The Wrestling News Experience: 10.23.06

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I’m Stephen Randle, and I have a math problem for everyone. If a car that you were going to buy for $500 is revealed to require $3000 in repairs after a safety inspection, and the junkyard will give you $200 for it instead, how much is it going to cost to repair the wall I punched a hole in when I heard the news?

Actually, I didn’t punch a wall. I heard the news at 7:30 in the morning and was way too tired to punch anything. Good one, God, you really got me that time.

Moving on.

PPV In Review – TNA Bound For Glory 2006

Larry, of course, had the live coverage for TNA’s biggest show to date.

Austin Starr won the Kevin Nash X-Division Invitational Gauntlet Battle Royal

Only problem I have with the match is that #1 and #2 ended up the final two competitors, which kind of defeated the purpose of a Royal Rumble-style match. Having the starters finish the match kind of kills the concept. I think TNA should just have gone for a straight battle royal, but then you wouldn’t get all the surprise returns. I guess it’s a tossup.

Team 3D defeated The Naturals, AMW, and The James Gang in a Four Corners Challenge

So…who’s the number one contenders now? Does The Franchise get pissed at the Naturals all over again and strip them of the shot…again? So much for the slow build of Team 3D towards the tag titles, I guess that means LAX is winning later so they’ll have someone to feud with who isn’t Styles and Daniels.

Samoa Joe defeated Abyss, Runt, and Raven in a Monster’s Ball match

Well, I would hope so, since last week he was holding the NWA title itself hostage. Think he’ll be #1 contender to the NWA Title now? I have money that says no. Dare to bet against me?

Eric Young defeated Larry Zbysko in a Loser Gets Fired match

Not that I’m complaining, I like gimmick matches, but boy, there sure are a lot of stipulations going on tonight. You’d think Russo was booking….oh wait…

Chris Sabin defeated Senshi to win the X-Division Championship

Probably a good match, but what happened to all the hype of bringing back Lo Ki to pump up the X-Division? Hell, he essentially won the belt from Joe. Kind of a slide downwards, wouldn’t you say?

Christian Cage defeated Rhino in an 8-Mile Street Fight

I honestly thought they’d give this one to Rhino to pump up the hometown crowd, but I’m happier that Christian pulled it out. Turns out, if you book him to win matches, he doesn’t look like a jobber with a fanbase, and might actually draw money. What a concept.

LAX defeated AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels to win the NWA Tag Team Championship in a Six Sides of Steel Match

In case you’re interested, I did this section concurrent with the live coverage, so I actually didn’t know the results of this match when I predicted the win previously. So, that’s right Canada, Stephen Called It.

Sting defeated Jeff Jarrett to win the NWA Championship

Hopefully the next matchup will not be Jarrett in a rematch, but Sting vs Christian to close that storyline out. I know, faint hope ne’r won fair maiden or somesuch.

Anyway, good matches, decent results, and Sting won without too many shenanigans after essentially, a year-long buildup. Hey, maybe if WCW had learned that back in 1997, they’d still be around.

Around The Horn

The Marine remained in the top ten at the box office this week, falling to tenth, and it’s not expected to recoup the production costs in theatres at this point. So…does this mean Kane draws more money than John Cena? Or, and I know this is a shot in the dark, is the company that can’t manage to write particularly good storylines for their weekly TV shows equally or more inept at writing scripts for major motion pictures? It’s a brainteaser, I know.

Kevin Federline, the world’s luckiest hobo (other than the Littlest Hobo, but then, nobody compares to him), will be back on Raw this week, possibly to confront John Cena. Well, you have to admit, beating up K-Fed on a regular basis is not the worst way to make Cena the most popular person in the entire company.

Triple H will be facing Randy Orton tonight on Raw. Just think, two years ago, this was supposed to be the big WrestleMania main event. Now it’s a midcard match on Raw. Something about that makes me all warm inside. No, wait, that’s the alcohol.

Well, at least it’s happening on the 700th episode of Raw ever, which I assume means Vince McMahon will be making some sort of speech where he works that fact in, because quite frankly, that’s what he does every time they hit random milestones that don’t really mean anything.

Kurt Angle’s wife went into labour this weekend, so I assume we should be congratulating Kurt on the birth of his latest child. Here’s hoping you can still play with them in fifteen years. Sincerely.

WWE has announced the pre-sale for WrestleMania tickets will be this Friday at 10 am, and I assume we’ll have the “secret” pre-sale code up at some point this week so that everyone who wants to try and get tickets can do so. Why do I have this feeling that WWE uses the same code I use on my luggage?

Apparently, TNA is planning to have Angle vs Joe at the November PPV, instead of showing patience and doing a long buildup. But this way, Joe doesn’t get an NWA title shot for another month at least, and you can see how that would work well for certain people within the organization who may have played a fake country music star in the past.

WWE screwed up in a massive and public way this week (I know, but keep reading), by announcing the death of the wrestler known as Corporal Kirchner, despite the fact that he’s not actually dead. So, if you think about it…there really isn’t any news other than WWE being screwups, and we can see that at least once or twice a week on TV anyway.

And before I leave this segment, Brooke Hogan’s album is a critical flop. I’ll give you a second to come to terms with the shock.

Okay, time’s up.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 10.16.06

WWE

– Beth Phoenix, RAW, out two months as of June 6 (jaw)
– Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
– Hardcore Holly, ECW, day-to-day as of September 26th (back injury)
– Joey Mercury, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 22 (Wellness)
– Mark Henry, SD!, out 6-8 months as of July 15th (patella)
– Paul Burchill, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 29 (shoulder)
– The Great Khali, SD!, out indefinitely (double knee surgery)

TNA

– Austin Aries, TNA, out two months as of February (suspension)

Transactions

– Austin (Aries) Starr, TNA, returned to action in the X-Division Gauntlet
– D-Ray 3000, TNA, returned to TNA in the X-Division Gauntlet
– Sirelda, TNA, returned to action in the X-Division Gauntlet
– Zach Gowan, TNA, returned to TNA in the X-Division Gauntlet

Theoretically, I suppose Starr is the only one who’s going to make any difference in day-to-day programming. You never know, D-Ray 3000 might break out someday.

– Cryme Time (Shad Gaspard and JTG), RAW, made their in-ring debut October 9

See, I get the whole “wink-wink” idea of the team, they’re parodying racial stereotypes because it’s what you’d expect of a team of two black guys from the mean streets, but really they’re nothing like that. Or something. I just don’t think it’s funny or clever. Hey, how come no one gets up in arms about the Highlanders portraying the Scottish as dimwitted barbarians in kilts? I mean, besides it being true.

– Gail Kim, TNA, day-to-day (unknown, possibly kayfabe injury)

Well, at least you got to see Sirelda and Traci Brooks instead. That almost makes up for it…if you’re into women who look like men. And judging by how popular Chyna got, that might be a substantial number of you. Freaks.

– Jimmy Garvin, WWE, resigned from creative team

Apparently when he heard they needed someone to replace Michael Hayes, he thought they were talking about a new Freebirds faction. When informed of his mistake, he couldn’t get out fast enough.

Hey, has anyone noticed that TNA’s injury list is almost non-existent? Maybe there really is something to this whole “reduced schedule” thing. I mean, TNA still uses piledrivers and crazy top rope moves, and I don’t see fifteen guys getting neck surgery there.

One Year Ago This Experience

Originally posted 10.24.05, and later that week I would foray outside the Wrestling Zone for the first (and only) time, doing a Veronica Mars DVD review. Let’s just say I wasn’t asked to do the second season.

And Rhyno won the NWA title at last year’s edition of Bound For Glory, as a last minute replacement when Kevin Nash was suddenly hospitalized hours before the show. Well, at least it didn’t happen during the match. Anyway, this seemed to signify a fresh start for TNA, with an unexpected but not unwelcome new champion who was also the last ECW champion who never lost the belt…until he lost the belt back to Jarrett a week later on a TNA special on Spike TV. Ah well, maybe Sting will do better.

And WWE’s lowest drawing PPV of the modern era, Taboo Tuesday (I still hate that name), was on the way, and it sucked. For many reasons. This year, they addressed all of those problems, and it looks much better. Well, no, actually, they just moved it back to Sunday in the hopes of it actually garnering a chartable buyrate.

The Wrestling Fan’s Experience

This week’s Experience is courtesy of Caliber Winfield, who wants to see his name in lights here on 411. Well…we don’t have any lights. How’s bold type work for you?

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1. Why I am a wrestling fan –

Because hands down it’s the greatest sport of all time. There’s no off season, there’s no strikes, there’s none of that junk. As far as the entertainment value goes, there are honestly few, if nothing else that beats it. Especially when you get into something like ECW in it’s prime. Plus, I also enjoy the fact that the fans are almost like a secret society. Before the wrestling boom of 97, I was ecstatic when I met a fellow wrestling fan, especially one that was as into it as me, you can talk for hours about all types of shit. The wrestling boom really pissed me off, because it honestly seemed that one week someone was making fun of my nWo shirt, and the next week they were running up to me asking “OH Shit! Did you see Stone Cold give Slaughter the stunner?!”. I wanted to slap the taste out of their mouth. Bottom line, it’s just a lot of fun. So many characters and stories, I’ll never get tired of it. Although McMahon is seemingly trying to push me away…

2. How I got into pro wrestling

The way I got into pro-wrestling is always a favorite story of mine. The year was 95, the month was May, the day was Monday night. I was a chipper 11 year old flipping through the channels when all of a sudden I saw something that caught my eye. Some guy in pink and black tights, with long stringy black hair was rushing over to a table where a guy dressed like a king was announcing. Once the guy reached the table, an onslaught of bleeps where sent spewing through my TV speakers as the pink and black clad assailant was reigning blow after blow on this defenseless announcer. Turns out that Jerry the King Lawler had made quite the fool of Bret ‘The HitMan’ Hart the night before at an In Your House. I was hooked since then, and have been till this day.

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This fan-friendly feature marches on, and you can still be a part of the alliterative phenom (which, according to Word, is not a word. Take that, Michael Cole describing the Undertaker). All you have to do is send me your best answer to one or both of the following questions.

1. Why I am a wrestling fan
2. How I got into pro wrestling

Operators are standing by, waiting for your Experience. Be the next one to be featured in the best damned Monday news report on the entire Internet. The opinions expressed could be yours!

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

The JTG to my Shad (I’m almost positive I’m bigger than him) and Small had the weekend news.

Larry, as I already said, did Bound For Glory.

From the glowing box, Small has Heat, Larry has Hogan Knows Best, Larry also has the TNA Road to Glory special, Cook has OVW/HWA, Dunn, Larry, and Small have Smackdown, and Byers and Larry have Impact. In other news, Larry watches way too much TV. Just think of all the time he could be spending with his wife and my kid instead.

To quote Rutherford, I’m going to go hide for about a week now.

Cowardly Aussie bastard.

The Triple Threat talks about Bound For Glory, and the washed-up Ken Shamrock. Why did they have Ortiz-Shamrock 3 if Ortiz won the first two? Don’t rubber matches usually happen when they’re tied at 1-1?

JP and JT have Hidden Highlights. Enjoy it while you can, soon I will crush them.

Boo reviews the week in TV.

Ari has Column of Honor.

Linkous has hot naked chicks. He’d better not be trying to trick people into reading his column. Because that only works most of the time.

Carapola has the Week in Hardcore.

And Feltham looks at Ricky Steamboat in the Quick Talkdown.

The Gab Bag

From my only semi-inside source, apparently Matt Striker may be getting an indy wrestler named Mike Dell for a tag partner in the near future. I forget, how often has my source been right since I got one?

Anyway, his other news is that 2 Cold Scorpio, in addition to using his Flash Funk personality, will become part of King Booker’s Court and be known as Sir Funk-a-Lot. That’s not actually true, but he’s right, it’s funny to think about.

And Bill Gates, my most loyal reader, wonders if the teaming of Batista and Cena is leading towards a WrestleMania matchup between the two. I’d be fairly sure, but I don’t think it’ll happen this year. Then again, it really seems like they have no idea what they want the feature match of WrestleMania to be this year. In years past, we’ve been able to figure it out months in advance, but not so much this year. Anyone else have any guesses as to what’s going to main event WrestleMania 23? Send it in, let’s get some good old-fashioned speculations going. Only five months to Mania, after all.

Bill also points something out I’d missed…Kane and Undertaker are back on the same brand again. Who will turn on the other first, leading to epic matchup #153286?

And One To Go On

Daylight Savings Time comes to an end this weekend coming up, so use that extra hour to the best of your abilities. Or just do what you normally do, for an hour longer. Except that. That might cause chafing.

Ew, I digusted myself.

411 will have live coverage of Raw starting tonight at 9 pm EDT. Larry’s in tomorrow, and I’ll be back next week, as well as starring in the feature match of the Great Positivity Debate. I plan to win easily, but expect that they’ll cheat to avoid disgrace. Let’s find out together.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.