TNA Impact Insight 10.30.04

Hello everybody, and welcome to this week’s TNA Impact Insight! I am the Impact Playa Steve Cook, and other than my Cincinnati Bengals winning on Monday night, this week has absolutely sucked! I am in a good mood though, with Halloween being tomorrow and an extra hour of sleep coming my way tonight.

Before I start, I would like to encourage all my American Playaholics to go out and cast your vote this Tuesday. The Senate is up for grabs and could go either way, and of course there’s this Presidential election which just might be the most important of our time. Whether you decide to vote for the Giant Douche or the Turd Sandwich, go out there and make your voice heard! It’s important, damn it!

OK, enough of the public service announcement, let’s get it started!

This is TNA…the new face of professional wrestling.

Clips from last week.

Impact Zone! Fans! Guys around the ring! Pyro!

Opening Duthy Promo

I might as well get used to typing those words. “Hail to the Chief” plays Rhodes to the ring, who is accompanied by D-Ray 3000 holding the cheapest campaign sign I’ve ever seen. I live in Kentucky, so that’s saying something. Assorted face wrestlers are around the ring in support of Stardust. Duthy Rhodes is reporting for duty, and may God continue to bless the US of A. He’s rolled up his sleeves, there will be history at Victory Road with or without Vince Russo. Voting starts at 12:01 AM Sunday, November 7th. “Dusty” says the fans. Rhodes then sucks up some more by introducing the next NWA Tag Team Champions, 3 Live Kru. Not quite as big an endorsement as Bruce Springsteen, but what can you do. AMW looks pretty unsettled outside with that announcement. Then out comes the next X Division Champion, A.J. Styles. 3rd but not least, the next NWA Champion, the man Duthy forced on us all, the Charismatic Enema. The girls go wild. Now here comes Vinnie Ru with Head of Security Heavy D. It should be noted that A.J. opens the ropes for them. This might be the last time Russo speaks in front of a wrestling audience. By this point, Styles has made his position on Russo’s side of the ring, and AMW has joined him there. People have tried to run Russo out of wrestling for 5 years because he stuck up for the young guys. Duthy steals the young guys’ spotlight. If Russo gets fired again, so be it. He did the right thing, and Duthy is an egomaniac. PREACH IT BROTHER VINCE! Dusty shoves, they go back and forth, and that’s pretty much that.

It’s too bad that Russo is headed out of TNA no matter what the outcome of this vote is. I always find myself agreeing with his character, mostly because Duthy is an old washed up turd sandwich.

We cut backstage, and the NWA Champion has arrived! Jarrett has his driver pull a ladder out of the back of his vehicle….what does it all mean?

Victory Road card commercial, added this week is a Monster’s Ball match between Abyss, Monty Brown & Raven, and the last team standing match between Triple X & AMW.

We’re back, and Raven is in a dark room with his straitjacket on. Monty can bring his pounce, Abyss can bring his black hole slam, he’ll destroy them both, then the world title will come home, Welcome to the terrordome, quoth the Raven…nevermore.

Match 1: Handicap match with a 10 minute time limit

Eric Stevens & Mark Stephens vs. Monty Brown

Stephens seems excited coming down the ramp, but Stevens has more of an idea of what is in store, and looks uneasy. Monty gets his pyro, and is carrying a large bag with him. He gets attacked at the bell! Stevens & Stephens whip Monty off the ropes, he clotheslines them both! Kick to Stephens, off the ropes, POOOOOOOUUUUUUUUNNNNNNCCCCCCCEEEEEEE! Kick to Stevens, club to the back, off the ropes, POOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUNNNNNNCCCCCCEEEE! Monty drags both men to the middle of the ring and pins them both!

Your winner: Monty Brown (:51)

Monty gets the mike…this is not the place for games. Raven can hop in the Ravenmobile with Abyss and go to Toys R Us. Or, he can get a ball. Monty has a ball for him, the Monster’s Ball on November 7th. It’s time to play Dress Up! Monty takes an Abyss mask out of the bag, puts it on Stephens, and hits a fallaway slam into a powerbomb called the Alpha Bomb! He pulls out a straitjacket, wraps it around Stevens’ head, and hits a fallaway slam! This isn’t the black hole, or the Carnival of Carnage (JUGGALO!), it’s the Serengeti. He didn’t forget about Bryan Cox, the fat water buffalo. The Serengeti is a very dangerous place, Cox, Raven, and Abyss will all feel the POOOOOUUUUUNNNNNNCCCCCEEEEEE! Now an Abyss video plays on the ImpacTron! The narrator says Abyss will prove he’s the best man, period. He is the voice that will articulate Abyss’ hate. Good times!

My Insight: Huzzah jobber squash! TNA better be paying those poor saps to take those beatings! The Bryan Cox reference was shown again on FSN’s Best Damn Sports Show Period, where Cox commented that Monty looked like Tarzan, but in the NFL he played like Jane. One can expect a confrontation when Best Damn features TNA on November 10th and 11th. Also of note was the Abyss video, if like Larry speculates it happens to be Father Mitchell that would own all! Mitchell’s one of my favorite heel managers, he’s a great talker and he looks evil! Good stuff here.

Total Nonstop Interaction promo

We’re back with a promo for the X Gauntlet at Victory Road, which will feature Amazing Red, Kazarian, Michael Shane, D-Ray 3000, Mikey Batts, Jerrelle Clark, L.A. Park, Psicosis, Sonjay Dutt, Shark Boy, Chris Sabin, and the return of Hector Garza!

(I would like to apologize in advance for my lackluster play by play for this next match. Good luck calling one of these things with 20 men at the PPV, Larry!)

Match 2: 6-man X Division Gauntlet where the winner gets the #20 slot at Victory Road

Our first two combatants are Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley.

Headlock by Shelley, reversed by Sabin, off the ropes, kick by Shelley, dropkick in corner by Sabin, Sabin tries to throw Shelley out…

#3. Kazarian

Kaz attacks Sabin with clubs and boots, double team, slam by Kaz, followed up by a springboard legdrop! Shelley hits a running senton on Sabin! Kaz & Shelley try to throw Sabin out…

#4. Sonjay Dutt

Kaz goes for Dutt, but eats some rana! Jawbreaker into a neckbreaker on Shelley! Dutt goes for another rana on Kaz, Kaz tries to reverse it into a powerbomb, but Dutt manages to rana him over the top onto the floor! All 3 remaining men are down…

#5. Michael Shane (w/Traci)

And Traci is absolutely SMOKIN in that black dress! While I’m thinking about that, all 4 men brawl in the ring, and Trinity appears at the announce table. She decides to enter the ring, but gets pulled out by security. She’s lucky that security is there, because Traci would kick her ass otherwise…

#6. Shark Boy

Sharky enters the ring, he punches Shelley in the corner, Dutt eats a Shane superkick and flies out of the ring! Sharky hits a flip into a stunner on Shane, then Shane gets clotheslined out by Sabin! Sharky with a headscissors on Sabin, punches on Shelley, his head meets Shelley’s knee, and Shelley throws him out! It’s down to the first 2 men in the contest, Sabin & Shelley! Flip by Sabin, reversals, enziguri by Sabin, he hits the Cradleshock for 3!

Your winner, and the 20th entrant in the X Gauntlet match at Victory Road: Chris Sabin (5:12)

My Insight: Fast paced exciting stuff way too fast for me to call is always good. Sabin is a guy who was X champ before, but has yet to get back to that level since his injury several months ago forced him to vacate that title. A victory in the X Gauntlet at Victory Road would get him back on track to that level again. Shelley has obviously impressed TNA with his work, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him win it either. One also has to wonder if there will be more interaction with Trinity & Traci, and what effect that will have on Shane & Kazarian’s heel status, or if it will send Traci off on her own. Hmmm, maybe she’ll need a new protйgй…I better get in shape quick!

Shane Douglas is backstage with Coach D’Amore & Petey Williams! On D’Amore’s mind is revenge and retribution. Hardly laid his hands on the coach, and now he will have to fight Petey. Petey says he’s had to fight the stigma of being a pretty boy his whole career, and Hardly will fall victim to the Canadian Destroyer! JJ comes in with his ladder. He motions Petey over and says he likes his attitude. Jarrett will climb the ladder to the pinnacle of his career. Hardly shouldn’t trust Nash, and has been issued Global Warning.

Victory Road, the long version!

Russo for DOA commercial from last week.

Match 3: 10 minute time limit, winner gets a shot at the NWA World Tag Team Titles at Victory Road

The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) vs. 3 Live Kru (B.G. James & Konnan)

This is the Naturals’ first appearance on Impact since Douglas wrestled with one good leg due to an incident at a Nashville night club. He appears to be in good shape now. Old school mike work from James & Konnan, who are still over like rover. James & Douglas start the match, Douglas with punches, off the ropes, James does the shake, rattle and roll punch thing, Stevens runs in and gets punched too! James off the ropes, Stevens with a knee to the back, he gets knocked off the apron, Douglas takes down James and tags in Stevens. A double necktie drop gets 2! Tag to Douglas, punch, James fights back, off the ropes, double shoulderblock! James makes the tag to Konnan, and he gets all willy nilly with a rolling thunder clothesline to Stevens! Flapjack for Douglas! Stevens sent over the top, powerbomb on Douglas, and it’s over!

Your winners: 3 Live Kru (2:00)

My Insight: Only 2 minutes? Who’s cornflakes did the Naturals piss in? Nevertheless, 3LK does make a good team. James & Konnan have been impressive recently, and should be able to have a good match with Team Canada at Victory Road. With 3LK being over big time as faces, and Team Canada being over as heels, the fans should really be into that match a great deal.

Coming up next: Kevin Nash responds to Scott Hall!

AMW vs. Triple X promo

The Joy of Six!

Hall promo from last week.

Mike Tenay & Don West are at the announce table. They are perplexed by the Outsider situation.

Kevin Nash with kinda short for him blond hair tells a story. Chief Jay Strongbow told him you can make friends, or make money. Hall never said no to a drink or a lady, but he said no to a friendship. Nash says he’s got Jeff’s back, and laughs.

West notes that neither Hall nor Nash specified which Jeff.

The bagpipes play, and here comes “Rowdy” Roddy Piper! He talks to the fans, and says Victory Road will stand among the best pay per views of all time because of the fans and the components. Jarrett, Hardly and a ladder. Nash and Hall…Hall’s gained 80 pounds and looks like a whale. Albino pygmies! DOA elections! He asks who the fans will vote for. One will vote for Dusty, one will vote for Russo, and one will vote for Dustin. Piper suggests Dusty. There’s a mystery guest in the pit. Hooray!

JJ is carrying his ladder…Williams vs. Hardly is next!

Victory Road card commercial

Dusty for DOA.

Jeff Jarrett enters the Impact Zone! He places the ladder by the announce table, takes a headset, and sits on top of the ladder!

Match 4: Non-title, 10 minute time limit

NWA TNA X Division Champion Petey Williams (w/Coach D’Amore) vs. The Charismatic Enema

Petey attacks at the bell, gets whipped into the corner and tries a floatover, but there’s nobody to float over. Punches and a kick by Hardly, off the ropes, go-behind by Petey, reversed by Hardly, elbows by Petey, off the ropes, kick by Hardly, goes for Twist of Fate, shoved off, Petey goes for the Destroyer but Hardly back body drops him instead, hiptoss by Hardly as we go to commercial!

Total Nonstop Interaction!

We’re back, and Hardly is in the Tree of Woe, Petey puts the boots to him then stands on his groin for a little bit. Petey picks up Hardly, but since somebody standing on his groin doesn’t hurt him, he fights back. Whip into a neckbreaker by Petey as JJ schools Tenay by pointing out he won the NWA title in a match with a ladder and that Scott Hall was an originator of the ladder match. Take that, Professor! Whip into the corner, whisper in the wind! Punch by Hardly, whip, back body drop! “Petey!” says the fans! Reverse enziguri by Hardly, then the nutcracker double legdrop. “We want Matt!” says the fans! D’Amore trips up Hardly, but gets pulled up on the apron, Petey saves him with a rollup that only gets 2! JJ questions the officiating as Hardly fights back and hits a flatliner! Shirt off, the girls squeal, he goes up top, but JJ pushes him off! Petey’s back up, he tries to set up Hardly for the Canadian Destroyer, but here comes A.J. Styles! He hits his backflip into a reverse DDT, Hardly rolls up Petey and gets the 3 count.

Your winner: The Charismatic Enema (5:24)

JJ is in the ring with Petey & D’Amore, stare down with Styles & Hardly as we fade to the closing clip!

My Insight: A lot of this match was lost due to the commercial, so there isn’t really much that I can say about it. What was aired was good enough, and it was good that they didn’t job Petey to the painted freak cleanly. Do I smell a main event tag match for next week? That would be cool.

Overall Insight: Nice little show here to build up the PPV. TNA’s still moving in the right direction with these shows. The opening promo was effective, the Monty squash was good, the X Gauntlet was off the hizzle fo shizzle, and the main event was ok though it was horribly clipped down. This all adds up to make a pretty good show in my book.

Well, that’s all for this week. One more Impact, then it’ll be time for Victory Road! Until next time this is the Impact Playa Steve Cook wishing you a very happy Halloween! 🙂