wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling 5 & 1 06.19.10: When it Raynes, it Pours

June 19, 2010 | Posted by Ryan Merholz

BEFORE WE BEGIN…
Hello everyone and welcome to the Wrestling 5 & 1!!!

I am your host, Ryan Merholz and if you think I’m as swell as I do, you should follow me on Twitter!

www.twitter.com/411RyanMerholz

Learn cool things about me maybe, and at the very least, stock up on real life wrestlers to follow yourself!

Probably follow the rest of the fine 411 Twitter feeds as well…

http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma

Finally, a quick shout-out to Stephen Randle – author of The Wrestling News Experience here on 411mania. Randle out of the goodness of his heart plugs my column every Monday in his own, and for that I thank him. I’d give the rest of the staff shit for not doing the same, but I don’t exactly promote anybody myself so I guess I’d better just take what I can get!

Alright, let’s get this show on the road!

VS.

Last week’s contest was Lacey Von Erich vs. Tiffany. When all the votes were tallied, Tiffany out-foxed Lacey by a final count of 53 – 41!

Thanks to everybody who voted!

The competitors this week are a pair of ladies you haven’t seen in a while, so I thought I would give them some screen time:

Sarita VS. Taylor Wilde

VOTE IN YOUR COMMENT!

I’m sure that it’s dawned on everyone already that there are only so many wrestling ladies I can realistically use in the column before I have to start repeating. That said, I’ve begun to plan for the eventual running dry of the well.

In a few weeks time, keep your eyes peeled for the star-studded debut of The 5&1 VS. Tournament of Hawtness!

5 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT…THE UNDERTAKER

Nobody seems to know what happened to the Undertaker, but apparently he’s in a coma. Proof positive that NOBODY finds Michelle McCool interesting.

Wah wahhhhhhhhhhh….

Anyway, here’s some other reveals about the Phenom while we wait for Kane to figure out whodunit…

1. Before getting into professional wrestling, he intended to become a professional basketball player.
2. Undertaker holds the longest undefeated streak of the 1990’s, having never lost a match between December 1991 and September 1993.
3. He won his first professional wrestling title in a match against Jerry “The King” Lawler.
4. Outside of the ring, he has ventured into the real estate business and owns a $2.7m office building in Loveland, Colorado.
5. During his three-year “American Badass” gimmick, he used a total of five difference entrance themes.
WRESTLING TWITTER A-GO-GO

This weeks tweet having nothing to do with anybody named Bryan comes from TNAs latest surprise, Tommy Dreamer:

“If Kramer and Kramerica Industries can come up with an idea for oil spills, why can’t BP oil think of something”

Excellent point Tommy! You should get a guest spot on Joey Styles’ blog!

VIDEO A-GO-GO

This week I thought I’d post something completely unrelated to anything happening in the news. Shocking, I know!

I was browsing YouTube the other night looking for a clip of the final minutes of RAW so I could get another look at that sneaky limo driver when I stumbled upon this old gem:

Can you believe the heat? Drew McIntyre would probably trade Tiffany for anything close to that.

I miss HBK, they should make him GM of RAW instead of Bret. At least he’d get the company’s name right.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

This Sunday, WWE offers up its latest gimmick pay-per-view in the form of Fatal 4-Way. With only five matches announced for the card, each one had better be well worth the individual price tag or this could big the biggest waste of money in a long time. Let’s have a look at what’s on tap!

Presents:

Preview

First, as always, we start off with our super-scientific formula for calculating the projected worth of each part of the show. Keep in mind I round things to the nearest nickel, so as not to piss myself off. Oh, and for the purposes of this column, I don’t have HD and neither do you.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
P = 2(A)x + 1.5(B)x + 1(C)x + 0.1(P)

Ten-percent of the PPV price accounts for non-wrestling related activities, such as in-ring promos, backstage segments, video packages, etc. Aside from that, A B and C represent the different classes of matches on the card:

Class C: Filler matches with little to no solid build behind them.
Class B: Secondary, but still significant matches that were well-promoted prior to the show.
Class A: The main event, as well as other high-profile, heavily promoted matches on the card, usually involving the major titles.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The Breakdown (as I see it):

Class C: Divas championship Fatal 4-Way Match

Class B: The Miz vs. R-Truth, Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston

Class A: WWE Championship Fatal 4-Way Match, World Heavyweight Championship Fatal 4-Way Match

The Calculation (as the universe sees it):

45 = 2(2)x + 1.5(2)x + 1(1)x + 0.1(45)
45 = 4x + 3x + 1x + 4.5
40.5 = 8x
x = 3.25 (rounded to the nearest nickel)

The Result (as you will see it):

Class A: $10.10
Class B: $7.60
Class C: $5.05
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
So how does the show shape up?

Special Note!

Not many matches have been announced for Fatal 4-Way, but I’m pretty confident that we’re going to see a decent chunk of this Sundays show devoted to the NXT invasion of RAW. Wade Barrett made it clear to Bret Hart that they are demanding answers no later than Sunday, so I’d be surprised if we didn’t see the next chapter of this angle revealed on PPV.

That said, it would fall under the 10% cost of all non-wrestling content, so I won’t be adjusting the price values for the review next week unless there is actually another match added on the fly.

WWE Divas Championship Fatal 4-Way Match: Eve Torres (c) vs. Maryse vs. Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox

Hey look Gail is on PPV! And there’s Alicia too! Pay to see her bump on her ass instead of her back!

This will probably not be all that good, and will probably be short as hell despite the fact that pinfalls are supposed to be nearly impossible in 4-way matches.

Maryse works much better as a heel champion, so I’m thinking we see her regain the title here via pinfall on Gail Kim, because God has a sense of humor.

Price Tag: $5.05

United States Championship: The Miz (c) vs. R-Truth

Like everyone else who has discussed this match-up since Monday, I’m confused as to why they rushed the title back to Miz in a throwaway 4-way match on free TV. If the entire point was to set up the notion that its hard for champions to retain in 4-way matches, then that’s kinda dumb but oh well.

The title does a lot more for Miz than it does for Truth, but I’m thinking we’re going to see another title change at Fatal 4-Way. Miz didn’t win the title by pinning Truth on RAW, so we’ll probably see R-Truth get some satisfaction in the one-on-one match-up.

Price Tag: $7.60

Intercontinental Championship: Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Kofi Kingston

Much like last month at Over the Limit, Matt Hardy is the wild card in this match. Sure he’s banned from RAW and Smackdown, but his suspension made no mention of Pay-per-views! Ahahaha the glorious world of loop-holes!

If reports of management cooling on Drew are true (please God let them be true), I’d like to think he loses again this month. I’m looking for more shenanigans here from Matt Hardy and another victory for Kofi Kingston to retain the title.

Price Tag: $7.60

World Heavyweight Championship Fatal 4-Way Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. The Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

As I mentioned last week, with the Undertaker out of this match we have the upside of ruling out his needless victory and subsequent title reign that may very well have taken place. Instead, we have a trio of contenders who provide some very different styles and quite an interesting match-up.

Expect to see plenty of spots with Big Show tossing around Rey and Punk, only to eventually be knocked out of the ring and not factor in the decision.

What would be best for this match would be for Show to be within reach of victory, get tossed by Swagger, and Swagger destroy Rey with a doctor-bomb for the victory.

I don’t think the outcome is really in question here, but I think there’s a good chance this match will be better than most of us expect. Regardless, when the bell rings I think Jack Swagger will still be champion.

Price Tag: $10.10

WWE Championship Fatal 4-Way Match: John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Sheamus

The booking of this one has been strange to say the least, particularly on the subject of Randy Orton.

We all know something went wonky with Ortons shoulder at Over the Limit, but since then it seems like the severity of the injury changes every week. Will it be a factor here? Will Edge put him on the shelf or will Orton finally get some measure of revenge for the weeks of attacks? Does anybody even give a shit about Sheamus in this match?

Regardless, none of these guys are walking out with the title. Orton and Edge are clearly not finished with their blood feud – which has enough traction without the WWE title involved – and we sure won’t be seeing Sheamus coming out on top here. John Cena is the master of beating the odds and I can’t see any reason for him to drop the title to anybody this month.

Price Tag: $10.10

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
So will the show be worth it? Even if you’re not plunking down the cash tonight, I sure as hell am! Come back next week and check out whether or not my money was well spent!
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
Alright kids, tuck in with a snack because it’s time now for the legit Wrestling 5 & 1, that’s 5 tasty tidbits of news from this week, & 1 smokin’ hottie to send you all home happy!

The Chronicles of Danielson: The Bryan, The Tie, and The Outrage

Undoubtedly the biggest story of this week, hell, of the last few months, has been Bryan Danielson’s release from World Wrestling Entertainment.

In case you don’t actually read this website aside from my quality weekly offering, here’s what you’ve missed:

Friday, June 11 – Late in the evening it is announced that Bryan Danielson has been future endeavored. IWC goes apeshit.

Saturday, June 12 – Reports indicate that Danielson was released for crossing the line regarding WWE’s PG standards, specifically by choking ring announcer Justin Roberts with his own tie, which is a big no-no as it draws parallels to Chris Benoit.

Most seem to think the release is a total work. Heelish tweeting by Michael Cole supports this theory:

Yes. I fired Daniel Bryan.

Continuing reports state that Danielson may have been released due to “outside sources” pressuring WWE to do so. It would seem that Mr. McMahon was not, in fact, the higher power…

Sunday, June 13 – Danielson breaks his silence via Twitter, officially changing his account name and posting the following:

“Biding my time, waiting for the right moment to speak.”

The Champ himself, John Cena, also spoke out regarding Danielson’s release. Clearly not understanding the point of Twitter, he posted the longest tweet in history on the subject:

“I am very upset to hear about the release of bryan danielson. Social networks were formed so people would have a voice, and an opinon. I Know you all have your own, theories and whatnot. I respect that. I have never asked any of you to feel a certaint way about me. But Bryan left a lasting impression on the wwe universe in a very short time, and although it came at my expense, I agree with the majority Of you who are caught off guard by this choice. I know I’m not exactly appreciated by all, nor do I care to be, but I believe what I believe. I would like bryan to come back to the wwe. I would like to sign your petition to bring him back. I was taught to stand up for what I beileve in. I tried and failed, so I could Use some help. Tell me how to sign and I will. If for nothing else, to at least have a chance to have a match with him after what was done I know that seems a bit more fair. Give me a chance to have a fair match with him, and give him yet another chance to prove that he does Belong with us. Sorry for the long message, I know I am probally way out of line, I am sorry if I have offended anyone. But like me or not That is what Hustle. Loyalty. And most importantly Respect means to me. Enjoy game 5.”

Danielson’s refusal to comment, combined with Cena’s seemingly speaking out against the head office, further spare speculation that this whole thing is a work.

Monday, June 14 – RAW replys air with the choking footage still included. WWE.com offers a Father’s Day special where the first 300 orders receive a free necktie. IT’S A WORK meter skyrockets.

Meanwhile, the Insider reports further confirmation that Danielson was indeed released for acting too much like Chris Benoit, going so far as to point out that WWE would likely have to be lying to every executive in the company at this point if the whole thing were a work. IWC goes apeshit again, this time citing every occurrence of anyone using a Crossface or chocking anyone with a rope in the last 5 years.

Later that day, it is confirmed that Danielson is not in attendance for Monday Night RAW, and that WWE staff is confiscating signs having anything to do with his release from the fans in attendance.

Wade Barrett gives a kayfabe explanation for Bryans absence, saying he was kicked out of the faction for feeling a teensy bit of remose for attacking the crew last Monday. The IT’S A WORK hopes of millions suddenly cry out – and then are silenced.

Tuesday, June 15 – Not even Stone Cold Steve Austin understands why Danielson was fired.

Wednesday, June 16 – Jim Ross chimes in to assure everyone that Danielson’s release probably didn’t have anything to do with Linda McMahon’s senate campaign, going so far as to point out that Linda has been uninvolved with WWE longer than anyone outside the organization probably realizes.

Danielson announces that he is officially available for independent bookings. He is technically allowed to do so despite his 90-day no-compete clause, provided that his bookings are approved by WWE. IWC jumps back on the IT’S A WORK wagon, as there is no way they’d be letting him do anything otherwise.

Later in the day, it is announced that Danielson will be working 7/23 for EVOLVE and 7/24 with Dragon Gate USA, reuniting with Gabe Sapolsky. IWC is pissed that WWE is so stupid.

Thursday, June 17 – Danielson is announced for a 7/30 PWG show, as well as Westside Xtreme Wrestling in Germany on 7/3 and AMBITION on 7/4. Rampant speculation that this might still be some kind of sick work, as all dates thus far are contained within the month of July. IWC: Danielson will be back by Summerslam!

Just to be dicks, WWE posts a vote on their Facebook page asking whether or not Danielson should be re-signed. Anyone over the age of six recognizes this as nothing more than a cheap ploy to generate hits, kind of like all the pictures of pretty ladies in this column.

Gabe Sapolsky boasts about working with Danielson again on PWInsider, basically admitting he would let Danielson get to third base on the first date:

“Bryan returning is a huge boost for the entire independent wrestling scene. This should be a great opportunity to create a lot of excitement and present some awesome matches. I can’t wait for EVOLVE on July 23rd and Dragon Gate USA on July 24th. Personally, having Bryan back means a great deal. He’s someone I’ve depended on since my very first show as booker. I would take a locker room full of Bryans. I’ve always loved working with him and I’m so happy to have this opportunity again.”

By the end of the day, the Insider reports that WWE fully intends to bring Danielson back once the heat dies down. Despite this being pretty uplifting news, many within the IWC are still pissed because they guy really didn’t deserve this (fake) release to begin with.

Dolph Ziggler tries to get in on the action and get some cheap heat on Twitter, but I already promote the guy every week with my graphics so I’m not gonna post his tweets on top of that. Sorry Ziggles.

Friday, June 18 – The first day since Danielson’s release that there is no real new development in the story. Things are finally seeming to quiet down and most are willing to accept that the release is real.
————————————————————-
And now you’re up to speed! Quite the little story eh? The best part? Despite all this coverage and all these updates, nobody can say with absolute certainty whether this is a work or not. And I am absolutely loving it.

This is really the first story that has gotten me amped up since the glory days of WWE in the late 90s/early 00s. I’ve really enjoyed following the coverage, as well as everyone’s comments, as it’s really interesting seeing which developments change which people’s opinions of work vs. real each time around. Love or hate what’s going on with Danielson at the moment, I don’t think anyone can deny it’s been a fun week to be a wrestling fan.

Big Changes: Part XXVII – Coming Soon to a TNA Near You

Somebody really needs to take Twitter away from Dixie Carter, or at least teach her the concept of oversaturation. It seems like every week or two she is making another huge announcement that will “change TNA forever”.

Really quick, let’s take a look back at some of those changes thus far…

1. Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff sign with TNA
2. TNA moves to a live show on Monday nights opposite WWE Raw
3. TNA brings in Ken Anderson
4. TNA moves back to taped shows on Thursdays because “the fans demanded it” ie the ratings tanked
5. Tommy Dreamer buys a ticket and watches Slammiversary
Looking pretty solid so far on these.
While nothing is confirmed as of yet, the front-running theories at the moment are either that TNA is bringing in a new creative force in the form of Paul Heyman or that TNA is dropping pay-per-view.’
Let me say this – If Paul Heyman turns out to be what’s happening, I’m back on board.
If they give Heyman the creative reins and keep everyone else the hell out of the kitchen, I think he’d do a great job of utilizing the strengths of TNAs roster and churn out some interesting television rather than just a bunch of WCW swerves and retarded turns.
If TNA drops pay-per-view and instead goes to live specials on Spike TV for their big shows, then this is good news as it means I’ll be able to do Worth Your Wealth for TNA!
Let’s all just cross our fingers and hope it doesn’t end up being something disappointing along the lines of a lame ECW invasion storyline or another “big name” signing like Carlito.

More Idiots Seriously Injuring Children

A 2 year old girl remains in stable condition after being chokeslammed by two of her mother’s friends. The report indicates that the men speculated that they “must have” injured the girl performing wrestling moves on her. Really? You’re sure that was probably what did it?

The child suffered a fracture in her right leg, as well as bruises on her face, torso, and buttocks. The girls mother, who for some reason is allowed to keep her daughter after a previous conviction for child neglect, left her child in the perfectly capable hands of these two chuckleheads and their shiny new “Undertaker’s Deadliest Matches” DVD (now available on WWEShop.com or local retailers near you!).

I guess seeing a seven foot tall man beat the shit out of his seven foot tall mask-clad brother is the perfect mental cue to want to toss a little kid around like a rag doll. If they’re actually trying to emulate their favorite wrestlers, shouldn’t they really be injuring each other instead of their girlfriends’ toddlers?

People bitch and moan about how annoying the “smarks” are, but I’d take a legion of you people visiting my house while I recover from oral surgery before I’d leave my little kid alone with two wrestling fans from West Virginia.

Fool Roxxi Thrice, Shame on Her

TNA Knockout Roxxi was release from the company this week. Again.

I feel bad for her because she’s actually a talented worker, but I really have to wonder why she keeps coming back at this point. Maybe they suckered her into thinking they’d give her a decent push seeing as they’ve managed to run off most of the other talent in the Knockout’s division at this point.

On top of that, ODB has up and quit. Can anybody blame her? She was the Knockout’s champion for like a day and then has not been seen since then. While not as solid of a worker in my eyes, still another serious loss for the Knockout’s division.

This brings the total casualties of the Hogan regime to six – Awesome Kong, Alissa Flash, Traci Brooks, Tara, Roxxi, and ODB. This leaves the Knockout’s division basically with the Beautiful People, Angelina Love, Daffney, Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Hamada (still around someplace), and Rosie Lottalove (*frowny face*).

Take a look at the list of names who have departed and compare that to the list of names still employed and it’s pretty obvious that something has gone terribly wrong with the Knockout’s division.

Those still on the roster who bring a solid workrate haven’t been seen on television virtually at all since the changing of the guard, and there is still speculation that Hamada will be gone when her contract expires.

Hope everybody enjoys the mega-push Rosie Lottalove is about to get. Va va voooooooooom!

The 2010 RAW Nostalgia Tour

WWE has announced that a total of 6 episodes of RAW will be taped over the next 3 months in order to accommodate for the upcoming international tour:

July 26th: San Antonio, Texas – The July 26th and August 2nd episodes will be taped.

August 16th: Los Angeles, California – The August 16th and August 23rdepisodes will be taped.

September 20th: Indianapolis, Indiana – The September 20th and September 27th will be taped.

Cue the TNA fans sounding the death knell for World Wrestling Entertainment! Will these taped RAWs likely hurt the ratings a bit? Probably so (thanks 411!), but it’s not going to be the end of the world.

I’m in Chicago, so I might actually try and get out to see that Indianapolis show. At the very least seeing a double RAW would definitely be worth the price of admission.

And that’s really all I have to say about this one. Can I help it’s a slow news week outside of Danielson? The column ain’t called the 4 & 1, after all!

Your thoughts?