought this was the best match to start off the DVD with. The Undertaker’s entrance takes about 147 hours back in 1994 too, so new era wrestling fans, don’t think we had it any easier back then. The Undertaker gets us started with a kick to the mid-section of the Lee that doesn’t even come close to connecting. Lee comes off the ropes with a body block, but the Undertaker doesn’t budge. Then Lee just clocks the Undertaker with a few solid punches before whipping the Undertaker into the ropes. Lee gets hit with a clothesline for his troubles. The Undertaker sends Lee to the outside with a throat thrust. DiBiase distracts the Undertaker as Lee heads towards Paul Bearer, likely to get the urn. The Undertaker drags up to the apron and brings Lee back into the ring with a suplex. Lee does the trademark Undertaker sit-up, but gets thrown over the top rope. The Undertaker follows Lee to the outside and hits another throat thrust (Vince, it’s not a chop!). The Undertaker drags Lee back up to the apron but Lee reverses dropping Undertakers throat across the top rope. Lee back in, grabs Undertaker’s arm and starts to climb the turnbuckle. The Undertaker stops Lee through by throwing him off the top rope. Undertaker then shows Lee how its done as he climbs the turnbuckle and drops a forearm across the back of Lee. They proceed to botch a simple hot-shot spot before continuing with punches. Boring. Vince has a great line here “The capacity crowd in awe, they don’t know quite what to think.” I’ll let you have your own opinion here. Lee knocks Undertaker over with a clothesline before missing a jumping elbow drop. Undertaker hits a clothesline and then goes.. back to punches! OH MY GOD! The Undetaker goes for a running (sort-of) clothesline but Lee ducks sending Undertaker to the outside. Lee follows to the outside and slams Undertaker’s head off the steel steps. Back in the ring, and I’m just sitting here wondering who’s idea it was to make this the main event of Summerslam 1994. The Undertaker misses a clothesline and Lee hits a huge chokeslam. Lee hits The Undertaker with a tombstone piledriver but doesn’t even try to score the pinfall. Lee goes for another one, but The Undertaker reverses it into a jumping tombstone. The Undertaker picks Lee up and hits a second tombstone piledriver. The Undertaker hits a third tombstone piledriver and covers, 1…2…3! (9:10) Finally. DiBiase runs backstage as The Undertaker rolls Brian Lee into a cakset. Exciting. I think I can count on one hand the amount of wrestling moves used in the duration of that match. On the bright side, I think it’s impossible for the next match to be worse. 1/4*

· The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Kwang (w/ Harvey Whippleman)
This is from an episode of RAW in 1994. Your hosts for this match are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage. Kwang is better known for his run as Savio Vega, about a year from the airing of this match. Kwang makes the first move heading towards the Undertaker but runs into a boot to the mid-section. Undertaker sends Kwang to the mat with a throat thrust before smashing Kwang’s head into the turnbuckle. The Undertaker whips Kwang into the ropes and ducks down, but Kwang hits him with a double karate chop. Of course, The Undertaker no sells and hits Kwang with a body slam. The Undertaker misses a jumping elbow drop and Kwang manages to capitalize with a kick to the jaw sending the Undertaker to the outside. The Undertaker climbs back onto the apron and Kwang meets him with a headbunt, before spitting his trademark mist into the air. The Undertaker drops Kwang’s throat across the top rope from the apron and Savage informs us that only the Undertaker would have that move in his arsenal. HA! Back in the ring and the Undertaker goes up top with Kwang’s arm cranked jumping off with his trademark forearm. OLD SCHOOL! Oh wait, this is 1994. The Undertaker chokes Kwang on the top rope. Okay, who’s the face here? Undertaker sends Kwang off the ropes and goes for a flying clothesline, but Kwang somersaults out of the way. Kwang hits the Undertaker with a baseball slide to send him out of the ring. CLIPPAGE! Probably for a commercial. Back in the ring, Kwang is still in control as he hits a double axe handle on the Undertaker. The two men exchange shots before Kwang high kick and clotheslines the Undertaker to the outside. The Undertaker lands on his feet though and climbs to the apron while Kwang poses in the ring. Kwang turns around and charges but the Undertaker grabs him by the throat and heads back into the ring. Whippleman distracts the referee and Kwang spits green mist into the fact of the Undertaker. Kwang goes to capitalize, but the Undertaker spits the green mist right back at Kwang. While blinded, Kwang is met with a chokeslam from the Undertaker who covers, 1…2…3! (5:17 shown) It was okay for a RAW match, especially with the limited time they had to work with. I’m sure Kwang had a longer heat segment during the tapings, but for what it we got, it was watchable. *1/2

· DiBiase apologizes to Kwang before introducing us to the next match, which closes the lid on one of the Undertakers biggest feuds at the time.

· Casket Match: The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji & Jim Cornette)
This is from an Survivor Series in 1994. Your hosts for this match are Vince McMahon and Gorilla Monsoon. Chuck Norris is the special guest enforcer. McMahon claims Yokozuna is over the 600lbs mark at this point. The Undertaker gains control but Yokozuna reverses a whip and hits a body splash in the corner. The Undertaker no sells, of course. The Undertaker hits Yokozuna with a throat thrust which sends to the big man to the outside on top of the casket. Yokozuna quickly gets off and rushes away to regroup. Yokozuna pulls the Undertaker to the outside but the Undertaker gains control by smashing Yokozuna’s head off the steel steps. Back in the ring, the Undertaker grabs Yokozuna with an arm crank and heads up the turnbuckle, flying off with a forearm smash to the back. Yokozuna doesn’t fall though. The Undertaker runs off the ropes but Yokozuna catches him with a Samoan drop. Yokozuna follows up with a series of headbunts that knock the Undertaker to the floor. Yokozuna tries to slide the Undertaker into the the casket to no avail. The Undertaker drops Yokozuna’s throat across the top rope, finally sending the big man to the ground. The Undertaker misses a jumping elbow drop, and Yokozuna hits a uranage (which makes me wonder if he taught Rocky how to do the Rock Bottom). Yokozuna follows up with a huge leg drop as the Undertaker was trying to sit up. Yokozuna pushes the Undertakers lifeless (HA!) body into the casket, but the Undertaker stops the lid from shutting. Undertaker brings Yokozuna into the casket with him as the both battle. The Undertaker takes the upper hand before Mr. Fuji grabs him. Undertaker knocks outs Cornette before getting back into the ring. Yokozuna takes control with a scoop slam. Yokozuna slams Undertakers skull off the steel steps from inside the ring. Nice. CLIPPAGE! King Kong Bundy comes towards the ring but Chuck Norris stares him down. Bam Bam Bigelow joins Bundy, but Norris doesn’t take a step back. Back in the ring, the Undertaker is about to slide Yokozuna into the casket but I.R.S. comes from the crowd nailing the Undertaker with a low blow. I.R.S. is a house of fire, nailing the Undertakers skull off multiple turnbuckles. I.R.S. follows that up with a sleeper and proceeds to throw the Undertaker in the casket. I don’t think Chuck Norris ever even noticed him. Yokozuna stumbles towards the casket to close it, but the Undertaker grabs Yokozuna by the throat. On the outside, Jeff Jarrett makes his way down but Chuck Norris levels him. In the ring, the Undertaker hits a flying clothesline followed by a jumping DDT. The Undertaker hits Yokozuna with a big boot sending him into the casket and slams it shut for the victory. (12:05 shown) As boring as the Undertaker was back then, I always enjoyed Yokozuna. Call it a guilty pleasure, but he was always entertaining. Match was a lot better than their effort from the Royal Rumble earlier in the year, but still nothing you need to see. *1/2

· The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart (w/ Owen Hart)
This is from an episode of WWF Superstars in 1994. Your hosts for this match are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler. We get some stalling to start, as the bell rings while Anvil and Owen are still talking on the outside. The Undertaker finally comes out to get some, but the Anvil quickly slides back in the ring. The Undertaker follows, but this allows Anvil to get the early advantage. Anvil ducks a clothesline attempt from the Undertaker but runs into a big boot. The Undertaker grabs Anvil by the arm and heads to the top rope coming off with a forearm to the back. The Undertaker sends Anvil to the mat with a short arm clothesline. The Undertaker goes for a jumping clothesline, but the Anvil ducks. Anvil hits a clothesline on the Undertaker sending him to the mat. The Undertaker gets back to his fet but Anvil hits him with a huge powerslam and covers, 1…2…NO! That was the first pin attempt of this collection that didn’t lead to a pinfall victory. Anvil with a blatant choke hold and follows up with a double axe handle on the Undertaker. Apparently Paul Bearer has left ringside. Anvil getting a lot of offense as he continues to pound on the Undertaker in the corner. Owen is on the outside telling the Undertaker to Rest In Peace. One of the greats. Anvil hits a throat thrust of his own, which sends the Undertaker down to a knee. The Anvil follows up with a nice suplex and covers, 1…2……NO! Anvil throws the Undertaker to the mat with a facebuster. Owen lets us know that the Anvil is awesome, while Paul Bearer returns to the ring with a casket (which appears to be the same one used at Survivor Series 1994). Back in the ring, the Anvil stomps on the Undertaker before hitting some elbow drops. The Anvil struts around the ring before continuing his assault on the Undertaker. The Anvil reverses an irish-whip, but the Undertaker springs off the ropes with a flying body block that sends Anvil to the mat. The Undertaker hits Anvil with a big boot, which sends Anvil into the casket on the outside. Anvil gets freaked and heads to the back with Owen, drawing the count-out. (6:02) Honestly, this surprised me a little. The Anvil was good in small doses (which is why he was a great tag team wrestler) and the match wasn’t long enough to expose the Undertakers lack of ability. *3/4

· Casket Match: The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler
This is a Coliseum Video exclusive, likely taped sometime in 1994. Your hosts for this match are Stan Lane and Gorilla Monsoon. I’m going to assume this is a casket match, since their are two referees and both are on the outside of the ring beside the casket. The Undertaker walks towards Lawler, who quickly runs to the opposite side of the ring. The Undertaker and Lawler lock-up in the corner before the Undertaker manages to send Lawler to the mat with a right hand. Lawler quickly gets out of the ring to draw some heat. Jerry Lawler heads towards Paul Bearer, as the Undertaker follows him on the outside. Bearer takes off the lid of the urn shining a light into the eyes of Lawler. Stan Lane is unsure of how many watts it was. HA! I love Stan. Lawler stalls in the corner before heading to the outside. Lawer reaches into his tights and appears to have something in his hand. More stalling as the Undertaker whats for Lawler to get into the ring. Lawler gets onto the apron and the Undertaker walks over but its met with a fist full of something to the face. Lawler continues to use the foreign object as he punches the Undertaker multiple times back inside the ring. After a bunch of rights, Lawler puts the object back into his tights. Lawler grabs the Undertaker by the throat and asks for the casket to be opened. Lawler gets away from the grip and scampers to the outside of the ring, far away from the casket. Lawler is a great heel for the live crowd, no doubt. Lawler goes back into his tights and has something in his right hand again. Lawler pounds on the Undertaker with a bunch of rights. Lawler climbs up to the second rope and flies off with a right, staggering the Undertaker. Lawler does it again, this time knocking the Undertaker down to the mat. Lawler asks for the casket to opened and tries to toss the Undertaker inside to no avail. Lawler finally gets the Undertaker into the casket but can’t get the lid shut. The Undertaker climbs out of the casket and slams Lawler’s head into the top turnbuckle. Lawler back into his tights and grabs the foreign object, but the Undertaker blocks the punch. The Undertaker with a scoop slam and follows it up with a jumping elbow drop but misses. The Undertaker is back to his feet first though but Lawler manages to hit the Undertaker with a low blow. Lawler drags the Undertaker by his hair and tries to get the Undertaker back into the casket again to no avail. The Undertaker nails Lawler with the tombstone piledriver. The Undertaker struggles to get Lawler into the casket, but he finally gets him in and slams the lid shut for the victory. (7:47) This was just there. It didn’t kill me but that doesn’t mean it was good. Lawler was entertaining as a heel but he was a lot better for a live crowd than someone watching on tape or DVD. *

· DiBiase says he can’t imagine being wheeled off in a dark casket, especially because it’d wrinkle his suit. DiBiase lets us know that we we’re honoured to have him as the host and that he’ll see us all at the bank. DiBiase’s trademark laugh to end might possibly be the best part of the DVD.

The 411: Wow. I can honestly say that I will probably never watch this DVD again. Can't believe I spent my money on this DVD. Their are five matches on this collection and they average *1/4. Yikes. This is quite possibly the worst WWE Home Video ever produced and I beg for someone to prove me wrong... Actually, I don't because I don't want to sit through something worse than this. Thankfully it was only an hour in running time. Crazy to think this guy would go one to have two or three of the greatest matches in the history of the sport.

Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]