Universal Wrestling Federation (1.17.1987) Review

-Originally aired January 17, 1987.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross & Michael Hayes.

ICEMAN KING PARSONS & MISSING LINK (with Dark Journey) vs. JACK VICTORY & KEN MASSEY
-So there’s an elephant in the room here that they deal with awkwardly, as they established that Jack Victory will be teaming with Mike George until John Tatum is medically cleared to wrestle again, and then when they’re doing the intros for this match, Jim Ross basically says, “Yes, Jack Victory normally has Mike George as his tag team partner, HEY LOOK OVER THERE” and never really explains this. And just to make this weirder, Cagematch says that while George is still in the promotion, we’re never going to see him work a TV taping again. It was a weird out-of-nowhere pairing anyway, but also (and I feel bad speculating on stuff like this without first admitting that I too am not an adonis) I think it’s possible that everybody got a look at Mike George at the last TV taping and went “Holy hell,” because he ballooned since his early ’80s run.

-Missing Link tackles Victory from various angles and sends him to the floor. Missing Link tags out by tapping on Parsons’ head, and Victory takes over with right hands as Michael Hayes points out that Victory is changing his look to a more Brian Bosworth-style haircut, kicking off the rich late 1980s tradition of reinventing Jack Victory. It’s weird because there was never really anything WRONG with any incarnation of him but they just would not stick with any persona for him.

-Parsons makes a comeback while Hayes laments that the faces have a “sadistic little heifer” in their corner. Massey tags in and falls victim to the ass-butt for a three-count.

-We open up the next segment with a panning shot of the Tulsa Convention Center, and it’s FULL. It’s really sad how the death of this promotion just completely sneaks up on you.

ONE MAN GANG (Heavyweight Champion, with Skandar Akbar) vs. BOBBY PEREZ
-I have to say, as somebody raised on WWF wrestling, the weirdest visual to me is seeing the One Man Gang holding a title belt. Guys that size, to a WWF-taught fan, were dragons to be slain, not champions, and seeing him with a title is like seeing Kamala or King Kong Bundy with a belt–the visual just seems wrong.

-Gang hammers away at Perez and finishes fast with the 747.

-Jim Ross is in an empty arena to chat with Terry Gordy. Gordy is sitting in the cheap seats because it means he’s sitting on top, just like he was before he got screwed out of his title. He explains that Sunshine became a part of the group because Hayes gets distracted by beautiful women and Sunshine is there to keep the beautiful women away, and he pledges that he’ll get the UWF Heavyweight Title back even if he has to get a win over Steve Williams on the way back up the ladder.

TAG TEAM TITLES: TERRY TAYLOR & HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (Champions) vs. FABULOUS FREEBIRDS
-Buddy and Terry specifically, while Michael Hayes stays at the commentary table.

-BUT FIRST…Eli the Eliminator, Bill Irwin, One Man Gang, and Skandar Akbar sneak up on the champions in the aisle and beat the hell out of them, busting Duggan open with a table. Ted DiBiase and Savannah Jack come to the rescue, but Michael Hayes insists that fair is fair–if the champs can’t get in the ring, the title has to change hands, because that’s what they did to Terry a few months ago.

-We return from commercial, and Michael Hayes is on the mic DEMANDING Ken Mantell get in the ring and deliver the title belts to the new champions. Ken Mantell walks to the ring and reiterates a point that they’ve retconned into the story for the past few weeks–Terry Gordy refused to let a doctor examine him before he was stripped of the title. Right now, a doctor is examining Taylor and Duggan; if Taylor and Duggan are cleared to wrestle but choose not to, THEN the Freebirds can have the belts. But if the doctor doesn’t clear them to wrestle, they’ll just call off the match.

-Michael Hayes demands that the Freebirds be given some competition or some title belts right now–so Dr. Death and Ted DiBiase jog to the ring and offer them a match, but Freebirds decide “we good” and take off.

STING & RICK STEINER (with Eddie Gilbert) vs. JEFF RAITZ & GARY YOUNG
-Young clamps a side headlock on Sting. Sting shoots him into the ropes and leapfrogs him, but Young gives him a boot to the head and tags out. Raitz gets stuck in the corner of villainy and is overwhelmed. Steiner powerslams Raitz “like a five-dollar sack of groceries, which isn’t much.” And then things get weird, as Sting hits a flying clothesline on Raitz, and JR definitely thinks that’s the finish, but Raitz kicks out and there’s confusion in the air. Steiner comes in and does a little bit with Raitz, and then tags Sting back in and slingshots him onto Raitz, with Sting WAY overshooting this and making a point to land on his own HEAD to make sure that some part of him actually connects with Raitz, and that finishes things.

TV TITLE: SAVANNAH JACK (Champion) vs. MICHAEL P.S. HAYES (with Sunshine and the rest of the Freebirds)
-All three Freebirds attack Jack the moment he’s in the ring and leave him for dead after NINE elbow drops, and Hayes grabs the TV Title belt and declares himself the new champ.

-We get an anatomy lesson from Dr. One Man Gang, who vows to break Ted DiBiase’s other ribcage the next time they meet.

LUMBERJACK MATCH: DARK JOURNEY vs. MISSY HYATT
-This is clearly going to be an angle, not a match, as Missy walks to the ring with her thumb bandaged and resting on a pillow carried by Sting and Rick Steiner, with Eddie getting on the mic and acting as spokesman. Eddie explains that his precious baby has broken her thumb-thumb. Dark Journey comes to the ring dressed to wrestle with Missing Link in her corner. They confirm that the doctor actually HAS examined Missy and won’t clear her to wrestle, so the match is off. And since the match is off, everybody decides to beat the hell out of the Missing Link. King Parsons comes to the rescue, and to give the fans SOMETHING, Dark Journey grabs Missy’s purse and wallops her with it, leaving Missy in a heap.

8.0

The final score: review Very Good

The 411

Great week of everyone getting back on track after drifting a little bit.